She's Mad That I Don't Want Marriage

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July 11, 2020
86 upvotes

I know these concepts are in the sidebar. I'm just in the heat of the moment and need a refresher.

I've been dating S for awhile. She's a great girl - all of the typical qualities that TRP looks for in potential LTRs. She has slowly earned more of my commitment and I've done a great job of managing her.

Last night S and I were hanging. The conversation turned toward our relationship. She danced around the idea of marriage so I pedaled her to actually say it. Then I looked her in the eyes and calmly stated "I don't want to get married, at least not for a long time." We have briefly discussed this before, so I thought she already knew this. Although perhaps my communication about this issue has been subpar in the past.

She immediately broke down crying. I hugged her but did not say anything else. After a few minutes she got her stuff and left. Right before she walked out I asked, "Are you sure you want to leave?" She answered yes, so I said okay and let her go. Then I lifted for awhile to clear my mind.

She called me this morning. I was doing something so I waited until I finished to call her back. She was crying, very upset, but I mostly listened to her. She spouted things like "You shattered my dreams," "Why are you still in this relationship if you have different goals than me," all of that stuff. I stayed calm and barely answered her. She ultimately agreed to meet in person tonight and talk about things.

Tbh I dont care if she dumps me or sticks around. I like her alot - heck maybe I even love her - but I've always understood that she may decide to leave me for one reason or another. I've accepted this since before I even met her. I'm not desperate for pussy, and I dont need a woman's emotional support because I complete myself. So I'm going into this intercation with an open mind, open heart, and zero expectations.

This is the first time I've experienced something like this since I took up TRP a few years ago. I need some advice. How should I handle our intraction tonight? And in the long term, how should I continue to manage her if she sticks around?


Post Information
Title She's Mad That I Don't Want Marriage
Author thesatellite23
Upvotes 86
Comments 79
Date 11 July 2020 02:05 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/704299
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hpairm/shes_mad_that_i_dont_want_marriage/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipthe red pill
Comments

[–]Maxofwarcraft143 points144 points  (23 children) | Copy

Do not. I repeat do not let her guilt trip you into marriage. I’m not sure how much of the media you’re following right now, but celebrities like Will Smith and Dr. Dre are getting or are on the verge of getting divorce raped by their wives. Possibly a woman’s strongest weapon are her tears; which she already used on you. Tears such as those are typically not genuine. If she presses you on this again, next her.

[–]thesatellite23[S] 53 points54 points  (16 children) | Copy

Hell yeah. I saw the situation with Will Smith and thought he looked like his balls had been chopped off.

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]MitchAintNoBitch6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

Is there a link to that specific look? I'd be morbidly curious to watch it. But not enough to justify digging through Google.

[–]beardestbird3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

If you have a twitter you can just search up will Smith and see a buncha memes people put out

[–]black-cattle0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Only marry a girl if YOU want children and she can significantly enhance your gene pool. She needs to be attractive and have a dissimilar immune system which you can tell by smell. If you can't pull a girl like this you need to make more money and lift.

[–]beardestbird8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

You dont need to marry a girl to have children. If you divorce you gotta pay child support+Alimony. Just be together and have kids. Less loss.

There is no modern purpose of signing a marriage contract through the state. They just get access to your money.

[–]black-cattle1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What you say is true. Consider though a nuclear family makes your sons have a much higher success rate.

[–]beardestbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who says the family won’t be nuclear? Just don’t have a binding contract with the government and be an alpha male and one of the females best options and she’ll stay.

If she walks she walks. Your son will see a man who stuck to his morals and stayed grounded through it and emulate that.

[–]Shitcuckedredditsays0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You can tell immune systems by smell? I see you're candidating for shizo post of the month.

[–]a14deadpool5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Falling in love makes men weak. Marriage and monogamy makes men weak because we catch feelings. That’s why I think it’s better to be like dan bilzerian have sex with multiple women and never catch feelings polygamy/polyamorous relationships are the best choices for men.

[–]D_Marquis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed & there's really no way to ensure her fidelity when your not around. Especially in the 21st century with social media. Who wants to waste mental time & energy worrying(better used somewhere else).

[–]Maxofwarcraft22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also, in the future, whether you next this girl or not, don’t say “maybe in the future I’ll get married”. That gives their hamster brain reason to bring it back up years later. Frankly no man in their right mind would get married in the western world. The odds are heavily against you.

[–]cole_world212 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly what I was think just say it flat out. I know the natural reaction is to let her down easy but you gotta give no hope

[–]Keith_Valentine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sucks man. I love Big Willy Style.

[–]ElegantCyclist-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]2319Skew40 points41 points  (2 children) | Copy

"Women's tears are only real when there's no one around her to see her crying."

[–]Maxofwarcraft3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo. That’s the quote I was thinking about.

[–]MrAnderzon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn this is good. Saved

[–]batfish552 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When my last ex split, she turned on the water works. When she saw I wasn't buying it, that shit dried up like the Sahara. Tears are tools for them. It almost always works for them, so why not try?

[–]throwawaycunt19971 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Possibly a woman’s strongest weapon are her tears

Not if it’s my fetish ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–]Maxofwarcraft4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“FBI Open up!”

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill67 points68 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's not clear to your woman is your mission. She broke down in tears because she realized the mission didn't include marriage and it's trappings. You have no obligation to change your mission for the emotional whims of a woman.

However, clarifying how she fits into the mission may help her resolve her feelings. "I can't do legal marriage, but that doesn't mean I don't want the features. I want kids, I want a partner in crime at my side who wants to ride shotgun and slay dragons. If you're willing to come along, the spot is yours". That would be my version, yours obviously may be different if course.

Íve found that my wife was often apprehensive about the future not because of the fear of failure or being left out but because as the Captain I was unclear in what the mission was. I've even said, "this is risky, we may lose everything, but it's the right thing to do and will put us in great shape for the future. It's my decision and I take sole responsibility for it.

Give her the mission, tell her her role and let her know it's her choice to stay or go.

[–]throwitdownman5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Am I reading this right - you call your women your wife but you’re not actually husband and wife?

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm married. If I was in the same situation as OP, that would be the message I delivered.

[–]3chazthundergut16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

So let her be mad.

Your happiness is paramount

[–]frappuccinoCoin15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You told her your true intentions, you didn't string her along with false promises. I think that's good for both of you, even if she's not happy with the truth.

[–]RedSkeller10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your turn may be ending but do not buckle. A year from now you’d be much happier single than married, especially when you’re being pressured to. She’ll do everything in her power to force your hand, cry, tell you she loves you but in reality you hold all the leverage. If for one second this relationship was about both of you, it wouldn’t be a big deal and she wouldn’t have left - instead she did because she’s entirely selfish when it comes down to it. I’ve watched nearly all my friends get worn down and get married and I doubt any of them are happy or better for it. The second you stop living for yourself as a man, is the second you start dying.

[–]1rad_dynamic2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very nice man

[–]kclanton8027 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy

Women use tears to manipulate men. Do not let her manipulate you. If you are sure you don't want children stand firm on that. She can leave if she wants....and the more firm and unflinching you are the less likely she is to actually leave.

It's very hard for a woman to leave you when she knows that you are not going to miss her. Regardless of the reason she wants to go.

it sucks that the relationship might and sings that you have feelings for her but maybe it's just time.

[–]thesatellite23[S] 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think I do want kids eventually, which is the o ly reason why I would consider marriage. I just haven't thought about kids too in-depth yet.

[–]kclanton809 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see....it marriage that's the issue. Well as a RP man you know very well that marriage is a loosing proposition for a man. Be strong and don't give in.

Read "the manipulated man" by ester Villar. She explains that a woman can cray on commander,.and will do so specifically to manipulate a man. Being as though the women are the weaker sex they are born manipulators. It's how they are able to survive historically because they cannot deal with their physical prowess.

Makeup, push up bras, fake tears, butt implants.....ALL forms of male manipulation.

[–]MrAnderzon2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

There’s adoption where you literally choose a child as if one shops for a car or house.

There’s surrogate mothers

You don’t need to get married to have kids just good enough financials to provide for them and whatever other requisites the adoption or surrogate mother ask. Which is mostly financials.

[–]Azora3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most men don't want to be the sole carer for their kids.

[–]BluzzKill8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Id say be honest and let her decide which it sounds like you are doing. Dont be shocked if she gets back with you then forgets to take the pill

[–]roughback16 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy

makes me wonder if women would still hold marriage to be the 'relationship endgame' if there was no legal component to it. If we just had a nice ceremony, both families gather, we make our commitment in front of them, and everyone has a nice party afterward. We eat cake... dance... receive gifts... then that's it, we are married in the eyes of God.

no certificate, no contract.

[–]thesatellite23[S] 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's what I have told her. I said something along the lines of...we can have a ceremony and exchange vows. That's fine. But signing that contract...nah.

[–]roughback26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy

its also very telling that if you take marriage off the table, many if not all women will see that as the end of the relationship. This means their goal was not to be with you, which they have, but to marry you with a legal contract.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There’s always a couple gem in the comments.

[–]HellSpeed10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

There was a post on PurplePillDebate a few weeks ago about this topic exactly. And the majority of the women said they couldn't care less about the ceremony and just wanted the contract. Their argument was along the lines of "You're not serious if you're not willing to commit to the contract".

[–]1rad_dynamic9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

It makes sense. Why would a woman go with a man who could just leave her at any minute and next? Similarly, why would a man ever want to sign that contract? It is certainly the toughest decision I can think of in this day and age, especially for that red pill aware.

[–]RPOpenUp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The weird thing though is, that attraction can't be negotiated. We all know this here.

A men has two things to lose. the women can walk away, without any consequences really plus he loses a part of his inventory for lack of a better word.

The only thing she can lose is his attraction.

I believe marriage is just a tool for women that start to hit the wall to get security.

Also,

"You're not serious if you're not willing to commit to the contract".

Is a way of shaming, instead of providing solid arguments they try to manipulate you.

I wouldn't deal with that shit anyway

[–]Drakane13 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

nope common law marraige people, that shit still holds. if you live with her for more than 2 years

[–]Rock_Granite6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on where you live

[–]Grave_Heresy14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm assuming that you live the West? I just want to remind you that there are no benefits in America, Australia, Canada or Europe to a male getting married.

The institution always largely favored women throughout it's history. Now in modern times thanks to a "certain group" who have actively worked to make the law one-sided towards females it is a death trap for any man to get married to a woman.

This is why so many men report that the woman changes after they marry her. She now has the social and legal upper hand. Knowing this, her true form will show.

I don't want to give you much advice except to say that you need to remember that marriage will ruin everything for you. Any sobbing that she puts on is manipulation, she knows that you as a man have a natural inclination towards helping a female. Don't fall for it.

Don't let her pull you into the feminine emotional chaos. Maintain order, follow logic and reason throughout your interaction. She will talk all about the heart, feelings and lost dreams. Do not be moved. The moment that you start allowing emotions to take control, you are being pulled into her realm where she has complete control. Finally, she will try to use sex or the promise of sex to coerce you. Don't let this happen. If she starts threatening to withhold sex, ensure her that it's her prerogative. If she tries to have sex, refuse her!

I repeat: if she tries to have sex, REFUSE HER!!!

Most importantly, I advise letting someone else know where you are going and recording your interaction with her. They tend to make things up about you to others when they can't get what they want. This is also why you need to REFUSE ANY SEX. If she has evidence of sexual contact it is going to be hard to protect yourself from a false rape accusation. You might think that this can't happen to you but it most definitely can. A lot of men have had their lives ruined because they wouldn't submit to female wishes. Don't be one of them. Please secretly record the interaction and don't have sex (Not even oral).

[–]mr4kino4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Follow this advice OP. This guy knows.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's Mad That I Don't Want Marriage

Then she gon' be mad.

"You shattered my dreams"

Lulz. Like it's your fault.

"Why are you still in this relationship if you have different goals than me"

Because you like the relationship. And the V. It's not like you lied to her.

She ultimately agreed to meet in person tonight and talk about things.

Why? Closure is for girls.

[–]MrAnderzon3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That closure part I hope he leaves open.

[–]MisterRoid18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm personally married to a girl in Africa (not legally binding), but It's stupid to marry in the west unless you already have children. Don't let her trick you into it.

[–]thesatellite23[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm definitely not getting married and nothing she says can convince me otherwise.

[–]MerryVegetableGarden6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Start planning an exit strategy, lad. Duffel bag full of fake passports, money in various foreign denominations, latex facial prosthesis, the works.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The FBI, CIA & Interpol want to known your location

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're angst is coming from you wondering how you can make this work out despite the differing agendas. Making it work is not the objective, it's being content. I don't know how old you are but after some good experience, you realize things are born to die. Any attempt to put it on life support is just delaying the inevitable and is costly. Any extension achieved is superficial, name only, a fraction of what it used to be.

If this is her goal, she will find some simp on the side that will grant her desires against his wellbeing and leave you. Then after a bit come back to you.

[–]McLovinReturns2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly it's some nonsense society rigged against men. Than women play victim like they don't know they can take everything from you through divorce. One day she can wake up and say I want a different dick and well you're fucked. Stay strong and let her know she can be your partner in crime, but you won't be labeled by a marriage and if she cant handle that and respect you than good riddance

[–]Zombiespire5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Try to listen to her feelings on why marriage is so important to her and communicate with her you don't need a legal document to be in love and have an amazing relationship. Tell her whether or not you two are married doesn't change how you feel about her and you never said you wouldn't ever marry her. Throw in you want her to understand your feelings as well.

Please don't listen to douches on here and start thinking of automatically "nexting" her for such a simple relationship road bump I hate that shit. Why start all over again hunting for some new girl when you can just fix your current problem without consequence?

[–]MrAnderzon2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

There was a question I found browsing that’s gives you the result in what your women sees you at. The question proposed was:

“Do you like me or the relationship that we have?”

If she likes you than she would rarely bring up marriage because she likes you and not what you bring to the relationship.

If she likes the relationship then she likes what you do for her and the benefits the relationship/marriage brings and looks at you as a security.

[–]Zombiespire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's good I like that

[–]Longgbottom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

TLDR Manipulate her into sticking around.

Please accept my Australian upvote sire

[–]liveforthepump_5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I dangle the carrot of commitment or more in front of them to get what I want as long as I want. That's just me though.. Sounds like you had a pussy and now you don't. At the very least she's gonna be looking for other options.

[–]Optionsmfd5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

my ex (LTR for 2 years)

wanted marriage

big house

help raise her young kids

eventually she decided i was telling her the truth when i said i didnt want those things

tough part is her SMV is pretty high and actually raised during the relationship (this is a first for me) and the attraction is still a 10/10 AND i work with her lol

i would say ur doing everything the right way........ its probably time for a NEXT

[–]thesatellite23[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bro...what? You work with her and she had young kids when you LTRd? That's bold

[–]Stupyyy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She thought her pussy trap caught you completely and you shattered her trap when you didn't act like she wanted you too. Shit tested you and left, now she is wondering why you didn't answer her shit test and is trying to save face.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There was a question I found browsing that’s gives you the result in what your women sees you at. The question proposed was:

“Do you like me or the relationship that we have?”

If she likes you than she would rarely bring up marriage because she likes you and not what you bring to the relationship.

If she likes the relationship then she likes what you do for her and the benefits the relationship/marriage brings and looks at you as a security.

[–]wanker71711 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a story for you.

So my best friend (Rob), is also the best ladies' man I've ever seen or met. He got into a relationship with this cute HB7 shy asian girl and was absolutely punching below his status. After all he is a personal trainer who owns his own gym, was asked to join the USA triathlon team, and is built for a guy who mainly does cardio.

Now this friend also does not want to get married, which is a problem to her. Eventually she gave him an ultimatum that it was either they get married or she'd break up with him. Yet he stood by his choice and they broke up, but I knew he really did like her. Eventually us and the boys would be drinking one night and one of our close friends who isn't nearly on the same level as Rob spoke up about a night where he made out with Rob's then gf.

Lesson? Don't give in to marriage demands, my buddy didn't and now he doesn't have to stick with a cheater.

[–]stripedtanker1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't see anything wrong with anybody in this scenario. If you date a girl for awhile, at some point they expect more. That's just the way girls are. It's not TRP it's just how it is.

If you are married to a girl, at some point they will pressure you to have kids. So it is important I guess for you two to be on same page.

That's why I tend to date younger because that pressure doesn't show up as early and younger girls don't know what they want yet and have options.

It's pretty normal. Honestly if you date someone 26 or above they probably have their eye on something serious, unless it's just one of those girls that go clubbing every weekend which you probably shouldn't wife up anyways.

[–]Mr_Badass1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can get her a $50 Promise Ring and tell her you will marry her someday. She will get over it and become happy again. You don't have to marry her, just imply that you will so she stays happy.

[–]1rad_dynamic4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stupid. If she wants marriage and he doesn't, why stay together. The only thing I can think of is the length of time they've committed to each other. But if they have opposing views, they should both go on their separate ways.

[–]ZaidOBaba0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even if she stays, she might actively start hunting for her beta bux. Be on a lookout for that.

[–]erottawa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How long have you been dating? People act differently a few years into a relationship than they do after only 1 year or so. It's easy to get along when everything is great. It's like getting along on vacation. But you need to see how the relationship goes during hard times, how you resolve differences, how you deal with challenges, etc. Wanting to date for 5 years or so before marrying is just smart.

And those tears are classic manipulation. It would piss me off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's going to be a pain in the ass now, so I think it's best you move on.

[–]mr4kino0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't understand why you propose to meet her and talk to her in person. You explained to her logically. Now it's up to her. You've done your part.

[–]beardestbird0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be happy you’re a catch and happy she wants to lock you down. But as you said in the comments that marriage contract is no joke. You basically limit yourself

Why can’t she be happy just being with you long term? There is no issue with that at all. Nothing changes. She just wants the title and the option to control and leave you by threatening divorce.

Don’t. Submit. Let her walk.

[–]TreatonOCE0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, WELL FKING DONE SIR! That's some Frame 👌. Marriage is literally a Document to get the Government involved. Unless you get a prenup you're gonna get r*ped in the divorce. Marriage is a dead institution, it rarely works in this day of age. But all of this is pretty common knowledge with TRP. Not sure how you can deal with this but to keep that frame from last night going. You are the master of your fate....

[–]mrmaika100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“Man, bitches come and go, every n**** pimpin' know”

Good luck homie

[–]transitive10210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Terrence Popp has lots of videos on marriage and the red pill.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPAx-GXWYGw

[–]acoltismypassport0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you made your intentions known early on in the relationship, you've done nothing wrong. If she decided to stick around, this is entirely on her.

[–]thesatellite23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Update: we did meet up. She was crying but I stayed cheery and cracked a few jokes. I explained to her why I don't want to become legally married. She smiled and hugged me, then said that she doesn't care about the contract either; she really just wants to have a ceremony and wear a dress that has been passed down through generations. Without prompting, she also said that she doesn't want to get "married" for at least 3-5 years anyways...which is the timeframe that I would even consider settling down myself.

She ultimately decided to stick around. I explicitly told her that I've already accepted that she might find a higher-status guy than me at some point. Perhaps that was too heavy-handed: she blustered about how that is false. But whatever. I know AWALT.

Relationships, man. You fuck somebody until they fuck you.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

so your communication was dogshit in the past and you knew it was dogshit but didnt own it, lesson learned, dont be lazy, thats using trp as an excuse to be a lesser form of yourself



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