Tried to approach a women - I almost died

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January 5, 2019
86 upvotes

Hello there, Today ive said fuck it and i got my best clothes good mindset and i told myself that i will approach the first female i find attractive. I was in the mall and saw a very attractive women and while i was walking towards her i did not think about anything at all, but right after i was about 2 meters away from her, oh god, i was completely frozen. I never got this kind of fear until today. I think i was about to die. Tried again after few minutes with another women, i was so close to her but i could not open my damn mouth and say "hi". Later on, i got to a grocery store and i've made a small joke with an old lady.

That was my interaction today - 20 seconds.

I want to try out again tomorrow. Any advice? Thank you TRP!


Post Information
Title Tried to approach a women - I almost died
Author PracticalMaximum
Upvotes 86
Comments 50
Date 05 January 2019 06:31 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/72626
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/acwqi2/tried_to_approach_a_women_i_almost_died/
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Comments

[–]Builtblind126 points127 points  (12 children) | Copy

Scared of what man?

That she will say “I have a boy friend”

That she will not be interested?

Scared she’ll scream rape and say “get the fuck away from me you creep”

Wtf is so scary

It’s just rejection

Go up to them and expect to be rejected

Goal for you today- get rejected by at least 1 woman you find attractive

Not your goal for today- succeed with 1 woman you find attractive

[–]PracticalMaximum[S] 71 points72 points  (7 children) | Copy

Goal for you today- get rejected by at least 1 woman you find attractive

Thanks, i never thought about this. Thats a new point of view for me, that might work.

[–]11-Eleven-1147 points48 points  (3 children) | Copy

One of RSD Maxs best strategies imo was to get rejected on purpose until the approach anxiety goes away. He said that what will happen is you will find out its harder to get rejected when you are actually trying to get rejected. I'll try to link the video in a minute.

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Max is underrated

[–]Jesus69-7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Please do.

[–]RossDDMarshalls0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit. That sounds amazing. I can't imagine how quickly and sharply one's DGAF skill would rise if you're actively trying to get blown out.

The idea of going out and trying to say ridiculous bullshit to get rejected sounds like so much fun.

[–]AceMav215 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you ugly? Prob not, I feel like you’ve been playing a metric fuck ton of video games and just came out the cave.

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reverse psychology, haha

[–]PlzBuffBeamu2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice

[–]buttgoogler70 points71 points  (2 children) | Copy

Should've n-closed the old lady.

[–]ColonelAUG11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Giving real answers right here. Granny love, an untold passion.

[–]A_solo_tripper8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gilf game on point

[–]adhdrp 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Two ways to do it:

Talk to everyone. Make small talk when you buy something. Compliment someone's hat or dog. Just keep talking in public, not specifically women. Actually, practice a bit with women you don't find attractive, if only to practice.

Or do what I did because I was a pussy and go drinking with mates and talk to women there, learn its not so bad, then gradually do it in person.

[–]boredathome19 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Or do what I did because I was a pussy and go drinking with mates and talk to women there, learn its not so bad, then gradually do it in person.

I saw this 2 cute blonde girls at a college party a few weeks ago and I was unable to go talk to them without a proper reason, thinking I might make a fool of myself. Started guessing with a friend of mine what their major was, which was enough for me mentally to break my anxiety of approaching them. I had a question I wanted to ask them.

When I approached them and told them smilingly "Hey girls, my friend and I need to know what you are studying" they were so friendly and engaging. Sometimes the autist in me forgets strangers are human, too.

[–]BluePillEltonJohn22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

Everybody telling you “just do it” isn’t very helpful. You fucked up because u didn’t warm up before. Try making small talk with many different types of people before approaching the hot girls. I starting approaching not too long ago and this is by far the most helpful excersise for approaching

[–]inspiredshane2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

There’s no way to fuck up. OP didn’t fuck up, he finally manned up. There’s a difference. Now he just has to keep doing it.

[–]BluePillEltonJohn4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

but He didnt even get to be rejected tho.

[–]inspiredshane0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The point is that he’s terrified and going out anyway. That’s what changes people. They learn that the fear is a delusion. The other stuff comes later.

[–]Venenarium5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job OP, keep it up

[–]imtheoneimmortal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start by talking to all people You see a guy with good style? Nice shoes? Tell him hey dude I wanna say you got nice shoes I love them Good day

[–]2319Skew1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First thing is great job for overcoming anxiety.

You're going to feel anxiety at first because fear of rejection is typically hard wired until you no longer feel it or get comfortable enough to overcome. Just like most things in life, you'll need to keep at it until it's no longer an issue.

Part of the problem is the mindset as well, you're thinking of it like women are on a pedestal by how attractive she is an can easily get overwhelmed. Try not thinking about how hot, attractive, how much you want to do this and instead think of them as regular people.

Unless you've got extreme anxiety, you shouldn't feel like talking to people is life or death. You chat with people on the phone all the time, or when you're making a transaction or when you're getting food and don't pay any mind to it.

I went from being so uncomfortable talking to women that I'd turn bright red, blush, and stutter like a fool to being able to tell an attractive woman I just met that not to make any plans tomorrow since I'm taking her out.

You can too. Congrats on taking those uncomfortable first steps.

[–]Startlivingfornow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start small bro, just ask her for the time or directions and do this to every attractive woman you see for a week. After that start taking the conversation a little further after, and eventually start going direct and asking for numbers.

If you try jump straight into the deep end, you’ll sink.

[–]A_solo_tripper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least you have figured out the right road to walk down. You are in the right direction. Just take it one step at a time.

You can start from a negative and a qualifying point. "You aren't single and want a good looking boyfriend do you?"

If she says "no", you can say okay and leave. Or you can play around with it.

(I just came up with this right now. I haven't tried it. I might try it though)

Have fun with it.

[–]shady_nasty_mf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You freeze because before you've even opened your mouth you're already thinking about the outcome. (how do i fuck her, her do i get her number, what if she hates me, blah blah blah).

My advice is to start small. Say 'hi' to 10 people a day. Then move up to making small talk. Then you can get flirty.

[–]Eldudearino890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude talk to everybody... it helps. Like Chubbs from Happy Gilmore says just easing the tension baby

[–]GregTRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you're just overthinking interacting with people.

You might also want to just watch some youtube like charisma on command and learn about how to just chat to folk without caring. Approaching a chick is one thing but if you just start talking to everyone then you'll get used to it and it won't become much of a thought to just start talking shit to them....

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just act how you normally do in public settings

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can just start giving quick compliments on something to any chicks you see, and that's all... than to another, etc.

Build confidence little by little then get rejected again and again til you don't give a shit.

[–]Crailberry0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Later on, i got to a grocery store and i've made a small joke with an old lady.

That was a hilarious ending! But just get back after it tomorrow. I need to start doing the same.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He should have banged the old lady.. 😄

[–]curb_stomps_sjws0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My suggestion: the problem is that you are mentally fixated upon a 'goal state', ie. getting attractive girls to have sex with you. That's a daunting prospect if you're not used to it. Also, the possibility of rejection is frightening because it's a direct reflection upon your reproductive fitness, and a huge assault on your ego.

My advice would be: to start with, focus on making female friends. This will help you to become more comfortable around women. And a network of female friends is very useful, because they are always setting each other up. So, the next time you approach a hot girl, think of it as trying to make a new friend who you are just going to play Xbox with or whatever. If you take sex completely off the menu, you will be much more comfortable. And she will pick up on that. Women will be relaxed around you if they sense that you are indifferent to them sexually.

I'm not saying that you should never practice serious game, but if you can't even make the initial approach, you need to start off small.

[–]BurningOrangeHeaven0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If your really nervous just pretend your having a conversation with a lesbian

[–]PracticalMaximum[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Today, ive tried again. I stayed around 2 hours in the mall. In this 2 hours i could say "hello" to one girl. And i had a small talk with a girl i used to hang out - got rejected when i've asked her out, telling me she's busy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Make your mission for this month to be rejected. As many times as possible. Soon you will realize that when you try to be rejected women suddenly gain interest in you. That's the magic. They are confused. Why this guy doesn't give a fuck?

But you need to try, on purpose, to be rejected in as many different ways as possible. When you have a handful amounts of rejections you can draw conclusions what women like or do not like in men. You will be one step ahead

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The introduction of the book Day Bang by Roosh V pretty much destroys the idea that you should be scared when approaching women. Here's an excerpt I find relevant:

"I want you to go into your first approaches with the thought that everyone will erupt in laughter, especially the girl. You'll accept the emotionally painful outcome, take a deep breath, and then proceed with the approach anyway, because you're a man who wants to get laid.

Do I have to tell you what happens when you finally do the approach? Nothing. Nothing happens. The worst possible outcome will never, ever occur [...]"

So there. Don't worry and keep practicing. Even though you think you did nothing, you actually did a lot more that many men: you actually got up and walk towards a girl with the intention of talking to her. Most would just have sat there and made excuses like "she's not really my type", "Humm my hair isn't as perfect as it could be", etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Baby steps. You will get there

[–]cornylamygilbert0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you need to talk to random ppl in general

no pretense, no expectations, just have a positive, fun interaction

then when you talk to girls you do it like you're just amusing yourself and seek what happens.

amused mastery is your friend

[–]PracticalMaximum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Today i have approached a girl. I saw her that she was painting something. Talked with her for 1 or 2 minutes then i bailed out.

[–]icecruzader-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude good on you but gay af. Did you leave the mall after your first try after getting all dressed up?

Look, go and stay for 4 hours. Don't give a fuck, go to a farther away mall or some shit. One aproach like this is fine, you'll see the subtle ways inw hicj you are a fag and can't aproach but setting the bar so low means that your expecting Jack shit from yourself.

Never aproach from behind/three second rule:if you see something you like and don't do anything within three seconds next/walk with them if you have to/have a game plan, phone close, same day pick up, coffee place to have a sit down/make the venue work for you, know what's where/

Again, fuck man idk how old you are but quitting after one try is fucked just because it sets you up for low success rates later on, you have to start somewhere but next time pick a place and a set amount of time and aproches, even ones that go to shit like that. You could have easily done it 5 more times between seeing the first girl and going to the granny. You were just so insecure you didn't notice

[–]GucciGangBucks-3 points-2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Cold approach is a beta validation method imo. Why would a high SMV man need to cold approach?

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In many of the cases we hear about with Day game, you’re not wrong. But think about this:

-Picking the fruit you find hanging in front of you during your journey.

-Actively hunting to survive.

One of these requires abundance, one is scarcity.

[–]cat_magnet0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You think woman should be approaching you? Good luck with that strategy.

[–]GucciGangBucks1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You can get choosing signals pretty easily. Getting choosing signals isn’t cold approach. Cold approach is approaching random women and asking them out.

[–]cat_magnet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do you mean like if a women maintains eye contact or smiles and then you approach?

[–]GucciGangBucks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I also don’t consider that “cold approaching”.

A cold approach is when you approach a women totally out of the blue just because you think she looks good.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would a high SMV man need to cold approach?

He needs to build confidence before even thinking projecting any high SMV...

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sounds like you have oneitis

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I can't tell if you're just joking because you read the post on the main sub complaining about people who always say "you have oneitis" or you're just an idiot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you have oneitis

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for clearing it up 👍



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