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How do I stop feeling jealous when I see girls I’m attracted to talking to other guys?

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bossplayaintraining
December 15, 2018
90 upvotes
askTRP

I always feel this whenever I see this happening. Every single time I’ve ever seen this during my life... a girl I wanna fuck talking to another dude... especially those dudes who I feel are better than me... I feel very jealous of that dude and resentful towards the girl. For example, whenever I see guys chatting up cute girls at my gym. Or when I used to see guys chatting up my crushes in high school/university. On the outside, I can keep a cool demeanour. But I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I believe this is an issue because I know I’m not supposed to give a fuck & see myself as the prize, but this shows that deep down, I give all sorts of fucks & see the girl as the prize.


Post Information
Title How do I stop feeling jealous when I see girls I’m attracted to talking to other guys?
Author bossplayaintraining
Upvotes 90
Comments 35
Date 15 December 2018 06:02 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/70722
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a6cw93/how_do_i_stop_feeling_jealous_when_i_see_girls_im/
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Comments

[–]ZeppKfw141 points142 points  (6 children) | Copy

The redpill takes years upon years to be fully ingested. You have a lot more work to go to kill the beta inside.

[–]LOLCanadianNeighbor 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

I agree. In the short term: He needs to get his head out of his ass. Who gives a fuck if a girl you’re attracted to talks to some other guy? It sounds like he needs to get over his oneitis (in a way) with every girl you’re attracted to if that is what happens. Besides, as a core TRP cornerstone describes: she isn’t that guys only one, it’s just his turn. Just as if a girl is with you, she isn’t yours, just your turn. Also, if you’re the prize(another TRP point), why would you care if a girl you are attracted to talks to some schmuck?

As the comment above says: it takes time to fully swallow the full pill. OP still needs to learn, internalize and APPLY the basics of TRP. Remember that you are NOTHING without your actions. Proper actions require proper application.

[–][deleted]4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just curious, what basics do you think are the most important to apply in beginning?

[–]Minhha051011 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

1) Lift and personal hygiene 2) Meditate and emotional hygiene 3) Figure out how to make enough money to give yourself full autonomy over your life while maintaining 1) and 2) 4) Pussies drop like flies. It takes 10 years of consistency, would you make it?

[–][deleted]4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lifting I’ve already started. Personal hygiene I’ve always had. (Assuming mean taking showers, brushing your teeth, wearing deodorant etc.)

I still need to make a habit of meditating. I’ll get there. But how else do you improve “emotional hygiene”? I feel like that’s where I really lack.

[–]DarthRoacho4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

By doing things that are fulfilling to you. Pick up some hobbies. Especially ones where you create with your hands (wood/metal working). Make clear goals, and achieve them. Goal achievement is one of the biggest confidence booster a man can give himself.

[–]Minhha05100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The above comment is good place to start, but not all though.

Emotional hygiene refers to complete control over your emotion.

Now that it doesnt mean to suppress bad emotion like stress, jealousy.

It refers to a state of awareness of what you are feeling and be okay with it, make room for that emotion regardless of what it is.

Pick up meditation, stick with it for 30 days and come back here read this.

You will know what I mean.

[–]goblinboglin43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't stop feeling jealous.

Men do not like natural preselection, we get discouraged by it.

Women on the other hand, when they see a male is being flocked by other women, lust for the men even more.

​

You can't stop it, only suck it up and know that the woman is doing it because she thinks it raises her value in the eyes of men.

[–]dream-hunter63 points64 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus these comments, telling someone to stop being a pussy doesn't help.

OP, you need to get an abundance mindset. To do this, see more girls. I used to be in the same position, but the moment I started chatting up more girls and approaching more, it went away magically and I was impressed.

[–]HumptyDumptyFellHard48 points49 points  (0 children) | Copy

You lack confidence. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be giving a rat shit. And you shouldn’t in the first place. These bitches are not your GFs. They are literally strangers whom you will never know if you don’t start acting like a man and taking charge by approaching and doing what you see other guys doing. Wake the fuck up.

[–]UnbreakableFrame15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to be the one approaching the girls in the gym that you want to talk to. That's the only way that this will ever stop. In most interactions, guys are the ones who instigated the interaction. Just be that guy. I'm in an LTR with 0 plans of cheating and I still cold approach girls that I think are attractive all the time. It's necessary for keeping/developing an abundance mentality. Jealousy comes from not having options.

[–]resnine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jealousy does come from not having options. This is why it's a major turn-off to women. It shows you have nothing going for you. It sub-communicates to them that you are low-value and don't respect yourself. The only way out is to create a state of abundance in your life.

[–]VisiblePlan20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just remember that there's like 4 billion of them, so she isn't all that important in the long run.

[–]thatboyjeff11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You lack abundance mentality, confidence and DNGAF.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K184 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, you need to work on you. You haven't approached the girl, and you don't know the guy...so you shouldn't care.

Imo...you're projecting your insecurity onto them. You're pissed that you haven't got the courage to approach, or whatever...and your ego is mad that someone else can.

Keep working on you...and don't compare yourself to others.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's scarcity mindset, too. You know that girl they're talking to? There a literally millions more out there.

[–]eye8yourbaby2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk to cuter girls and make them jealous. Abundance. You’re young, talk to everyone even if they aren’t hotter. You being jealous kills your frame and it shows even if you say you don’t actually show it. A hotter babe might show up in minutes and talk to them.

When this happens to me, but it doesn’t because idgaf about other dudes, I build my frame by finding a cuter/other chick to talk to. Then the chick I originally wanted sees and comes to me. Happened last night.

I view frame and kill jealousy like this. I’m 6’5” and about 260. I’m built like a fuckin lumber jack. This is my frame, and I use it to my advantage. Find yours but don’t blow it out of proportion. When I do chest or shoulder day, I “feel” my frame. I know I didn’t grow my muscles by inches in that one gym session, but I leave feeling like I literally built my frame.

In my opinion, if you use the knowledge here and the side bar, use it as a tool and adapt to who you are. This isn’t an answer key to the test of picking up chicks. You’re young, game everything. Shit, talk to dudes. I made a connect for my design business last night and walked away with a girl.

There’s a fine line of not giving a fuck and trying. Keep learning what works. This isn’t a post with answers that will change you right away.

[–]bakamoney4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Usually only happens when you have no abundance.

Or you caught oneitis (which also is likelier with no abundance)

[–]Musicgoon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've got to squash the FOMO. How many approaches do you do on an average day? Whatever the number you give as an answer, triple it.

That jealousy is you beating yourself up over your lack of abundance.. You know Damn good and well that you should be approaching more. Use this jealousy as a tool to motivate you. Destroy the jealousy by doing what other guys do except do it better. Follow your own cues and fix the things that bother you.

[–]Rkingpin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Abundance

[–]masterpiece001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can't be more attractive than the chads just because you're aware of the female program and read red pill - Girls are always going to be instantly wanting to fuck an alpha regardless of how book smart you are.

It's hard to say but unfortunately those guys have a much higher SMV.

[–]K3ystr0k31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's what you should be thinking the next time you see her with someone else:

​

1."Finally - more time to work on the stuff that I want to do in life aka the stuff I love aka the things that'll put me in the top 20% aka the stuff that'll make me more interesting to be with."

​

  1. "Okay, now I know she PROBABLY wasn't a HELL YES towards me - time to redirect investment to the girls who will be."

​

  1. "Happy for the bro."

​

  1. "More time to lift and sleep."

​

  1. "To some other guys I don't even know of, I probably am that guy she's talking to."

​

  1. "Her loss."

​

OP - STOP living in a woman's frame. It's one of the most debilitating things you can do to yourself. You, and you ALONE - control your perception of reality. Other PEOPLE, in general, do not have to be among the TOP 25 problems you should have at any given point in time - your mission in life should be an all-consuming tunnel inside which everything else just fizzles out in the periphery.

​

Cultivating abundance is important, yes. But between women(or, as I've reiterated here - PEOPLE in general) and your mission in life - the choice should be strikingly obvious. And if it isn't, go Monk Mode and digest the sidebar till it is.

[–]Casd121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's the reason why. Its the combination of 1. thinking you're better than the dudes are are talking to the chicks you like and 2.Your inability to get these chicks. This leads to resentment of these girls because you're angry at how they dont flirt with you despite you thinking you're better than those guys.

Here's how you solve it. You lift and you learn from the guys who are talking to chicks, see how they interact and apply them to your life.

[–]miya3160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's just their turn

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep putting in work until you get there.

[–]peacemakerzzz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's normal. Always remember that you are the prize. Keep going back to your own mental point of origin. If you look and find that you are the prize, you will get a shift in perspective. Game other women. There's no other way around it. Jealousy is an emotion. Emotions fuck up your game.

[–]2319Skew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you find her attractive, approach her and do your best to seduce her. If it fails then fuck it. Your life was fine before you met her and will be afterwards. If you're comparing yourself to other guys then you'll always lose because there's always going to be someone better, more successful, more attractive, etc.

Compare yourself to your previous self. Strive to be the best version of you that you can be.

Always keep in mind that there are countless women out there. Don't get hung up on that one that's in your eye sight since there's nothing special about her and don't waste your time with jealousy if it doesn't motivate or improve you in anyway shape or form. Your life is fleeting. Enjoy it.

​

[–]icecruzader0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So, one thing you can do is go and fucking talk to the pair, cockblocking for the steal is a legitimate option in most cases if you have the balls let them get her all hot and bothered for you. Fucking flex the social muscle, make a new friend if not. Abundance means that that one girl means little in the grand scheme of things so remember it's just another moment and reset your attention on something else, next chick, and the girl might be interested in how little you care. If you wanted to fuck her you should already have been talking to her and not fantacizing over wanting to fuck her. Do or don't, don't ponder endlessly.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm just picturing you at the gym wanting to fuck every chick in sight and start feeling bad whenever anyone is doing anything remotely social. You should and could be at the center of the social circle of your gym and have all the chicks wanting to meet you. There are different aproach styles and your at the gym to lift so it's not that important there that you become a social butterfly but in general being social increases SMV.

Also, your cool demeanor is probably bs. Like, I'm guessing you speak less/slow down at the gym because you are all up in your head with feelings and thinking about what you are doing wrong. Overcome through action, theory is good only if put into practice.

Once I lost a friend because I pushed him onto the floor because he talked to a girl I liked when I was BP af. Personally I was attributing too much value to the chick, putting her pussy over the value of a friend and I didn't even know if she was cool as a person, she just had huge tits.

[–]Bilskee10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am enough I am the prize You cant get over the jealousy til you internalize that.

[–]1walawalawa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some insights. Two years ago a "friend" of mine began chasing one of my plates who had been pushing to be my gf.

I kept banging her, he kept chasing her. I was pissed that he was constantly talking crap to her about me. Finally I banged her one last time and ghosted her. That was two years ago.

She constantly shows up where I am with him. Today I was djing and she shows up. Both are nervous. I couldn't care less and find their nervousness amusing. Why?

Abundance. I have 2-3 plates now at any given time. The only reason I was in any way upset was because my "friend" was undermining me. It wasn't jealousy, it was annoyance.

I share this because you have to understand your own motivations. Jealousy is a scarcity mentality. If you have 2-3 plates you may get annoyed but the mind fuck of jealousy wouldn't enter your vocabulary.

​

Good luck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You either talk to them first (also ask them out) or you watch others do it and enjoy it. Get some balls, start picking up women instead of fantasizing about them.

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is almost depressing. Of course the girl is a prize, you like her. You should talk to her and figure out where her mind is.

But hey, just because she is a prize, doesn't mean you're not. Just keep working on your things, talk to her whenever you can *or if you still want to, and go from there. When you figure it out, the power dynamic will shift.

[–]Shittybillyall0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're mad at cute girls you don't know cause guys talk to them? You got along road ahead of you buddy. Find hobbies and or activities that build confidence and self worth.

[–]iPattyR63 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t think that’s what he’s saying at all. He doesn’t get mad at the girls. He’s jealous that another man is getting the woman’s attention. He wants to be the one getting their attention and he feels like he’s missing out.



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