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“Sex Positivity” and Promiscuity Culture gave me emotional trauma.

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April 4, 2020
110 upvotes

Hello! For reference i am a 20 yo female.

I live in a very heavily sexualized country, been exposed to pornography and pornographic inclined image since a very young age and I’ve felt socially pressured to make out with multiple partners since i was 14, yeah let that sink in.

Felt pressured and compelled to send nudes while as a teenager, which eventually led me to being groomed by older men on internet, which is a very sensitive topic i still feel bad even remembering, while at i was vehement about not having actual sex, until i was 18 and started out going out with “friends” and oh you crack everything you just read up to eleven, people would speak about sex, fetishes and everything else out loud and proud, even some sick shit like hyper violent BDSM, girls would brag about the biggest dick they’ve gotten. It was uh, quite something but still at the same time the typical college experience.

Now I felt like I HAD to lose my virginity, ASAP, even though deep down I wasn’t ready. And I did, with the least worst pick the moment would allow, a very nice close friend who was very respectful and kind, but still I couldn’t face him afterwards because I felt so ashamed for myself. And then it got worse, because I felt like to keep any guy I liked in a relationship I HAD to be hypersexual, I HAD to send them explicit nudes, have as much sex as soon as they wanted, be the cool girl that was up for all their kinks, even the most disgusting ones.

And even if i only really had sex 5 times after all of this, I still feel dirty, I still feel disgusting, I hate that there are explicit pictures of me anywhere in the world, even if its just an ex’s phone, I hate to look at my naked body, I hate being seen as a sexual object in any shape of form.

And after speaking with other female friends and acquaintances to be honest the only ones that truly enjoy a promiscuous lifestyle are completely emotionally hollow, probably some of the worst women I’ve ever met, the others are hurt by it in many different degrees.

Thank you for reading this! I would love to hear everyone’s opinion on this topic, so please do comment.


Post Information
Title “Sex Positivity” and Promiscuity Culture gave me emotional trauma.
Author Daisybymarcjacobs
Upvotes 110
Comments 32
Date 04 April 2020 04:56 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit antifeminists
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/706849
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/fux248/sex_positivity_and_promiscuity_culture_gave_me/
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[–]NohoTwoPointOh22 points23 points  (5 children) | Copy

Agree on some. There is a serious dearth of accountability in your post.

Let me ask this. Were any of your consequences the result of YOUR choices? Or was it all the result of others ”making” you do things?

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[–]Fahad_Malik117 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why not just look more in friends now. And just forget that the word sex even exists. And if you do wish for a partner. Just mention before hand that sex is for me is like standing in a glass rainfall. Some people make agreements before they start dating and make the other side sign papers.

Or just simply say you wish for cuddles 99.99% of the time and the other 0.01 is for kind sex. And sex does not all ways mean penetrative actions.

Doing arts and sports with your partner or friend is best way to go. Or just simple how you doing messages...

Hope this helped. Also focus on your hobbies and do basic love interests and focus on your favourite things. Without the deep object of sex.

By the way are you a European country it sounds like Czech Republic? No racism intended.

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[–]VestigialHead4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

People are pressured into doing a lot of things - so what. That is just how society has been for the last 20 thousand years. You do not have to listen or give in to the pressure. If you have friends that are trying to force you into things you do not want to do - then get new friends.

Also you are expressing disgust over normal sexual fetishes as if they were horrific. Nothing at all wrong or weird about BDSM amongst consenting adults. For someone who claims to have lead an over-sexualised childhood your post does not read that way at all.

Instead it sounds like a made up post from a Christian or someone who is very anti-sex and wants to see what sort of replies they will get from this sub.

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[–]VestigialHead1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

No I think you are sheltered if you think there is anything wrong with BDSM or watersports or rape roleplaying. Incest is on the edge due it being illegal. The rest are just typical fetishes.

I am not saying that all the pressures society puts on us are good. I agree it would be better if there were less. but that is beside the point. The fact is society DOES pressure people. It is up to the people to ignore or resist any pressures they think are harmful. Giving in to those pressures is a character flaw and something you should be working to improve if it happens you you.

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[–]VestigialHead1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What? What does this have to do with anything we are talking about.

[–]Sakura-Kaiba1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being sex positive does not make you a feminist. I'm sex positive because religion always tells us that it is wrong to partake in sexual activities… Religion is a lie you can't take any of it seriously if you actually read that stuff... I mean they believe that a woman got pregnant without the introduction of sperm cells and they believe that people can rise from the dead. They believe that a snake talked to a man and a wonan. they believe that there is an evil goat human hybrid living in a fiery pit underground. And the list goes on and on. Being sex positive does not make me a feminist, being sex positive is my way of keeping myself having a healthy mindset. Letting myself know that it's OK to do it. I love my man and we will not be shamed for partaking in it. I don't hate men, I absolutely love them. And I stand with them against feminists.

[–]katsnackshackysacks3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don’t think “promiscuity culture” gave you emotions trauma. That is separate from sexual predation.

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[–]katsnackshackysacks1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Unless you were forced, it’s no one else’s fault that you lost your virginity/participated in sexual acts even if you felt pressured. It’s also not anyone else’s obligation to avoid topics that make you uncomfortable either in many social settings. That includes sex stuff.

Honestly, I had a lot of casual sex in college. And a lot of those experiences put me in situations where I didn’t feel like I could defend my boundaries and I did things that I wasn’t comfortable with and with guys who generally treated me badly. It messed me up for a long time. Instilled some really self depreciating behavior and exacerbated my depression. But the fact is that I allowed to get myself into those situations. I made choices about the people I hung around and I willingly subscribed to the idea that being desired by men would make me feel better about myself. No one “made” me do those things and the culture in general did not inflict my trauma.

To be clear, the partners who gave me the worst time left the most immediate and hurtful impact. But after I healed for a while I remembered that I had many other partners who I really liked and was even friends with. I consider my time with them to be valuable. I’m sorry if you had no positive experiences, but many other people do.

A lot of people don’t like promiscuity culture and I think there are a lot of valid reasons why. But I don’t see how it is solely or primarily responsible for your trauma. I just sense a lack of accountability on your part is all.

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[–]katsnackshackysacks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, you are right! But I also would have missed out on a lot of really good experiences too! I would rather live in a world where I feel like I can make and own those choices without being ostracized.

YES, we live in a society where sex is overly valued and poorly portrayed, especially for confused/naive/hormonal/impressionable teenagers in need of social acceptance. Everything is sexualized and young people these days have a warped sense of healthy relationships.

But teenagers naturally have curiosities about sex, which is normal and healthy. Sex positivity can also be used as a tool to have more open conversations about how to treat partners, how you should expect to be treated, how to balance a sexually active life and keep a healthy mind and healthy boundaries, and learn how to be honest about what feels right for every individual. Sex positivity just means it’s okay to have and enjoy sex- nothing more and nothing less. I would not construe every message that is “hyper-sexualized” as “sex positive.”

I think if young people are raised with awareness on what realistic, healthy sexual relationships actually look like, then they might be better equipped to know what they want and seek that out- whether that be one or few serious relationships or many casual ones.

Besides, how do you suppose we get rid of promiscuity culture? It’s not okay to pressure anyone into having a lot of sex but it’s not any more fair to stop them from exploring sex either.

I am happily married to my husband and he is enough, but that alone doesn’t make me regret or resent any of my past experiences. People’s wants and needs change and everyone is entitled to that, so long as they aren’t harming anyone else. So yeah, I’d rather be a part of a society where promiscuity and conversations about sex are totally acceptable.

[–]yeetusthe31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was exposed to porn at a very young age as well if you know what I mean

[–]DankDestroyer960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's fucked up. I know you've probably heard this a million times before, but have you tried speaking to a councillor or sexual wellness thereapist?

[–]baronmad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dont like casual sex, it degrades us as people, makes us worse. It becomes a commodity to be traded, without any implicit value.

Sex is like a secret, you should only share it with someone that you actually love and trust never casually offered or given away or for that matter taken.

[–]vicsj0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think sexual repression is more linked to us becoming less religious as a culture. Religion has always been the biggest driving factor towards making sex a shameful and taboo thing. With religion lifted, people stop being scared of ending up in hell for sinning, or being ruined socially for engaging in promiscuity.

Porn, grooming, nudes, and all that is still very driven by men. They're the main consumers, it's just become less taboo for women to engage in the economy of it all as well.

I can't stand feminism, but point is they're very negative towards male sexuality, so I wouldn't peg them as the driving factor behind us becoming a more sexual culture. It's just the iron blanket of religion that's stopped dooming people for it.

Just look at heavily religious cultures. Islam literally stones women to death for being raped by anyone who isn't their husband. They can't even show their hair because it's "distracting to men", and showing skin is sexual. Christianity used to have very similar values, even if it wasn't as extreme in more recent times.

Religion withdrawing has less to do with feminism and more to do with society becoming more educated, scientific and technological in general.

[–]dankest_taco0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Where is this?

[–]Game00ver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Out of curiosity, what country do you live in?



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