My wife [37F] and I [39M] entered into an open marriage at her request. Now she wants to close it up again.
📷
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have two children, a 14 year old girl and a 12 year old boy.
About a year and a half ago, my wife came to me asking for an open marriage. She said she was bored with just us and wanted to experience more. I was very against this, as I am a strong believer that marriage is between two people. At the same time, when we got married I'd had five sexual partners and my wife had only been with me.
She made it clear that either we opened things up or she was prepared to file for divorce. Neither of us wanted that, so I agreed under certain conditions. Nobody brought back to the house, we don't talk about partners, the kids don't know, family doesn't know, all partners are tested ahead of time, nobody that we both know, etc.
I had a strong suspicion that my wife had someone in mind, and this was confirmed when 24 hours after we agreed, she went out and didn't return until 4 am.
It was difficult for me to accept, and I was really not ok with it, but I wanted to save my marriage. Last May I met Amber. Our daughters are in marching band together. Amber is divorced and has no interest in getting married again. Like everyone else in the world she does have needs. So five months after opening up the marriage, I began sleeping with Amber.
At first it felt like cheating, but honestly it's nice to have something no strings where neither of us wants it to proceed forward. Over time I became comfortable with the idea that my wife and I would be able to get our needs met both inside and outside of our marriage. It actually made our sex life a lot more passionate, and we were much happier.
My wife and her side guy, who I never met, stopped seeing each other in April amid coronavirus. From what I gather, while he's in an open marriage, his wife is not aware, and it was too hard to get away.
In May we helped organize a Zoom concert for the band kids, which turned out great, though my wife met Amber for the first time. Well, I guess Amber has been open with a few of the moms because it got back to my wife that Amber was my outside partner.
My wife informed me that as we both know Amber, I needed to end things with her. I refused, citing the fact that neither of us knew her ahead of time, and them meeting did not violate the rules we established. Throughout the past month she's numerous times told me that she's uncomfortable with me continuing to sleep with Amber and I need to conclude the arrangement. Note that she was fine for a year where she was with her partner.
This weekend she came to me and stated that she'd like to close our marriage again. I told her I was open to that as long as we agreed that it would remain closed moving forward. She agreed that's what she wants as well, that she doesn't need to have any more partners, that she's happy with just me.
I told her that we could agree to close the marriage on two conditions. The first I laid out above. The second, I wanted her to sign a document waiving spousal support in the event of divorce. She flipped out. She categorically refused to even consider that. My wife is a SAHM and has not worked since we got married. She said that I could keep seeing Amber and leave her with nothing if she signed that. I told her that I'd be willing to include a list of mutually agreed upon situations including infidelity on my part where the agreement would be void.
She says it's not open for discussion, that she's not going to continue to be cheated on and left with nothing when I decide to leave her for Amber.
I pointed out that this whole thing was her idea and that I only went along with it to preserve our marriage. She says that if we don't close the marriage up, then it might as well be over.
I told her that I'm not going to tolerate being threatened with divorce every time she doesn't get her way. She says I'm being dramatic and I need to focus on us.
Should I agree without stipulations? I know there's no future with Amber as we've both agreed it's purely physical and even though I know I'm standing my ground, I feel like I'm blowing up my marriage over a dead end. At the same time, I don't believe it's about Amber at all.
Tl;Dr My wife asked for an open marriage, I reluctantly agreed. Now that she's no longer seeing her outside partner she wants to close it up again.
[–]Dozinggreen6660 points61 points62 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ransay327727 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dunkman8342 points43 points44 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inside-Party11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MigPOW7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrinceAladdin26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]edgysecularist24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HodlingSteady21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]silent_hedges12 points13 points14 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]KeepingItReal20203 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marlinsgo2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SoloTheFord8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rayedward3633 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thundahcaxzd2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cultural_Area2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gimmeabreakfuk2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]user92931 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KeepingItReal20201 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bamabeatsny1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]isthisthelasttime34-4 points-3 points-2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thewearisomeMachine0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link