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If you don't have good friends, that needs to be a serious goal before any kind of long term relationship with a woman. They can save your life.

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July 17, 2020
999 upvotes

This is the forth attempt at making a post talking about something so simple as friendship between men. Every time it went off track because I am still so angry after my recent breakup after five years. Long story short I had great friends before her, I became depressed and anxious before and after my son was born, I expected her to care about my needs much more than I should have, and became a nervous angry wreck of a man and broke my own rules and standards of conduct. Mental illness was a big factor looking back now.

I won't pretend she kept me away from them. She actually encouraged me to see my friends on numerous occasions, but I was too busy to do so, at least I thought. I tend to isolate from friends for long periods of time of depression, and felt embarrassed for my standing in life. It was over the last year I ended up working with a guy who was probably the best friend I ever had. We had some things in common, but a lot of differences, and we could work together for 8 hours, sometimes 13 hours if we had side jobs, and resolve conflicts, help each other out, just get along great. I am an only child and this was when I found out what it's like to have a little brother.

I would feed him red pills about his failed relationship and he would use them to move on. One of my proudest achievements was being the guy he called for over 30 minutes one night when his ex wife was driving him crazy with their divorce, and helping him through that. She was a really crazy one, ended up with an abusive gang member in New York and would call my friend to come rescue her and torture him with the idea of getting back together. He really needed a strong influence to stay away from the pitfalls of that kind of drama. "You should be sooo grateful bro. This is a lesson, and you got out easy. No kids. Nothing to keep you attached to her. You are so lucky, yeah it hurts, but you're going to be okay and now you know the truth about this type of woman."

It was months later when he was back on his feet, dating another girl, and I was the one calling him, overwhelmed with all kinds of shit after my breakup. And he was there to guide me through it. That means the fucking world when you're stuck in your own head and it feels like everything is falling down around you. It's after trying everything else: lifting, running, writing on here, driving around, music, meditation... And you still don't feel okay. You need to talk to someone, man. Someone who has been there before. Your male friends are your most valuable assets in life.

Gym, money, friends, plates, hobbies. There is a real lack of emphasis on friendship and brotherhood on the red pill these days. Alpha wolf is different from lone wolf. Make it easy on yourself. Go out and get some friends who you can respect and trust and build a support system for yourself. Seriously, the benefits of having friends will make a woman so much less important in your life, and we know that is great for your game. The difference between her flaking and you staying home being lonely that night, vs. she flakes so you call your friend and go out to find ten new women to replace her. Or having a full schedule of adventures with your friends for the next week, so you don't have to fake having a full life. Women really don't care if you're learning piano and two new languages Tuesday through Thursday. You might still be forever alone.

If you have a ton of stories involving your friends, it's always easy to have something to talk about. You can even use them in openers, like wave at a girl and say "oh sorry I thought you were my friend's fuck buddy." That right there is enough to keep her mind moving for ten minutes.

Anyways it's been said here before that your woman can never really be your friend. But you can find friends who really fill the need you have for that kind of support. And I recommend everyone to do so if you do not have that. Go get some friends, or upgrade your friends if they are idiots.


Post Information
Title If you don't have good friends, that needs to be a serious goal before any kind of long term relationship with a woman. They can save your life.
Author ebaymasochist
Upvotes 999
Comments 129
Date 17 July 2020 10:57 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/714487
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ht5uu9/if_you_dont_have_good_friends_that_needs_to_be_a/
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Comments

[–]AlpacaStrap329 points330 points  (45 children) | Copy

You’re only gonna have 1-2 people you can consider real friends in your life. These are the people you trust and connect with.

The rest will stab you in the back/fuck your girl the first chance they get.

People you party and lift with aren’t necessarily your friends. I like the word “associates” better.

To add to this, your social life should be a tool, you shouldn’t be dependent on it.

[–]Filmguy00065 points66 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. Learned this the hard way.

[–]redhorndog11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

You’re only gonna have 1-2 people you can consider real friends in your life. These are the people you trust and connect with.

Yup. Childhood friends (group of 10-15 boys) will be there for most but there's less than 3 of them that actually understand and see things from the same perspective.

The rest will stab you in the back/fuck your girl the first chance they get.

Yeah. Hell some of them went way worse. One guy went and married his close friends ex-fiance. He literally broke up his friendship for a warm hole.

[–]SilentMaul2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I know someone that did something very similar. Friend of my best friend decided to get engaged to the best friend's ex a few weeks after they broke up. For the record, they were together for like four years before breaking up. Women are mostly right about men, they really aren't shit. I don't blame them for hating 80% of all men. Most guys stab each other in the back left and right.

[–]NPC19903 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Doesn’t matter on the sex, most people ain’t shit.

[–]SilentMaul1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well when you put it like that yeah, most people aren’t shit.

[–]Korrangar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Friend of my best friend decided to get engaged to the best friend's ex a few weeks after they broke up. For the record, they were together for like four years before breaking up.

Sounds like they were already fucking then

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 50 points51 points  (5 children) | Copy

You’re only gonna have 1-2 people you can consider real friends in your life. These are the people you trust and connect with.

Maybe I've just been lucky but I can say I've had at least 5 so far through various stages of my life, and have made shorter term connections with dozens of others. I worked construction and it seemed like guys were telling me personal stuff about their lives the first day I met them. It might help that I am highly empathetic and passionate when it comes to helping people. I will listen to your story and not just wait to talk. When you are like that from a position of strength and not weakness, it's just different from the average person.

I've been into personal development for a long time now and would just start a conversation about something I heard from Tony Robbins on the way in and it would take off from there. I think it's mostly because it's interesting. Too many people want to talk about the weather or a sports team just to fill silence and it's annoying and boring. You start talking about real shit and they are drawn to it.

[–]bigkahuna3338 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you're working outdoors side by side with blokes it's a lot easier to build camaraderie and it makes the day pass quicker if you are talking shit. You don't get that in an office too many political games to be played

[–]AlpacaStrap21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy

Like many other things, YMMV.

Agreed on the part of coming from a place of strength and not weakness. Way too many people are needy as hell and we have literally evolved to smell that shit a mile away.

Neediness disgusts me. It tells me you have nothing going on in your life and want to feed off of me like a parasite. You should always go into interactions looking to GIVE, not take.

Actually being interested in what someone says and getting to the deeper shit is a form of giving. Pretending you’re interested because you need their friendship, is not.

[–]EdwardHoverhands1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neediness disgusts me. It tells me you have nothing going on in your life and want to feed off of me like a parasite. You should always go into interactions looking to GIVE, not take.

I can see some Blue Pillers or Incels responding to this with "But, but, but... I have a lot of love to give. I'm a nice guy (read: beta bucks), I want to give a nice girl the love she deserves." (White-knighting much?) But in this case, it's not so much "giving", but rather offloading. Namely, being willing to give love to the first willing taker, no matter who she is, even if unattractive and/or incompatible, and at a deep "discount" (compromising one's standards) to boot. Not unlike the after-Christmas sales at below-market prices, to offload the excess inventory that no one bought during December. True giving, on the other hand, comes from a position of generosity, which doesn't compromise your personal values or principles.

So, your statement is best amended to "You should always go into interactions looking to GIVE, not take or offload."

[–]DareyFathom3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am the same. Military camaraderie is the reason.

[–]OttoVonBismark715 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wow this sounds like my life to a tee.

I had.a massive stroke when I was 21. "Best friend" I was always weary about stabbed me in the back and tried to fuck my cousins literal first chance he got. It was hard to even contemplate someone being that much of a scumbag. Many other "fun" friends also disappeared, including a former girlfriend. In their eyes, I actually became a liability to them.

Made me appreciate the 1-2 friends who stuck by me. These guys not only did a million things for me, but literally never once made it feel like an effort.

[–]RedKingRising0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm sorry but how is trying to fuck your cousin stabbing you in the back?

[–]OttoVonBismark710 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

normally I could not care less actually. however, literally the only way he even knew of her existence was because I was kind enough to bring him along to family events. He waited until I was sick and then talked shit on me to her and explicitly tried to use my moment of sickness to swoop in through underhanded means, even though I actually wouldn't have cared much if he had just gone for it

[–]RedKingRising0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

gotcha. Sounds like a dumb guy to talk shit to your cousin.

[–]OttoVonBismark710 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

not everyone thinks things through

[–]ManlyB8604 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

I feel less alone now reading this. These past days i was wondering why the fuck am i always alone or mostly. "Normal" people get to meet with some friends all the time, saturday night drinking and chill together.. but i don't.

You made me remember why thank you.

[–]AlpacaStrap6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Careful, this shouldn’t be used as an excuse to be socially isolated.

[–]ManlyB8602 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're right.. but i'll be honest i'm terrible at this. I travel all week long for work and when i'm back on friday i just don't make the effort to call and ask to meet because i feel like i'm wasting my time with most of the guys i know, always the same boring shit and they end up showing me i shouldn't trust them. Also i feel like meeting someone and making friends over 30 is not as easy. That's why i'm alone.. but thanks for you help

[–]Noitrasama2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Idea: get someone younger u can mentor.

[–]youngzari1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in the same boat. I don't travel a lot, I work remotely in sales but everything else is point. It is what is at this point. I'm always open at the same time, too.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think one can do better that one to two in a lifetime.

Probably more accurate that its hard to have more than 1 to 2 at a time

You can have HS buds, College buds, professional friends and look back from your deathbed and know at different points on the journey, you did have this from each of these guys just not all at once.

I have younger brothers. Sons. These men have my back if and when I need.

And if they are wronged, they will never have a greater ally in their corner than me

As for women, your mommy was the only one who loved you unconditionally. And many of us didnt have that either

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is good stuff man.. you're right about 1-2 at a time. That's usually how it goes

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yes and thinking differently can lead to loneliness and depression because that feeling that you are (or should be) loved and supported by many is just another blue pill

[–]redpill_scientist923 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This isn’t always true, I’ve met a handful of decent people I’d trust and consider good friends for various different reasons.

And yea, the thing about stabbing your back and fucking your girl is true, you just gotta become that guy, and know who not to do that kind of shit to and who deserves it.

[–]Jaspiration2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

Jesus man, don’t be so damn pessimistic

[–]AlpacaStrap32 points33 points  (4 children) | Copy

Generally those protecting their ego investment in their current reality will refuse and attack concepts that challenge it.

Pessimism =/= realism.

[–]VOICE_OF_OBLIVION2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm guilty of this myself and thought of this as I read the above comment, it can be hard to realize things aren't as they seem. But you are right. Most of your associates are not out for your best interests (not necessarily your worst interests either). I'm in the unique position of having gone from having 0 friends to having tons of friends and being extremely popular and back to 0 friends and back to being extremely popular (but this time being redpilled on the matter and only letting 2-3 close bros into the actual circle). And I know what you say is 100% correct.

[–]eclecticstalwart1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I went from being popular with a shitload of friends and multiple friend networks to having essentially zero close friends now. How did you get back?

[–]VOICE_OF_OBLIVION2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The key is to enjoy being alone and never give off a needy vibe. This is really the fundamental thing. People can subconsciously sense if you're trying to get something from them. But from me they sense that I don't want anything from them and they're drawn to that. Having friends isn't that different to getting a bitch. People are attracted to those who give value to your life. Would you rather be friends with a badass navy SEAL who throws you supermodels at his parties every week or would you rather be friends with a heroin addict who is always chatting shit about you to girls because he's insecure?

When you've mastered enjoying being alone, you just develop this DGAF energy because you're not concerned about offending others (and losing their friendship). This makes you a fun person to be around. This is what I feel I've learned anyway.

[–]eclecticstalwart0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I enjoy being alone. I prefer it almost these days. Isolation is kind of what drove away all my relationships. That and putting my business before literally anything else.

[–]BasilevsNihili14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

Don't be so naive. Friendships dissolve themselves. Having someone you can really count on for long period of time is something extremely valuable, it's not your coworker or gym bro.

[–]juicebox41413 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

What happen if my broski is also my gym broski?

[–]1empatheticapathetic-5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wouldn’t wanna be you dude

[–]juicebox4149 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Eh, you just take yourself way to serious.

[–]1empatheticapathetic-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. I don’t think you have a sense of humour bro.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[removed]

[–]AlpacaStrap12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Live your life and be around people, that’s all you can do. The more you look for friends the less you’ll have.

[–]NPC19900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. I only know two guys that I consider brothers and we have known each other since day 1 of school.

[–]riskyreelz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As I got older friends are less important, seeing peoples real nature who considered each other good friends and as soon as pussy is in the mix they say we weren't too close I consider him an acquaintance

Having a serious mission is what will help before being in a long term relationship, cause when she leaves you it won't even hurt or at all because mission was always what made you happy

[–]violetmonstermunch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All of my friends were women. All backstabbed me went shit hit the fan for me. Not only abandonned me but backstabbed me!

[–]gabriel_dj20200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who I used to call my brother ended up killing me(“accident”) for envy. This is why I am a lone wolf with lots of “associates”. If I feel envy, selfishness... I just cut our social connection at least for a while.
Thrust issue is something big that I dont wanna change, is more of a defense mechanism. What I am trying to say is: Do not trust anyone, even the one who call u brother because he is by your side for a reason just like anyone else (maybe because u both like cars, or both play same games, because both are very similar, because when both together it gets to be much easier to pick up girls...), but when this reason is gone or changed for something not compatible with him, he be just like an associate, or in my experience try to kill u for envy.

I guess is better to be the loved one by everyone and every group, its better to make people trust u but whoever it is, whatever it takes, do not give your full trust. I always tell my 4 bf that I wanna be the first person they call if they in trouble, I would help them whatever it takes( and I did )but the way they trust me and they did call me, I cannot and i will not trust or call them.

And always watch your back!

Never tell your very personal things to your bf and or “associates”. (They might tell their other best friends who will tell their other best friends and keep on going on and on) If u need to take something out of your chest just close your eyes in bed and re-think on the situation. Trust me it helps!

Do not mix emotions when making judgement upon anything. Adding emoticons to your judgement is for the weaken and your judgement will never be correct or complete.

Sorry! It was supposed to be a short comment but I ended up putting some of my knowledge in here. This is knowledge shared from a guy who even before knowing about the TRP was swallowing this shit for 7 months while in bed and recovery at the hospital for getting killed by my “brother” (“accident”). When I came back to life(surgeon said I had died a couple minutes ago and it took some time to bring me back to life) I had to re-learn how to walk, move my hands, memory problem... so while in bed I had time to think in detail about my childhood till the day I had died. ( all this thinking took about 5 months ).

Again! Sorry for the comments turned into a post. I will make a real organized post of this if anyone ask me to.

[–]Chadster11351 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy

As much as friends are good support systems don't become a burden to them. No body wants to hang out with a guy who complains about his girl problems every time there is a get together. friends are supposed to be fun.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is correct. We all know someone like that. I wanted to focus more on the benefits of friends in regards to the topic of this sub. But yes, you still have to be fun to be around and add value to the room to build that friendship. I always watched a lot of stand up comedians and now its kind of natural to twist something serious into dark humor or a joke about myself, or flat out steal a bit that is related. Sometimes we would just get into this flow state and have running jokes that stack on each other for ten minutes and just crack the fuck up. Honestly if someone doesn't share my sense of humor we are not going to get along well at all.

[–]surfsusa31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a friend I have known since I was in Jr High school ages ago, we have both moved around the country at different imes , Married Divorced doesn't matter. If ever I am down or need help, I call him and he will lend an ear or lend a hand. No hesitation, No excuses he is there. He is a brother to me. Women may come and go but a true friend will always be there for you.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck yeah man this is exactly what I am talking about.

[–]lefty92960 points61 points  (7 children) | Copy

Great post and completely agree. Not enough emphasis on maintaining, growing and valuing friendships on here. It’s so easy to grow apart from friends as a man and just focus on career / family. I think not many men realize how valuable they can be, so they don’t bother pursuing it. Then when they need a good friend it’s too late.

[–]BasedAndRedPilled_28 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy

True, but it’s difficult to find a male who isn’t a bluepulled loser nowadays. And I don’t have any female friends, just a few plates.

[–]uwey15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Uh is easy to identify loser and winner.

Go hang out with winner more. Stop hanging out with losers UNLESS it is temporary, if they guys is over 30 he probably not going to change much. 20-30 is big fluctuations, even one year can completely change a person.

Most guys will act like asshole as their shit test, pass that and you are in. Beware of real assholes. Build friends only really happen after 22-25, real long lasting friendship mostly happen during adult. Your real friend will stay once you truly understand who you are and where you are goin. Before that happen, all friends are passengers on the same bus, you may never leave, some may fall off the bus because they can’t handle it anymore etc.

Keep on going, it is the journey we care, not victory, you win once, then what? A journey is much longer game, you may win some and lose some, those who remain will be there for you no matter what.

Seek those who join your journey and stick to the end.

[–]TheEgyptianConqueror2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Most of my friends are bp, but I've got a few close guys who are rp, especially my best friend who's rp as fuck. Great for conversations

[–]_-resonance-_-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll be your friend bro-Maine.

[–]eclecticstalwart0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Man this is me to a tee. I pushed away everyone away to focus on my business the past five years. My social life is awful now that I think about it.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]eclecticstalwart0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Making less money and working a lot more thanks to corona. It's going though. I actually bought a second company with my brother in 2018. So technically I'm an owner of two companies. Partner in each though.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]ac3jc13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

How do you make friends at 41 years old during a pandemic. My friends moved away years ago and we kinda keep in touch. Other than that I don’t have any friends. I needed some friends last week, I didn’t have anyone to turn to.

[–]CimAntics14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Find an activity that interests you. Community gardening, programming, PC gaming, toastmasters, activism groups, volunteer work for a charity, political campaign etc. After the pandemic you could add things like sports, music festivals, academics, etc. There are plenty of people who are in a similar situation and life goes on despite adapting to the pandemic. This is probably a perfect time to start looking for leads. If there's nothing going on in your community, you can try starting a club with a poster on a physical bulletin board or a web forum, especially if there's an activity you know well enough to teach others.

[–]_-resonance-_10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I became best bro’s cause we’d see each other around town. Just say “what’s up?” To a bro and see what happens.

[–]Dan-Man1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you find out, please let me know! The people replying to you are not wrong but they are not right either. Making a friend as OP means in the true sense of a friend can take years and a lot of sacrifices. I can say I do not have any friends. Any good ones anyway. And, over the years, I am 34 now, I have tried hard to socialise and go to many many types of events. The reality is that making friends and building a network these days is extremely challenging. That is why most people lean on their work social circle.

It is easy to make an associate, but a friend, I have no idea. Especially during a pandemic, social distancing and at 34!

[–]ac3jc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Work social circle? I work out of my house now.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've always been very grateful to have an older brother who is hands down my best friend and many rock solid friends in my life. One thing that changed my life was realizing that women come and go so easily, but a true homie is there to stay and always stands by you. Your homies and your mission give your life meaning, and women don't add much frankly.

[–]rockyp324 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ yes some friends can be shitty. But a lot of them can become your closest friends if u give them the chance. A lot of the time you’ll have negative assumption about someone so u don’t open urself to em. A lot of the times they’ll mirror you and you both won’t like eachother for literally no reason.

But if u ever just realize that and just open urself a little bit it goes a long way and once they see you’re intentions clearly they’ll open up

[–]huey7646 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha, good shit man. I remember when I was 12-13, there was this girl at school for whom I had a oneitis. Then, one day during PE (it was my last class of the day) I was running some laps around the field and she was the one who kept track of our running. I came up to her and she started making fun of me and slapped me. I think I almost cried.

When the bell rang, I met up with my bro and he saw I was sad and he comforted me. We walked to his house and he gave me some smores. That shit made me feel better af.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a really wholesome story bro. I like it

[–]rockyp324 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah that’s the main shitty thing about TRP it kinda pushes you to be a lone wolf... which I mean u definitley need to focus a lot more time on yourself but many of us take that as we gotta stop talking to anybody and become our own heroes.

I think it’s just a fantasy. We all think man I can do this all by myself that’d be so badass and awesome!!!

But after a while u realize ur not talking to ur friends much anymore for no reason

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]rad_dynamic9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, but you can't trust them. They will always say what they think you want to hear. Guys will just spit truth

[–]roco-j3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have a couple of very close friends that I grew up with during adolescence, but as time passes we tend to drift apart because they indulge more and more in pastimes such as smoking weed and doing late nights on video games, while I am becoming more of a loner because I prefer having a healthy lifestyle, not smoking weed (I have tried many times but I just don't like the effects it has on me), and going to bed early.

We are still hanging out from time to time, but our relationship is not like when we were 16 and felt excited by just going out and doing silly mundane stuff.

I still enjoy doing silly things with friends. I'd prefer being a little more adventurous, trekking, going new places, events, hell even something as simple as going to the beach. They, on the other hand, prefer just hanging out, doing nothing at all, finding a very isolated place to smoke weed, go eat junk food when they have the munchies, and sometimes play foosball in sad game places.

I know the answer will be "find new friends whose interests align with yours" and it sounds logically flawless, but:

  1. Just "finding new friends" is difficult as fuck for me
  2. I love my friends, we have bonded over many years spent together during adolescence, it's just that our interests are not the same anymore. I won't change for them, and they won't for me, I have spent a lot of time trying to convince them to pursue a more focused lifestyle, they just tell me "yeah you're right bla bla bla tomorrow I'll start doing X" because they want to feel better by convincing themselves they're gonna change, or just because they want to indulge me.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know the answer will be "find new friends whose interests align with yours" and it sounds logically flawless, but:

So you said it yourself that you know the answer but it seems like you are not ready to face the challenges of doing it. Because it's difficult as fuck for you. What if it really wasn't that hard to do it? What if there are hundreds of people around you who are in the same situation as you and it would be really easy to meet them? Your second point makes it pretty clear this is something you need, because you are not going to change these people no matter how hard you try.

It's not like you have to murder your old friends or never speak to them again. I left behind someone just like this and was very surprised to find in that time we were apart, years, my friend had stopped smoking weed and got his life together. Now I would probably be fine to hang out with him again. But it was the same story as yours. Sit around various places and smoke weed with zero ambition for anything else.

You have very little to lose by trying to find new friends with your interests. Just go out and try it and see what happens. I'm not saying to go talk a bunch of shit and drop names or anything, but if you told someone what you just wrote here, about how your friends don't have your ambition and you are looking for people who have that, it will actually help you. It will show that you are not a loser, that you are going places, and people will recognize you as someone to be around.

[–]TrashcanCity6913 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

“...or upgrade your friends if they are idiots.”

I don’t agree with this. You can’t help those that don’t want to be helped.

Allegory of the Cave

I understand where you are coming from and agree with 95% of your post; however, it is not your job to drag those out of the depths if they don’t want to dragged out.

[–]Fredfredfred77730 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with that bit, I think you might have misunderstood.

I took upgrading your friends, as getting new ones, not trying to make idiots better.

Or maybe I've misunderstood it and you're right.

[–]TrashcanCity695 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Little of Column A, little of Column B.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

No I meant to get new ones, because I've had bad ones before

[–]SoulRedemption9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Making new friends is gud, but if you dumping friends cuz they being idiots it may not be great. Long tern relationships n friends can do wonders if cultivated properly

[–]1ForeverKarlMalone2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not true, I succeeded with women after I dumped all my old beta friends. They do nothing but hold you back. Have to ruthlessly throw away the trash to improve your life

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's cool man, that you were able to do that. Your old beta friends were holding you back. But maybe you would have some benefit to finding new friends who are on your level, or even above you in some ways. People go through stages, what works for you today might not work next week. If you find yourself unhappy and don't know why, this might be part of it. And there's a possibility that your beta friends were your chance to be the alpha and lead them and that was good for you in some ways at the time, until it wasn't. Are you in a leadership role now somewhere else, like at work?

[–]MacintoshX636 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Great post; how do I make friends? I have ton of “pals” I briefly shoot the breeze with at work but anything over 10 minutes becomes a little awkward. I’m very self sufficient, stable employment, like my job, healthy & pay all my bills on time. I just have 0 social life. Like I got to work & come right home. Aside from just talking to completely random people in the grocery store during a pandemic I’m at a loss.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

how do I make friends?

Well I thought about it and here's a guide to cold approach a man to become friends...

All the shit you tried with women that got you in the friend zone? Just do that with guys instead and you will make friends. I'm not really even kidding. If you see a guy who is wearing a shirt with a band you like on it, just go right up to him and say "Hey man that is a really awesome shirt!" And while a woman might be thinking of ways to test if you actually know the band or are just trying to fuck her, the guy will probably be like "Wow thanks bro!" and just get really happy for a minute. Men like to advertise their interests.
And you can just start a ten minute conversation about this one thing you both have in common, and then ask if they also like other stuff. If you notice this person is annoying, or weird, or a dickhead, then politely make an exit. If they seem really fucking cool, just say some shit like "you remind me of my friend from back in ....., really cool dude. Let me buy you a beer some time, I know this place that always has decent looking women." You should be able to say this as you would to someone you've known a long time. Or if you don't go to a bar or something, pick something else that you already do and invite them along.

I don't know if you are into cars at all, but any guy who customizes his car is almost always willing to talk about his car to anyone who is interested in it. So just say "hey man that is a great car. I have always liked those. Have you had any problems with it?"

I think a lot of guys end up here in this sub because they were too nice. Well now you have a situation where being nice is a good thing again. And if they don't react well to that, it's not something you need to change for this goal.

[–]SeasonedRP5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good post, and this comment has great tips. Having close friends definitely helps in dealing with life's ups and downs.

[–]rad_dynamic5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Provide Value

See them outside of your typical routine

For example, your work pal, you would invite for a game of pool.

[–]bottled_butts7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

I want to add that even though you have those close guy friends they can always stab you in the back.

Friends are future enemies. Keep everyone at some distance.

[–]rad_dynamic4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

So true that your closest friends become your biggest enemies. They have the most resentment when you become successful as they were once in the same position as you

[–]lovehighmusic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Any friend that would stab you in the back isn’t a real friend. Good, true friends are rare to come by but they are out there. If this doesn’t resonate with you then you haven’t found any real friends yet.

[–]SidMRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Any posts about making and maintaining friends?

[–]DrGigaChad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do I make friends, I have 1 year of real college left.

[–]Infernir1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. Having a great best friend saved me from depression, suicidal thoughts, poor mental health & all of that bullshit with my first one-itis & the one that got me intro TRP. Without him life would've been hell, he kept things in perspective & made me realize she was just a hoe all along, not to lose too much sleep or productivity cause of her.

All the guys i've considered best friends have never betrayed me... not in the way any of the women I've been serious about have.

We can always talk about anything & I can be 100% real & authentic with them, in out of frame.

You think a guy is a really great friend? If you had a 10/10 gf & you went travelling for 2 weeks do you think he would shut her down if she tried to get with him? You shouldn't have to think about the answer, if it's not an immediate no it's not a true friend.

Friends can be the first people to hurt & betray you, just make sure you know who you're putting trust into & how much trust you give them if you call them "friend".

[–]samsmith670 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Infernir: "If you had a 10/10 gf & you went travelling for 2 weeks do you think he would shut her down if she tried to get with him? You shouldn't have to think about the answer, if it's not an immediate no... "

This is 100% facts! I currently would say i have made no real friends since i've been living in this small town city that I've moved to. I go out but i don't drink or do drugs like everyone else seems to so I'm just the nice guy that everyone sees around town. Yrs ago my little bro was friends with a guy that was known for trying to sleep with girlfriends of the boys behind their backs. He has since tossed him aside of course since the guy didn't seem to be going anywhere in life and holding him back. My bro is now doing good for himself (Own house, business) but he seems alone with no steady girl. Myself i just smash here and there but nothing steady. Usually a girl that is just passing through town or visiting for the weekend.. No locals. I've started to take up a few hobbies through but they are solitary ones. Learning an instrument, drawing..

[–]prostaddict1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. This is actually one of the main tenants of the book "No More Mr. Niceguy". Having strong masculine friendships is key to becoming a less needy, more emotionally independent man

[–]MagnetoWned1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you OP. I recently had to cut off a couple friends that were really a burden in the end. It's very hard to relate to them anymore and I can tell they have some kind of angst towards me. I tried my best to guide them (went from fat to fit and learned TRP) but they thought the things I were saying were "outrageous" and "stupid" lol it'd be nice to find friends that aren't such fucking cucks that are capable of controlling their emotions. I like what you're preaching though OP, I'd much rather have 3-5 similar men like me that share common interests and are loyal than be "alone"

[–]EdwardHoverhands1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm seeing a lot of paranoia in the replies, when it comes to male friends. In my experience, most fellow men you meet are OK. Just that, OK. That is, they won't necessarily be there for you in times of dire need, but they won't blatantly hurt you or betray you, either. They'll usually give you a pep talk and treat you to a beer, if need be. The only thing you need to do is show respect-worthiness. The Red Pill teaches how to be respect-worthy, which is essential among male friendships.

On that note, most male friends follow the man code, which means they won't go after your LTR, if they have any respect for you. So all in all, you have little to worry about. And if she's not an LTR but merely a plate, then why would you worry about the plate falling off? After all, the Red Pill says "she was never yours, it was just your turn", and your turn ended.

And another thing: When it comes to letting people into my life, I'd rather have 10 people think I'm awesome than 100 people think I'm just OK.

[–]Trollz4fun3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Would it be gay if I wanted to buy a house with a Navy Seal type Alpha and we took shifts patrolling the property.

[–]lasdfab0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not if the balls don't touch

[–]Trollz4fun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I usually say it's not gay unless you say thank you. Example. "Nice dick bro" you must remain silent.

[–]Keith_Valentine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is an actual good thread on TRP. Nice job op

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's high praise. Thanks man

[–]_-resonance-_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The male bond is supreme because it decides how to partition the women.

[–]vwowv0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have the same problem. I believe this book has the answer

If you click 'Look Inside' you can read most of the book, but not the ending. I am too cheap to pay for the book so I may never know.

https://www.amazon.com/But-Not-Hippopotamus-Boynton-Board/dp/0671449044/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3UUTX8IFM9F1B&dchild=1&keywords=but+not+the+hippopotamus+by+sandra+boynton&qid=1595049402&sprefix=but+not+the+%2Caps%2C337&sr=8-1

[–]NormalAndy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Finding people you can trust totally is impossible. Always evaluate just what you can trust them with. Use your head and evaluate rather than looking for a way to leave responsibility and power behind.

[–]Iwassleepingawake0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not to sound like a whiny bitch...I have no idea where to make quality friends with good men...and I'm not even looking. I've become completely complacent with it being just me and my dogs and bird. Left Army, it's hard to connect to just anybody, most people suck.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Is there a local VFW? Start there maybe since you'll have something in common already from serving. Yeah most people do suck, for sure. That's why it's so great when you find a couple who don't.

[–]Iwassleepingawake1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a great idea, maybe once this covid shit dies down, and you're definitely right. Sure is great when you have those right people in your life

[–]8trius0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Male friendships are absolutely essential.

And having a guy you can talk about your feelings with is doubly essential.

If the only person you can be vulnerable with is the person you are also fucking, you have all your eggs in one basket.

I’ve seen so many men completely devastated by a breakup because they could only talk about their feelings to the girl they now no longer have access to.

This is hard for us guys, but when the advice given to us is, “Talk more about your feelings,” we red pill guys have learned that too much feelings talk lessens the respect of the girls we are with.

But, that advice is good if it’s guy to guy.

Become emotionally intelligent. Learn what your feelings mean and how to learn from them. It helps to have a friend you can do this with.

I have a couple of guy friends I can do this with, and it’s super helpful and takes pressure off my sexual relationship.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Fuck yeah man. You hit the nail on the head. And I'm sure some guys might still read this and think that "feelings" are just different weaknesses we can get rid of. For them I would say to consider soldiers who may have done things they regret in battle. They can't tell their spouse because it may only cause problems. They have to find other soldiers who have been there before and are dealing with the same thing. This is how a lot of social clubs started, like the VFW(veterans of foreign wars) or fire halls. It's absolutely essential for people to socialize and gain new perspective because we are driven by these forces whether we accept it or not. Maybe if the word "feelings" was replaced by something more manly, it would be easier to see them for what they are.

Thanks a lot for your comment, that was a solid contribution

[–]8trius0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah. I don’t know to call feelings other than...feelings, emotions.

Intuitions? Well, sometimes emotions are wrong but they still need to be vented.

Whatever we call them, they are like children: you can’t let them drive your car, but you can’t stuff them in the trunk, either.

You’re a human. You have feelings. Look up a feelings wheel and learn that “sad” is not simply sad. Maybe what you’re feeling isn’t “depression,” maybe it’s rejection. Or inferiority. Or regret.

Once identified, you can start unpacking what that means for you, and take action accordingly.

But, “I feel had.” “Shut up, no one cares, just get the job done,” is a definite path towards pathological behavior in the future. These feelings are going to express themselves, and they typically explode when you’ve put too much pressure on them.

Learn to catch and release your feelings. Sometimes there’s nothing to do but accept them and let them go. Others are trying to tell you what you need to do next and serve as a compass.

But just stuffing the whole experience into a box is like throwing away a map or GPS system because you’ve got eyes and legs, dammit, you’ll find your way eventually.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Once again man, this is really good. One of my biggest goals for my son is to teach him this. It started when he would say "I hate you" to almost everyone(he is four and very intelligent). And he would get punished by other people for being mean or disruptive. They made it seem like we should be punished for anger. I could see he was overcome with emotion that he couldn't describe. So I say "you don't hate anyone. You are frustrated because you didn't get what you wanted. And now you are angry at us. It's okay. I get angry too. But it doesn't mean you don't love us anymore." And different variations of that. After a while he made the connection and is very good at expressing his anger. I had another moment where I noticed he was punishing himself for being angry and told him to just let it out and that it was okay. Honestly, I come from a long line of very smart men who had personal issues that held us back from success and I will not let that happen to my son. He's going to have high emotional intelligence. If he's able to use it to go far in life, i consider that my greatest success.

[–]8trius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bravo for helping your son with this.

Anger, yes. It was an emotion that I was taught to suppress.

Then I was taught that it’s not anger that’s wrong, but what we do with it.

But no one told me that anger has many subsets, and they are extremely important to learn how to distinguish.

There’s a difference when you are feeling FRUSTRATED at your partner’s mistakes, and when you’re feeling BETRAYED by your partner’s enthusiasm toward you vs. another man.

Those are both anger feelings.

I do think it wise to not make decisions while in a STATE of anger, but to learn how to listen to the anger, take what needs to be learned, then proceed when balanced again.

Fear is the same way.

Tying this all back to your point, the best conversations with my good guy friends are when I can say, “I am feeling disappointed right now.” Then sit in for a minute and then explore what it might mean.

Then, like all of the best men, our guy friends can help us determine a right course of action.

Something the ladies don’t usually have as much good advice regarding.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

And yes depression seems to be overused sometimes, but I've had to accept it on more than one occasion when I would wake up and the optimism and energy I had the night before was just... Gone. As much as I wanted to go grab the world by the balls, I just couldn't do it. Couldn't force myself to not be miserable as much as I wanted it more than anything. I don't want to have this condition but it can't be ignored either. When you go from being the life of the party to not wanting another person around you it is not a choice anymore

[–]8trius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. Depression is yet another feeling to learn to sit with, to learn from, to have patience with yourself through.

[–]SangreAlba0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Preach, I wouldnt be who I am, if it wasnt for my homies.

[–]cryptoaussie9990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck yes brother, wolf mentality, brotherhood mentality. We are all brothers in fucking arms but until we all see that we will feel alone. Thank you for this post, this is empowering and healthy masculinity where everyone wins. Even a woman who has a man with a strong net of friends around him will reap the benefits.

[–]CATREACTIONS0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah don't know how i feel about this. By friends i mean really close friends that i know for a long time. Other people you might consider friends come and go just like women.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is it just guys who are your friends who would fuck her or every other guy in the world too? How do you deal with them?

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So which part bothers you, that they would want to fuck her, or that you think they would try to fuck her? And do you not trust her to not fuck them?

Does your friend have to be as attractive as you are or can he be an ugly guy?

Sorry for all the questions. This just caught me off guard

[–]167167167abc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This post is so important that TRP actually needs a "GANG/TRIBE/TEAM" reddit for building our tribe. It's really hard for men to find friends and it's even harder for men to find true friends. Now, a part of the reason for that is men are like wolves, they need a target and target must be mouth watering for every single guy in the tribe.

[–]Zech4riah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't worry. Guys who has no friends usually have no women either. Problem solves itself.

[–]bestsparkyalive-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish you the best my friend.

[–]TrashcanCity690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, what does your gut tell you?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm sorry to tell you this but your parents will be gone some day and it will be the worst experience of your life. I hope you aren't alone and can have someone there with you to help through things.

[–]lasdfab1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great thread and great responses, OP.

[–]King_Crimson_001-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve never had anyone whom I’d consider “real friends” 99% of people are shameless opportunists, myself included.

[–]hb2401-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Become good friends with yourself before any of this.

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is true to an extent but for a lot of people that is an abstract statement that could mean different things. Some of which could actually be harmful, if it's a justification to keep you away from other people until this distant time in the future when you are fully capable of maintaining your own happiness. Because you may become very depressed in the meantime from isolation. We are social animals after all.

I don't want to see "be your own friend" as another flaw you have to fix before you are good enough for other people to accept you. Making friends is part of treating yourself well

[–]hb24010 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah I agree with that but it's the same as how can someone love you if you dont love yourself but it must be different for other people for myself life found true happiness in myself not on other people

[–]ebaymasochist[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

it's the same as how can someone love you if you dont love yourself

You can spend too much time focused on yourself and not love yourself because of that. Obviously don't be self destructive or self hating and expect someone to treat you well. But not having friends until you love yourself doesn't hold up to scrutiny. "Do you want people you love to be lonely?" No? Then apply it to yourself. "Do you want people you love to have a social life, even if they don't love themselves?" Yes? Then why not want the same for you?

Having friends is part of self love and self care because not having them is torture for most people and pain that is unnecessary.

This doesn't have to be such a big deal with so many conditions

[–]hb24010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Idk it's been the complete opposite for me



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