Would post on main sub but it's banned.

After the emerge of Dr. Adadya, I have been bombarded with private messages asking for advice. This guy asked a pretty generic question that alot of people ask, so I thought I would publish the answers.

This is a long read with detailed answers. I suggest you read it though, it could help you out Alot in life.

Hello, I saw your comment on /asktrp This might be random, but decided to ask it anyways.

So i've had a rough breakup with a 29 yo girl, i am 27. I lost my v-card to her and things were going okay. I had problems with my dick(short frenulum), so i had a surgery, after that we had no sex. She started getting cold. In the end of June she decided to break up with me, i already was complete beta and had oneitis. 2 weeks laters she started fucking her Best Male Friend.

So after this happened i blocked her everywhere, got my stuff, though it was 6 weeks after we broke up.

Started working out and lost 4 kilos, now bulking up and trying new hobbies.

I know she will hit the wall pretty so i know i am in a way better possition than her. The thing is she, thinks she is better than me and has chosen the better guy. I love it when people underestimate you.

I am working on myself, currently jobless, which gives me alot of time to read and learn, and train.

The question is how do i stop thinking about her and getting angry at what she did?

She called me for my birthday in the end of November, which was odd.

I am going out from time to time, but my game is not good, i know it, i know i have approach anxiety, but i am trying to overcome it.

I have read the Rational Male and swallowed the pill just after she got me fucked over. Any tips on how to get over the anger phase.

I also plan on starting boxing after new year :)

Thanks in Advance.

Well remember it's normal to feel at fault for what happened. Maybe it was your fault because you were a BP faggot or maybe it was her fault for being a stone Cold bitch. It really doesn't matter whose fault it was. What happened happened. Remember that the universe throws challenges like this at you to test you. To see how you RESPOND. It might or might not be your fault, but it will always be your responsibility how you proceed from now on. You can let it break you or you can let it make you.

Use the anger, improve yourself. You choose your battles and your sufferings. We all suffer, but what sufferings will you give a fuck about? Will you give a fuck about a pussy that's about to go sour or will you save your precious fucks and spend them on something that matters?

Feel free to ask more questions if you want.

Well that was spot on. Great response.

I feel angry, because she disrespected me and treated me like a little puppy. Like she has a big Ego and is the Oh mighty gorgious girl. In the end the things she did made all of our mutual friend ignore her. Also i've been thinking about how mediocre she was and in the end i've taken some stuff and improved myself, but having goals in mind and purpouse to improve myself, i am way ahead of her or her boyfriend.

And she is trying to get the best guy before she hits the wall ;)

In the End i decided to burn that bridge, because it was affecting me in a bad way.

Thank you for the answer. If i have any questions i will hit you up. All has been written in the TRP and i have been reading it, and watching the Red Man group videos.

So my main focus is me and from the lessons learned it will always be like that.

Remember this key point: your happiness is defined by what metric you measure it by.

Let me give you an example: the guy from the Beatles, don't remember the name. He got kicked out right when they got their first record deal. He was infuriated. He spent all this anger to prove to them he was better. And he eventually ended up starting another rock band that sold 125m in records. You would define that as success right? According to my personal metric, that is success. But according this guy's own metric, he was never good enough. Even though he was a rich rock star, he was never happy. Why? Because his success was measured against the Beatles. And you know they sold Alot more than 125m records. He eventually went into depression and ended up killing himself.

The important point being: stop doing all this to prove to your ex that it was her loss. Because according to her, you might never improve. Even if you become a rockstar. Maybe you will be better in her eyes though, but the point being stop using this to measure your future happiness. Become independent. Do it for you and no one else.

Again your answer is spot on.

Any ideas on how to stop looking for validation from people ? And on how to do it for myself instead of doing it to impress someone somewhere 

 this is ingrained into us from birth. You want validation from your parents. There is nothing wrong with wanting validation, it's a human instinct. What is wrong is letting it control and dictate your life. This is what women do, but they cannot control it. It's out of their hands.

There is no quickfix, it's all about being aware and developing a mindset to support it.

Let me put it into to perspective. All humans are born with themselves in the center. The world revolves around them. Same with you, same with me. The center of my universe is ME. It revolves around ME. Basically when you realize this, you also realize you can't trust anyone else than yourself and you should not be doing anything for other people than yourself.

You are here for a very limited time. How do you plan to spend this time? Pleasing others? Going after other people's dreams? No matter what you do, you can never please everyone. No matter what you do, you cannot become attractive to everyone. Therefore you must do it for yourself and eventually the right people will find you. I know you already know this, you sound smart. It just helps when someone else says it out loud. It allows you to confirm your own thoughts.

Stop trying to find a fix to stop caring what other people think. Just choose not to care.

The scientific part is that our neural pathways have taken years to form throughout our upbringing and it is these neural pathways that decide how you think. To break these neural pathways, you have to start believing that is possible. You do that by DOING. "From now on, I dont give a fuck about what they think". Even if you don't believe it, keep trying to. Eventually you will. It's the "fake it it till you make it" principle. Become who you dream of, don't just wish for it.