Q4ALL: Do you guys think men naturally on a biological level are more prone to loneliness?

GhostTheEternal · 2020-07-03T13:57:20+00:00

According to ScienceDaily, "Females find same-sex social interactions to be more rewarding than males, and females are more sensitive to the rewarding actions of oxytocin than males".

Men probably are more likely to be lonely than women, because women are more engaged in their social lives because they're wired to get more from them than men. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective too.

jwdino · 2020-07-03T16:04:26+00:00

Men were mentally designed around women. There are studies showing that our testosterone plummets 15% if a woman cries around us. We work harder around women, we look to women for assurance if we are doing a "good job".

That being said, yes, I think men are basically built around the affection of women.

wtknight · 2020-07-03T13:49:34+00:00

It's the lack of sex and how that affects men's egos that bothers them. The women who don't care as much likely had bad experiences with men in the past and therefore don't mind not being around them anymore. It doesn't hurt their egos because they know they could find a relationship if they really wanted to go down that difficult road again. For women who have never had a relationship even once, I imagine that they are just as lonely as men who aren't able to find sex from a woman who is attracted to them.

Tristan_D_C_Wintle · 2020-07-03T19:49:24+00:00

Definitely yes. Both from personal experience as a male and just from observing men's vs women's experiences on dating websites and the demographics of incel/foreveralone communities. Men, I believe, are much more desperate for physical attention and intimacy than women are.

SaBahRub · 2020-07-03T14:29:44+00:00

If associating with men didn’t come with the certain guarantee that they would try and fuck you, at minimum, more women would do it. I don’t treat men with more than polite indifference because of this. I’d prefer not to, but I learned my lesson when I was 11

GunBullety · 2020-07-03T15:35:35+00:00

There are many many more desperate men, more men with good reason to be lonely, but I don't think they handle loneliness worse, the opposite in fact. Women seem to be more social creatures in general.

HarryLillis · 2020-07-03T16:02:55+00:00

Probably just male conditioning making them associate the condition with a lack of virile worth. One review of the Enchiridion of Epictetus would cure that right up.

lemme_tell_you · 2020-07-03T13:47:45+00:00

Men are just treated like shit relative to women. There was once a women who pretended to be a man to see what it was like and she ended up in therapy by the end of the experiment.

So not prone to loneliness, just we are born on an island.

NarniaFox · 2020-07-03T14:26:39+00:00

I don't think that guys biologically prone to loneliness, I think it's mostly the result of our gender roles and conditioning.

Women don't have to worry about "no homo" and the expression of emotions and being vulnerable are ostracized less for women than for men. Also, at least in Russia women are the ones who take care, support and keep in touch with their relatives. And there is a whole movement promoting women to be more than mothers/wives/homekeepers, so even though the pressure to play these roles is still alive, there is at least some support.

Men's gender role promotes being stoic, not sharing their feelings and worrings, keeping everything to yourself. A lot of value is tied to your sexual success. There is little encouragement for men to explore things outside of their role. No wonder more guys than women tend to be lonely and isolated.

Awkward-Office · 2020-07-03T18:42:06+00:00

I think women can handle loneliness better than men because the alternative of being with someone they don’t love is a thousand times worse situation than being alone. Whenever I’m sad I think about the fact that it could be worse having settled for someone. Men I think would prefer to settle than be lonely

flamingoinghome · 2020-07-03T15:15:27+00:00

No, I think that a lot of cultural/social factors (homophobia and the stereotype of men as mindlessly horny, in particular) prevent men from seeking out and finding emotional support outside of romantic relationships; they're more likely to be lonely, especially when single, because (Western Anglosphere) society heavily stigmatizes men having intimate friendships.

Substantial_Wasabi · 2020-07-03T13:58:17+00:00

No but i think men are socialized to repress their feelings and wants for socialization and friendship more, which leads to loneliness. On TRP, men are always told to toughen up and bare stuff out for themselves. They're also told that psychologists and talking to people about their feelings, especially women is bullshit and makes them weak. Alot of their loneliness is a result of their own behavior.

rosmaskinen · 2020-07-03T15:51:22+00:00

On a biological level? No. They are socialised to be more individualistic in most Western cultures, as well as non-western cultures but I'm not educated on them enough, though.

Important to note, though, is that socialisation often is misunderstood as something tied to the rational and mature ideas that permeate society. It's not only that. It's not a social phenomenon people agree to follow once capable of reason – but prior to that, as children, we grow into language and we grow to interpret a world full of signifiers when we start relating to others.

ari_thot_le · 2020-07-03T16:55:39+00:00

Women get all sorts of hormone boosts from non-romantic relationships that men don’t. It’s obviously true, it’s why men off themselves without a word and are far more successful at it.

the_calibre_cat · 2020-07-03T15:21:15+00:00

Yes, absolutely.

FEMMEPO2020 · 2020-07-03T19:11:14+00:00

Men do much worse at loneliness .They literally go crazy

psychacct · 2020-07-04T06:02:00+00:00

I would be very, very hesitant to label something as 'biological', because there are so many biological differences we've already gotten wrong with our species.

If anything, maybe guys have a harder time with loneliness because they don't have the same social supports that women do. That I could see. Women are more likely to have really deep / close / fulfilling friendships that can survive even long distances. Men are also socialized to hide their feelings more than women.

snarflinger · 2020-07-03T14:26:12+00:00

Women make friends by not being assholes and realize that being assholes makes people not want to be around them. Ergo, less lonely than men who are assholes and refuse to change their behavior to be less asshole.

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TheBookOfSeil · 2020-07-03T16:17:16+00:00

Women feel less lonely because they are still more social with friends, family and other women. Men might not have as large a social group as women at any one time and I think it’s more common for men to be completely isolated these days. Women rarely ever seem completely isolated, and the ones that are, you can tell because their mental health is in the gutter.

Truedough9 · 2020-07-03T16:26:23+00:00

Loneliness causes permanent brain damage regardless of gender, and the increase in stress hormones has been compared to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, it is no accident the human face is so expressive or that most humans can effortlessly mimic the facial expressions of those around us, humans evolved in large family/ tribal units, to be alone for a wild human is death, and those primordial instincts haven’t gone anywhere.

bann2787 · 2020-07-03T16:31:08+00:00

A big factor is that it's just neccessary. One gender has to take on the brunt of the work, do the Jobs noone wants to do and run society. So men have and will continue to take this role, as we dont have time and cant afford to let our little feelings get in the way.

Someone has to suck it up and even when burned out, just keep going. Take a look at womenover30 sometime, notice all the women who around that age are in therapy, burned out on their jobs and men, and it seems like life in general. Then they are coddled by the other women in there saying everything is okay, telling them not trying is a good thing! Live life!

Well, society cant run without people, hence men take up that mantle, lord knows women cant, not in their nature. Not their fault either, most are suited for part time hours in an office job. So men keep everything running but also keep out shit in, then we blow our brains out at 55 cause we cant take it anymore, such is life.

Shadow_Of_ · 2020-07-03T16:33:23+00:00

Not really. Men have lower neuroticism whoch makes them less emotional.

Men are just more likely to be victims of loneliness on a sociological level.

BlondeVsTheWorld · 2020-07-03T16:41:43+00:00

Funny! Until reading all of this, I always assumed it was women who were more lonely.

-since · 2020-07-03T17:23:38+00:00

Well, it's very evident and true that women are more social creatures. So if you are using a frame of comparison in that way

then I suppose men are more prone to loneliness than women.

Or, more confidently, women are less prone to loneliness then men.

2020-07-03T18:52:57+00:00

Grand_Duty · 2020-07-03T19:31:06+00:00

May be

reluctantly_red · 2020-07-03T19:38:09+00:00

Nah -- I can go weeks or even months with minimal social interaction and it doesn't really bother me. It's nice having people around but I don't freak out if they're not.

ElGupo1978 · 2020-07-04T11:00:45+00:00

Men are just way more prone to being alone in the first place. Women never really have to be alone. So to tease out the rare example of women who experience’ true forced loneliness’ is really comparing apples to oranges. Being alone is so universal to the male experience you’re going to end up with a bigger sample size of the people who react poorly to it.

Shauyy · 2020-07-04T14:36:56+00:00

Idk about biologically, but socially it is wayyy easier for a women to find male companionship than it is for a male to find female companionship. This is a huge factor in loneliness, girls can get attention whenever they want it whereas a lot of guys can't get any no matter how hard they try.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-07-04T16:02:59+00:00

"Loneliness" has two meanings right? I mean, english is not my main lenguage so correct me if I'm wrong, but loneliness is not only a feeling of sorrow and sadness, but also a circunstance right?

One of my loneliest times was during a bike trip across the Argentinian Patagonia. I've never felt so full of life before and after.

Yes, men are prone to loneliness, but I don't think solitude is always a bad thing.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-05T03:19:00+00:00

I find I need human interaction - all kinds - in doses. I love my kids, but my time away from them helps me love and appreciate them better. People at work? Great! See you Monday!

I really need quite a lot of time - about half of all my time - totally alone. This would be almost impossible if I was in a LTR. I feel kind of sad when my kid go back with their mom, and I come home to an empty dead quiet house.

And then I realise how much I love, enjoy and need (at least some of the time) an empty dead quiet house.

Physiologist21 · 2020-07-05T05:13:32+00:00

Women have a stronger inclination to negative emotion, it's why so many suffer from anxiety / bpd / depression.

ProperUgly · 2020-07-07T06:20:06+00:00

Another idiotic question.

There’s literally been suicide statistics for years proving men succeed in suicide more so than women.

People often attribute this to “more effective means”

To which I ask “well why do you think they use more effective means?”

The answer: The male gender is inherently forced into a social role that directly cause more despair and hopelessness to take root.

There’s literally countless cases of therapists claiming it is difficult to have men “open up”

Literally the majority of the therapy industry is build by women for women now. You be an complete idiot to not recognize that being male inherently puts you at higher risk of loneliness and them eventually suicide.

kangthrow · 2020-07-11T13:52:51+00:00

Men are more lonely because their idea of loneliness is not having a women around. A women’s idea of loneliness is having no one around.

Sea-Buffalo · 2020-07-26T20:47:12+00:00

Men are much more wired to be alone and handle it better. Men have taken many jobs over time where solitude and working alone is required.

Women are much more social creatures.

Most (not all) but a large amount of women feel the need to have kids and a family to feel validated. Ever heard of baby rabies.

Men can grow old and enjoy life without having kids or feeling a massive regret about it. But women tend to not be able to cope with that as well.

I think women are far more wired to be lonely than men. Why do you think people joke about the old lady with ten cats.

c_dolly · 2020-07-03T14:59:15+00:00

I honestly think lonely women are less vocal about it than lonely men.

jackquickfingers · 2020-07-03T17:53:33+00:00

[deleted]

rubbooyuri · 2020-07-03T19:31:42+00:00

No. Men complain about not being cared about, being lonely, being sexless and suicidal —- all the while saying women are useless, nothing matters but bitches and money, disparaging therapy and self care, shitting on feelings and reflection, and shrugging at the constant violence and death they mete out. Sounds more like justice than unfairness

Stose_Anko · 2020-07-03T15:10:10+00:00

It depends on individuals, I'm a male, introverted. I'm comfortable being alone.

AxeLond · 2020-07-03T15:31:01+00:00

Eh... I think we are more prone to not form easy friendships. Male friends are friends who will move bodies for you, but those are hard to come by trust wise.

I don't know about loneliness. I don't think men need that female gaggle of friends. My wife for example has them, but IMO none of them are real friends, they are friends of inconvenience, and they have no long term loyalty. Yet she worries about losing them, being shunned etc. I see the same in my daughter in middle school, only worse because its teen girls.

My son on the other hand DNGAF about friends. He has a couple, and they have been friends for a long time, while my daughters "friends" will play female dominance games. Her best friend is no longer her best friend but then is again it. Its like some weird game of betrayal and forgiveness. Boys and men don't put up with that shit.

king_of_red_alphas · 2020-07-03T20:38:02+00:00

To men - sex is the main course and the relationship is dessert.

To women - the relationship is the main course and sex is the dessert.

Sure women like sex, but they see it as an abundant and cheap junk food, because to them, it is.

To men, sex is like eating a filet mignon after living on stale bread and water for a month.

People can “survive” on empty calories found in sugary foods but they won’t be healthy.

Silly_Field · 2020-07-03T14:01:09+00:00

Its because women have more realistic expectations and a better social network.

Men are coddled. They grow up believing they are ‘special’ and that their needs are important. Media has traditionally been full of unattractive men who are rewarded with ridiculously good looking women for...simply existing.

Conversely, women are constantly told that they are not good enough, to take up less space and that their needs do not matter. Body positivity is a reaction to this - it does not mean that this problem is magically cured. Media has traditionally been full of extremely attractive women who end up with men who simply exist, who are often basically slobs.

Men feel more upset because reality doesn’t align with their expectations.

cattermelon34 · 2020-07-03T14:31:32+00:00

Not really.

I think it's more men arent expected to put in as much work in relationships. Women are expected to do the emotional labor---->

Men don't practice maintaining relationships like this--------->

Men are bad at maintaining relationships-------->

No/bad/weak relationships------>

Feeling lonely

Generally speaking, of course

PlanetSquare · 2020-07-03T17:43:24+00:00

I would say women are raised to be better at understanding their emotions and therefore better at regulating them. Men are raised to bottle up their "unmanly" emotions and often express it more violently.

Personally I often feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and lack of intimacy and sometimes distracting myself with hobbies just isn't enough, but I'm also not a femcel, I just have a hard time connecting with people emotionally and many of my relationships are very intense but short-lived, like a flame.

I would also argue that it seems men that are the aromantic ones. Seems like what most men really want is sex and submission. From what I understand, many relationships that involve a man are based on sex and raw physical attraction. Romance comes secondary to that.

My relationships are usually entirely based off of connection, similar interests, doing cute things like writing each other poetry, supporting each other emotionally, and being in love with each other.

realmentalcel · 2020-07-03T15:21:24+00:00

Taking the 80/20 rule, not as gospel, but as a pointer to the truth, I posit that more men are "unattractive" than women and therefore more likely to be single.

mydikishomofobik · 2020-07-03T20:00:07+00:00

I don't agree with OP. Men seem to be naturally more solitary than women. Men don't seem to feel the need to talk about their feelings all time like women do. Obviously some men get lonely. But I really can't picture too many men complaining about wanting intimacy. "Intimacy" doesn't even sound like a word that most men would say very often. I don't even think those incel killer guys who complained about not getting women ever said anything about intimacy. Men don't talk like that.

antonio_aurelio · 2020-07-03T21:19:24+00:00

I think men are more comfortable being alone than women.

I don’t interact with people much and I’m perfectly okay with that. I don’t really get lonely.

Of course, if I’m alone 24/7 without human contact for several days in a row, I start to go a little crazy.

For the most part, I think men’s primary prerogative for social interaction is getting laid.

Decktreck · 2020-07-03T21:47:00+00:00

I think it makes sense. On one hand women choose who to mate with in order to pass off the best surviving genes. Men don't necessarily get to do this, except for the really rich and wealthy but then it becomes more social than biological. With only a handful of men having the most attractive phenotype the vast majority of men will remain celibate and alone.

Since humans are a social species I think nature has given men a buffer on emotions so they won't be too prone to suicide or homicide (The effectiveness of this is TBD).

Shenaniboozle · 2020-07-03T22:25:09+00:00

You dont venture off reddit into reality much do you?

This is going to sound like wild shit, but men and women are people who more or less want the exact same things. In my experience, women sigh, mope, and get ll, "the sky is falling" over romantic issues, or the lack thereof just as much as men.

The unspoken question/complaint in all these subs is, "why not with me?" flash to the ben kenobi meme, "Of course I know him, hes me!" But no, its easier to blame the who youre after than fix your own shit.

MrJive01 · 2020-07-04T03:29:18+00:00

Men are pretty much taught that sex is the only way to get emotional validation. Men are having less sex. Some men never have sex, at least not with someone that loves them. And it doesn't help that we shit on lonely men after that. Calling a man an incel, or even just virgin never has a positive connotation, unless coming from another lonely ass man. There's someone willing to defend an ugly woman, but the default explanation for a lonely man is that he's just a piece of shit.

snarflinger · 2020-07-24T21:44:17+00:00

Women are trained from birth to develop communication and empathy skills. Men have this trained out of them and are told the only emotions they can have is angry or humiliated if they are not the top man on the totem pole. Guess what, most aren’t. It makes it harder for men to have good relationships. Also happiness often comes fro helping others like with volunteering, charity etc. these activities are seen as feminine. Also men dan’t even go to the doctor much less the shrink to get help for depression etc. because they’d expected to be invulnerable. It’s socialization as much as genetics.

Title	Q4ALL: Do you guys think men naturally on a biological level are more prone to loneliness?
Author	Throughawayman80808
Upvotes	93
Comments	415
Date	July 3, 2020 1:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hkj96v/q4all_do_you_guys_think_men_naturally_on_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-do-you-guys-think-men-naturally-on-a.703281 https://theredarchive.com/post/703281