How do you deal with “possessive” female friends?

emmalai85 · 2021-01-25T01:29:09+00:00

my partner and I don't have friendships that are allowed to interfere with our relationship. He won't respond/check his phone. we set boundaries on phone time. No phone in bed. No phone when we are hanging out with each other. etc.

Anyone who tries to take up the little bit of free time we get together gets clear boundaries established. If you feel this isn't right, then you are justified in saying something about asking for them to turn their phone off when spending time with you. If that doesn't work, he needs to be firm with boundaries.

If he doesn't have clear boundaries with clingy friends of either gender, I would be concerned.

vintagegirlgame · 2021-01-25T04:15:28+00:00

Sounds like your partner is on your side in feeling like she’s a bit much. You can’t control her relationship with him and trying to do so will only make you look insecure, whereas you actually seem confident and secure in your relationship.

I would recommend just letting him know that you would love to have some uninterrupted time with him, especially since your time together is so limited. Let him step up to create some time with you and set some boundaries with her.

bittersweet311 · 2021-01-25T01:20:34+00:00

Hey darl. Fellow Australian here, Victorian actually. I've encountered the exact same issue over the past few years.

Story time: A girl was particularly territorial over a man I became close with. We were all in the same uni course so all 3 of us would encounter each other on a regular basis. She became extremely rude, always staring, whispering, making up rumours, asking questions about me to others, getting others to think ill of me, but never once speaking to me directly. I interpreted this as bullying, and mentally I entered a very low space. She was also 5 years younger than me and significantly more conventionally attractive than I, so I began having thoughts that perhaps he was seeing her on the sly because I couldn't think of any other reason why a "friend" would have such a reaction to another female getting close to this man.

This shit went on for at least 9 months, until she found out that the man in question and I were in fact NOT in a relationship and that he was newly engaged to someone else. She instantly loved me after that. It's like everything she was envying about me suddenly became reason to love me, when that man was removed from the equation. And this love remained consistent throughout the rest of the degree, where she genuinely starting making an effort with me. To this day, she is literally one of my number one fans and I find it the most amusing thing in the world.

Til this day the two of them don't talk, but each confide in me about how much they hate the other.

However, from the new info I've learned over time, it appears that back then they had a little fling in private. Her ego was destroyed that it didn't eventuate into a relationship, and he was simply not interested because she was overtly sexual and it wasn't what he wanted in a wife (since he was apparently seeking to settle down). He was just seeing what he could get out of this ditzy girl and she was thinking she'd won heaven on earth.

He may be engaged to someone else now but I've seen the way these two look at each other even after their "friendship" "ended" and I have no doubt if he wasn't engaged right now to someone else, they'd be fucking.

Moral of the story: We expect females to be warm-hearted kind creatures but that's not the case AT ALL. If she's the competitive type, she'll be a bitch, as there's no graceful way to be competitive with other females. Additionally, it's very common for seemingly platonic friendships to be secretly not platonic from one person's end, with them being in it for the long haul pretending to be supportive of the other until the opportunity arises for them to snag what they're seeking from the other (sex, a relationship, etc). In your situation I wouldn't say anything because if there is something going on, there is no way it would be verbally admitted out loud. You need to look at people's actions not words. Look at how she looks at him, look at how he looks at her. Look at people's vibes. Look at body language. You can't judge what's what over a social media app or text messaging, you need to look at in-person interactions. If you notice things amiss, like I did, e.g. her giving him "bedroom eyes" when walking past him when they're supposedly not friends anymore, just walk away before you get emotionally invested. It's not worth losing yourself over such a toxic situation that has nothing to do with you whatsoever.

TranslatedSky · 2021-01-25T08:55:33+00:00

To answer your question directly: I don’t. I only date men with the same values who don’t tolerate such behavior in opposite sex friends nor allow themselves to be orbiters/be orbited around.

Having been “that girl in a primarily male friend group” in my younger years, there’s no such thing as a completely platonic male-female friendship. In modern terms, one person “friendzoned” the other. You either make sure you’re on the same page during the dating stage or in your case you can only observe how your boyfriend handles such matters. If both of them confide in each other on a regular basis it may not bode well for you - aka your boyfriend got friendzoned by this girl and now that he’s with you, he becomes more attractive to this girl.

There’s also no need to be chummy with any of his close female friends or win their approval. Just don’t meet with them unless it’s a big group outing. Vice versa for your boyfriend with your male friends. You should be first priority - never mind their history. If you’re not, he’s still orbiting around that girl, so really if you did not have this discussion pre-relationship, all you can do is observe. His actions will give rise to true feelings. Red flags are definitely if they confide in each other about your relationship, or if he prioritises helping her over time with you. Like you said it’s early stages, so keep your eyes open for red flags. You don’t want to be blindsided.

Separately, meddling in dating advice in your friend group will come back to bite you if things backfire between them, then you’d have to pick a side. It’s always good to have some boundaries/differentiators in opposite sex friendships.

IcarusKiki · 2021-01-26T05:07:50+00:00

She seems a little sus. I would trust your SO first and foremost and not let her put a dent in your relationship (probably what she wants). Maybe joke about it a bit and see how he responds? If it’s a one off thing, ignore her and move on. If she continues to insert herself in your bfs life while being rude to you you need to have a discussion with your bf. The truth is that men can either be very oblivious to female orbiters or just enjoy the attention. But either isn’t good since it signals the girl that her behavior is appropriate

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2021-01-25T00:40:50+00:00

Completely off topic, but what country are you safely swinging in a lake this time of year? Sure isn't Europe, North America, or Australia!

Everyone knows you can't swim in lakes in Australia because the crocodiles will get ya!

LateralThinker13 · 2021-01-25T20:48:42+00:00

Some women see ALL other women as competition/threats. Sounds like she's one of those. Every man she isn't dating is either an orbiter or potential future BF.

Discuss it with your boyfriend if necessary. If she's actively snubbing you in social situations, call her on it.

"Hello OP's BF!"

"Hello, Wench" you and he reply.

She says nothing.

"I said, hello, Wench," you say politely but pointedly. She will either blatantly ignore you (at which point BF can politely tell her to stop being a c*#t and politely address you) or she can politely greet you and understand that she needs to be a grown-up.

Win-win.

Title	How do you deal with “possessive” female friends?
Author	CitrusJellyfish_
Upvotes	54
Comments	19
Date	January 25, 2021 12:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/l4bnm8/how_do_you_deal_with_possessive_female_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-deal-with-possessive-female-friends.727394 https://theredarchive.com/post/727394