I (25M) have an opportunity to marry a very competent female (24F). This is an arranged marriage between islamic families who are very cultured.
About me. Grew up in a dysfunctional single mother house where everyone was mad at each other. I grew up isolated and alone from my family members which caused me to be very anti-social. I don't have many friends. I've been listening to Jordan Peterson for a few years and got my act together. Quit cannibis addiction, graduated uni, making 90k year, working on being more social and connecting with the few friends that I have and working on my weaknesses in general.
About the female. Making 60k, very social and religious women. She wakes up at sunrise every morning to pray for the last three years. Claims to be a virgin (my family also suspects this of her). Well educated and travelled. Dresses modestly and is a very compassionate, polite, agreeable and Conscientiousness person (made her do understandmyself assessment). Has both parents and has very strong family connections and long friends. A very conservative person and understand the her primary duties is to take care of the household. She also plans on getting her masters
After meeting this women I've realized how underdeveloped I am in multiple areas in my life and she is clear more competent and experienced than me in life. She has a significantly stronger frame than I. However, ever since meeting her I've been wanting to improve myself. I've made peace with my brother and have been putting more work into my projects so I can become a more masculine man. I'm very underdeveloped in many areas of my life and my gut feeling is not to marry her and improve myself so i can become a more competent man (I did three tabs of LSD and had thoughts that I'm getting screwed over by marriage/ getting played). But I may be foolish in losing this opportunity of a "good" women due to my current status. I've never had a long term relationship with a women so this would be my first. I have insecurities of not knowing what it means to be a man due to the lack of male role models in my life and have this feeling deep down that I'm not good enough. She may have picked up on it but I'm trying to change my thoughts to say that I am good enough. I know the best I can do is be better than who I was yesterday. I would appreciate your advice on this