If you've been working on yourself by going to the gym and working on your frame, chances are, women from your day to day life have already started approaching you to start conversations or dropping some indicators of attraction your way.
I see this over and over again to my friends and it is frustrating beyond belief when guys fail to capitalize on opportunities.
I used to make the same mistake. When I was first starting out, I remember at a Meetup group, there was a cute girl who approached me after the event and had a conversation with me. I simply talked and talked, without ever asking her out or even getting her number. But I couldn't get my mind off of the girl! I thought about her after the meetup, super excited for the next time I would see her! And of course, I didn't want to rush things, I wanted to "play it slow..."
Well, after talking to her 2 more times after Meetups (both times without asking her out or even getting contact info), she stopped coming my way. That's when I made a fatal mistake of chasing... That's right, I approached her and tried to "warm her up" again. Big mistake. Now, she was cold, indifferent, just professional workplace vibes, not flirty.
This probably happens to you all the time as a beginner as well - especially if you're in High School or College. Meet a cute girl in your class, have an interesting conversation with her. Can't wait to see her again the next class! But don't get too aggressive! Let's play it nice and slow, since I feel a real connection with this girl!
Next class rolls around, same thing! Have interesting conversation! Dream about her... Still no escalation on your part... And poof, the attraction that was there initially is gone. Vanished into thin air... She goes cold and you desperately try to reignite that spark but it's over.
Why do women lose attraction so rapidly if you move too slow?
- Playing it slow communicates to the girl that you're afraid to lose her... and nothing is more unattractive than a guy who doesn't even believe in himself and his own value
- Playing it slow communicates that you won't know what to do on dates or in bed. It show inexperience as well as lack of leadership, and it shows her that most likely she will have to do all the work - which is not sexy at all.
- Women get hit on a lot by other guys. Chances are, at least one of those guys isn't afraid of the girl (unlike you) and they move FAST. Women have a lot of options (if they are young and hot). Most don't have the patience to wait more than a week for you to make up your mind. Too many other guys hitting her up.
Here's what you do instead:
- If a girl approaches you in any setting that doesn't involve getting a work related assignment done, that's as much of an indicator of attraction as you can possibly hope for. I swear, some guys are so inexperienced that unless the girl starts making out with them right away, they still don't know if the girl is attracted or not... Don't be one of those guys. If the girl walks up to you and strikes up a conversation, you can safely assume she is attracted. Always, Always, Always ask her out after the conversation ends. Do not play it slow
- If a girl simply moves away from her original location and stands near you, this is often a sign of attraction. A lot of girls are too shy to directly approach men. But that doesn't mean they're not attracted. You'll often find these shy girls hovering near you. The telltale sign of attraction is if their feet are pointed towards you, since that's subconscious. If that's the case, approach! Even a simple, "Hi, my name is (blank), nice to meet you! What brings you here?" will work since she is already attracted
- If a girl smiles at you when the two of you make eye contact, you definitely need to approach. Another blatant invitation to approach that a lot of guys fail to take advantage of. If a girl smiles at you, it's practically her way of saying, "You're hot, come talk to me, I want to know more about you and see what you're really about!" Again, even the simplest of openers will work since she is already attracted.
- There are other indicators of attraction that are less reliable such as a girl looking down when you meet her eyes, or a girl playing with her hair when you walk next to her. In my opinion, you should always play aggressively and approach any woman that even gives the slightest hint of attraction. There's nothing to lose.
The next time you find yourself seeing these blatant signs of attraction and hesitating, realize that you don't have weeks to let the attraction "slowly build up". You have a very brief window. If you watch the NFL, defenses don't usually allow for crazy big plays to happen. There's only the tiniest of windows for the quarterback to make a play. If you play video games, a lot of hard bosses are invulnerable as they're attacking you and only offer a brief moment (usually indicated by a color change or something) where they are vulnerable to attack. DO NOT MISS THESE WINDOWS WITH GIRLS!
Fortune favors the bold.
Hesitation is the seed of defeat.
Strike while the iron is hot.