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1 in 4 men experience rape/ violence and/or stalking by an intimate patner - yet there are 2 mens shelters in US compared to 2000+ for women. Abuse is an awful crime and we must take a more fair approach when deciding how we offer resources to victims

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April 24, 2020
210 upvotes

This is not to downplay any abuse suffered by women. And there are myriad platforms this is discussed in. My personal take is not to gender this issue and to deal with violence in general (yes we accept there are gender differences, in this case actually a lot so we act differently AS APPROPRIATE and ONLY WHERE NEEDED but we tackle the issue AS A WHOLE from the outset, using gendered laws and terms only when there is a good reason). However, this is not a commonly held view. For some dare I say almost all feminists, this is a gendered issue and the 1 in 4 men are not of concern as we should be focusing only on women. This is not a "feeling" or a sentiment that you can deny by simply saying "i don't so its not true, feminists do support men" - it is a cold hard fact, 2 mens shelters compared to 2000 for women as a result of where they have focused their attention in REALITY (I cant say I really care about my health if feel it but im over 400lb in reality), biased policies and campaigns only focusing on women; multiple specific gendered domestic violence acts and laws yet always and exclsively for women alone.

The soloution: either feminists need to take this issue about men seriously in terms of trying to solve it with cold hard ACTUAL change/ lobbying/ campagning/ funding/ (not just "yeah men can be victims too we care") OR they need to allow MRA's to approach the issue without the constanst blocking/ banning/ no platforming MRAs who do receive. Even the sheer outrage when we mention statistics. Legendary feminist ERIN PIZZEY opened the first battered shelter for women in the world. When she attempted to do so for men, many years later she received death threats and rape threats by other feminists. Domestic violence, was raised in the mens conference at the university of Cambridge. This event was savagely no platformed/ protested and by (some) feminists and they even played bells to stop the speakers from being heard.

  1. Other points, is time to remove uncessary gendered laws in many countries and states such as "male assualts female" which is a specific offence in some US states and commonwealth countries. Entirely uncessary, as it is covered under normal gender neutral law, and it makes no sesne why there should not be a "female assualts male" law or female assualts child and so on.
  2. In countries such as Australia there are no mandatory courses abusers who are women who are domestic abusers on avoidin violence, yet there are for men against women. This is one of countless over sights and gendered centric approaches, that currently taget one gender only.
  3. Either gender neutral violence acts (that of course leave room for even significantly different approaches to the genders, as it is very different) or specific acts that cover mens abuse, as there will be differences.
  4. The law needs rapidly gender neutralisisng and services refocused so we avoid regular occurences were male victims who call the police are being arrested or leaving the home! Male VICTMS being charged with DV and then forced to pay fines, attend training: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkhq13TVRGc. See the videos in (5) and you can clearly see why this is happening.
  5. General public awareness and understanding, so we avoid this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtVHnZX8E50

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkhq13TVRGc

Thoughs and ideas?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

#DEBATE THE IDEAS, NOT THE PERSON #Do not judge people's competence or moral goodness/badness based on their junk please. #STOP GENDERING EVERY ISSUE WHEN IT IS NOT REQUIRED #MEN AND WOMEN WORK TOGETHER TP GET SHIT DONE #SOME MEN, SOME WOMEN, NOT ALL MEN, ALL WOMEN #MAKE LOVE NOT WAR #BE KIND #USE A BIDET TO WIPE PLEASE # WIPE FROM FRONT TO BACK, NEVER THE OTHER WAY UNLESS YOU WANT A UTI

________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Post Information
Title 1 in 4 men experience rape/ violence and/or stalking by an intimate patner - yet there are 2 mens shelters in US compared to 2000+ for women. Abuse is an awful crime and we must take a more fair approach when deciding how we offer resources to victims
Author mhandanna
Upvotes 210
Comments 21
Date 24 April 2020 03:32 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit antifeminists
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/706694
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/g714lj/1_in_4_men_experience_rape_violence_andor/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
MRAfeminist
Comments

[–]gousaarmy19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not to mention new statistics show that men make up for 70 PERCENT of all domestic abuse (as in they are the victims).

But ya know, feminist are gonna ignore that, and say shit like men can't be abused or raped etc.

[–]mhandanna[S] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for your reply. I think we need to be very careful with statistics. That isn't quite true my friend. The 70 percent you are referring to is from a large study which found, even shocking to the researchers, that in one way violence not recipricol, 70% of abusers were women. There is also data to suggest women on women relatioship are very violent too.

I will say one caveat, the data (more so the interpretation afterwards and the news etc from politcally motivated people) behind domestic violence, sexual assualt etc is so biased and distorted it is seriously poisoned the whole thing. Its frankly all bullshit, excuse my labguage. It has also had a huge negative impact on society and has literally frightened a whole generation of women into thinking they will be raped and beaten when in reality they are not likely to, and also hidden a whole generation of male victims and portrayed all men as abusers, or at least allies and all women as helpless victims who cant even report it as they dont even know they are being raped and will just be mansplained and not believed when they do... it also meant we never tackled crime properly in society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5XMuTAomNk&list=PLytTJqkSQqtr7BqC1Jf4nv3g2yDfu7Xmd&index=17

[–]gousaarmy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hm, didn't know. Thanks!

[–]DeDevilsLettuce0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My lesbian Co worker has beat up all her ex's but it's never her fault

Also she thought she should be allowed to sit in the front of the van on community service (after hitting a male officer arresting her for DD) because she's a woman and the other offenders are men

[–]conankudo16107 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

IDK about the 1 in 4 stats, sounds too similar to the 1 in 5 women get sexually assaulted stat that was getting tossed around but was proven to have crappy parameters, to begin with, but I agree

.

[–]mhandanna[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

the data (and even more so the interpretation afterwards and the news etc from politcally motivated people) behind domestic violence, sexual assualt etc is so biased and distorted it is seriously poisoned the whole thing. The data is all bullshit as it is tainted. It has also had a huge negative impact on society and has literally frightened a whole generation of women into thinking they will be raped and beaten (and then never believed when they come forward) when in reality they are not likely to, and also hidden a whole generation of male victims and also lead to a general painting of all men as perps or at the least facilitors and women as helpless victims who cant even come forward as they will be mansplained and not believed and just to vulnerbale to do anything about it... it also meant we never tackled crime properly in society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5XMuTAomNk&list=PLytTJqkSQqtr7BqC1Jf4nv3g2yDfu7Xmd&index=17

Written by a feminist: 6 Feminist Myths That Will Not Die (look under sexual assault): https://time.com/3222543/wage-pay-gap-myth-feminism/

[–]conankudo16101 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. Will look into it.

[–]mhandanna[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No problem, just added another link to above post you will find very useful. Article is by video author too

[–]TragicOptimistic2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I stand in solidarity with men being victimised. I am a female.

[–]mhandanna[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you sister, I happily stand by you in soladarity helping anyone being victimised. One thing that gets me about much of the toxic narratives out there and flase stats, is that they paint the world as a very dark place, that so many people are bad... when in reality the world is full of so many good people. So many people and strangers have been extraordinarily and ordinarily nice to me, yet it is so easy to think of the bad or worry about people being bad

[–]DeDevilsLettuce2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Me and my ex split up like 5 years ago essentially because she wanted to sleep around, now she thinks she has this god given right to get back in my life and pick up where we left off because she lost her virginity to me. I've had to block her and her friends on every social media platform I'm on, I've had to change my number and block her phone and friends phones. A girl who I went to primary school and secondary school with asked me why I used to treat her like shit, I'm not saying I was the perfect boyfriend but I really tried to make her happy and I think I did on the whole. So over the last five years she told all sorts of lies about why we broke up with me being at fault "he cheated on me" "he hit me" when in reality these were the things she was doing I used to tell her don't hit me or I'll hit you back though I never did. Quite a few women I used to be really good friends with won't talk to me anymore, I feel like most women my age see me as a terrible partner and I feel like she has done this to make me need her despite me making it crystal clear that we're done

[–]mhandanna[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am sorry to hear this and I hope you can rectify as many issued caused as possible and move on. Your story sounds a little like what happened here to this male victim, but thankfull far less severe and without kids involved:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBZoJ7twQkE

[–]QS261 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is honestly sad. That people don’t care if men are treated this way.

[–]pandolfio1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

It's not only out of fairness for men that the debate about domestic violence (DV) should evolve away from blaming everything on 'toxic masculinity'. The issue is that as long as DV is misunderstood (read: used as part of a feminist agenda instead of out of concern for all the victims, whomever they might be), we are not going to tackle the real underlying causes, i.e. poverty, substance abuse, mental health issue, and very importantly, the transmission of DV from one generation to the next one (e.g. children who were abused, becoming abusers). As a result of which, we're not going to achieve much in terms of reducing DV.

This is really a deplorable situation, because it's not like feminists are just solving 'half the issue' (by focusing only on women). In fact, they prevent solving the issue, because they're tackling it with a chip on their shoulder, trying to get back at men, instead of making progress by looking at the real reasons of DV.

[–]mhandanna[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thank you so much for raising this. Same with criminality, we need to tackle the route. Ahh I wish I could make a thread on this, much to do, much to do. If you want real social change you need to start there. It wont happen though when politicians are in for 4 years and also lobbying groups pushing the wrong agenda, and yes, that includes (some) feminists

[–]pandolfio0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

A key idea that I trying to get through, which I've heard from The Myth of Male Power, is that when one gender (thinks they) win, in fact both genders lose. I.e. a lot of the feminist initiatives appear to be beneficial to women - on the surface - but tend to be unfair to men, which most often than not, ends up also being bad for women.

One of the biggest examples is that of the sexual revolution. Don't get me wrong: I am very sex positive, and I would encourage women to explore their sexuality. I just got to the conclusion, after a few decades of observation, that women can enjoy sex, but at the root, they are usually aiming for relationships (while men tend to be totally content with sex, even if they can enjoy relationships).
This was one of the first side effects of feminism. When you go on dating websites, and half the women write 'no hookups' on their profiles (and the remaining half tells you the same when they chat with you), it's pretty obvious that this is a result of the sexual revolution, and is not helpful to women at all.

Feminists seem to look at it from a zero-sum perspective, but men can not live without women, and vice versa. Which means that women's happiness is vital for men's happiness, and ice versa.

The amount of damage that feminists have done by instilling a mutual sense of distrust between genders is very destructive to our society and is just simply appalling.

[–]mhandanna[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for putting that so brilliantly. This is why I come to forums like this. Please consider expanding on this and making a thread one day.

BELOW: this is quite rushed and its late, I dont know if I am making myself clear, or saying something bigoted; its quite a nuaned point, and I may be butchering it:

It would be more in feminists, and societies interest to place an enormous amount of resources into tackling mens issues, and also to focus on perpretators of crimes instead of victims so much. Societies ills would be vastly reduced, crime, muder, violence, poverty etc would go widely down.

There is q large amount of discrimination against men in global health and development, and the rationale is you get ore societal effects by targetting women, as it has knock on family effects, reduced birthrates, more chance kids gos school. I.e more bang for your buck than helping a man. Well the reverse is clearly true in society, a huge focus on criminal men would make more sense than criminal women (yet odly the focus is on the small female population - with even calls to shut down female prisons entirely and replce to rehab only approach) - you wont get much bang for your buck rehabliting a female shoplifters but will stopping a man from becoming an armed robber or getting into a gang.

Not that men are perps and women are victims, I just mean, on that aspect of society

[–]pandolfio0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for that - I think Warren Farrell is a good source for elaborating on that.

One of the things people don't seem to realize is that a large number of MRA tend to be former feminists. WF in particular started as being a key figure in a big women's movement association.

I think my story is a good illustration of why MRA may not be women-haters, but they're more people who think of women highly enough to tell them when they're derailing.

When I was a teenager, I was very feminist: I rebelled against my grandmother for talking so differently to my female cousin than to all the boys (i.e. not emphasizing the importance of education). I was the only boy not playing soccer, but instead chatting with the girls. I was fighting against any kind of slut shaming against girls. And I was appalled by the passivity of my mother w.r.t. doing anything else than housechores (which my father made much easier by paying for a live-in housekeeper).

I studied STEM, and as it turns out nearly half of students were female, and I can not remember a single time where I thought any less of people as scientists because they were women. In fact, my PhD advisor was a woman, and she was my favorite professor.

I then married a woman who had studied law in a good school, and looked to be someone who'd become a successful lawyer (she is brilliant in negotiation). By some unconscious cultural 'interference', she decided to become a stay at home mom, and stayed like that for 15 years. I was fine with that, but it turns out she would take all the benefits of being an old-fashion SAHM, but still requiring 'equality'. As I wanted to show that I am not some caveman, and I embrace equality, I took an important share (albeit less than 50%) in taking care of the kids, including waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers, or giving the kids their baths, even on weekdays.

It took me decades to realize that I had been fooled. Like my father I made sure my wife wouldn't have to lift a finger - paying for 200$/week of housekeepers. But my wife was always quick to remind me (and people around us) that I 'never help her around in the house'. At some point I'd had enough, the financial pressure of having to provide for a woman who clearly is not progressive at all, while expecting me to treat her as equal, was too much. That's when I decided to divorce.

My experience led me to understand how each model can work, i.e. the 'role-genders' approach, or the 'full equality' approach. But when you start mix and matching opportunistically, getting the advantages of the old system without paying its cost, or getting advantages of both system at the expense of others, it's a disaster.

And I came to realize that feminism, nowadays, is doing exactly that: it's fighting for more rights for women, without ever realizing that many rights that men have, come with responsibilities which feminists do not seem to see, let alone are willing to take on.

[–]mhandanna[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much for this reply, I have saved it and will give it a thorough read, I am just quickly commenting, as OMG, I can relate to what you were saying, I was a feminist for a few years when younger, after spotting out some treatment difference in gender in my family towards females (nothing serious at all very mild but it irked me.. like my grandma offering me food first.. like its wasnt a big deal, there was enough food lol so me going first made no difference at all but the idea got me pissed), and lol by my grandma too. Haha

[–]GiveMeTheBroccoli1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gay men keep getting abused smh

[–]Khufu2589-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

From what I've seen, it's not so much the rate of domestic abuse as much as the severity. Most of victims, men and women, dont need to go to a shelters. But some perpretators, generaly men, are so violent and perseverent in their persecution that the shelters have to be anonymous locations, otherwise the life of its occupiers would be in danger.



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