6 months alone in quarantine with no socialization...I don't like who I am becoming

TrashPanda10101 · 2020-08-08T19:47:56+00:00

Dude I didn't have my first kiss or lose my virginity until I was 27, and I still have never dated. You got time. Reach out to more people here.

Metrodomes · 2020-08-08T21:37:17+00:00

Dude, you have plenty of time to find someone. 21 is nothing. You only think that because of your hyper focus on people in relationships and selective ignorance of people not in relationships.

Make sure you get out and get some sunlight, whether it's a walk around the block listening to music, or going to the shops, or whatever. I enjoy running while listening to audio books, specifically fiction (im listening to the dark tower series by Stephen King). You're keeping healthy by lifting weights which is great, but I think there's a nice social benefit from going outside and seeing people, even if you don't interact with them or just keep things short and polite. That sunlight helps my mental health so much, but I often forget how important it is when I've stayed inside mostly and begin to feel down.

You need to pick up a hobby too. I appreciate weights could be considered that, but something like reading or learning an instrument, engaging in politics, learning to code, or something. I don't mean that you have to be super serious with it, but just treat it as an extra thing that you can tinker with or immerse yourself in when you feel like it. If you want to break that cycle then you need something to break it with. My cycle of work, video games, and social media feels great, but I have my running and my books and music and writing that I can do to mix things up. Am I good at any of my hobbies? No lol. But I engage with them once in a blue moon and feel super invigorated, just because its a bit different. As a side note, make sure you're not in any toxic communities on social media. Even viewing it critically is fine for a while but eventually it just brings you down with all the negativity. People are like "oh yeah 4chan, its funny if you ignore the racism and homophobia and everything" but it's everywhere. The 3% of intelligent and entertaining discussion isn't worth the 97% of pure filth and uselessness. Same with reddit. Plenty of boards that seem entertaining at first, until you realise there's actually alot of toxicity going on. Like amitheasshole... Its a sub about judging bad people. I don't need that in my life lol.

You do have a problem, and that's okay. We're social beings. We shouldn't be in isolation. I'm a huge introvert, and even I need some socialising or I breakdown a bit after a while. When things pick up, and even before then, you need to put yourself out there. I'm not talking in terms of wanting to form relationships and make friends. But I mean make sure you're giving off good vibes that other people will pick up on. I know it's clichéd, but you have to love yourself and be kind to yourself, and others will sense that. You totally have value and worth to society and to people, simply because value and worth can be measured in different ways. Figure out what yours is and make sure you take a quiet confidence from it. Others will sense your own happiness and naturally gravitate towards that.

You've got plenty of time to figure things out. I don't think most people know who they are or are fully developed until their mid 20s. And even then, you should always be working on yourself and taking pride in moving towards becoming a better person. I don't want to say that "you're young and you'll figure it out" but you will. 21's still young. I'm almost 30 and I still feel like a kid sometimes. I only realised that I was a "man" when some father told his toddler to watch out for the "man" that she was about to walk into. I was like wtf, I'm a man now? When did that happen lol. Anyway, hang in there, dude. Make sure you get out and get some sunlight!

ermahgerdafancyword · 2020-08-09T16:27:56+00:00

Nothing is over at 21, except puberty. You have time. What you don't seem to have, at the moment is sympathy for yourself and a positive mindset. Both of which are completely normal, especially these days, and very much solvable. I won't bore you with points about women not being a monolith, so girls unanimously not likeling guys like you is bullshit, because I suspect you're logically aware of that, but you still feel that way. What I will tell you is that you're not alone, a lot of people feel like you. It gets better, if you make an effort.

Your goal should be to get out of this mindset, because that's what it is: a self-perpetuating mindset. You're unlikely to be so fantastically ugly or deeply unlikable that no one could ever love you, so it's very likely that the culprit is a ton of pressure, likely from yourself, and some degree of depression. You can overcome this. Stop being unkind to yourself, stop measuring yourself on your success with women, stop reading incel and redpill content if you are, seek help if at all feasible and see what you can change about your life to make you feel better. What are you unhappy with? Take it on, step by step. Become someone you're happy with and I promise you, you'll attract people who are happy with that person as well, both platonically and romantically. Best of luck.

2020-08-09T14:18:41+00:00

Socializing is extremely important for mental health. You don’t need to be charming or charismatic to hang out with people. In fact, people want to relax and chill, so if you are a good listener, that will do. Many people will say go lift and do hobbies, and it’s extremely important, but without socializing, you’ll just stay depressed. Don’t try to find best friends or a girlfriend and start just talking to people. If you have no friends from childhood or school, then join some communities, meetups or hobbies where you’ll meet new people.

Sure after such a gap it will be stressful at first but then you’ll see how your mental state improved. For me, even visiting relatives on weekend instead of wasting my entire day on Reddit and porn, helped a lot. Now, I try to go out at least once a week. And by “go out” I don’t mean bars, clubs or dates. I mean taking my parents to have breakfast, working out with a friend, getting a coffee with a student in my drawing school during a break, volunteering in a cat shelter (and it’s such a pussy magnet I’m telling you). Even a 10 minute conversation will make a huge change.

Try to do at least 1 socialization once a week.

Title	6 months alone in quarantine with no socialization...I don't like who I am becoming
Author	No-Situation849
Upvotes	8
Comments	4
Date	August 8, 2020 7:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/i64ybt/6_months_alone_in_quarantine_with_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/6-months-alone-in-quarantine-with-no.722523 https://theredarchive.com/post/722523