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Feminism lost another young woman (story/rant)

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January 2, 2019
36 upvotes

I'm a girl who was physically and mentally abused by my step mother as a little kid. It made me very gun shy and I remember trying so hard to earn the favor/respect of other girls and women for years. The only thing it earned me was more pain and humiliation, including my first black eye in school.

I quickly found comfort/safety in boys and maintained lasting friendships with them. My boy friends actually helped me find some worth and stand up for myself. They loved me, protected me and remained loyal companions through years of change.

My first job out of school became a nightmare with a female supervisor who shamelessly forced me into demeaning "tasks" on the grounds that she "just didn't like me." She also regularly cut my hours for no apparent reason. Years later, I had to quit a job I really liked after a female co worker began making my life a living hell. Reporting her to yet another female supervisor was met with the same "maybe you're over reacting. She wouldn't do that." Eventually, my sanity took precedent.

Over the years, I heard about feminism and was told it was like a big sisterhood of girls helping other girls get through their troubles. It sounded kind of promising and maybe the place to start healthy connections, maybe find a little healing. Because, you know... maybe I was wrong about girls. But, each time I reached out to talk about what happened, it was dismissed or knocked down with some "at least you weren't (insert whatever) by a guy" argument.

Every small, negative encounter with men was surrounded with anger, validation and an outpour of support. Yet, the more I searched for understanding for my very real turmoil, the more adversary I was met with. Again, I found myself cold shouldered in women's groups and support circles.

I gave up on understanding other girls and wanting to be accepted by them. That's the most liberating thing I've done yet.

TLDR I was abused by women, feminism kicked me when I was down and now I'm going my own way.


Post Information
Title Feminism lost another young woman (story/rant)
Author drymommystears
Upvotes 36
Comments 13
Date 02 January 2019 06:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit antifeminists
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/711513
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/abwe0b/feminism_lost_another_young_woman_storyrant/
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Comments

[–]_niall__9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it seems like feminism now is just a joke, i don't know what there even fighting for anymore, Equal rights? Where are woman not treated equally, that is much worse to things that have happened to men that there making this big of a deal, I mean woman got off titanic first, men were forced to right in ww1 against there will, and men have been the ones working in coal mines and the army, feminism isn't sisterhood it isn't being proud to be a girl, its shitting on men, and trying to get all the good things about being a man without the bad, it's pure selfishness and entitlement

[–]DevilishRogue7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I suggest reading Queen Bees And Wannabees, the book that inspired the movie Mean Girls. It goes a long way to explaining why so many women act the way they do to other women as well as how they can take advantage of structures and social rules to bully and manipulate others.

[–]5th_Law_of_Robotics4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Toxic femininity.

[–]drymommystears[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wow thanks kind strangers! Literally the first time I told this online without being attacked. I'll check out the video too. I watched Mean Girls and remembered thinking whoever came up with it was genius, but, I didn't know it was inspired by a book. I definitely want to read it!

[–]ooooq42 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also your point about women knocking down other women about their trauma with men is so spot on. It’s like if you haven’t been catcalled or faced assault then you don’t deserve to be included or anything, which is so messed up.

And this, too, is coming from another young woman.

[–]julie_k85 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is was one of the many reasons I chose not to be a feminist. I never was but now it’s like, “woah”. I also hated that just because I was a woman I immediately had to be a feminist.

They’re mean. They talk about discrimination, yet they discriminate other women with a different opinion. It makes me think of a sisterhood cult.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]julie_k81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I absolutely agree. But you’re not alone :)

[–]axonMagnus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"no expectations no disappointments"

[–]Profligate-Prophet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome! We got your back! Now watch sargon of akkads "why people hate feminism" video series. On youtube.

[–]ellenvonboyce1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you are friends with single men, just be aware that most of them would be open to having sex with you.

That's not a bad thing, but it is reality. Men don't generally protect single women just to be "nice". In fact, if you have rejected any of these men and they continue to be your platonic friend, I would consider that a red flag. Any man who orbits around a sexual interest who has rejected him is weak.

Also you put up red flags to very good men when you don't have many female friends, so I definitely suggest seeking out a community of like-minded, feminine women. I belong to a few on FB, if you want you can PM me and I'll add you!

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]ellenvonboyce1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I definitely understand where you're coming from - I had a lot of trouble bonding with women because I had a very tumultuous relationship with my mom, to make a long story short. I was pretty afraid of women for a long time.

You're totally right about the competition thing when it comes to male friends and their new partners. I think the only time it's appropriate for single women to be close friends with attached men is if you're friends with their female partner almost exclusively and you get together as a group only and don't share private, intimate conversations with each other. The same goes for single men and women with partners too, in the interest of equality and whatnot.

One thing that helped me learn to bond with women is to really cultivate my feminine side. Hone in on the empathy and use it to lift other women up. Offer emotional support, and focus more on areas that you agree than where you disagree. This way at the very least, you can cultivate somewhat of a support network even if you're on opposite sides of the political spectrum which is very important to have if you ever find yourself with children. Being able to "get along" with other women is important because women who have trouble bonding with other women also generally tend to find themselves feeling unfulfilled in their romantic relationships with men. This is because they not only rely on their men to fill the role of the provider, but also the emotional supporter, and men are not good at this. Providing for a family takes a lot of physical and emotional energy from men and they just don't have much left to give at the end of the day. Not to the degree that most women need, anyway.

I look at it like...I have trouble when my fiance talks excessively about his problems at work and how he is worried about finances. I'm not his coworker, I don't know anything about how to do his job, there is absolutely no advice that I can give him on how to make more money or whatever. Hearing him complain only gives me anxiety, and then - if I don't have women to go to as an emotional support network - my anxiety about his problems just exacerbates his problems because not only does he have problems he needs to work out, but now he has an anxious fiance who he needs to console! How exhausting for him, when the only reason he came to me in the first place was just to vent and get a hug or a "You can do the thing, babe!"

It's imperative that we have women to vent to so we can bring more emotional energy to our relationships with men, since their reserves of that are already so low. Short term it's okay to seek emotional support from your man, but your relationships will always fail if you use them as your sounding board exclusively, since they generally aren't wired for that.

Ahhh - sorry for the tangent. We can be Reddit friends or Instagram friends or whatever media you use! I'd love to add another lady to my network! :)



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