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Fucked up and got beta in LTR, embarrassed my gf. Can I recover?

by ShrimShrim | December 14, 2018 | askTRP


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So I've been seeing a girl for 5 months. While at the grocery with her this morning I was upset at something completely unrelated to her and unfortunately displayed it too much. While driving her to work afterwards she told me I had "a tone." To which I slipped and said "women love to regulate my expressions." For the reminder of the ride to work she was cold and distant, and I ignored her.

When we get to her office, out of the blue her boss (female) walks out of the front door and is acting all fake excited to see me for the first time "Omg! HEEEEYYYY!!!" Backstory, this boss would swipe on my gf's Hinge account (how we met) and totally lived vicariously through my gf's single life. She would of course encourage my gf to go out and fuck Hinge dudes she thought were hot. Anyway, I was in a shit mood and I tried to act stoic but all I could muster was a fake smile, slight wave, and then a goodbye.

I get a text later that day saying "I can't believe you acted like that in front of my boss." I was infuriated. I let my guard down and we argued via text when I should have just ignored it all. The boss apparently told her "he was not nice."

So now there's this authority figure in my gf's life whispering into her ear, my girlfriend is embarrassed by me and has taken her boss' side, and I'm just angry at myself and at this situation.

Post Information
Title Fucked up and got beta in LTR, embarrassed my gf. Can I recover?
Author ShrimShrim
Upvotes 1
Comments 5
Date 14 December 2018 06:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/70663
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a67q0d/fucked_up_and_got_beta_in_ltr_embarrassed_my_gf/
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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If that’s you’re ONLY fuckup you can def bounce back.

[–]HumptyDumptyFellHard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore the drama bullshit. Don’t give a fuck about her boss. After all, she’s not yours.

[–]scarmine340 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

First off, don't apologize if you haven't already. These kinds of issues actually do need to be spoken about - otherwise you move on and forget it and she harbors a grudge.

With my wife, I'll full name her like a child, then I'll say that I'm allowed to be in a bad mood once in a while and if her boss didn't like that well that's just too fucking bad. If I get too hot while I'm arguing, I pull the pin, say my last words and then walk away.

[–]ShrimShrim 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I havn't apologized, and I don't plan on it. We text-argued more than I should have let happen, but yea essentially what my point was is "I was in a mood, you were in a mood, your boss saw that. If that 'turns her off' oh-fuckin-well."

[–]scarmine340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good. Stick to it. When you see her later, if she is still pissy then you may have to reiterate it. But, like you said, don't make it a big discussion. Say your side and then see if there is anything else behind why she is pissy.

I hate having to dig for the real reason my wife is pissed off, but it's required sometimes. Chicks usually don't even know why they're mad and acting shitty.

It's also ok to straight up call her out on being pissy - say: "Oh, well should we hang out later when you're not acting a bitch?" That usually takes you straight nuclear, but it allows you to do your digging in to what the actual problem is.

It also defuses any disgust she'll have for beta tendencies.

Remember that the key is once you break through and she gets past her anger - you need to hug her and reward her for coming around. It took me time to learn this, because I would be angry and not feel like it. But it's what makes discussions a lot easier over time.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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