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Trying to Become a High Value Male. Need Advice.

Reddit View
December 31, 2018
69 upvotes

Hello all. This is the first time I'm posting to this subreddit. I own and have read Rollo Tomassi's The Rational Male. I fucking loved that book. It told me truths I had known for a while but could never put into words. I'm trying to become a High Value Male like Rollo and TRP says. However, this is difficult. I'm a 25 year old virgin. I still live at home with my mom and I have no job and no money. But, I have taken steps to change my life for the better. I have been lifting weights 4-6 times a week for the past 2 years and 3 months. I have gotten in really great shape and I'm 6'0'' at about 185 lbs. I get compliments from multiple guys at the gym (not trying to brag). I also got my Masters in English from college back in June. I'm still actively looking for a job to start my career as a technical writer, but no such luck yet in landing a job. Also, I stopped watching porn over 5 months ago.

I suck with women. Super shy. Super nervous. I actually asked out a girl at the dog park this past week and I'm proud I did it but I got rejected. I don't do enough things with women. I have no social life. I have only 1 best friend and all we do is play Fortnite/Smash Bros. when we hang out. What's your best advice for me? Should I even be going after women or should I find a job first, start making money, expand my social circle thru work, and then start meeting women. Being a virgin effects my self esteem tremendously and I feel like a fucking loser and everyone is having sex but me. I've been watching a lot of Dan Bilzerian interviews and I'm like, fuck, what am I doing with my fucking life. I wanna experience what it's like to spin multiple plates at once. I want that so bad. Any advice? Thanks for reading.


Post Information
Title Trying to Become a High Value Male. Need Advice.
Author BigNog_
Upvotes 69
Comments 58
Date 31 December 2018 06:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/72125
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ab9ui0/trying_to_become_a_high_value_male_need_advice/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
Rolloplateliftthe red pill
Comments

[–]Eap123RP69 points70 points  (8 children) | Copy

Overall IMO, it seems like you need to work on your personal inner demons before focusing on women. You definitely need to work on your financial success first at that age. For your money/job situation, you could probably try teach English at a school. You may need additional certificatation for that. Plus, you'll meet a lot women looking to become teachers.

Edit: as the other replies said, don't compare yourself to Dan Bilzerian. He inherited a lot money, which how he lives the way he does.

[–]BigNog_[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

thanks for the advice. I personally do not want to be a teacher. it just never appealed to me. I think I might have to go back to school just to get certified. fuck that lol. I'm done with school.

[–]FrankCostanza1110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With his degree, he could also travel internationally and teach English in an ESL capacity. That in and of itself is cool and interesting.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

I thought Dan won his money in poker?

[–]pickyourselfupman9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I thought Dan went through 2 Hell Weeks at BUD/s and would’ve been a SEAL had he not showed off a gun in the trunk of his car the week of graduation. Now, I’m not saying that that’s a bunch of BS, but hmmmmmmm... it’s suspect for sure.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

On joe rogans podcast he said he made it all playing poker. So i have no idea. He said he grew up a loser.

[–]pickyourselfupman5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If he got some money from his father, then he’s definitely multiplied it many times over from being a pro at poker, no doubt. I like Dan Bilzerian, I wish I was him honestly, I just find his Navy SEAL story hard to believe and all I know is a lot more guys quit BUD/s than not. I wouldn’t like him as much if he was lying about it instead of just admitting “that shit’s hard, I dropped out.”

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idk much about his seal story. Ill have to research that one

[–]seexo43 points44 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't compare yourself to dan bilzerian lmao,

This looks like social media anxiety (or whatever it's called) when you think everyone has a wonderful life except you. Psst it's not true

Start small bro, join salsa classes and enjoy the shit out of them, or perhaps swimming if you're into that, you can try tennis too, just an activity where you can meet people (not just women).

If you feel being a virgin is fucking with your mental health, try a hooker (the only guy I know who's a 5 and fucking a 9 did a hooker for his first time).

If you put in the work, things will get better.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy

+1 for the hooker. Nothing makes you swallow the pill more than straight up paying for sex and seeing just how it all works without the bullshit.

[–]TheGillos13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might even get a discount and extra guidance if you shop around a bit. Some women get off on that.

I lied to some strippers about being a virgin, got extra special treatment (from her and her friend). So it can work in your favor.

[–]trpppp12310 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Hey man, to start off, I lost my v-card at 25 years old and was a hugless, kissless virgin until then. I'm 28 now. Since then, I've made out with countless amount of chicks, I'd say in the triple digits now and I'm at around 15 for lay count (and last week I fucked 2 in cancun, one of them being the hottest girls I've been with). I'm no player, but I think coming from where I did, I'm not doing too bad now and I am getting better. It took a lot of effort before things have started to click. Even now, women are confusing sometimes, but I think that'll always be the case.

One thing I have improved on a ton is my own abundance mentality. I used to get so hung up when a girl wouldn't reply to me after a date and if I got rejected, it stung so much. Nowadays, I've gotten to the point where it doesn't phase me, in fact, it doesn't register, I just move on to the next.

Honestly, I kind of lost my v-card by random luck. The girl was super into me for some reason, and I kept avoiding meeting up with her because I was nervous. It was to the point she kept telling me to come over and she'd make it worth my while. With the help of a friend, I went, and fucked her. I didn't come, it was awkward, and she never messaged me again. But from there, something clicked for me... and things started warming up.

Honestly, if you're 25, and it doesn't look like there's pussy in sight, just pay for it. Get the first one under your belt. It might click something for you. If you're in shape like you say you are, and you're doing well in your career, etc. then it's just a matter of ramping up. Get on Tinder, hit up some clubs with the boys, have a good time, approach more, travel (I swear, girls are much easier when you're travelling) and they will come. Take one step at a time. If you have no social life, maybe you need to make some friends first. Join a martial arts club, or something that interests you. Don't overwhelm yourself with doing a bunch. It's hard because you feel you should be at a certain point at this age and you want to catch up but it'll only pain you more to do too much. Don't compare yourself to others, you have some work to do mate, get to it.

[–]throwawaythequays 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

How tall are you? Do you lift?

[–]trpppp1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

5'11. Yes, although I'm generally fit and have some muscle on me, I'm probably 15-18% body fat. My physique is nothing to brag about, still working on it.

[–]BigNog_[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. Saved your comment. I love hearing stories like this cuz it inspires me that there is still hope left lol. Yes I compare myself waaaay too much to people it’s sort of a vicious cycle in my mind. I agree I gotta get to work.

[–]kfd_capital2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

For the love of God, dont get a cheap hooker either. No reason to get HIV on your first at bat.

[–]trpppp1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I was a hard case man... I've put a lot of work in to get where I have now, and I still feel like I haven't caught up sometimes...

[–]slaterhuckle24 points25 points  (8 children) | Copy

You could move to Southeast Asia to teach english. I make 36/hr teaching kids english. Its super easy to get laid as a foreigner. Way easier than in America. Try searching facebook for "teach english in china" groups. You can make 3500-4000 a month plus free housing, flight reimbursement, paid holidays, its pretty sweet. Also sex is kind of overrated. Its cheaper to just jerk off and saves time and drama plus no risk of stds or anything else. I can see if you haven't had sex you want to do it or you might have some ego thing about it like "if I don't get laid i'm not a man" or some shit. But in reality women suck and its cooler to just be alone and do cool shit you enjoy.

[–]trpppp12314 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good sex is amazing man, stop coddling him into not going after what he wants.

[–]haraishi2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

What qualifications do you need? Always thought about teaching english overseas, now im relatively financially stable I can afford to pursue this dream

[–]slaterhuckle1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Be a native english speaker is the main qualification. Being white helps. You don't need a degree or experience for a lot of jobs. You gotta be resourceful to make it happen for yourself.

[–]haraishi0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply, by resourceful do you mean hunt out the jobs online etc myself or something else? This is for China right? Was going to teach in Korea but when I researched I was told I need a bachelor degree and jobs were getting harder and harder to find. Do you just try land the first job you can and then branch from there? Is Facebook the best resource for getting jobs overseas?

[–]slaterhuckle0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

thats exactly what I mean. You should be able to find a job fairly easily on facebook but once here there are hundreds of other jobs available. Once you have a resume and an intro video you send it to recruiters, then they will usually talk with you ask you about experience and stuff, then they put you in touch with a school where you have an online interview. Maybe you have a second interview but its rare. Then they make an offer, usually low which you can negotiate. I found most of the people I talked to pretty incompetent and after a few interviews decided I wanted to go with a school which was owned by an american so I wouldn't have a chineese boss. The chineese are kind of shady when it comes to business in some respects and will try and exploit you. But the money can be really good so its hit or miss. Once you get here you can always just quit and find another job, but only if you are on a tourist visa. Another thing to consider is location. You don't want to be stuck way on the outskirts of the city where it takes 2 hours to get to the action. You also don't want to be paying a shitload for an apartment, or have to commute hours to work every day. So you gotta compromise or budget accordingly.

Most places will say degree required but I personally know lots of people who don't have one that are teaching here. Not at highschools or universities though, just privately owned english schools, of which there are thousands in the big cities. But the caveat is if you work on a tourist visa you have to leave the country every 60 days which can be a pain unless you live near the border. Jobs are harder to find than they were a few years ago but theres still plenty of jobs. asiateachingjobs.com is a good site. Dont' bother applying to the big corporations like English First or that bullshit. Also you dont need a TEFL no one I know that teaches in my area has one and the people I do know that have one say its totally useless. Which makes sense because you are teaching kids simple words and the alphabet. I got hired without one.

[–]haraishi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome thanks mate, yeah the missus is Korean so can work there with no visa but apparently its much easier to get a job in China so might just fly between till I get enough experience (which from what i've read is the most important thing to getting well paid jobs) Looked into the larger corps but from what I understood they were very hit and miss and you were locked in for a year on contract which didnt suit my purposes. Dont need alot of money but still got to pay off the mortgage haha. Volunteered last time I was in Korea for holidays and it was a load of fun so really keen to do it and was always on my to do list, appreciate the info might give it another crack.

[–]sevenlast-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. I’d like to know.

[–]Devious44318 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to go to bars. And keep going to them. Some chick will want your nuts eventually. It always happens. Sit at the bar, walk around, be mobile. Don’t cram your face in your phone.

[–]jh187124 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

I wouldn’t fuck a hooker. Let it happen naturally man. A hooker makes you lose the title “virgin” but you literally didn’t earn the title, and this could further/maintain your mentality of inferiority.

What needs to happen is the dam needs to break. You need to bang a girl and earn it. You need to know you did it, find a way that works for you to get it, and keep using that system and it will perpetuate becoming easier and easier

But before you find that success, The number one thing that your system is going to provide you? Failure. You are going to fail often, and you are going to fail hard. You are going to be embarrassed. But if you don’t give up, the number two thing you will find is success. Then just replicate it and don’t even take failure personally. It could be a no for a number of reasons, none that have to do with you.

Want to practice rejection?

Take a deck of cards. Flip one over. Face card? You got a number. Number card you got denied.

Then take the face cards. Flip one over. King? You got the date. Any other card you got denied.

Now take he Kings. Flip one over. King of hearts? You got the close. Any other card - try again.

Not much a difference so long as you don’t take things to serious.

Just know what “yes” live in the land of “no”.

Fake it until you become it, man. You got this.

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great response. I like the playing cards analogy good shit man!

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

fuck Dan Bilzerian - why are you looking at someone whos dad gave him a fuck tonne of money and posts pics of unrealistic lifestyles

start a hobby - salsa - ultimate frisbee - mma - get friends from that and boost your social up

then get a job and save money and keep working on your game - search RSD on youtube (dont watch too much - ACTION IS STILL KING

[–]beachbbqlover5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like all personal changes, I recommend taking new ideas slowly. Too many people get a raging hard-on for something that will make them better that they end up hurting themselves and missing the point at the same time.

Knowing what you learned from The Rational Male, and wanting to become better yourself, you should take a break from TRP material for a bit and commit to having the discipline to lift and run just a little consistently over a long period of time.

If you want women's attention, there's no cure-all, just work on being a more attractive person and it'll eventually just start happening.

Come back from time to time.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start by working on your social and professional life first, start applying for other kind of jobs if you can’t get one right now in your field.

Start going out alone, that’s what worked best for me

[–]lerossignol774 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

As for you being VIRGIN, have this mentality:

I NEVER LOST MY VIRGINITY BECAUSE I NEVER FUCKING LOSE

There fixed it. JUST GET LAID OR NOT, you’re not a loser for having, not having sex. That attitude will bring neediness into your interactions with women

[–]Velebit3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Man I am not shy. I kissed a fat lesbo a week ago and now every day I feel a burning tingling like feeling for a short while on my lips.

Keep your virginity and hope to find a decent female to share it with. At 25 you can find plenty of virgins 17-20 who you can learn with.

With just a job and a leased out car you are already ahead of most guys, with a sixpack you are in top 10%.

Dan Bilzerian is a super rich hedonist. He is not an example, except for failure. His conservative brother has a wife and kids and in 100 years his sane line of Bilzerians will remain while sterile joyrider genes will end.

[–]dsgk_990 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hold on is he actually sterile?

[–]Velebit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone taking steroids and drinking and drugging is sterile. Everything questionable that goes into your body decreases your sperm quality.

[–]Aywing2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I spent a few months teaching english abroad, that's how I had sex for the first time, got invited to parties and social circles that I would have never gotten access to at home and met a loooot of people.

If you have the option I definitely recommend that, I taught in Vietnam where they pay $20/hour and there's a lot of backpackers coming through the cities so it's very easy to meet people, but you could teach in many other countries seeing that you have a degree and you're a native english speaker.

I came back home because teaching wasn't really my thing and I developped socially where I needed to, so don't think of it as a life long commitment if that's what's scaring you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have a masters in english but can’t use “affect” instead of “effect”?

[–]BigNog_[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

lmfao that made me lol. dude when I'm rushing I still sometimes use "your" instead of "you're".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

even experts make mistakes

[–]ReasonableWealth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Check out alpha male strategies on youtube and watch a bunch of his videos. He talks about spinning plates. No relationship bs.

Adopt the mindset he teaches. Rsd has its place sometimes, but a lot of it is not really practical and straight to the point as AMS teaches. Like you gotta spend hours watching cause most of their shit is like 1 hour videos.

Second, you seem like you have problems with your general understanding of the world. You need to understand that most people are faking on social media.

Even in building a social circle you should focus on having few actual friends that add value to your life, and cut everyone off who is toxic, and wastes time or energy. Seek to have many associates, and a small circle.

[–]capodonca2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Getting laid doesn't determine your value as a man. Stop comparing to other people, compare yourself to the man you were yesterday. Get a job (any will do) then slowly get better ones. Try new things progresively, like hobbies or places you haven't been, because you like them not because you are trying to get laid.

[–]hazaraMoghul2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a perfect example of "consumer". You just consume, consume and consume information. With all this knowledge, you are asking for more knowledge now. Just go fuking gym and social and appraoch. You computer screen wont make you fuking ALpha.

[–]Meowmixez984 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey, Smash Bros Ultimate is awesome. No knocking that.

[–]BigNog_[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

lmaoooooo. I play King Dedede. Honestly, I gave up playing video games 3 years ago. Only time I play them is if I'm at a friends house. They just don't give me enough in return for the amount of time I put in. I just get really bored.

[–]Meowmixez980 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Link, here.

[–]ayhme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would you be in such good shape if you had a stessful full-time job? Unlikely. There are pros and cons to everything.

Regarding getting a job, have you thought of getting a personal training certification?

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First...you need to stop wanting women so badly. You are putting them on a pedestal, and giving them major value. Knock them down in your head, to the lower value they are. They are lower value than us.

Swallowing the red pill takes time. Becoming red pill is a process, and a whole major mind, state and emotional shift.

Becoming RP, is not about women. It is reshifting ourselves back to men. Back to the leading, dominating, assertive motherfuckers we are.

We cannot control anyone but ourselves, and becoming RP, is taking the best control of yourself and your frame. Read the sidebar. Read the principles. ABUNDANCE/PRIZE/IDGAF/OUTCOME INDEPENDENT is what you must embody.

First step is meditating on those things. Get them into your being and emotional state. They should become part of you. This is your frame.

Second...LIVE like they are your truth. Treat yourself like a prize. Find hobbies, passions, lift. Put your prize worthiness first. Put your wants and needs first. FIND A MISSION. LIVE YOUR FRAME.

Thirdly...pull people into your frame. With dominance. Women will come at this point. They are a part of RP, not the red pill. Once you have worked on yourself...you can then work on pulling bitches into YOUR frame, while pulling theirs down. They are always lower value than you.

So read side bar...read the principles. Then do, or do not...let the pill ingest. Welcome to manhood.

[–]Nergaal3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

read the sidebar

[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Start by practicing NoFap. You'll fall into pussy if you're relatively jacked.

[–]BigNog_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I do. Like I stated I quit watching porn months ago. But I’m relatively new to nofap. I’ve done maybe 6 attempts and my max streak was 7 days three times. I’ve never gone beyond that. I’ve read a lot about female attraction stories and it’s really interesting. I definitely felt way more energy and more self confidence. I could look people in the eyes easier. I’m starting the New Year on a 3 day streak. I just wonder what it’s like past that 7 day mark. It’s just so fucking hard as a single guy to get past that. Thanks.

[–]jjvvkk 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Are you in the us?

[–]BigNog_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yep california

[–]T-P-T-W-P0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well the fact that you’re lifting and in good shape is a base from which you can work from that the majority of our society’s men don’t have. It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing a lot more but one thing that can really change things is your mindset/outlook. Women are followers and even if you don’t have much for them to follow, acting like you’re the man, at least in a sensible way, is far better than not. The fact that you’re typing all of this stuff out asking for help leads me to believe the persona you project is one of someone who doesn’t believe in themselves or their value and women are incredibly talented at picking up on this. The cockwad janitor who thinks he’s a big baller and shoots away at chicks still gets laid more frequently than the 6 figure a year potbelly guy who acts like women are doing him a favor by making eye contact. Find a job, get a cheap but clean looking car, pickup another interesting hobby, and keep lifting harder and harder. Bang an ugly chick or two off of tinder to get the hang of it. There’s no shame in it, you’d rather get the jitters out on a few waste pitches than lose out on banging a hotter chick more than once because you fucked like a sophomore in high school. Losing your virginity isn’t a big deal unless you act like it is. Wanting to spin multiple plates “so bad” is not the mindset correct mindset at all. I’ve fucked one chick at a time before and loved it. I’ve spun multiple plates for periods and loved it. Then there are periods where I don’t have sex for a period and my life is not drastically different. Not since my freshmen year in college probably has having sex with chicks been the thing I woke up and thought about as the most important thing to do that day. You have a lot of fun playing Smash? You may or may not like sex more but at the end of the day, both should fall under the same category of things you do in your free time for fun and not some great accomplishment that has yet to be achieved.

[–]BigNog_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I agree with you completely that my mindset is my biggest obstacle. It’s just I look at sex as the greatest thing in the world that I’ve never experienced. So it’s really fucking hard to not put it on such a high pedestal. But I get that it’s no big deal.

[–]MachiavellianDogma0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would up and leave and go to a third world country to teach English at a school or university. You have a masters, you can teach just about anywhere outside the US of A

[–]lbrownlbandit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do your best to make guy friends. Ask people for advice and listen. Try your best to keep the conversation going without sounding too needed and eventually you'll get a guy who's willing to mentor you in what ever it is you asked him for advice on. This way you gain a person looking out for you because you respect what they have to say and they will give you advice you didnt even know you needed. Sure you could do this alone and become Chad with 10/10 smv haha jokes you wont. As much as we like to think we can navigate this world alone we cant. Theres just too much information for you to think about questions for you to get it. Just ask people for help in better yourself in real life, and if they can see you are intently listening to them and want to improve they will help. I sometimes just make an observation or this or a question and say it out loud to them and wait for them to respond and they usually say something about the observation and then I ask inquisitive questions about what they just said. I.e - saw a guy finish and I want to learn Me- catch anything good? Him- Na the lakes dead Me- wait in silence observing the lake just standing around Him- but during salmon season, this place is always full Me- oh yeah? Whens that? Him- September August ish. Man those things are big - (then he got into it and started telling the story) Later I asked him, to give me advice on what sort of equipment i should buy to get started. Bought the equipment and started fishing on my own and ran into him one time. Thanked him and he joined me to fish. Later we grabbed some beers and cooked our fish. Now we're friends. Boom. By friends I mean mentor friend. He's like 80. But you know those are the men your going to learn from and who will forgive your mistakes as long as your not annoying and spend time with them. Complete untapped market for Male education, note - that like the red pill should be taken with a grain of salt. Note you still have to be putting in a lot of time learning new hobbies and actively pursuing dreams for people to see that which part of you are doing with the gym. Huge props for that!

Note, this is word vomit but the information is there. If you really want me to clean it up I'll make a post on trp.

[–]kral7 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I've been watching a lot of Dan Bilzerian interviews and I'm like, fuck, what am I doing with my fucking life

I can recommend reading The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. Other than that, focus on getting a job/money first. Women are less important.

[–]BigNog_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you're the second guy who recommended that book to me. I also heard about it from Micheal Bisping (ex-ufc champ) on a podcast. I just bought the book off amazon this morning. It gets here thursday.



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