I'm asking for guidance and advice. My girlfriend struggled with depression for a long time and commited suicide in the beginning of this year. We were together for 7 years and this broke me. While I was grieving we got news that my father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. They told us treatment wasn't viable anymore and his prognosis was that he had 2 more months to live.

My father lived for 4 months because we wouldn't accept what the doctors said and looked for specialized hospitals and clinics. I looked after my mother and sister during this time.

After my father passed away my mother spung into a deep depression. I moved back in to help with everything. It was really hard for months but she seemed to be doing better. Her mood was better, she did more around the house and she began to work again. Then in the beginning of December I found my mother in our parents bedroom.

I'm talking to a therapist, I'm taking SSRI's, I follow my 25 point list I made myself years ago that always helped me with my mental health. I try to do everything to not break down but I feel I'm at that point now. I just want to not deal with the pain anymore, I'm so exhausted.

Edit: Thank you for all the comments, I don't know how to reply to them so I just want to say thank you to all. After posting I thought about deleting the post and I still do because I sound like someone who has given up. I don't want to that person.