Yeah, as the title says, I'm a pathetic beta male. I'm a fresh college graduate. I've been a pathetic beta when I was in high school. I chase women, I give gifts for them, and I got rejected. I get jealous to all of men who had fucking hot girlfriends and I don't have one. What did I do? I watch porn and masturbate, and nothing happens, I cried alot and get tired.
When I was in college, I had a plan of loosing my virginity, but it didn't happen. I did the same as high school. I chase women, put an effort to notice me, but I still get rejected. If I got rejected, I watch porn, masturbate, and cried. Then I got more problems, I didn't graduated on time because of my academic failure, I got depressed, and had suicidal thoughts.
Now, I got graduated, but I still living with my parents. I blame them because I feel like I'm a slave to them, I obey them and loved them, and I really forgot to love myself and I didn't do whatever I want, because they always rejected me.
Then one night, I went to my bestfriend's house, I complain anything about my life, and he scolded me for being a pathetic, worthless, beta male. What he did is introducing this Red Pill, and I'm interested to learn. He wanted me to be a successful guy, not just in girls, but in life.
And I'm here, researching about redpill for eight months, I had learned anything from here. And I'm still learning outside of this subreddit, including podcasts, reading articles, watching some videos. At first, I cried alot, because I realized that what my bestfriend said to me is true, I cried and cried, and trying to move on, and learn.
Now, I'm started to the little things, like not watching porn, I deleted all of them and blocked all of sites. I started to not to masturbate, it really gives me energy and confidence, and I'm happy on the results. I'm still overthink, so I always meditate every morning. I didn't had a time to approach and talk to women because I'm focusing on finding a work, so I have money to go to the gym, lift weights, eat healthy for weight gaining. By the way, I'm 23 year old, 5'9" and a skinny guy.
And yeah, we have a pandemic, and I'm still unemployed, and still living to my parents. What should I do next? I have limited sources here, and I'm striving to improve myself.