Where did you go wrong in your last LTR?

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July 16, 2020

Post Information
Title Where did you go wrong in your last LTR?
Author Maxtrill12
Upvotes 78
Comments 137
Date 16 July 2020 04:01 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/714683
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hsc86n/where_did_you_go_wrong_in_your_last_ltr/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship

[–]DizzyDoomSlayer354 points355 points 2 (29 children) | Copy

Lel it's hilarious how most of the replies are about putting her first and valuing her more than yourself. Tells me that deep down inside you all are good men. You'll gave it your best but the world didn't care. Don't worry brothers. I care. I know how bad it felt. Glad to be a part of this community.

[–]L2diy62 points63 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great comment, once you realize the system values strength over sacrifice you are given new life.

[–]PrometheusRisesIN14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

We were supposed to be men first, good at being a man and then later would have opted for becoming a 'good man'.

[–]TrashcanCity697 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hilarious? More like melancholy. But you gotta hit rock bottom in order to cultivate that steely-reserve and unwavering self belief.

I think it’s interesting how random people on the internet can help more than others IRL

[–]DigitalDragonSlayer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

+1 plus comment and user name 🥺

[–]throwawaypain3452 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just seen this question, I didn't reply yet, but your comment was spot on, dammit

[–]tudor0781 points82 points  (2 children) | Copy

Too much push, too little pull

[–]bandraboyz13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol that's me

[–]mickey__2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How little?

[–]Dripsonhold55 points56 points  (2 children) | Copy

I let her be friends with an ex

[–]PurpleLemon4de37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

Boyfriend is just a word. Any girl can be convinced subconsciously into cheating with plausible deniability and keno. Makes them forget all about their partner

[–]Tousen710 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a big one.

[–]Drakhn53 points54 points  (0 children) | Copy

I never had one foot out the door. She trusted I'd stay in the relationship so she got fat, she had a ton of mood swings and she was starting to get controlling. I left after she had a weird reaction about what would happen if she accidentally got pregnant (she couldn't have for an additional 2 years as she had an implant but I didn't trust it).

[–]Cronos_0651 points52 points  (4 children) | Copy

I deployed.

[–]187oddfuture37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

F. Pour one out for all of the boys in uniform. Seeing all their girlfriends and wives fuck other men while they deployed was a big red pill for me.

[–]h04083657 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He is the inevitable

[–]dssatas5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same, but that was just the final straw in a long line of her controlling me and me trying to give her what I thought she wanted

[–]operationveritas53 points54 points  (4 children) | Copy

I took her back after she cheated.

Wtf was wrong with me back then.

[–]PurpleLemon4de25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you take them back they no longer have respect for you and will cheat again. If they told you they cheated they already had no respect and don’t fear what you would do.

[–]operationveritas22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t worry mate she is looooong gone now.

[–]Maxtrill12[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man that puts it into perspective

[–]what-up-yo-yo112 points113 points  (0 children) | Copy

I entered one. :P

[–]Spartawolf77 points78 points  (1 child) | Copy

She discovered feminism, then discovered false allegations for attention from orbiters. Lost a lot of my blue pilled uni friends. Moved on.

5 years later she now can't seem to find a boyfriend and is rapidly hitting the wall last I heard. You get what you deserve Danielle :)

[–]DrewpeacockO_o43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck Danielle

All my homies hate Danielle

[–]the_knifeofdunwall38 points39 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trusting her.

[–]mlgpc185 points86 points  (0 children) | Copy

Valued her time more than mine

[–]PrometheusRisesIN26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Looked over the 'friction' She didn't wanted sex. I did. Still entered into one due to scarcity mindset and moderate oneitis.

[–]beamandylan51 points52 points  (8 children) | Copy

Embarrassing beta male shit.

Long sappy texts in the morning and evening, constant attention, I wrote letters for her when she left the country and cried before she left. It was so cringe. I was disgustingly dependent and never put myself first. Sometimes I wish I could go back and slap myself for the way I handled that entire relationship, but these experiences are what lead me to TRP and self development.

Live and learn.

[–]PurpleLemon4de21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a friend to beat you up for all that shit and you’ll be able to sleep again

[–]redditor67tny15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

live and fucking learn.

[–]rickle_pickk9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Were you me? Fuck, this hurts to read. Guess I had to go through finding out she cheated on me after 3.5 years of relationship to realize that I’ve been doing it wrong my whole life. Hurts to know you were a beta.

[–]loliamsobroke4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Still think women turn men into betas. If you give in you lose, women want dominant men not lovey dovey, constantly apologising, checking up on her, making sure she’s happy at all times-bullshit.

[–]rickle_pickk2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish I knew that before she cheated...

Of course, it is entirely her fault that she cheated - fuck that thot.

But I was acting like a beta, nonetheless.

[–]beamandylan2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hurt to write but I try not to dwell on the past. At least I learned a lot from that relationship. Can't imagine losing 3.5 years like that though... Make sure you learn from it and make your future relationships better!

[–]rickle_pickk2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m only 21, still got a lot of time to apply all that I’ve learned.

[–]beamandylan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just turned 22 here. We've got lots of time to learn

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (3 children) | Copy

Single mom, say no more

[–]i7user0716 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]IamWhoIsayIamm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Curious, what ended up happening ??

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]bminusmusic5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

ohhh yup...

[–]p3nmansh1p45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy

Became vulnerable.

[–]Nergaal7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

First time I chose to be vulnerable she straight up blocked me. Not even sorry, I need something else. Straight up block me. In hindsight I only wanted to be proven wrong, but being proven right again was a very bitter pill to reswallow.

[–]AudiXXCapone19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not being able to control my reactions to their actions. This is important to master. Be calm, cool and collected so they have nothing to grab at.

[–]alphaonthecomeup2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is very important. Control your reactions

[–]SwinginPastMyKnees_20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put her on a pedestal. She started pulling away and I tried convincing her to stay.

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

I didn't vet her enough because she was someone I knew from childhood.

[–]LIEX4404 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This hit to close to home 😔

[–]MA199816 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got sloppy. Stopped going to the gym, didn’t train as much, didn’t make an effort really.

[–]alphabachelor16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ignored a lot of red flags and broke one of the cardinal rules -- putting her first.

Should have kept her as a short term fling but I thought she was the one.

[–]recursoinominado14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

Not enough boundaries. I didn't ended things when i needed and that led to her losing respect for me and all went to hell after it.

Trying to make her happy, compromising too much, only to find out later that the problem was in her ungrateful stand on life, not in my actions. Some people don't know how to be happy, get the fuck away from those people.

I keep seeing the above mistake over and over in real life and series/movies. A good man with a lot of value to offer takes an average woman (sometimes damaged) with a pretty face to himself. She is happy at first, only to take him for granted later.

[–]RagingMayo2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hey man, boundaries is a big thing that I try to implement in my day-to-day life because my mother never taught me to have any growing up. I am also a virgin mofo who never had a girlfriend, so I am kinda scared that I would get eaten up by a woman in a relationship. So I am happy about every little nugget of experience and wisdom I can get from other men.

Could you by any chance give me some examples where you should have had boundaries or where she deliberately stepped over yours? What should be the consequences, if she doesn't care about your boundaries?

Also a little story. I heard a couple in a train talk a few days ago. The dude tried to explain to his girlfriend why he doesn't feel comfortable that she is hanging out with male friends. She reacted with that this type of thinking is outdated and oldfashioned and that it is not her problem, if he feels insecure about it. He tried to argue and in some way it seemed like he negotiated with her ("oh baby come on, try to understand me") and tried to appease her by giving her a few kisses. It was kinda cringe listening to, but then again I have no idea of these things.

[–]recursoinominado4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man, this is a tricky thing to do, it is more of an art. You have to be willing to end thing when you enforce a boundaries and this takes balls. Your power as a man in a relationship is to walk away at any time you feel you should, no matter if you are dating for a week or a decade. It is tricky because the line between strong boundaries and being abusive is thin. The thing is, ultimately, you can't control the women nor try to, you only have control of your actions. Let me give you an example: let's say that you don't want your gf to go clubbing without you. The way you approach the situation is before even making her your gf, when you guys are dating, you say that you wouldn't date someone who goes clubbing without you. If she disagreea, protests, argue, you know then and there that she is not an option to be in a relationship with. That's what, ideally, everyone should do, the problem is that most men are desperate as fuck and so they can't enforce boundaries. Let's say that she kind of agrees with you and later on you make her your gf, she get a little too comfortable and one day text you that she is going clubbing. Here you have to be clear and honest: baby, you know how I feel about a gf of mine going to a club without me, but I can't make you do anything. If she goes, you absolutely have to end thing then and there, no arguing, no drama, just cut and dry. If you don't, she just learned that you don't have the balls to leave her and she absolutely will use this against you later, every time going further and further away from your boundaries until one day she cheats you with a BBC because she doesn't respect you anymore.

The mistake guys make is trying to make the girl comply with his rules, arguing, debating, threatening or even beating. Don't ever do any of those. You are like a developed country, you have a lot to offer, this are your rules, if the girl wants in, she have to follow those or get the fuck away.

[–]RagingMayo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I really appreciate that you put so much thought into this. I didn't think about the vetting part as a tool to support my preset boundaries. Although I probably can't vet for everything as the noob that I am. I feel like I have to go through a few rough experiences to learn how I apply my boundaries. Also having seen and experienced abundance (=know that I can replace her) in my life probably helps with walking away.

[–]mickey__4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well by last paragraph you know what absolutely you should NEVER do

[–]catz12345611 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

At times addressed her drama creating comments. Should of ignored them. If there's no drama, bitches will create it.

[–]PurpleLemon4de6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sometimes a little drama is good. Push/pull

[–]catz12345611 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah girls need it. If things are too stable they always want to shake it up. More validation, excitement, whatever the case. They don't even realize it.

[–]lt0502866 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agents of chaos

[–]mt_phoenix13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I believed I was responsible for her happiness, and I wanted her to understand me... I needed her to understand me... Gee, putting it in writing now it sounds so lame... Embarassing...

[–]dadudenines26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is always "issues"...

[–]journeytosleep10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I also had scarcity mindset and mild oneitis. I was raised to figure shit out on my own before asking for help so when I told her to figure a task herself she got upset and left. Starting to realize there was a trend altruism pulling me way down mentally and emotionally while not affecting her much at all.

[–]buttgoogler10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

I went soft as a motherfucker.

[–]rickle_pickk5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was softer. It’s ok, live and learn.

[–]SoloSilk10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I strayed from my mission and merged nearly every aspect of my daily life with her. Probably would still be together if distance wasn't brought upon us, but im grateful events transpired the way they did as it was an important lesson in reforging myself.

[–]TBronze19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lost frame at a party.

Blew up at all her friends who kept asking me why I wouldnt allow her to drink and effectively told them if its her choice to leave her be.

3 weeks later her mum let slip she was pregnant - anyway I figured she'd tell me in her own time - she didnt tell me but what I did find out was she was sleeping with another dude in the week immediately after the party.

She miscarried (thankfully there is a god out there) at which stage I had completely called our relationship off. Removed myself from the lease which ultimately forced her to move in with her father cause she couldnt afford to live on her own and I went back to basic TRP internalising the sidebar and picking myself back up.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This made me lol hope you’re doing well

[–]trpppp1239 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You shouldn't have time to fuck 3 times a day if you're busy on your mission tbh

[–]bminusmusic9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I took her back after she fucked one of my good friends who was also my pledge brother. Told myself it was a drunk mistake and I should forgive and forget.

After we broke up the second and final time a few months ago, I find out that immediately after she went and fucked two more of my fraternity brothers, one was my grand-little.

I can’t believe I was such a CLOWN ugh

[–]agoodcrayon4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

So are frat bros not really bros?

Never went to college so I have no idea how frats operate.

[–]bminusmusic2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, idk. I've forgiven both of them for the most part. I was really angry and upset for a while, but then I tried to put myself in their shoes. They're super drunk and this girl (my ex) is coming onto them aggressively (clearly just to spite me because they're my friends and I'm close with them). They probably haven't gotten laid in forever. So combine that desperation with them being blackout drunk, and I'm not surprised they give into that temptation. Maybe they would've done it sober, hopefully not, who knows. Just have to be the bigger person in the end because it's better for everyone involved.

[–]RagingMayo7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nonetheless you should no longer associate with them. It is really important to forgive since it is an entirely personal and internal process. It is about healing mental wounds. But forgetting is something else. And people who pushed your boundary of friendship should have no place in your life anymore in my opinion. It's about how you value yourself. Also, I would stop making excuses for other people.

[–]jellysquat15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I cheated on her repeatedly. Really what I wanted was to spin plates but I thought that I had to be in a relationship to get what I wanted. Scarcity mindset really. To be honest I didn't even realise spinning plates was an option.

I was such a fucking hypocrite and so out of touch with my own true nature before RedPill. I am so much more upfront and honest with women now.

[–]subaruguy148 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Jasperthekitteh6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let her make almost all major decisions. Put my needs on the side. Was losing who I am as a man really.

[–]Jacked5parrow5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]loliamsobroke7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put her on a pedestal. Complimenting on bare minimum. Losing frame. Didn’t lift as much. Didn’t consider myself as a prose. Basically lived in a fairyland.

[–]Pharmatt5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Became emotional in front of her. Seen it a million times, the second you show emotion and need to them it’s donezo

[–]smolzino5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's not, unless you vetted her so bad that you got yourself a sociopath. I opened up to my gf about some issues that were affecting me and my relationship, actually broke down crying while doing it.

She was SO nice to me during, and after it. She went from being kind of angry with me to giving me all of her attention, being supportive and understanding. She's never held it against me or lost respect for me.

Wanna know why? After I cleared up things and opened up, I didn't stay miserable and kept venting about it. I did it for the sake of honesty and openness, and then I worked on my issues and became better again

[–]Pharmatt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you man sounds like you got a good one

[–]EKcore5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not knowing to workon my mental health. My wife pushed hard for me to figure out what my deal was. Turns out I've been ASD all my life and no one ever really knew about it till she did a deep dive. 33 diagnosed autism spectrum disorder. It explains so much and help us push past my characteristics and help my self and her recognize when I'm spiraling and so fixated on things out.

[–]IrvineKafka6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Turned into a needy beta-simp.

On reflection it is utterly embarrassing.

Learned my very hard, but very valuable, and, ultimately required, lesson.

Turned my self around. Still have a few dips in the road. But, overall, I go by the 90/10 rule. 90% RP, slip into sometimes 10% BP - before catching it and going right back to RP.

She never even notices those momentary slips because my usual stasis is my solid, DNGAF, willing to walk at any minute frame.


[–]4Sammich4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Didn't catch the signs of bipolar. To be honest though, she hid it really well, and from everyone around her too.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was unhappy with my job and my life so I became dependent on her to keep me happy. Women sense this shit quickly and she was gone soon after. Live and learn.

[–]throwawaycunt19975 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I cheated on her and got caught instead of just dumping her. 🤷‍♂️

[–]MGTOW_BEASTMODE5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I went wrong thinking I'd be cool with dating a woman who thought oral sex was something "only sluts do"

She wasn't a slut. 2 years wasted... first girl I dated after pretty much pushed me down and went for the gobble right away.

[–]justlafleur6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

It was actually me breaking up with her.

I didn’t think I could be a good boyfriend so I called it off within 24 hours of accepting her relationship offer.

It went downhill from there.

I wish I never had broken up with her.

[–]alittletoosmooth7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see a long road and a lot of sidebar in your future

[–]gbnz873 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two things come to mind. She was working in a hospital during lockdown while I was at home with not much to do. I let her take a bit of control of when we would meet up and what we would do since I figured shed be exhausted and stressed from work as at the time it was really up in their air if they had PPE or not. Also during lockdown we agreed that we would go for walks together and not do any hand holding or close affection as she was really concerned with dealing with patients and not being protected. In hind sight its easy to say we should of kept intimate as neither of us have been unwell but at the time there was a lot of confusion out there and we figured it was for the best. It pretty much killed all the momentum of the relationship and she ended up breaking up with me. They were the two things in my control that come to mind.

[–]ToldYouNotToWorry_3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy


No 1 attraction killer. She lost all respect for me.

[–]brasilgringo3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought she would stick with me when I was living 18hrs (plane) away and when I stopped paying her bills. She shacked up with a chubby low-life, squirted out a kid (her 2nd), and stopped talking to me. I literally make 30X more/mo. than her or her chubby low-life. It was her turn with me, and she blew it.

[–]illusiveab3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indeterminate on my direction, lack of frame and resources, emotionally invested

[–]Johnfeb943 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Settled and became too comfortable and stopped taking care of myself.

Reading a lot of these comments, I think a lot of people here don't understand extreme TRP views aren't very compatible with LTR's. LTR's are much more of a balancing act whereas TRP will help you get laid and play the field better. TRP can help you get the girl into a LTR with you if you want, but it won't be sustainable if you're too extreme on either end of the spectrum generally speaking.

[–]Maxtrill12[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

moderation is key

[–]Johnfeb941 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]zippycezch2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I loved her more then myself.

[–]Alzatorus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty sure it was when I met her.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My one LTR a long time ago I was too much of a pussy to hard next when it was deserved. Slowly she lost respect as she realized my boundaries weren’t worth upholding.

Don’t settle boys. She’s not special. There are better out there. Just tell your dick to chill and be patient.

[–]loliamsobroke2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thinking it’s just my turn from now on, it wasn’t just mine.

[–]InflatableRaft1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She stayed the night.

[–]elbananerozoy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idealized her, thinking she was the one, going through the garbage. But im not gonna lie, I cheated on Her two times in 5 years and I applied dread too much

[–]Zapche1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Continuing to use red pill after I got her

[–]mrrooftops8 points9 points  (10 children) | Copy

Let me rephrase that for you: "Continued to use a thin veneer of red pill after you got her"

Emulating 'Alpha' will catch up with you in the end. You have to vertically integrate it into your whole being. Anything less and the girl will sniff it out in no time.

[–]twolanterns9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy

I’d say taking TRP literally in an LTR is much worse for the longevity (often but not necessarily the success) of the relationship. You can’t do mind games for years.

You have to find a girl with good values who sees the world in a similar way. Keep your shit together, chin up, don’t lose yourself into her. A relationship where the girl doesn’t know how you actually see her because you try to play her as a plate will never bring happiness nor value to your life

[–]mrrooftops2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So TRP is mind games to you?

[–]Zapche5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

TRP doesn’t work on a LTR you have to let her win 2/10 times can’t always be alpha you should 8/10 times but they ain’t teaching that here

[–]smolzino2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

100%. My LTR is extremely healthy, and I think the secret is that I dominate her and keep her in check, but I give enough rope that she still has a voice and she knows she can trust me to be understanding if I need to be. Basically I'm in charge but I'm not a dictator

[–]Zapche0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s the proper way I was a dictator cause I felt like if I ever let her win anything that I was a bitch

[–]Johnfeb940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

and I think the secret is that I dominate her

Lmfao wtf?

[–]mickey__0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Where to 'learn' that balance?

[–]Zapche2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t come to TRP for every answer do what you feel like doing even if it’s going to make you look like a bitch

[–]mickey__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

how do you do it

[–]mickey__1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Where to 'learn' that balance?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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