LTR wants to vacation with single friend

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December 20, 2018
62 upvotes

LTR of 10 months. Smokeshow, feminine, high-paying job. She has a single friend (both 31 y.o high income females). I am divorced with 2 kids.

She plans on going on a vacation with her friend for NYE. I will have my kids, and have not introduced them to her yet, so am unavailable.

I don't want her to go. Other than demanding she not go, unless that is the best course of action, how should I approach this situation?


Post Information
Title LTR wants to vacation with single friend
Author w0wbagg3r
Upvotes 62
Comments 92
Date 20 December 2018 03:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/71125
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a7toyr/ltr_wants_to_vacation_with_single_friend/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship
Comments

[–]CainPrice215 points216 points  (14 children) | Copy

This one's on you.

A good girlfriend would want to spend New Year's with you rather than going on a trip with a friend of hers.

But your girlfriend doesn't have the option. You'll have your kids, and you're not in a place where you want her with your kids.

So what the heck is she supposed to do? Not celebrate New Year's? Sit at home dreaming of the next time she sees you? Maybe touch herself when she thinks about you? Watch the ball drop on TV and go to bed at 12:01?

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 21 points22 points  (12 children) | Copy

Haha. True. She does not want to go out, is not going to a place where parties for NYE are common or big, and will keep in touch and prob send nudes when requested, so I'm not that concerned about cheating.

Friend is single, however, and likely they will have drinks at dinner.

The problem is she agreed to go with friend without discussing with me first, and was rude about it. Also, she's going for 5 days (including air travel). She just had a week away for her work, and kept in frequent touch so I wouldn't sweat it.

Can't help shake notion that she will interact with other men on trip, while out with single friend and still want to put the kibosh on it.

I recognize that isn't fair, but I don't especially care.

She lives close to me and I can probably get a babysitter for NYE.

I have been a beta lately, being overly clingy and loving, while still not tolerating any bullshit from her. We haven't done it rough in couple weeks.

Any tips to keep it alpha and touching herself thinking about me before she goes?

EDIT: We have sex daily. Usually somewhat rough but haven't gone crazy. I am clearly in the wrong, and have some life factors that have me concerned that she may cheat and I not find out. I do want to stay with her as long as she remains trustworthy and I enjoy her company.

[–]TheStumblingWolf18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

The World is full of other men. Policing her is a full time job both practically and mentally. Aka mate guarding. There's probably a better way to spend your time.

[–]veggie_girl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you dont have kids with a woman, no sense mate guarding. It's just your turn.

When shes the mother of 4 of your children, it changes things. If she decides to leave you, you're on the hook for child support 4x. You do whatever you have to do to make sure that never happens.

The plus side is there are very few men out there willing to commit to a woman with multiple kids from another man, and if they are they are going to be thirsty thirsty betas.

So you don't have much competition once you have multiple kids, just need to prevent adultery because if that happens she might get a stupid idea like shes a strong independent woman that don't need no man. I've seen it happen, it ends well for nobody.

[–]RedHoodhandles22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she wants to cheat, she cheats. Nothing you can do about it. Just fuck her like it's the last time you are fucking her because someday it will be.

[–]es142627 points28 points  (5 children) | Copy

Seems like you know what you’re doing. Take a step back.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you both. Will just try to enjoy myself and her company as much as possible before she goes.

[–]es142617 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re doing it right man. Take it easy for all us sinners.

[–]praguetologist5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agree w all of this. Sometimes ppl are just ppl w no hidden agendas. Think you’re both good here

[–]kcxvi9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Where does it seem like he knows what he’s doing? His whole diatribe comes across as very immature, insecure, needy, clingy and some bs. Obviously the dude is desperately worried about her cheating and has no abundance.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As well as blind. She is going out with a slut friend on NYE, without OP. She'll come back at least one dick richer.

[–]omega_dawg936 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

if she's gonna cheat, you'll never know. and if you find out, it's gonna be your fault anyway. if you don't find out, she's gonna mentally 'destroy' the memory of it bc "it didn't count" is the hamster's motto.

people will be partying, booze will be flowing, and cocks & vaginas will be getting together. if you trust her, trust that she's just like other women... AWALT!

so stop worrying about it. enjoy the time with your kids and focus on them. and read up on oneitis until you're ready to discuss marriage.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see it as her planning on fucking a stranger on NYE. BFD, you have sex daily. AWALT says that that is not the determining factor.

She has plans, and is rude to you. She didn't consult you, she informed you. Keep her to fuck, but, start shopping for her replacement.

[–]SuperCrazy070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I tend to think TRP overestimates the amount of cheating that happens with most girls. Lots of people are here because they got cheated on and looked to the internet for help. 80% of women simply don't go out and get fucked in the back of an uber every night that you aren't mateguarding. I know plenty of single women - who want a man - that don't go out fucking all the time.

That said, I would be pretty uncomfortable in your situation...your LTR of less than a year is somewhat pissed at you, going to Mexico, and will be out drinking with her single friend. That's kind of the formula for AWALT cheating.

I don't think you should tell/ask her not to go. That is weak and just prolongs the problem. Just be prepared for your turn to be over.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lol.

[–]Herdsengineers27 points28 points  (6 children) | Copy

It's like this - if you have your kids and you're not introducing her to the kids yet, then she can't be with you when you have your kids. Hence why she was probably a bit rude about telling you about this trip. She'd rather be with you, can't, and isn't liking it. Not saying you should intro her yet. Just saying think about it, it makes sense.

So next, if you won't let her be with you when you have your kids, you can't expect her to just sit home and do nothing. LTR or not, she doesn't owe you that. She's going with a female friend on a trip so she won't be alone, and she's going some place that isn't likely to be a big party scene if I understand your comments correctly.

Sounds like a chick that likes you and is disappointed she can't be with you for NYE, but is making other plans because she's not the type to sit around and do nothing (ie - she's motivated, which goes hand in hand with being a high earner). I see no red flags, to be honest man. She respecting your boundary even if she doesn't like it, and I don't see any particular red flag.

Btw - divorced dad here too. If LTR has only been a few months, you still need to get to know her better before letting her around your kids. She's got to be willing to go through the screening if she wants to be with you. Don't expect it to be easy on her, though. Try to be a bit compassionate to her about it. Understand she's going through what can sometimes be hard for you. You can be RP'd and still have a heart.

[–]Foutaises-9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why is it such a big deal to have a chick meet your kids? Why the extensive screening? Genuinely curious, don’t have kids myself.

[–]1atticusfinch197319 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kids develop attachment fairly quickly and can be affected by people coming and going with relationships in a negative way. They don't deal with emotions well when they are young. General rules of thumb is 6-12 months before intro for kids and you should see a long term future.

Also divorced dad.

[–]omega_dawg9311 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

some people are afraid that the kids will get 'attached' to the new person and will somehow make a breakup more difficult later.

my experience says... kids don't give a shit. they don't know and don't care. they wanna have fun, and even if they get attached, they get over it quick... even quicker with a video game or tablet glued to their hands.

[–]wkndatbernardus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gotta agree here. I've intro'd 3 different GFs to my daughter and in each of the breakups, she was totally fine almost immediately (not asking to see the woman again, just straight up moved on). I guess it would be a difficult situation if you don't have much of a relationship with your kids and they developed a strong one with your SO but, that shouldn't be the case if you are a RP aware dad.

[–]Herdsengineers3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

hard to explain on a short reddit comment but kids will want to be part of the act when it comes to a divorced parent's new relationship. very hard to keep it from turning into a brady bunch situation. also, i'm just flat weary of what influences i bring around my son. just cause you screw some gal regularly doesn't mean you've gotten to know her well enough to understand what influence to a kid she will bring to the table.

to all dad's - vet new women with extreme detail before letting them around your kids. if the kids get attached, and then you break up, it's hard on the kids both for them to see you go through the tough part, and they also miss the gal once you break up. if you set the example of a parade of partners for them, they grow up thinking that's how it is, they don't learn to connect better. and then you end up with hypergamous daughters riding the cock carousal and sons that either can't connect with anyone, or are so hungry for validation they are the worst sorts of betas.

[–]friendandadvisor-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

she can't be with you when you have your kids. Hence why she was probably a bit rude about telling you about this trip.

Or, maybe, she's being a cunt, and is disrespecting him.

So next, if you won't let her be with you when you have your kids, you can't expect her to just sit home and do nothing. LTR or not, she doesn't owe you that. She's going with a female friend on a trip so she won't be alone, and she's going some place that isn't likely to be a big party scene if I understand your comments correctly.

Isn't going to be a big party scene?? This is disingenuous and stupid as well. Anyplace there are 2 drunk chicks on NYE IS a big party scene. How long have you been in TRP, anyway? A hotel bar, on NYE is a fucking whorehouse.

She'll call while she's gone and want to have 'a talk when she gets back'.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K1813 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

As there is no alternative you can offer her, all I am reading in this post is that your feeling insecure and afraid she'll cheat.

You're lacking abundance mentality, idgaf, and you've clearly developed oneitis. Your lovey ways show this.

Her going shouldn't mean anything. Any attempt to stop her, will make you look jealous and insecure. IF you had a totally awesome night out planned, different story.

You should be so on top of your shit...so secure in your abundance mentality...that if she WERE to do something, bad luck to her, she just disqualified herself from your awesomeness, and hard next.

You're losing your frame...

Take a look at the reasons why the rough sex may be drying up...why she may be losing attraction, and use the break to get on top of your shit, again.

[–]UnbreakableFrame35 points36 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your "LTR" hasn't met your kids? Why did you "LTR" someone who hasn't even known you long enough to have met your kids? Please post stats and sidebar progress so we know what we are dealing with here.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, thanks for taking the time to respond.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

We weren't LTR until late October/November, just enjoying a lot of time and sex with each other. She doesn't live with me, and I am all too happy to break it off if she doesn't interact well with my kids when I let her meet them. They are 3 and 5, and only stay with me most weekends. They need time with their dad, not him and some lady daddy will drop like a bad habit if necessary.

EDIT: Started banging in February.

I don't plan on living with her for at least a couple of years or so.

I am 6'1", 185 lbs. I don't know all of the stats, sorry. I can pull down a girl every night if I really wanted to. Not boasting, and if every night that would frequently mean a 6 or 7 if I was desperate to get laid.

[–]UnbreakableFrame9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

You seem to have a decent level of abundance and your priorities also look to be in order. I honestly wouldn't worry about her. Let her have her fun and leave her be. Boundaries need to be created before they can be enforced. If something about her behavior is bothering you enough that it needs to be a boundary, that's something you can handle in the future. Creating a rule in the heat of the moment comes off as controlling, jealous, and butthurt.

She very well may be a "smokeshow", but she's fully aware that at 31, the smoke is going to start dissipating very soon. You seem to have it together and I find it doubtful she would jeopardize that, but that's as much as I can really contribute without knowing you better.

I do want to add one cautionary note though: the dichotomy of abundance and oneitis is not about being able to pull "... a 6 or 7 if I was desperate ...". Abundance, within the context of an LTR, is the internalized belief that you can pull girls of the same or better quality than the one you currently have. Anything less than that is not true abundance. Any time you have even the slightest fear of losing someone as a sexual partner, you are experiencing a degree of oneitis. Just remember to keep it in check and you should be fine. You sound like you are far from an egregious case.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. I will read up on oneitis to keep it in check, as I really like her and likely have to as this is why I'm concerned about fire when there is no smoke.

I appreciate your time and opinion.

[–]aanarchist4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just tell her you'd rather she not go then leave it up to her, it's not in your control. I was assuming at first it was a male friend and I was like buddy dump that whore but it makes sense if they're two good female friends to wanna do something together on a holiday, especially if you're not available may as well consider that friend her plan b. Kinda dick move if you insist she skip on her plan b after you her plan a won't do anything with her either.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just tell her to use protection if she finds herself compromised.

What would you do without her, with a single male friend, over new years?

This is a single move typically but with your situation, you have no other choice so you suck it up and take this risk and remember investment on your part is mostly mental. You can get another woman, you just prefer not to.

I doubt my partner would cheat, would check in and post nudes as well.

But she would never go because our children have all met. I did it as soon as possible because the rule of not introducing them is a load of shit.

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like oneitis is creeping in here. Let her do what she wants. If she cheats on you, so be it. At least you know sooner than later that she is a ho and you shouldn't waste more time on her. It may sound counterintuitive but, the more aloof you are, the more attached to you she will be (if you are high value).

[–]tacospitter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is an important exercise in trust and independence, which matters almost more than anything in a LTR, especially those just beginning (under 1 year).

You should feel naturally okay with her going if you want your relationship to work long-term. You don't need to automatically feel okay about it (and you can't force yourself to), but you must understand that independence is paramount for the success of a relationship. You both have to feel okay with each other going off and doing your own things intermittently.

No, she shouldn't be going off to NYC every other weekend, no she shouldn't be getting lunch with her ex, etc. -- some things you don't need to be okay with, but if this is a one-time event, I would embrace it and see how you feel afterward.

It helps to ask why you feel negatively toward her going. Are you afraid she will betray her loyalty to the relationship in some way? Are you upset she isn't choosing to spend NYE with you instead? Why do you feel this way? Use this experience to learn about yourself.

[–]TrimHer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's coming home just like you're going to leave her. Freshly fucked.

[–]3chazthundergut1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would tell her to go have fun

[–]_the_shape_4 points5 points  (25 children) | Copy

First, in a situation like this one, you don't "demand" that she not go. You express your displeasure (aka laying out your boundaries) in a non-needy fashion ("I really wouldn't appreciate you going on this vacation, but I won't stop you" vs. "you have no idea how angry this vacation is going to make me and how many inanimate objects I will smash out of pure rage"), and you then choose to express the consequences or not of crossing said boundary. You always give women the freedom of choice, and the corresponding consequence of making that choice.

Your currency in this game is the attention you bring (I'm lumping together any financial incentives she may receive, irrespective of what she can do for herself, from being together with you). You have to make the decision to either continue contributing your attention, or to withdraw it, including permanently if need be.

Calmly. Cooly. Like you've done it before, will do it again, and won't lose any sleep over it because a) you have your 2 kids (and they probably mean the world to you) and b) you can get another woman to fill her spot.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 0 points1 point  (24 children) | Copy

Thank you. I need help determining consequences, do you have a good resource?

[–]_the_shape_0 points1 point  (23 children) | Copy

Soft next or hard next.

Choose.

And whatever you choose, make sure you stick with your decision. Being a pushover is an excellent way to keep a woman's panties Sahara-dry.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

Understood. I'm with her on another vacation until Saturday. We have a little over a week until she leaves. Any suggestions or resources on how to soft next her?

[–]_the_shape_2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

You want to avoid administering any sort of consequence and her being confused as to why you are withdrawing, so I'd first give some thought to whether or not you'll leave her for good if she goes (you don't have to tell her that you'll pull this card, btw, just like she won't be telling you if someone demolished her cervix - keep that in mind...), then bring up the forthcoming vacation again, ask if she still intends on going, and if she says "yes", keep it short and simple that you're clear on where she stands, and proceed with the full intent of going through with whatever you deem to be the most suitable consequence.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. We are current on vacation until Saturday. I want to enjoy myself, I can leave early if need be. How should I withdraw? Should I wait until we are about to return, or deal with this tomorrow and/or the next day?

We are sharing a hotel room of course.

[–]_the_shape_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I can tell you to do X, then do Y, and quick! Do Z immediately after! but, all of it will be for naught if you are either terrified of losing her and/or intending on 'evening the score' in some way.

It's more important to slide into the stronger frame of mind than having someone move your arms/legs/mouth for you so that you get the outcome that you want (but maybe we could negotiate something if the number$ are right...???)

Be prepared to lose her, bud, and I'm not foreboding what will happen - no, you always have to be prepared to lose her, even if things are going swimmingly and the whole happily-ever-after fantasy seems to be materializing before your very eyes.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would of course consider any advice and then only proceed if I thought it would be helpful. I am mostly brainstorming and looking for potential solutions or ideas here, not asking what to do so I can blindly go do it.

I content knowing I could "lose her" or decide to break it off at any moment. I don't want this to be such a big deal, but if it feels like it is, then perhaps I should just break it off.

I want to enjoy this vacation so I was wondering about timing about when to soft her and how. If she goes, I'll probably adjust to max alpha behavior before she goes, require constant monitoring, but act like it's just for fun, and then assume the worst when she gets back.

I am just looking for informed and thoughtful ideas and brainstorming, and I very much appreciate the time and thought you and everyone else has put in to help me.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

then bring up the forthcoming vacation again, ask if she still intends on going, and if she says "yes", keep it short and simple that you're clear on where she stands

This is terrible advice! She fucking told him, and he's going to ask her again, like a frightened little child?? GTFO. OP, do NOT do this. Let her bring it up, that she is not going. Otherwise, follow through with your nexting plan. Soft next means 'be too busy to call, and respond casually if she contacts you'. Hard next means 'avoid her, unless she catches you.'

I would suggest that you fuck her like crazy until she goes, then, soft next her. DO NOT call her while she is gone, make her call you.I doubt she will, but, I may be wrong.

[–]_the_shape_-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

I constantly forget to include footnotes for the autistically-impaired.

In this case, assuming he has the proper frame in place, the question is coming from a position of "let's see how much she values this relationship" (strong frame) instead of asking "like a frightened little child" (weak frame), but I know, you're going to say that simply asking the question could only come from a position of fear and apprehension.

[–]friendandadvisor-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Since you are parading your wit, try reading OP's posts, and mine. Had you done that, you would not need to assume he has the proper frame in place, as he stated that he was being too clingy and lovey. You no read, you no understand.

[–]_the_shape_-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I still very much appreciate your autistic splitting of hairs.

You've got your work seriously cut out for you with the influx of incels on this sub. All the best.

[–]friendandadvisor-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I still very much appreciate your autistic splitting of hairs.

This is the second time you've made reference to 'autism'. You are different from the usual wannabe here-their mantra is usually "you lack frame" or "Don't shit where you eat". You'll get better, with time.

[–]BigFilet 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

You just need to let her know you didn't expect that decision out of her and it's changed how you look at her.

Cancel 1-2 dates. The rest will be blatantly apparent to her.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to let her know you didn't expect that decision out of her and it's changed how you look at her.

No, they've already discussed it. He knows her position, and it would show weakness if he brings it up again. "Boohoo, you already told me, but, I want you to scare you by letting you know yadda, yadda..."

Their relationship isn't a Love Affair for the Ages, it is an ongoing sexathon. She has not met his kids, so, don't call it anything too serious, and she is hitting the wall. Meaning, that she's trying to lock down some Alpha dick, and soon. That's why she's blatantly rude to him, and that's why she's going out on NYE with a woman who's looking for a stiff one, and that's why she told him, rather than asked him. Further, OP stated that he's been overly clingy and loving. Uhhh...strange dick, anyone??

I can't believe everybody here that acts as if she won't be on her knees in the back of an Uber on NYE. Hasn't anybody here read any of the sidebar??

[–]Velebit0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You are such a pushover you agree with everyone here regardless what they say.

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you're right.

[–]_the_shape_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Far preferable than the loser incels who come on here trying to spread their ideology glorifying their patheticness.

"Girls totally aren't worth it guys! Come on, let's go play video games and jerk off together!"

[–]BigFilet 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

Agreed. I've slept with many women on vacation with bf's and husbands at home because THEY knew it would never get back home.

Women will never become friends on FB, IG, Snap with the guys they fuck. It's the guys you never knew existed that smashed.

IMHO, the wish go to away with her friend is not a guarantee of anything, but you'll never know the truth.

What would you do if the situations were reversed. Let that gut feeling be your guide and don't over intellectualize yourself out of it.

My humble 2 cents, but you seem smart enough to know these things, but it always helps to have an outsider's perspective.

[–]1Shyrk6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women will never become friends on FB, IG, Snap with the guys they fuck. It’s the guys you never knew existed that smashed.

This is a little pearl of Red Pill WISDOM that I’m unfortunately pretty confident is going to go criminally underappreciated here.

I can’t even tell how many times I have easily bedded an overly eager partner, only to have them ghost even more readily than myself. Usually 1-2 follow up messages the next morning or so, then boom, gonezo. Without fail, blatant cheaters.

I think a lot of men ignore these details because they just want the ego boost of the easy lay, when in fact it’s far more due to the womens’ own unhappiness in their primary relationship than anything Chad v2.06b has to offer.

[–]omega_dawg933 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

i been telling dudes on here that women cheat all the damn time and the comments are down voted.

down votes don't matter on Reddit. when your gf/wife is away on vacation with friends, she's gonna at least think about cheating-esp if her friends are wild. if she's not happy, she will think about it a lot. if she's really unhappy, the purpose of the vacation was to cheat.

[–]1Shyrk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

tbh, as much as I enjoy vacations in solitude....if your girl is traveling without you (beyond maybe a single exception for a best friend getting married), you’re in the shitter to start with.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do you mean by reversed situations? I would certainly go on the trip. Unsure of whether I would play or not.

[–]dpgproductions3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would certainly go on the trip. Unsure of whether I would play or not.

That's the gut feeling you need to go with. Reverse the situations back and she's also unsure of whether or not she's going to play. In other words, it's a solid possibility. Even though like u/BigFilet said you'll probably never know the truth.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore it. Women and men look at stuff differently.

[–]bannedfromWTFmod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want her to break up with you or view you differently you can ask her not to go.

[–]faustian_talos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She wants the D.

[–]EvFlix830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her your thinking about doing the same......guage reaction.......act accordingly

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You've been dating for ten months, she hasn't met your kids, and somehow this explains why you can't tag along. Am I hearing this right?

Why don't you want her to go?

[–]HenryEnglehardt0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah, No. There is no good reason to let your woman off of her leash, ever, but especially not in fucking NY. That's like taking a recovering junkie to a heroin house. On top of that, her single friend is definitely going to be seeking some male companionship. There's a good chance she'll be on her own a good deal of that time.

Make no mistake, a woman who wants to spend an extended period of time away from you, in a major metropolitan area, at a time when said area is going to be overflowing with partying, drunken revelers does not have good intentions.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

How incredibly unhelpful of you.

We live in NYC. No one except for fgt tourists would go to Times Square ever, but especially not for NYE (New Year's Eve).

She is planning on going to Mexico City and invited me to come, after the kids go back to their moms, for example.

I still don't want her to go, and asked for methods to prevent her from going without demanding it and making her feel like I'm overly controlling.

[–]HenryEnglehardt2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Misread NYE. However, that doesn't make it any better. If you're in a relationship where you don't feel comfortable telling your SO what to do, where do you draw the line?

I don't know why you think her viewing you as "controlling" is bad either. I seriously doubt that it'd lower her opinion of you, unlike trying to find some underhanded way to keep her from going.

Remarks regarding the drunken revelers and single friend still apply, obviously.

[–]w0wbagg3r[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She is highly intelligent and capable of recognizing controlling behavior, which is unhealthy. As in, I don't care if you're alone but you're not going on that vacation. The whole point is to get her to wait until I can go, and sit alone on NYE.

I do care, as she is a human being who I respect whether or not I want to soft or hard next her.

[–]HenryEnglehardt-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

If it's going to be out in the open, and she is that intuitive, the only option is to be honest with her. Let's evaluate the situation You're concerned about her going, presumably because of reasons concerning potential infidelity So, you can either A.) Sit at home and allow yourself to be, ostensibly, cucked Or B.) State your absolutely rational concern in a calm and concise manner, and, assuming she responds negatively, leave.

The reason I recommend leaving is because sticking around after you're under the impression that she's slept with another man while she's with you makes you appear pretty pathetic in her eyes. And if you were being honest earlier, and you're capable of reeling in another girl without too much effort, than it should be no big deal to exclude her from your life.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is planning on going to Mexico City and invited me to come, after the kids go back to their moms, for example.

I'm sorry, I may be drunk and hearing things...did you say Mexico City in this post, and a place 'not known for NYE partying' in another post?

[–]XxInnerRagexX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

long story short she is gonna try and get fucked with her friend

[–]mrHappyPotatoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her that your girlfriend/woman dont go on vacations without his man. But also let her know that she can do whatever she wants to do. She will thow you tantrums but if she respects you and have tingles for you she wont go.

If she choose to go you have to drop her with no futher explanations.

Ah and on top of that i give u a quote: birds of a feather flock together

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To me this is single girl shit. You have to let her actions speak for her, let her do what she wants, and adjust your commitment to her accordingly.

[–]D3athN0te101-4 points-3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Bit of a catch 22, as far I can tell.

On one hand, trying to persuade her not to go will be almost impossible to do without coming off as needy or communicating to her that you possess a fear of her fucking someone else and/or leaving you.

On the other hand, if she goes with her friend on vacation, it's pretty much certain that she's gonna get fucked. And if so, she's likely been planning this "vacation" for months. Also, more than likely her friend will also be taking part as well, and I'd doubt it's gonna be a threesome. More likely a gangbang.

The fact that she'd rather go out with her friend on NYE alone, means that you are not at the top of her priority list. Where you are on that list, I cannot say. But for certain, you are below her friend. And because a woman's primary partner is almost always prioritized over her friends, that would indicate that you are basically single at this point.

I know this isn't what you wanna hear, and I'm sorry. But better you come to terms with a harsh reality now, rather than find out later. If I'm wrong, wonderful. If I'm right, you avoid heartache by being prepared.

As far as what to do, I'd recommend coming off as care free. I'd even go as far as to encourage her to go out with her friend for the holiday. Tell her to enjoy her time, convince her that you're happy for her. While a bit narcissistic, and certainly a reverse psychology tactic, this will net you the best possible results.

WARNING: Under no circumstances should you become defensive. Once you do, you're relationship is over. Even if she stays, she'll always perceive you as being her bitch. Defensive behavior and responses indicate insecurity, and are the ultimate way to shatter your frame.

Imagine a child. You know he's guilty when he starts trying to convince you that he didn't eat the cookie after you told him not to.

The same applies here. She'll likely shit test you when she gets back. To compare you to the guy(s) she fucked, and thus make her final decision of who she wants to stay with.

Do not defend.

Do not justify.

Do not protest.

Do not accuse.

Do not give her the cold shoulder.

Act as normal and oblivious as possible, like you have no idea what went down. Cuz in reality, you don't. She could be having an honest, platonic vacation with her friend. She could also be getting fucked by every guy in Rio. You don't know, and it doesn't matter. Being Red Pilled, you should be ready to let her go at the drop of a hat anyway.

Also, while she's gone, I recommend getting some plates for yourself. If I'm right, having plates will soften the blow to your ego. If I'm wrong, ghost your plates, keep em on hold, smash em on the side, whatever is easier for you to manage or whichever you prefer.

Never feel guilty about having girls lined up. Cuz rest assured, whatever woman you're with has a line at least 4x the size of yours.

There's a reason women get gang bangs and men get threesomes. Just saying.

[–]w0wbagg3r 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Haha thanks. She didn't plan it for long. I don't think she has any intention of cheating. I know intimately the details. She is open and honest. I appreciate your advice, and will flow most of it.

[–]dpgproductions4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would also be wary of supposed openness and honesty. It's very easy to put on a facade of checking in by phone and text when you're long distance from someone. Her friend will for sure back up anything she says making it that much more convincing. I've sat off to the side on more than one occasion while a girl I'm about to fuck checks in with her bf.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Finally, somebody laying it all out, properly.

[–]D3athN0te1010 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. I think.

Never thought i'd be sitting on -3 upvotes from dropping Red Pill wisdom on TRP. Then again, i also never expected reddit to censor TRP or the Piracy subreddit, but it happened :(

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Never thought i'd be sitting on -3 upvotes from dropping Red Pill wisdom on TRP.

Yeah, it's shocking to think that everybody is overlooking TRP 101, and saying "Way to go, Champ! Of course, she won't fuck a stranger in Mexico City on NYE! There are only 15 million people in that town alone, with relaxed drug laws, and 8 million horny Mexican men, and 2 drunk white women there! And, one of them that is getting pissed at you, and handing out rules, and you being overly beta, per your own words! You have frame!"

[–]chanchali-5 points-4 points  (9 children) | Copy

As a woman; I would NEVER put my bf/husband in that position. Too much respect, empathy, and love to do something like that. She could be oblivious, and I would suggest being blunt and talking to her. Then, based on your conversation; I would see what decision she makes. Maybe her view will change; maybe yours will. I wouldn’t tell my SO what to do, but I would be honest with my feelings, and see what decision he makes.

You know what you’re willing to put up with, and you know your relationship better than anyone else. Wish the best for you guys; relationships aren’t always the easiest at times.

[–]waynebradysworld0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Pro tip semicolon don't lead into your posts with qualifiers like I'm a woman thinking that it gives you some sort of authority. In this world it makes your word mean less, so just give your insight without the precursor and it will be far more valuable

[–]chanchali-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I don’t think being a woman gives me authority, and I didn’t mean to come across like that at all. I wanted to tell the OP my opinion, and have him know that regardless of gender; I understood his thoughts. Ya know?

[–]dulkemaru51-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

I wanted to tell the OP my opinion, and have him know that regardless of gender; I understood his thoughts

If so (regardless of genders), why was it necessary to mention that you have a gash between your thighs? What would've changed if you hadn't revealed your gender and had said "SO / partner" instead of "husband/boyfriend", if your intention was to simply tell him your feelings about the situation?

[–]chanchali-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Why are you being so mean to me? You’re completely overthinking what was meant to only be an opinion and kind suggestion. Please stop talking to me.

[–]dulkemaru510 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I ask again, in case your emotions were so overwhelming that you forgot to answer my question: why did you tell him that you're a woman, if your only intention was to share an opinion that you thought to be important "regardless of gender"?

[–]chanchali-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your feelings clearly overwhelmed you...causing you to not only take offense to a harmless opinion, but to also pursue the matter, after I kindly asked you to leave me alone. Chill. Go away please.

[–]dulkemaru510 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's fascinating how me not taking orders from you, staying on topic and not even addressing your insults, is me being emotional.

Thanks for contributing to RP science by your unconsciously retarded female reaction to my unperturbed masculinity and flawless logic. Sorry I'm not there to spank you, just picture the handsomest boy you can.

[–]chanchali0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I just want you to go away please; that’s all 😂 I grew up in a Mormon household with a very traditional view on life and love. The red pill subreddit is filled with certain statements that I completely agree with. I think that you’ve probably been hurt by slutty women, or you can’t get laid, and now you have issues with them. I think that’s why you have issues with my comment- it’s because I’m a woman. Although maybe I phrased my comment incorrectly, and I overthought your response? Or maybe you’re just overthinking mine; maybe both? I think in “real” life, we’d probably get along. I don’t have issues with many people. Your comment seemed out of place to me, because to be quite honest; I didn’t think too deeply when I wrote mine. I just felt bad for the OP, because I didn’t think that his lady should have put him in that situation. I felt weird commenting in this subreddit, because I’m not a dude, (although I can understand the logic of many views here). That’s all.

[–]dulkemaru510 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think that you’ve probably been hurt by slutty women, or you can’t get laid, and now you have issues with them. I think that’s why you have issues with my comment- it’s because I’m a woman.

That's extremely original of you. There's a section in the sidebar that lists the most common shaming tactics used by women, yours are on the top of that list.

I didn’t think too deeply when I wrote mine

I believe that 100%.

You used a lot of words to speculate on what happened here. I'll help you:

I asked you a question that pointed out a contradiction in your statement, you didn't like that so you accused me of being mean to you. I repeated the question while ignoring your baseless accusation, so you accused me of being emotional. I still didn't take your bait, but I dropped the question because I realized that you were determined not to acknowledge your logical error, so you again accused me, this time of being either bitter, a virgin or just a woman hater. You're welcome for the clarification, love.

Again, thanks for verifying what TRP has been saying for years. You're a woman, behaving like a woman, without the power to change and without conscious awareness of your nature. As predictable as the cries of a hungry baby.

[–]PrincessofRed-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t control her ? Let her so what she wants, it’s literally just a holiday.

[–]cafeitalia-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you care enough about her to write and ask about it in here, sad to say but you are already her hamster. If you really had the abundance mentality you would not have given a f.ck about her going to NY or not. You had two options either make her stay the new year's with you and the kids or do not. You chose the do not side. Done. Stop procrastinating and be done with it. Her and the gf may end up having a gang bang and you will never know. But you should not give a f. If you show you care you already put yourself on a leash and she is holding it. Worst case just leave.

Meanwhile I fault you for not introducing kids to her yet. The kids are still too young and trust me at that age all they care is to play games and have fun. If she is fun and good with kids all would be fine. Kids at that age do not get attached easily. Heck majority of people do not remember their 3 year old selves and barely remember 4.

[–]Incaahhh-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You seem unsure, not good. Would you really make your kids meet someone new and then divide their time with you? What's so wrong with her going with a friend? Think she's gonna get fucked by 10 Chads? If so what makes you think that?

Come on man, i think spending time with your kids is more important than tending to your insecurities.



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