Hello! For reference i am a 20 yo female.
I live in a very heavily sexualized country, been exposed to pornography and pornographic inclined image since a very young age and I’ve felt socially pressured to make out with multiple partners since i was 14, yeah let that sink in.
Felt pressured and compelled to send nudes while as a teenager, which eventually led me to being groomed by older men on internet, which is a very sensitive topic i still feel bad even remembering, while at i was vehement about not having actual sex, until i was 18 and started out going out with “friends” and oh you crack everything you just read up to eleven, people would speak about sex, fetishes and everything else out loud and proud, even some sick shit like hyper violent BDSM, girls would brag about the biggest dick they’ve gotten. It was uh, quite something but still at the same time the typical college experience.
Now I felt like I HAD to lose my virginity, ASAP, even though deep down I wasn’t ready. And I did, with the least worst pick the moment would allow, a very nice close friend who was very respectful and kind, but still I couldn’t face him afterwards because I felt so ashamed for myself. And then it got worse, because I felt like to keep any guy I liked in a relationship I HAD to be hypersexual, I HAD to send them explicit nudes, have as much sex as soon as they wanted, be the cool girl that was up for all their kinks, even the most disgusting ones.
And even if i only really had sex 5 times after all of this, I still feel dirty, I still feel disgusting, I hate that there are explicit pictures of me anywhere in the world, even if its just an ex’s phone, I hate to look at my naked body, I hate being seen as a sexual object in any shape of form.
And after speaking with other female friends and acquaintances to be honest the only ones that truly enjoy a promiscuous lifestyle are completely emotionally hollow, probably some of the worst women I’ve ever met, the others are hurt by it in many different degrees.
Thank you for reading this! I would love to hear everyone’s opinion on this topic, so please do comment.