How would you guys deal with public shaming? [Story inside]

boy_named_su · 2020-07-13T15:23:43+00:00

I'd immediately sue her for defamation

hmsthinkingmeat · 2020-07-13T12:24:52+00:00

"She says he did things like gaslight her regularly, via accusing her of sleeping with their mutual friend, to the point where she could no longer tell if she did it or did not."

From my own experience:

A person who has been gaslighted is usually mind fucked and don't like to even talk about it because it makes them feel like they've gone a bit crazy, and what you can absolutely guarantee is that the gaslighter will acuse the victim of being the one doing the gaslighting.

They also get their story out first to get as many "flying monkeys" on their side as possible, because most people take other people at face value and believe them (it's the socially acceptable thing to do), so then when person 2 gives their side of events they sound like they're trying to make excuses to cover their own behvaiour and people don't believe them.

"She says when he got riled up he would stomp about the house, slam doors, and break things. Apparently when this happened she would run and hide under her bed and try to be as quiet as possible."

Also people who are abusive will acuse the other person of being the abuser, it's called projection. Real victims of abuse - if he's some kind of maniac like she's saying - would be too terrified of "riling him up" by attacking him like this verbally and publicly, because if he were a violent loon as she claims he'd probably find her and beat her to a bloody pulp for doing it to him.

So she doesn't sound like she's scared of him, she sounds like she's trying to hurt him, which suggests she is the one who was the aggressor.

But hey this is the 21st Century, all a wahmen has to do is say "he is abusive" and everyone jumps on the "beat the man" bandwagon.

It's part of the cancel culture.

94redstealth · 2020-07-13T12:09:06+00:00

Here is my thing, and you have to step back further. It comes down to frame. Not just your frame with relationships, frame with the public at larger. Your frame is what gives other people's statements credibility.
This guy apparently had a frame that made these accusations seem plausible. It doesn't matter whether he did it or not, he left an opening for people to believe it.
With that, here can't ignore it and let it go. He already had an open wound, this accusation is the infection setting in. He has to deal with it. Saving face is his only option.
As for other people, you can't change their mind openly. They have to make the change 'theirself'

TakeHerToAGayBar · 2020-07-13T13:13:39+00:00

Image is everything.

An allegation like that is an attack at your reputation, your image and possibly even your career. I don't remember what law it is in the book, but it's there in the book; guard your reputation.

The problem here is that the moment the cat's out of the bag, is the moment you can't truly ignore it, especially if you're a big fish. If it's just dinky old her and you, and nobody else but the institutions, then yea maybe you can. If your friends, workplace, life and everything else is at stake, then you must fight tooth and nail using every single trick in the book.

Sue for label and slander, get media institutions going by telling them your side of the story, try to get traction etc.

SIR_SKINNYPENIS69 · 2020-07-13T16:35:33+00:00

Reputation destruction is the female version of physically attacking someone, which is what men do.

The fact that our society has delved deep into reputation destruction (cancel culture) shows again how feminised we have become as a society.

Plan accordingly. You can't change it, and it won't change any time soon. Look for red flags in women and date carefully.

jusssay · 2020-07-13T14:22:13+00:00

Daaamn, you'd think if he could gaslight her into thinking she'd fucked a guy.. He'd also gaslight her into thinking he didn't abuse her.

Even if its true, nothing should happen. Why? Because there is no evidence and that is the only way you uphold a fair justice system. Evidence first.

Leave acquaintances be with their opinions, only your core friends need the same values. Anyway, demote said friend to acquaintance.

Semi joking.

319Skew · 2020-07-13T14:33:06+00:00

We're living in the E-Version of the rein of terror. Only instead of dying by guillotine, it's a social and/or financial death.

Unfortunately, trying to step back and demand evidence of a crime is now just as bad as being silent since "silence is violence". So unless you fall in line like its a George Orwell novel you can do some self harm.

There's really nothing you can do publicly but ride it out. Acknowledge it and try to appear to take the winning side and then behind closed doors do the research on it.

Eventually, it will burn itself out.

As for yourself, make sure that you record everything you can and have witness. Bonus points if they are women or gay. Triple if they are lesbian.

Strive to be SMV as people have a harder time accepting bad news on someone they admire and like.

Avoid fucking crazy. This one is hard since crazy women are great lays and amazing at hiding skeletons.

Aspanu24 · 2020-07-13T15:47:29+00:00

Girls love going public and twisting their side of the story. They have so many yes men there’s no negative side to doing so. The best thing you can do when in a relationship is get tight with her friends, then when STHF they at least believe you

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2020-07-13T18:39:00+00:00

I'd keep it simple. I broke up with her and she's the ex for a reason. If someone asked me point blank what I thought about that post I would say, believe none of what you read and half of what you see.

Nergaal · 2020-07-13T16:24:23+00:00

publishing 10 pages of stories without any evidence made to look your ex like a psycho is probably the equivalent of revenge porn. they are both intended to be toxic at no cost to the party doing the transgression. but society doesn't treat them similarly

THEN1NJA · 2020-07-13T18:37:18+00:00

He needs to go on the offensive. I’ve only seen men make it out from things like this when they take the gloves off. Hell I’d tell him to look thru his old messages from her and get to posting and tag as many people that are on her side in it.

cydestiny · 2020-07-13T15:25:05+00:00

Vet carefully and don't fuck crazy. Hard but something worth learning.

askmrcia · 2020-07-13T16:26:22+00:00

Something very similar happened to a guy in my Improv group.

The guy left the group and the city's Improv community. And he was easily one of the bigger guys in the city.

I don't know what happened was true or not, but when it comes to these types of alligations I'm just not a fan on how everyone takes the girl's word at 100 percent.

They don't go to the police or anything. They just talk about it all over social media trying to ruin the guy's character.

That tells me all I need to know because if it was as serious as they claim it is I would hope to see more drastic action.

Going on social media or simply telling friends when you know those people will take your word without any evidence says a lot.

I never been in the situation myself, but if I were I'd be suing their ass.

liloozy · 2020-07-13T18:00:28+00:00

see 48 laws of power, more specifically the chapter that talks about reputation it’s 3-4 or i think. Basically you guard reputation with your life and in today’s world instead of making rationalizations to behavior like the guy did above, you retaliate and you do so by appearing more credible and smarter to the general public. You smear your opponents credibility so you defeat them.

WhatRemainsAfter · 2020-07-13T18:06:55+00:00

Destroy her.

When secrets are out, why hold back?!

I would not leave a page unturned. Probably a shit show but if I am getting kicked out of my band, friends ditching me, a reputation tarnished - hell should break loose.

She should apologize in public. Such should be the force.

cracksniffer666 · 2020-07-13T20:55:28+00:00

Happened to me. I learned about "Reputation Destruction" from Jordan Peterson, and it's just part of life. Men physically assault you; women socially/mentally assault you. It makes a ton of since from a biological standpoint.

I basically just fucked off to a different area of the city, my true friends know all of it was bullshit, so that's how I cope.

Pycnostyle · 2020-07-13T21:05:34+00:00

I had an ex go bananas on me. It was before #metoo or even social media (I'm old), but she did call all of my family and friends to tell them what a horrible human being I was.

When people asked me about it, I'd just shrug my shoulders and said I don't know what to tell you. I could give my side of the story and make it a he-said-she-said, but I just don't have the energy for it. So think what you want to think based on what you know about me and what you know about her, but all of my energy is going to go toward my own recovery and healing. I hope you understand.

Most people understood. Breakups can be ugly. I don't even know all of what she said about me, and I don't really even care.

As for the band guy, I guess he could take a similar approach. He could block her, and when the accusations come in, he can just say he blocked her because he felt he's suffered enough. And that he's focused on his recovery and won't be drawn back into the situation.

ShortDamage · 2020-07-13T21:41:33+00:00

Sounds like the current twitch-drama and "cancel culture" really. Women left and right are writing these long thorough descriptions about how terrible they've been treated by a known/semi-known person and they get immediately cancelled by their employers/sponsors.

The current trend in recent months is extremely dangerous and it doesn't seem to stop. It's always some ex who comes out of nowhere and describes how toxic a person was, when i reality it was probably the relationship itself that was toxic. Seriously, how will this all end? I feel like people around me don't realise how insane some of this shit going on in the world is.

BePrivateGirl · 2020-07-13T22:29:40+00:00

Just want to add a comment from the female perspective:

Abuse accusations are serious. There are consequences.

I’ve been around TRP longer than many of you I’m sure.

TRP is not about abuse. And TRP men should avoid any possible contact with anything that could possibly be called abuse.

Don’t ever abuse a woman...and by that I really mean...don’t ever care enough.

If a chick does something to make you attracted, even though you know she’s crazy, so you get laid a few times and it turns out she’s crazy...walk away. Follow your mission.

If a chick ends up really seeming like a nice girl...but a couple months down the line she does something dumb...you are humiliated...maybe even your friends know... walk away. Follow your mission.

There is nothing less red pill than engaging in an emotional argument until it escalates to violence...from you or her.

There is nothing less red pill than getting arrested for assault...or unruly behavior...how would you let that moment of your life fuck up your career.

I know that most domestic abuse is bilateral...from both man and woman.

Never put yourself in that situation.

CARE LESS.

SimplyFishOil · 2020-07-13T22:55:49+00:00

He can either make peace of the situation, ignore it, or fight back.

She has the power in this scenario, and with all these sex allegations women are being listened to more. He should try and work with her to make the situation better, because other wise she'll just come back at him again if he gets more successful

dr_warlock · 2020-07-14T03:42:12+00:00

Omg, someone slammed a door and stomped around the house. So scary and violent. Lol. Any man that came to her rescue is a loser. Not a single person in his life was worth being around. He could have threatened legal action prior to his 'confession' then just skipped town. Now he should just leave.

zboo1h · 2020-07-13T18:42:48+00:00

Prophylaxis. The situation would never happen if you simply didn't engage these people in any way at all.

Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits · 2020-07-13T19:57:02+00:00

By being a solo artist.

JameisBong · 2020-07-13T20:20:14+00:00

I might be OPs friend in the story, lol

But no seriously I've gone through something similar recently. I was very upset initially... But the more i think about it, the more i feel better about being ostracized by "friends" who are essentially blue pill simps.

The best thing is to let things play out and stick with your defense. Some people will defend you, some will not. Make sure your frame is intact. Only you can define you, not your friends and not your environment.

ASTRA-LUX · 2020-07-13T22:46:32+00:00

One word: Defamation

Longgbottom · 2020-07-13T12:10:56+00:00

Remind me after the Alpha Gods chip in their 2 cents

theredsperg · 2020-07-13T15:56:33+00:00

what do i think? he could be a fucking dick and he needed society to set him straight imo

what's wrong with that? your best friend is treading a fine line, in the next 5 years your lead singer could either be making a name for himself or worse not.

imo dudes are as bad as women are sometimes, stop pussy defending or not defending.

make your own mind up vs coming to reddit

RPOpenUp · 2020-07-13T14:08:36+00:00

Both parties are equally guilty i.m.o

However the fact that he is in a toxic relationship is in his own control. So no matter who is the worst/most toxic, a high value man would leave the relationship

damiksta93 · 2020-07-13T15:03:29+00:00

How the fuck is gaslighting even a thing? Like how mentally weak do you have to be for someone else to alter your reality with words lmao...

If this whore did make up lies and ruin this guys band and stuff he should punch her in the face

Title	How would you guys deal with public shaming? [Story inside]
Author	Diligent-Cold
Upvotes	66
Comments	59
Date	13 July 2020 11:45 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/712524
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hqdsv0/how_would_you_guys_deal_with_public_shaming_story/