Hello all. I am new to FDS and just want to say thank you for your posts they have awakened me in a way I never thought was possible.
I am 21 years old, and feel that I’ve spent my whole young life forcing myself to adopt a “sex-positive”, and “cool kinky girl” persona. I recently got out of a relationship with a 34 year old man who would constantly push the boundaries of my kinks until we were doing things I would never dream of.
I spent my teen years online watching porn and talking to older men who groomed me because I was desperate for acceptance. I used to embrace being a “slut” cause I wanted so badly to be wanted by men. My true awakening came when after being choked in bed, I developed broken blood vessels all over my face called “petechia”, indicating that I was close to dying...
I’ve suffered bruises, humiliation and other “kinky” things because I thought it was the only way to keep a man interested in me.. to be so extreme that they would have to stay with me. I think lots of girls my age get sucked into the “daddy” kinks and dating older men.. but liberal feminism says this is empowering?
I can’t feel turned on anymore without feeling the embarrassment of what I let these men do to me. I am in completely new territory trying to talk to men without exposing myself completely within moments. It’s hard but I know it will get better.. there’s no turning back and it’s because of FDS.
I’m not perfect now and I’m still struggling with my old tendencies, but realizing the abuse I’ve put myself through in the name of wanting to be loved made me feel sick. Just wanted to put this out there in case any of you guys relate! Thanks!
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