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My Mom is Cheating on My Dad...

Reddit View
June 26, 2020
214 upvotes

I've found out that my mom cheating with a family friend from church (my dad is a pastor). My mom doesn't know I know and my dad doesn't know either.

Wtf am I supposed to do. This is the only place I thought I could come.

Please help.


Post Information
Title My Mom is Cheating on My Dad...
Author Jordan_Coetzee
Upvotes 214
Comments 186
Date 26 June 2020 06:27 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/699051
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hg2ghy/my_mom_is_cheating_on_my_dad/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
cheating
Comments

[–]wolverine847361 points362 points  (38 children) | Copy

Just tell your dad

[–]babybopp91 points92 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes.. tell him

[–]redepicw165 points166 points  (16 children) | Copy

Get proof, then tell him

[–]mrrooftops73 points74 points  (18 children) | Copy

Don't just tell your Dad. You will create rifts between one or both parent with you. What you could do is covertly leave proof for your father to discover himself.

[–]wolverine84726 points27 points  (12 children) | Copy

That's good too but it's hard to plant this kinda proof

[–]mrrooftops46 points47 points  (11 children) | Copy

There are many ways overt or covert. For example, it could be an anonymous letter addressed to the father by a 'worried' churchgoer, who observed XYZ and Mom.

[–]santlaurentdon14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is actually a decent idea given that his dad is a pastor. However, I'm not really sure if this would be a better idea than OP just telling his dad what he's seen straight up. I mean, his mom would really have no right to be angry at him given that she's literally cheating lmfao.

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mom's don't care whether they have the 'right' to do anything other than what they FEEL IS RIGHT at the time.

[–]Tambamwham-2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy

Never be covert. That’s coward. Always handle problems head on in the moment with your chest out. NEver hide. Fear nothing, attack everything.

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Grow up, kid. This is about more than solipsistic bulldozering. Think about it, you naive beta.

[–]Tambamwham-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

No it’s not

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

The most powerful people in the history of this world have acted covertly as well as overtly especially when they know the limits of their powers at the time of action. They use wisdom and intelligence to calibrate their responses to situations. Get your head out of your Marvel box set and read some proper books.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yeh... I need to read Machiavelli and the art of war to deal with my cheating mom...

This situation does not require the response of a king, politician, military general, or businessman

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, you really don't know what you are talking about. Put the effort in kid, you can't shortcut this stuff.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

That’s pussy shit. If it creates a rift then so fucking be it. You need to put that dudes teeth down his throat too for fucking with your family

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine fucking a married woman with children where you have a close relationship with her husband and thinking nothing is going to happen to you...

[–]mrrooftops0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Grow up you angry beta.

[–]1HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the fuck? Who's fault is it there's a problem in the family in the first place? The mom's fault. So she already created her own rifft for her own selfish reasons. OP's allegiance is to his dad at this point.

[–]Snacksbreak0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Snitch.

[–][deleted]  (12 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]alikebabay17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good and solid advice

[–]riverofpower18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the advice to follow. Make her regret ever doing this to your family, absolutely unforgivable. Seeing as this is a church community we’re talking about, it just makes it worse.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn yeah this real good gangsta

[–]macrian255 points256 points  (14 children) | Copy

Get some sort of proof first in order for the divorce to not be against your dad

[–]_-resonance-_16 points17 points  (13 children) | Copy

Aren’t most states “no-fault,” though.

[–]mugatucrazypills40 points41 points  (11 children) | Copy

Dad loses no matter what happens.

You could ignore it and get on with your life. Priests are the embodiment of the blue pill.

Your dad won't believe it if it's revealed and it's going to cause disruption in your life other ways. He could attack the messenger. They could both attack you. They could end up in court and your family downwardly mobile. Don't cast pearls before swine.

You've learned a valuable lesson at an early age. Women(and many people) can't be trusted. Your father is a fool who's allowed his brain to be rotted by infantile ideology of magic thinking. The opposite of the Red Pill.

You've also learned that Peddling in religious fairy-tales won't protect you from getting robbed and cucked & People being in a "church" doesn't make them good. It's just another social technology they use to lie and manipulate better. Learn from your Mother how to manipulate and use people to get what you want.

You also have a card to play against your mother. You can use this selectively or just torment her with the threat of revelation. That should get some of the anger out of your system. She's a snake, but snakes are interesting animals.

Time to grow up.

[–]LiveAFTSOV5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Priests are the embodiment of the blue pill.

Can you explain this? Osama bin laden had 5 wives. More than you have plates.

[–]Ill_mumble_that13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Islam is actually quite redpilled in its approach to women. While it's fucked in most other aspects, it was right about women.

[–]mugatucrazypills11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

The comparison is is idiotic. I doubt OPs father is a Islamic Jihadi leading an international terrorist movement on the premise that wahabbism is too moderate an ideology for a thoecratic world government based on iron age/medival warlord principles . You don't get much more Dark Triad than that.

The churches here have abandoned the patrimony of our civilization and are are widely corrupted by cultural marxism and gynosupremacist principles.

[–]CalculatorOctavius2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

i also doubt he is an ordained christian priest. it sounds like he is simply a pastor. a dude who talks about the bible to a group of people on sundays. actual priests opt out of sex, not really blue pill just outside of the whole game voluntarily

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I agree with everything except the idea of it being a card to play against your mother; or at least, not unless is it retaliatory instead of extortionate. Like if she tried to abuse or take advantage of you, then you can wave it over her head. But don't do it in order to compel or manipulate her.

Anyway, OP, you should be prepared to throw away any idea of what you thought your family was. It will never go back to the way it was. And it is probably your mother's fault.

[–]mugatucrazypills0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

> But don't do it in order to compel or manipulate her.

Why ? Because Jesus might be mad ? Because it's immoral? OP just learned that immorality is part of the spectrum of negotiation and getting what you want in life.

> not unless is it retaliatory

Why not both? These are useful skills. All of our society, negotiation, and systems contain elements of extortion and compulsion. Why should OP the only one not to use. Better to learn what you can get away with before you're legally responsible.

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

OP just learned that immorality is part of the spectrum of negotiation and getting what you want in life.

Are you implying that in order to get what one wants from life one must be willing to do what they personally find morally unconscionable? Has it occurred to you that for many people, what they feel they lose by making the decision to do that costs much more than anything, literally anything, that they could have ever have had hoped to had gained?

All of our society, negotiation, and systems contain elements of extortion and compulsion. Why should OP the only one not to use.

Ok, so this is basically just saying "so many other people do bad things so when i do it it is not really bad" Just because other people are at their worst doesn't mean that you shouldn't want to be at your best, however you define that. I'm not saying you shouldn't be willing to go all dark triad or whatever. I'm just saying that if you have a personal moral value system that fulfilling is part of your definition of success, part of your "mission" to use the TRP lingo, then it is okay if you abstain from morally uconscionable actions even if it means your SMV takes a hit.

[–]mugatucrazypills0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

> Has it occurred to you ?

You may spare me the Sunday school lesson and the condescension. You needn't do anything that goes against your true moral nature.

Morality doesn't mean allowing people or systems that are malicious in nature and intent, the opportunity to exploit you.

Morality, integrity and personal reputation only has meaning in a system or web of interpersonal trust and constructive values. It's something Westerners invented to build civilization and the modern economy.

You don't owe "moral" behavior or compliance to an immoral gynocratic, marxist or any other ideology.

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Morality doesn't mean allowing people or systems that are malicious in nature and intent, the opportunity to exploit you.

You can't make such a general statement independent of context. Sometimes, to do what we believe to do be the right thing, we do in fact have to suffer when we'd rather not.

You don't owe "moral" behavior or compliance to an immoral gynocratic, marxist or any other ideology.

This just makes me think you didn't even read my comment...I literally said that you can go dark triad if you want. I never said anything at all about whether or not anyone owes anyone anything. I never espoused any moral value system, nor did I ever even indicate that one should have one. I simply said that if one does, they can moderate their behavior to be compatible with it.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that. Look your mom in the eye and let her know that any lie she tells abd she loses you abd what she takes from my father I’m taking right back from her. I’ll even go public.

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]macrian3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know, I am not from US. There's alimony, child support, etc etc. Always have proof

[–]FirstName_LastName4171 points172 points  (4 children) | Copy

Blackmail mom into buying you shit.

Im joking, tell your dad asap

[–]cracksniffer66639 points40 points  (2 children) | Copy

This unironically happens, but the mom does it subconsciously to "steal" you from your dad.

Either that or social/reputation destruction. I've seen it happen, many, many times.

A man could never run around and spread rumors about a woman and have her "socially destroyed."

A woman can make up ONE story, and tell ONE other woman, and that false story will spread like wildfire; watch what the FUCK you do when coming close to women. Not all women will do this... but don't tempt them. There's something about scorn, and a woman's fury. Some quote. I don't remember it, because I fucking avoid it now. (I am taking a road trip to go see 3 different women, women that have been super fucking cool, and want to keep things cool.)

[–]deliriumstimulus16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

[–]falconiawillfall2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Facts. I've seen girls go from smiling at me to bitch face when I don't acknowledge them at festivals etc. Can't even imagine what happens when you overtly reject them.

[–]Pizza Harpoon Legiongcaa990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great idea

[–]RedWolf471172 points73 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get evidence so she doesn't fuck over the whole family. Trust me she's your mom and you love her and all. Ive been there but you must consider what she's done, get the evidence first, then go to your dad. Ive seen first hand what a mother can do to rip a family apart. Its going to feel horrible but you can do it.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anybody that catches their mom cheating and allows her to fuck over the family is a pussy

[–]PinacoladaSauce86 points87 points  (5 children) | Copy

Fuck the wife/daughter/sister of who she’s having an affair with. Establish dominance

You have to decide what to do. Is it best for the family to not know? Is it best for you to tell your dad the truth?

Whatever action you take, do it unapologetically and do what you think is right

[–]ShankyVee39 points40 points  (1 child) | Copy

Revenge is best served with my dick.

[–]hibloodstevia7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

What if he fucked every person in the guy's family and then uploaded it to pornhub?

[–]ngyuhnang3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best idea

[–]Seddit bloop dispenserWjourney1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

😂😂😂

[–]thatbadrogue2131 points132 points  (4 children) | Copy

blackmail is dope, PS5 is coming out fam.

[–]apathysfinest49 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a time to be alive

[–]DJ-MBENGA42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy

secure the PS5 by any means necessary 💯

[–]UniversalFapture8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

simp gang is the captain now

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy

u/aDrunkenWhaler is spot on. You mother has unknowingly made you an actor in this.

What you need to ask yourself is what value do I need to get out this playing out? Understand there is no right answer. You can ignore it, because who knows maybe your dad is also in on it? You can blow it up, because maybe your dad isn't in on it. In the end, none of this is your burden to hang on too, so don't sweat making the wrong decision.

When I was in college I had two buddies, we were all close and part of the same crew. There was this chick that was kind of hanging around the crew, and we were sitting around at a party and drinking she let's it slip that she can't choose between the two.

"Wait? You're fucking both of them?"

"It's not like that...." she says, "Please don't say anything until I decide"

"Fuck that. This problem is yours not mine. I'll give you 2 seconds to start telling them the truth and then I'm going to go let them know."

She saw I was serious and went to the first one to spill the beans. He went to the other dude and told him the deal. In the end? She got ejected by both and didn't come around the crew anymore.

If you do decide to let your dad know, I'd give your mom the option of doing the dirty work for you. She may double down and go into full stealth mode or she might confess. If she doesn't confess, tell dad "Hey I tried to get her to be upfront, but she wouldn't." Your job is done, it's not your monkey and not your circus from there.

Your other option is to just let it slide. When it eventually blows up or fizzles out if your dad ever does confront you just remember, it was his fuck up to let a woman step out on him in his life and not do anything. "Fucking A dad, your problem is with Mom not me, ask her why she's a whore."

[–]aDrunkenWhaler2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you do decide to let your dad know, I'd give your mom the option of doing the dirty work for you. She may double down and go into full stealth mode or she might confess. If she doesn't confess, tell dad "Hey I tried to get her to be upfront, but she wouldn't." Your job is done, it's not your monkey and not your circus from there.

Solid advice, especially this part.

[–]1HurricaneHugues-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Your other option is to just let it slide. When it eventually blows up or fizzles out if your dad ever does confront you just remember, it was his fuck up to let a woman step out on him in his life and not do anything. "Fucking A dad, your problem is with Mom not me, ask her why she's a whore.""

The fuck? Did you grow up with dogs in a forest? Jesus Christ. Have you ever met your parents dude? This is such shit advice. His dad will never forgive him for not saying anything. That's his fucking DAD, not some random "bro".

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Redpill is amoral. OP needs to ask what the value is in blowing this up. If his dad is more valuable and that relationship is also, he has one course of action, if not another. His dad's motivations and what not are solely on his father. OP cannot be responsible for the actions of two grown ass adults fucking up there lives.

[–]1HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This isn't a Red Pill question though, not in the least bit. It has NOTHING to do with OP's sexual strategy. His mom is fucking on his dad. Thats a personal question. He needs to collect evidence and get the mom to fess up or just tell the dad himself. It's really that simple.

Did you grow up with your dad around?

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

your projection is showing

[–]freeagent10829 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get proof before you tell him.

[–]TheRedPillRipper52 points53 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wtf am I supposed to do.

First TRP is amoral. This is an issue of conscience.

my mom cheating

Follow your conscience. If you can live with the knowledge; and it benefits you to do so; that’s an option.

Conversely if you can’t live with this knowledge; take action. Anonymously tip off your dad. Tell him directly. Confront your mom. Her affair partner. Contact either/both anonymously. Weigh it up then trust your gut. You know what you can live with; and what you can’t.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]MrAnderzon7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

This should be the top comment. Everyone else is giving emotional responses instead of the logical one like this.

[–]1HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get the fuck out of here you clown. What's next? You gonna tell him to plate his mom? This topic has absolutely nothing to do with TRP. His mom is cheating on his dad. That's literally got nothing to do with TRP because OP isn't fucking either one. That's a family issue you fucking moron, and he should DEFINITELY tell his dad because if the dad finds out that he knew this whole time itll be a LOT worse. So shut your dumb sociopathic ass up.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for proving us right.

[–]rockyp327 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would get some proof then tell him

[–]Roto2esdios29 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy

Discard all advice here and just listen:

DO WHAT IS BETTER FOR YOU

WARNING: In this subreddit, we all know how women whore around but at the same time you will get very biased advice.

First, RELAX. Meditate or whatever makes you feel chilled.

Second, I am sorry about your father. Nobody deserves to be a cock and your mother is a whore. But nobody in this sub knows anything about your parents, your situation and they are gonna support your father no matter what.

Third, just behave 'normally', act business as usual, take your time to digest the situation, do not go making any rash decisions (this help you later in life bc the worst decisions ever made are always those taken in the heat of the moment), how do your parents behave individually? If they get divorced... what possible outcomes you think are possible? Which parent is better for you in case he/she gets full custody of you?

Fourth, get evidence of your mother's sluttiness just in case but REMEMBER being a hoe is not a crime. In my home country, you can prove your partner is unfaithful but it doesn't change the outcome of the custody/alimony resolution. I believe the same goes for the USA (correct me if I am wrong)

Fifth, you can tell your father or not. It's your choice. You are not moral obliged to do so. I repeat. YOU ARE NOT MORAL OBLIGED TO DO SO. Take the choice which is best suited for you. The best advice I can give you is, ask yourself the follow question: "Does THIS support the life I'm trying to create?" You have to be an adult now so act like it. Use your brain as often as you could.

Source: My parents got divorced. My father was abusive and neglected me. My mother took full custody of me but was not better than my father. Yes, bad people have children.

[–]Raccoon_from_heaven0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What is your country

[–]Roto2esdios0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Spain

[–]THEN1NJA1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences 😬

[–]shadewashere4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Truth will come out eventually and I'd you don't tell your dad you will always live with the guilt of not having told him when you knew.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

A. How do you know? What evidence is there?

B. How do you know your dad doesn't know? Sometimes married couples (esp long marrieds) have an "understanding".

Note: I am just curious about the backstory, I am not suggesting something one way or the other.

[–]Anabolic_Window145 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretend you have a son and your wife is cheating on because your son knows about it. Wouldn’t you want your son to tell you? So yea man. Go tell your dad and like others have said here. Get some evidence

[–]idevastate2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Blackmail the family friend for money.

[–]1HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nice. And then blackmail the mom. Then tell dad.

[–]idevastate0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, OP this may turn out to be a very profitable venture if you play it right.

[–]LeatherBoundWisdom2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is really up to you and what you think is best for you and your family.

A suggestion of what I would do, my goal would be to secure the best interests of my father, who has always been on my side. I would talk with him seriously and directly, tell him the whole truth, let him know you are 100% on his side, and begin scheming for how to save him from the court system. You could start by having him move assets into the names of trusted children in your family and into cash that won't be known to the court (ex, sell a property for 100k on paper with 50k cash under the table). After that, have him hire a divorce lawyer and immediately start strategizing how to go about the divorce intelligently.

God speed.

[–]Captian-Jack_Sparrow10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound kinda young. So if I were you I’d ride this thing out till at least college. Then once you’re in college decide if it’s still viable. Having a steady household is very valuable even if it’s built on lies. Much more financial stability, I can speak from experience as my parents are divorced.

[–]ay-fuh-q2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A guy who never posts in asktrp felt this was the only place he could come? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your dad

[–]l1ght-1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

People are saying to tell your dad, but not many saying HOW to tell your dad.

It’s difficult & although I do not have a solution for you, remember you are doing him a favour. Just try & give him a reason to know.

I wouldn’t recommend being in the middle, more a silent partner in this

[–]1HurricaneHugues1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Dad, that bitch is cheatin man. That trifling hoe done played u dawg. I'm talking about mom"

[–]l1ght-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

^ this dude knows what he’s talking about

[–]Nergaal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

record everything you can

[–]Obnoxiousjimmyjames1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Confront your mother first. Get her side of the story without judgement.
Then tell her she has three days to tell your father or you will.

Make time to talk to your father after your mother tells him or you do. He will need you.

Your mother has made a mistake that will cost the entire family dearly don’t let your anger with her cloud what is best for the family. A divorce may be the best thing. Them fixing their marriage may be. Nobody will know until the issue is discussed openly.

This will be one of the most extremely unpleasant things you’ve ever experienced in your lifetime don’t procrastinate just because of that; you will suffer with every minute until this burden is off your chest.

[–]1HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her side of the story is that it's the dad's fault and that she only "held hands" with the family friend

[–]TacoMedic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your parents you have exciting news.

Go to their place and hug your dad/kiss on cheek.

When your mum goes in for the same “Eww no, I know where that mouth has been and I want no part of it.”

Watch the hamster spin as you tell your dad your mom is a whore

[–]cglehosit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man, that fucking sucks. Regardless of who you tell, people are going to want proof. If you have it, I would consider calling your grandpa on your dad’s side and discussing it with him, if you’re close. This is something where you’ll want someone in your corner before you start throwing your mom into the spotlight. I assume your dad is going to be a bit blindsighted, and might target you with anger. If your grandpa is not available, I would look to a school councilor, a mental health professional, or possibly an elder/church leader who is a family friend. Again, get someone in your corner if you have concrete evidence in case it starts getting ugly.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]1HurricaneHugues-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The wife? That's his fucking mom, u idiots.

[–]robot3000_015 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Make her pay for it tho. Emotionally blackmail her and fuck with her mind.

It's our duty as men to keep hypergamy in check and punish them

[–]AgreeableHelicopter21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell.her to.set you up with guys daughter/sister or you'll snitch

[–]beingamannotadayjob3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I would either:

  1. Talk to your mum and ask her to stop or else you will tell dad.
  2. I’d check if your dad has enough money to survive on his own, then tell him and let him make the decision.

Also, depending on who you want to stay with, I’d start writing down how they behave around each other.

[–]babybopp36 points37 points  (1 child) | Copy

Talk to your mom and ask her to stop or u will tell your dad

U some kind of idiot?

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

His username doesn't check out.

[–]AllocNeighley3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The mom is probably a good mom. Until she isn't. Animals first response is fight or flight, then rational.

In my younger days, when I fought a lot with dad over many things I might have taken mom's side. Because mom>dad. Now I have more in common with dad, because he's my closest example of a guy who made it this far.

I don't have your answer, nor entire situation. Be honest with yourself and what do you want to think back to? I'll give a few examples, then come up with your own

"I'm not cool with you hoeing around while living with dad, you stop or I stop"

"I don't want to ruin the relationship between mom and dad - and maybe they break up, better to keep it myself"

"Dad, I know that mom is having an affair, thought I should tell you"

"It's their business, and I'm not getting involved"

Dad might know, might not. People in BP world react differently to these topics so choose accordingly.

Are you giving the choice of reaction to mom, dad or none? Don't apologize for someone else fuck up, unless you're their superior.

Edit: formatting.

[–]ReasonablyGoodMexica1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's my own story:

Found out mother had an affair while I was a teen. No one knows but me. She actually covered her bases quite well, but dad got jealous at the time. Likely from that natural borne instinct, still, being weak he didn't do shit because he discovered nothing.

It's been 15 years since then. She succumbed to lifelong illness, that both knew about, and he now cares for her in their twilight years.

I don't regret not saying a word. It's not been particularly heavy knowledge to carry anyways. If I had to compare it I would compare it to knowing one of your relatives is cheating. You sometimes might get the itch to gossip, but you're not stupid so you don't.

She's been a good mother, he's not been a good father. I don't resent her and lately, I've come to terms not to resent the father as well. He isn't guilty of all the lies he's been told.

[–]violetmonstermunch2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's not your job to take care of your parent's relationships. Do NOT get involved in this, otherwise this is going to set up an unhealthy position for you to be in once things go south. The ethical thing to do is tell your dad, but if you do so, you'll get too involved during the shitstorm that will follow and you'll suffer from it.

I would say, make sure your dad knows what's happening, but don't tell him directly. He must not know that it's you who gave him the information. Just let some proof lay around or something, but don't get involved directly or you'll embark into a HUGE drama which will poison your life.

Just take a step back and think about what you can do to help your dad in the divorce that will come anyway. Maybe it's recording evidences? Just don't act impulsively under emotion now, take a few days to clear your mind, then act in a way that'll help you protect your dad, because God knows everybody and everything in creation will be against him.

[–]mr4kino7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Stupid advice. So if his dads catch HIV or any stupid STD thanks to his mom, he needs to seat idle and do nothing?

[–]violetmonstermunch3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I didn't say that. I said make sure that he knows, but don't let his dad know the information came from him otherwise he will be on the line of fire between his dad & his mom.

[–]mr4kino0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]kellykebab19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell the dad and not the mom. Telling the mom just gives her a reason to hide it better and/or prepare for a divorce better than the dad.

Your dad should be the leader of your household. Tell him of any serious problems first. Especially in this situation.

[–]wolverine8472 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think he should tell her anyways if she did it once she'll probably do it again

[–]dtyler860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How did you find out? Can you get proof? I’d say get proof, put it in some way so your dad can figure it out in an inescapably clear way, or confront your mom first.

[–]qiis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to your mum and tell her to stop. Your dad signed up for this when he put a ring on her. Maybe it’s better he never finds out otherwise he will be divorced and depressed for several months or even a year. I’d only tell him if your dad is an attractive or rich guy that can find another wife easily.

[–]frankcostello880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would honestly get some kind of proof and mail it to your dad or find someway indirect way that wouldn’t involve you. As a father it would make me more enraged that my baby boy had to find out on his own and be burdened with this kind of decision than the actual cheating of my SO.

That’s the kind of shit that could potentially break a man.

[–]sportsdude5230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't listen to anyone that immediately says "just tell your dad now." think it through. get more advice. think of more scenarios. weigh pros and cons for that. these situations aren't as simple as the "just tell your dad" advice make it out to be.

BUT, for future leverage in case your mom tries something shitty, gather solid evidence now and stow it away. "x person, y neighbor, z church congregant, said ____" isn't good enough because she can twist the perception and deny, or do an ad hominen attack on those ppl to discredit them.

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The real question is how did you find out? Get proof I'd you can to simplify matters for your father in divorce proceedings.

[–]HaroldTFinch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do a whatif scenario with the old man. Tell him you know of a situation. Ask him how he would handle that situation because he's the pastor with experience.

Do what he suggests.

Everyone always wants to take charge when it's easier to follow directions.

[–]Unsmurfme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read this bud:

There are two paths that seem the most helpful. Please know the strategies might be very different if you were younger. But at 22 I think these might be the most reasonable ways to move forward.

The first thing is to use this feeling of betrayal (your mom lying to you, and betraying the family) as a catalyst for your own growth and development. While it might seem ubiquitous, cheating on one’s spouse is still a devastation to everyone involved. But this devastation can be fertile ground for your own maturation.

I would seek out a therapist (click the find help tab above) to begin talking about your experience and I would start keeping a journal of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. One of the issues here is that your mom has become someone you cannot trust sharing your needs with. As a result I would start developing a network of support of your own. A therapist, a journal, and at least one good friend will be the places to put your energy. Don’t confront your mom with this. Just know that she is limited in how she can respond and be there for you. Develop your own support. You need safe places to have your feelings.

The second path is riskier, but may allow you to keep an honest relationship with your mom if she is willing. Do all the things noted on the first path, but in addition talk to your mom. This path involves simply explaining the facts.
*You’ve learned about the affair and are upset by it.
*You feel stuck and uncertain what to do with the information because it puts you in the position of having to keep a secret.
*You are disappointed in her and are uncertain what to do about it.

The advantage of this is that it opens the communication path between you and your mom: There is no longer an elephant in the room that isn’t being talked about. The disadvantage is the elephant has to be dealt with.

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/07/06/i-found-out-my-mom-is-cheating/

My advice is to do all 3, not one or the other.
1) Expand your support structure and friends and use this to grow as a person.
2) See a therapist, and understand that only about half of therapists are good. The other half aren’t. So you need to both be looking for advice and someone well trained to teach you tools you’ll need to handle these types of situations and personal growth AND you need to figure out if their advice is worthwhile or if you’d rather talk to someone else.
3) Tell your mom that, and if she doesn’t tell dad and have a real conversation about it you can decide to afterwards.

For you personally, the best solution is if mom confesses and you didn’t have to be involved past telling mom.

Others will have different paths to deal with this. Here’s one option.

I hope it helps.

[–]BetterCallSaulsa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get as much proof as you can gather. Your dad will need proof if they divorce so he doesn’t get screwed over in court. Your mother betrayed his trust and turned her back on her family because of her selfishness. Your dad has a right to know the truth especially if he’s been a good faithful father.

[–]cyn1calassh0le0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP first of all I have been in your shoes and know how painful this entire thing is, I pray that Christ will minister to you in this time. If your family was anything like mine the betrayal of not only your family but also your religion and moral code is a deep, deep wound to experience. It is so much worse then having a family member die because they have now poisoned every interaction the two of you have ever had. Your remaining family is even more important during times like this, comfort and be there for each other.

You have a duty to tell your father. If it is possible to get proof without revealing what you know I would try and obtain it. I would not rely on the conscience of your mother finally kicking in when she is willing to commit these grievous betrayals.

I also assume your mother is involved in the ministry in someway and having someone extremely morally compromised like that is a danger not only to the congregation but also the credibility and social standing of your father.

If you would like to talk more feel free to DM me.

[–]Alzatorus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Send him here, to this post. "I wrote this on this forum, what do you think?" Show him it on your phone and let him take it in. Up to him then, and you conscience is clear. Hell, he might even join the subreddit.

[–]Herdsengineers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would advise gathering proof first. I would also consider whether to tell or not. What's the fallout for your life? How old are you? What are family finances like? What are your future prospects for education and what not? How would this affect all that?

If exposing your mom would compromise your future, I'd honestly be careful about that.

If you do decide to expose them, I'd honestly tell them both you want to talk to them, sit down, and drop the bomb on them both at the same time. But don't get all judgmental and emotional. Keep it to just the facts. "Mom, Dad - here's proof that mom is banging this guy behind dad's back. I thought dad deserved to know about mom's betrayal, and I wanted you both to know that I'm aware of this as well." Then gracefully bow out and let them work out their own shit.

If you have siblings, I would NOT tell them.

If mom wants to talk about it later, just tell her that you have said what you wanted to and that the rest is up to her to work out with dad. It's okay to say you recognize that this revelation might lead to massive upheaval to your entire family's life, it worries you, and it's okay to tell her that obviously you have negative feelings towards her about this, but you hope that the fallout can be minimized for all involved. But then after that tell her that at the moment the rest of the issue is between her and your dad and you want as little to do with the situation as possible. In fact, that probably works for your dad as well.

[–]bumbuff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not talk to your mother first.

But don't go screaming to your dad.

Try to establish a neutral atmosphere - NOT positive. You may ruin what makes it positive for him. Music, venue, etc.

Also, do not go into your own rant about it. Let him talk or not talk. There will be time to pick up pieces if he's broken, but let him break and do his own talking.

The only time you talk is if he asks a questions.

That's day 1.

Day 2 involves whiskey.

Day 3 involves both of you hitting the weights at the gym.

[–]bush28740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Blackmail your mom until you are 18 to get whatever you want, then tell your dad when you’re 18 lmao

[–]honeyholehoudini0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Does the guy your mom is cheating with have a daughter who is at least 18? You could hook your dad up with her. That seems like good justice. An even swap

[–]SeasonedRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My inclination is that you should tell him under regular circumstances, but him being a pastor throws a wrench into things. Churches in the U.S., especially non-denominational churches that are considered "socially conservative," treat women as sinless and perfect. Any issues in a marriage are considered the man's fault. MRP has a similar view because it largely consists of religious men. "Own your shit" is another way of saying that women can do no wrong.

So if you tell him, and he decides to divorce her (as he should), the church will take her side and he could lose his position as pastor and be shunned by the congregation. Churches side with the woman in all cases of marital discord, no matter how outrageous her behavior. And he may well subscribe to this kind of thinking and blame himself and completely excuse her behavior. So you need to assess the dynamics-what kind of man he is, what kind of church it is-and make a decision based on that. At the end of the day, this isn't your responsibility.

[–]Jcorb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would probably tell your mom you know, and tell her you're going to tell your dad if she doesn't. Give her like a week, tops.

Just my two cents. It's a shitty situation, and there's obviously a ton of variables (how old OP is, relationship with each parent, etc), but I would honestly probably say this is about the best scenario.

[–]Elprez910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Awalt even moms bro.

[–]itookyomilk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get all your ducks in a row then tell him.

[–]brianmcg3210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your dad ASAP.

[–]Strip_Bar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Send your Dad evidence anonymously.

[–]theclutchpwner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your dad

[–]tb1510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Confront her, give her the option to tell him. Make sure she knows how this has rocked your world. You're the victim, so is your dad and family, not her. Record it, just in case. That should be all the proof you need, but I doubt you will.

[–]E9er0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

talk to your mom first. but first get some evidence if you wish to go that route. BUT first talk to her before you do anything crazy. be like mom idk how to say this: but i know about you and so and so. i don’t want to tell dad and ruin our family. please just stop so we can move forward. then if she agrees good. learn to move on and find a way later to inform your dad while things have cooled off and he’s level headed. IF she decides not to go that route the rational way. and she denys it or gets offensive, hostile etc. be like mom stop i have photos of you too and i don’t want to show my dad, please stop you are hurting us. if she’s like i don’t care about your dad etc. THEN tell your dad and show him the pictures! TRY TO DEESCALATE as much as you can before you resort to nuclear options that could and will ruin your family. obviously your dad is lacking something and your mom went to go find it elsewhere! they are both at fault not one or the other. goodluck message me if you need more help

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your supposed to hit the dude in the mouth, tell her that she 5 minutes to tell your dad the full truth, and tell your mom her next moves determine if you’ll continue to have a relationship with moving forward or not. And the guys wife needs to be told also

[–]MemorableSauce0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit the advice given here. If you don’t know what to do, i’d ask a therapist, or someone who actually understands these kinds of situations. This isn’t about being a man and being forward, this is a sensitive situation and you need to talk to someone with full details on what you can do.

[–]Naked-fox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him bro. I know she’s your mom but fuck her for doing this.... tell him so he can leave it’s the right thing to do. What a cunt.

[–]TwistyMarsh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your dad with proof

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've found out that my mom cheating with a family friend from church

Hilarious :)

Tell your dad. He deserves to know.

[–]1HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get evidence and then show your dad

How did you find out?

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Run through the outcomes of your various courses of action.

pick the best option

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy

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[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy

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[–]damiksta932 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

At least my mother isn’t a whore

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Of course not. Before marriage she was a good virgin, sucking dicks, anal ya know

[–]wolverine8470 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

💯💯

[–]wolverine8470 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ooh I forgot your father is the one with 5 wives which one are you from

[–]damiksta930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But I’m not Muslim..

[–]RP_UrbanMonk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ask them for advice about a friend of yours that you found out is cheating. Ask for what they think will he the outcome. At the end wink at your mother then you know how it will end, as them getting a divorce. Or you dad becoming a part of the community.

[–]ASTRA-LUX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have shame and tell him immediately, He's your father.

[–]anonimo420 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fake

[–]Rodent90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Support your father. Use what is about to happen as a learning experience.

[–]superomar130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would say don't tell him just yet. I say confront your mom, and ask wtf she thinks she's doing. Tell her what she's doing is wrong, but do it from a position of strength and disappointment. Then tell her that you're going to tell your dad, and no matter what she says, then tell him. You need to help your mom understand what she did was wrong. Two birds with one stone

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]SomeoneBehindThePC1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

His dad's a pastor, you dip.

[–]Raccoon_from_heaven0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your dad should have married a high quality woman instead of marrying a potential slut.

And a piece of advice for people reading this: Don't commit the mistake his dad did. There are three kinds of women who upon finding the right opportunity WILL cheat:
1. Women who have too high expectations.
2. Women with high sense of entitlement.
3. Women who hate taking responsibilities and prioritise their choices/rights over their responsibilities. (That includes most feminists).

Ever come accross such women, dodge them like a Delhi transport bus driver dodges cows on the streets of Delhi while driving his bus. ⚡⚡⚡😎

[–]Mr_Badass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Use the STDCheck website and send him the anonymous text message that he should get tested for STD'S. Then he can take action.

The message looks likes this.

STDCheck.com - A sexual partner tested positive for an STD & recommends that you also get tested. For details, visit STDcheck.com/notify Text STOP = Opt-Out

[–]mr4kino-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What does Christianity tell you to do?

Yes, follow that. Tell him, he needs to know. He could catch any STDs or be wrongly accused of some stuff.

[–]glowing_dolphins-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your parents have been in a relationship since before you were born. You might think you know their relationship, but you don’t. You’re their child.

You can make your dad aware, but unless she’s abusive, this isn’t really your problem.

There are a lot of alternate relationships here. He may be sleeping with other people too.

You know them as parents, but you don’t know what they’re like as lovers, in their own heads, with their own hopes, desires and issues.

If they were good to you, you can wish them happiness, give them a nudge of help, and be as strong and happy a person you can be in your own right.

Do not wade into their relationship. It will not end well. They will do things that are not useful “for you”.

[–]cunningcaring-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Say nothing. Don't ruin other people's lives. Do under others what you would have them do to you.

[–]cracksniffer666-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I literally was gonna say "Take the red pill" before I saw what sub it was.. fuck homie.. It'd help to know your age, financial situation, etc.

[–]curvedbymykind-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck her to assert dominance

[–]JaevonTheDon-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

BlackMail lmao



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