Parents of RPC, have you encountered a scenario where your alpha son and another wannabe alpha boy cannot co-exist as anything more than acquaintances?

redwall92 · 2020-07-24T19:35:18+00:00

Kids are going to be kids in many senses. If you force this apha/beta construct on them, then I think you're doing them a disservice.

What is RP? It's a sexual strategy.

Does it help you get along at your place of business? Sure. Probably does.

Does is help you be a better parent. Yup. Frame is the name of the game in parenting.

Can it help you sort out playground squabbles between the 12 year olds in your life??? Well ... it may help. But you might be asking too much there.

That said .... if you're 12yo "is an alpha", then he won't have problems getting along with people in most any circumstances.

I've got a 17yo that I'd call a natural. And he doesn't really try ... at much of anything. Yet in group dynamics I see him getting the pulls all the time. It's fun to watch.

I've got a 14yo that is not a natural. He tries at everything. And it can push people away sometimes ... because he has to make a friend sometimes. Sometimes it's cringy to watch.

If your 12yo is truly "is an alpha" (whatever that means in the world of 12yo humans....), then just let him do his thing. Why are you intervening?

Don't train your 12yo son into some mindset where everybody HAS to like him because he "is an alpha" or everybody HAS to play with him and not mistreat him because he "is an alpha." Don't train your son into some entitlement mentality because he "is an alpha." Let your son know that sometimes there are people who don't like you for whatever reason. Maybe they're just sorting things out on the playground and establishing the pecking order.

"You do you" wins the day.

operationveritas · 2020-07-24T19:31:07+00:00

Not a parent but can say a couple of things as I’m a few years down the road (I’m 20).

Things like this will happen when alphas butt heads, it’s power play (at least for me it was). Sometimes it got physical, but mostly for me growing up it was a war of words and reputations. Seems to me its just that, power play, fighting (consciously/subconsciously and/or physically/mentally) for the position of ‘best kid on the block’.

When I was younger I wish that my father had taught me about power, some stoicism and making the right decisions to guard my reputation.

Retaliation is a sticky subject. As Christians of course we should try to avoid violence where possible, but you should try to teach your son to use his better judgement (guided by yours/scripture/history) and retaliate/react accordingly. There are many smart ways to react to violence without violence. Also something I wish I had known when I was younger.

To quote one of my favourite passages from one of my favourite books of all time.

Reputation is a treasure to be carefully collected and hoarded. Especially when you are first establishing it, you must protect it strictly, anticipating all attacks on it. Once it is solid, do not let yourself get angry or defensive at the slanderous comments of your enemies - that reveals insecurity, not confidence in your reputation. Take the high road instead, and never appear desperate in your self-defence.

There are parents on here who will most likely give you a better answer/more based in scripture. However my take is from a position where I was in situations similar to your son, however I was never taught or shown the correct way to deal with said situations. Only over the last few years have I learnt to control such situations through self education and experiences.

Good luck mate.