Do you think a lot of men get very clingy and needy after dates/sex with you?

carly_rae_bopsen · 2021-01-14T13:59:54+00:00

This really seems like a double-bind for men tbh. If they're a player and don't get attached to women after sex, they're an asshole and they objectify and are using women for thier pleasure. If they get attached, they're needy and clingy and that's unattractive. Seems like you lose both ways. I don't think these particular guys would become "clingy", if men got approached to similar rates to women.

Gerealtor · 2021-01-14T17:22:20+00:00

It depends. As a woman who's been guilty of this myself before, there's a very real chance that maybe the first woman was telling the truth and then the others felt pressured to agree because it's kind of a humble brag ego boost and no one wants to be the one woman who doesn't have guys being clingy with her. Kind of like if a group of women talk to each other about harmless street harassment, I've experienced it turn almost into a competition of who gets it the most. Humble brag, again.

On the other hand, if as many men as is claimed on the Internet really go around starved for affection, it makes sense that they'd get clingy the second a woman does want to have sex with them. They probably have a scarcity mindset and also, it's much easier to fall for someone (even genuinely) if you aren't getting much elsewhere.

obvi_imnicklachey · 2021-01-14T14:28:59+00:00

Yes I have experienced this, less or more of these experiences would have zero impact on how many more men I would hook up with...

That said, the conversation you overheard didn’t reveal any information that is unique to women’s experiences (as is the case with almost all the information that is peddled on this sub as gender specific): men all too often “have fun with” relationship material women and end up as the bad guy who played her, when they could have just as easily slept around with women who like sleeping around. For the most part, you’re gonna get clingy vibes from a man OR woman who was bamboozled into casual sex (yes I mean as in YOU LED THEM ON) or a man or woman who fooled themselves into thinking casual sex is their thing. Everyone is better off choosing “sluts” to have fun with and leaving everyone else alone until you’re ready for a relationship.

Both men and women are super guilty of seeing a person and going “hey, what a great fucking catch! That person would make someone very happy one day. Not me, because for whatever reason I’d never date them, but someone, sometime in the future, definitely...In the meantime, it totes makes sense for me to try to turn them into my bang-maid!” You noticed that this person is relationship material for a reason. Stop trying to casual fuck them and go find someone whom OBVIOUSLY likes casually fucking, not someone who is OBVIOUSLY trying to talk themselves into that arrangement with you because they’re desperate to stick around.

reluctantly_red · 2021-01-14T13:18:45+00:00

What's the age group here? Just sounds like inexperienced guys getting their first bit of action.

Mydadisbi69 · 2021-01-14T19:58:36+00:00

Men get needy when you don't need them, if you do need them they lose interest fast. The best way to get rid of a guy you don't want clinging to you is acting crazy and obsessive.

jazzlikeAstronaut7 · 2021-01-14T16:29:02+00:00

I find this to be the complete opposite. Most guys are much less clingy than me and I’m the one putting in effort to progress things, unless of course they’re contacting me for sex lol. Maybe I just see avoidant men...but I’ve never experienced a man being too clingy after a date or sex

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-01-14T13:40:42+00:00

No, I'm the one who does that lol

KookyAcorn · 2021-01-14T15:00:38+00:00

a) Some have, and some haven't (and I'm referring to dates rather than sex). Its been awkward when I've not been interested after a first date, and he's been more interested, but that's fine as long as everyone is kind. I've been in the opposite position too, and I guess its just a matter of picking up on hints. If someone wants to go on a 2nd date they'll be enthusiastic about it. I wouldn't say this is a majority of men, in my limited experience.

b) I don't think it's necessarily an unattractive quality, it depends on the extent of the needy-ness. A little can go a long way though, and as a lot of people have unfortunately had problems/friends who have had problems with stalkers, it can become too intense. Again, if someone loves the time spent with a guy on a 1st date, and wants to accept a 2nd date, they'll be enthusiastic.

I guess my thoughts on this are that I don't think that its a majority of men who act like this- I've found it to be 50/50, and same with women who get clingey, but maybe that's just my age group (early mid twenties).

John_Magnus · 2021-01-14T16:30:13+00:00

I think in terms of the differences in clingyness between the sexes that:

Men tend to become clingy in the early stages as they seem to be interested in and fall in love with women quicker; women seem to bond later, but it seems at that point that the bond becomes somewhat stronger.
Men have less options sexually (and therefore romantically, as women tend to sleep with men they would be happy to commit to). This means any woman who is willing to sleep with them is seen as 'special' and they are afraid of losing her. This is a scarcity mentality. The average young woman has so many men interested in her that their attention/sex/romance is not as valuable to her as they would be to a man. Note that women are more interested in being complimented on their appearance by other women than by men.
Self esteem plays a part. Constant rejection automatically means that any attention becomes extremely overvalued and seen as almost mystical. I have noticed that clingy women seem to all have low self esteem and need constant reassurance.
Attachment styles are often learned in childhood and are often hard to overcome. I know the term is overused, but it is possible that the people involved are incompatible. Not to mention the fact that traditional dating is on the decline and hooking up is seen as the only method to try and find a romantic partner.

freddymilkovich · 2021-01-14T16:42:35+00:00

She said she pretty much has to go for only players/womanizers if she wants short term sex or short term relationships, because she knows those are the only men who won't get attached so easily

This is the answer.

News at 11: men who typically don't get attached... don't get attached.

Water is wet.

But yes, other relationship-minded men often get a bit clingy and presumptuous when they really start liking a girl. Sex will make them get attached for sure because most people don't like the idea of going around having sex with multiple people at once. Men don't take much more than a few dates to see if they like you, and probably a few months to see if they REALLY like you. 6 months, and they're in lurve. This is what a woman can usually expect from guys who aren't womanizers.

Karmanger · 2021-01-14T14:12:52+00:00

Without more information on age group, demographic whether this is a small town or big city can't say for sure. It could possibly be that they may be interpreting the mans action that way but in reality all he did was call her the next day and say he had a good time.

Alternatively he could just be being polite and not want to treat her like she is disposable and the women are so used to players doing that to them that anything that is not treating them that way is considered clingy to them (such as answering her text back right away rather than waiting 10 min - hour to respond).

PreparationWorried33 · 2021-01-14T17:09:47+00:00

Every guy is different. Whether or not someone will act needy or clingy depends on their personality not their gender. Some guys do act needy and clingy but that’s because they’re affection starved romantics who attach emotions to sex. So, just like their female counterparts they will get needy and possessive because they view sex as a bonding experience that should ideally lead up to a relationship or at least sexual exclusivity.

StrugglingRando · 2021-01-14T14:07:40+00:00

I think this grows out of most guys after high school. I've heard of clingy guys but it was mostly when I was a teenager. Although it had nothing to do with sex. If anything sex makes guys distant and standoffish at least in the immediate moments afterwards. This phenomena is similar to "post-nut clarity".

Dominemm · 2021-01-14T14:39:30+00:00

It happens when the guy expects a girl to be all over him and she's not. I don't know what switch that sets off but then he's blowing up your phone.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-01-14T14:53:43+00:00

In my experience, yes, guys tend to be very into me after we first get together/hook up. However, I’m looking for that - and for a LTR - so that’s not a detractor. If I had to ballpark, at least 50% of the guys I dated introduced me to their families within the first 3-4 weeks. I wouldn’t necessarily call it needy or clingy, although some guys can be. Where I get wary now is when the guy is a bit too into it too early on, like joking about almost proposing a month in (actually happened).

No, I would not hook up with more men if they weren’t like this. I would just find another guy to date.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-01-14T14:33:57+00:00

They may be coming across some Anxious Preoccupied attached. I think a lot of oneitis stems from attachment, they are AP.

Ive had men get clingy after first date/contact so we never went anywhere or had sex. Not bad guys but I could pick up on their anxiousness and cling onto me. Big sign is constant texting all day, I just cant.

I dont do hookups/casual. I seek long term if I was looking. I do partners or its work.

I even come across them as an escort and wont see them, they text constantly like Im a girlfriend.

ivy176 · 2021-01-15T00:56:05+00:00

I think people who want casual sex are obviously going to gravitate towards other people that just want casual sex, whether they're male or female.

I only have sex in a committed relationship so I have never dated a player. I feel like cheaters are one thing I have a 100% success rate in vetting and eliminating really early on. I mean I just won't have any interest in those types and we won't even date. I require long term demonstration if someone's character before we even date (so, friends first) and men looking for casual sex and cheap thrills wouldn't even bother to try and be my friend so they're not on my radar and I'm not on theirs. I also never used apps or met men in any kind of nightlife situation so just that cuts out most of them.

I think a lot of men are looking for love and many are looking for marriage, so of course some of them could get clingy. But what someone views as "clingy" is very subjective. Is he being needy, inappropriate and obsessive or is he just seeking to continue dating her and wants to be exclusive? It's about both people wanting the same thing and picking up on each other's cues.

But yes I think "all men want casual sex", "all men want to sleep with different women", "all men would sleep with women young enough to be their kid if they could", and all the shit people say here is total bogus. I've been married multiple times and one of my husbands was a complete psycho and even he didn't want any of that. They say any man who wants love/marriage and wasn't interested in casual sex and who has different standards of what's attractive (eg not attracted to tall skinny models etc), is an outlier, a liar, has low self esteem etc. But guys on here don't realise that certain types of men are drawn to gender related subs so you're never going to get balanced population here.

rft24 · 2021-01-14T15:03:44+00:00

some do, some don’t. depends on the guy. i’ve had a guy start calling me pet names just a day after our first (and only) date, i’ve known guys who still tried to get with me months after a date, and i’ve dated guys who didn’t show interest unless i was distant.

i don’t do hookups; but from what i’ve heard from other women who do, some guys tend to start acting clingy once they realize the woman isn’t all that into them past the sex or is still seeing other men. it’s not surprising, people tend to be especially attracted to who and what seems unattainable.

vial_of_music · 2021-01-14T14:13:02+00:00

for some reason guys in my experience are just so ??? when you don’t give them the validation or act clingy/want something more after you sleep with them. they are so surprised when you don’t get obsessed with them and once they realize they’re only there to be a hookup. they tend to reach out a lot more. like a lot.

darkredpintobeans · 2021-01-14T17:49:21+00:00

Guys are pretty clingy in my experience but I'll admit I'm pretty detached so I may he biased. Still one guy said he loved me after knowing me for literally one day. Honestly it seems to me the clingiest guys are the ones who want their gf to be their mommy. Say what you will about Freud but he wasn't wrong about everything.

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-01-14T19:41:00+00:00

Not all, but yes a lot do. When I was single there was a time when I was younger that I was pretty open to what type of men I would hook up with, but there were always consequences: by which I mean a lot of men once they have sex with you just assume that because you’re a woman you want a relationship. They’ll text all the time/try to “boyfriend” you without being asked. As a result my standards for who I would sleep with went up to include only people I would actually consider dating/longer term FWBs with because the headache that results from sexual encounters if you’re not interested in more than a short fling or ONS is rarely worth the sexual encounter itself.

Even a lot of guys you think are “fuck boys”, or say they don’t want anything serious usually continue to pursue too much after. I’m sure they don’t tell their guy friends that because it would affect their image/they don’t want to let anyone know they were turned down or ghosted.

Assassins-Bleed · 2021-01-14T20:35:29+00:00

I was definitely that way in when I was younger. Coming out of high school I barely got pussy, so I never wanted to lose it, and that reflected in my interactions in the girls I was speaking to. Worked on myself, became more grounded as a person and stopped caring about losing pussy because I knew it was always on the way and ended up getting more of it.

octocombo · 2021-01-14T23:04:22+00:00

I have experienced men getting clingy after a little bit of attention, but the solution isn't to restrict yourself to hooking up with players, it's to communicate better. Before I started being upfront about what I wanted with a guy prior to having sex with him, about half of them were very clingy and became bitter when I didn't want to date them. After I started giving a disclaimer upfront, this problem completely disappeared for me, and it wasn't because I changed the kind of guy I was going for. I've had one guy who seemed into it until the disclaimer and then declined sex after the disclaimer that it wouldn't mean anything more than sex. Which was disappointing, but I think it's better that way - give a guy the opportunity to set his expectations properly, and give him the chance to decide it's not for him. Everyone should be able to have informed consent.

Edit: I don't think I was giving signals that should reasonably be interpreted as interest in a relationship before I started giving blunt disclaimers, but I think the default expectation is that women want a relationship in the absence of clear communication otherwise.

IcarusKiki · 2021-01-15T04:47:07+00:00

Sometimes. Before I met my current SO I would date dorky guys who would eventually make me the center of their world and get very clingy and upset when I was busy with school or friends or hobbies. They would also stop working on themselves and on the relationship once they felt the “won” me which was very unattractive. I don’t agree with a lot of RP philosophy but I do agree that pedastalizing pussy and making a girl the center of your life is not a good strategy.

irrelevantbitchlol · 2021-01-15T08:02:37+00:00

It’s proven men self project these types of stereotypes about women

freddymilkovich · 2021-01-15T14:42:48+00:00

Has it occurred to you that men are starving for just a second of emotional intimacy and genuine relationships? Has it occurred to you that quite a lot of us go years and decades at a time without even a hug from our own mothers? No. We're just clingy and desperate. I hate this world and all the people in it.

Men by and large are loving caring creatures and society has torn apart the fabric of relationships in ways that i fear are irreparable. I am so sorry that a man sees life partner potential in you and wants to build something together.

Sorry that our ability to love another person causes you discomfort.

Ridiculous drivel.

aliceindankland · 2021-01-16T01:45:34+00:00

The guys get attached because she’s their only source of pussy/love at the moment.

The players have more options & are sexually more active. So he’s prob sleeping with another woman besides her too.

ThatGirl50 · 2021-01-14T16:59:05+00:00

We appreciate men who are independent and have their own lives. Imagine that.

2021-01-14T14:16:49+00:00

It has happened more than a few times. Don't know if I would call it “a lot” but it happens enough for to acknowledge.

It might as well have been been my own fault for that mishap— so no, I don't think that mishap per se would change anything. I try to take conclusions on possible faults of mine.

nancy5559 · 2021-01-14T19:48:05+00:00

I’m not into “hook ups” or “casual sex”, i think sex should be special and sacred so I’m not gonna comment on this

ThrowawayCOVID999 · 2021-01-14T20:22:41+00:00

That woman seems cool but it seems like most women get mad if you don’t catch feelings. Damned if you do damned if you don’t.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-01-14T18:39:21+00:00

Men are very clingy and needy and don’t realize it, ime.

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wtknight · 2021-01-14T15:01:09+00:00

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wtknight · 2021-01-14T15:10:04+00:00

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Iluvalmonds83 · 2021-01-14T17:52:27+00:00

This is not something comparable for gender sake. Just like guys, not all Women want the exact same things when it comes to sex; there are some out there looking for relationships, some only looking for casual sex.

The women you describe above are probably the group only looking for casual sex and are experiencing a mismatch of expectations with their partners based on poor communication.

I swear some of y’all are getting REAL autistic with your theories:opinions about the opposite sex.

1) sure - if they were looking for a relationship, if not then No.

2) no - not unless I was looking for casual sex and failing to set expectations up front.

NaturalQueer · 2021-01-14T18:22:32+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever had that. But I feel like I was before I got married generally pretty good at establishing what I wanted out the encounter or knowing what they wanted out of it.

ReasonableSignature7 · 2021-01-14T19:17:40+00:00

I'm wary cos men fall for me, not being big-headed just very honest. I'm attracted to unconventionally beautiful men so maybe they don't get much attention idk maybe. But I'm not going there again, me just wanting some fun and ending up hurting someone aka just using them for thrills and not giving a f*ck about their feelings. It doesn't make me feel good about myself. I wouldn't call it neediness or being clingy. If I could guarantee how it would work out, my feelings and his then maybe yes. But real life don't work like that

Bananaflakes08 · 2021-01-14T20:18:55+00:00

Absolutely true, agreed!

truth-informant · 2021-01-14T20:25:07+00:00

I'll just leave this here.

Supply and demand.

The implications are obvious.

Shirley_Schmidthoe · 2021-01-14T20:38:45+00:00

Such experiences are a factor of what individuals one selects upon.

I don't have any clingy or needy social associates because that's what I select upon—all of my friends are fairly robotic, independent and amoral so I don't experience it.

BlancheCorbeau · 2021-01-14T21:52:06+00:00

This issue is temporary. One generation after the coming of the sex robots, people will treat each other as normal humans most of the time, have sexy romantic fun sometimes, and be needy/clingy only as a sign of severe mental trauma.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-01-14T22:43:34+00:00

I've definitely had guys get very enthusiastic about a relationship after 1 date but it's very uncomfortable to deal with if I did not get along with them well.

GunnzzNRoses · 2021-01-14T23:01:51+00:00

You have to know when to get attached

Flintblood · 2021-01-14T23:53:45+00:00

The opposite has happened to me lately with intimate dates - or heavy make out but make me wait dates, lol.

Where do I find these women you speak of?

2021-01-15T00:35:15+00:00

The girl who told you this - peak hamstering or peak virtue signaling, most likely a combo of both to keep the betas in the room confused and placated.

ETA - it does happen, guys get super needy and annoying, but it’s not what drives me into the arms of players, because I want to spare the emo beta boy his feelings. 100% of men will take a woman dumping him after one night of sex because, don’t care had sex.....versus no pussy at all and being a forever orbiter

pussandra · 2021-01-15T00:50:41+00:00

Men get like that with any positive emotional relationship, whether it's friends, slight romantic interest, whatever. I wonder if some are just not accustomed to emotional friendships.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2021-01-15T02:12:08+00:00

Yes, men are insanely clingy and possessive to the point I choose not to date for months because I just don’t feel it’s safe. And they’re only getting worse as they get older.

I’ve had men be super sweet and lovey dovey then flipping out in anger at me for not wanting the relationship to progress as fast as they want: not even for rejecting them mind you, for stuff like I’m not comfortable with exclusivity after 3 weeks or I don’t want to discuss how many children we’re definitely going to have 🙄

keepturning1 · 2021-01-15T02:33:30+00:00

It’s only clingy when you’re not into them. The right guy will come along and you’ll love that and you’ll of course be clingy too because you don’t want to lose him.

1TopDawg84 · 2021-01-15T02:55:39+00:00

My view is this: Women don’t communicate clearly as they very so well and much can because pussy has power. Men seeking love fall into the dream lust land through happy hour and job security. It’s some good dick @ the 9-5 . But that short term ... drive thru and see me dick a couple times a week ... in tha streets or tha warehouse. Then white women are afraid to fuck black men because family face values. So you got all this dick n the booty ass shit and it’s why I think men get clingy when they get something real. Just sympa/emphathiz’N

PlanetSquare · 2021-01-15T05:49:14+00:00

I don't hookup with guys but I think some guys get clingy/needy after even the most meaningless interaction. Some guys will interpret eye contact, small talk and common courtesy as sexual/romantic interest and will double down on their pursuit.

I would probably be friends with guys more often if they didn't make it weird.

HettesKvekFour · 2021-01-16T04:30:32+00:00

Men use women for sex.

Men get very clingy and needy after sex.

Pick one.

thelajestic · 2021-01-14T16:58:53+00:00

On several occasions. Even when I was always very clear that I was looking for no strings attached, probs a one time thing yada yada. Tbh I just put it down to my mad sex skills and glowing personality, people can't help wanting more 🤷

In seriousness though, while I did look for people who also just wanted casual fun etc, I've never really gone for properly asshole type guys and I was always quickly put off if they were coming across as a bit of a player. I liked people who were nice and could have a bit of chat and banter and I wonder if maybe that just blurred the lines a bit for some people.

I'm sure it happens to both men and women tbf; I couldn't say if it was more likely in either direction. However maybe guys who aren't that successful with dating/sex are a bit more likely to latch on to someone they've hit it off with? I'd certainly say that was the case in my experience - those that became more attached seemed to those who were less successful with women in general.

For your second question - it didn't put me off, I just continued to be clear about what I was looking for and tried to be as kind as possible when letting down anyone who was getting too attached.

wtknight · 2021-01-14T14:35:07+00:00

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SaBahRub · 2021-01-14T15:59:33+00:00

I mean, if you don’t read or care about my feelings and space, what else are you going to misread or not care about?

It’s not the feelings; it’s the disconnect

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-01-14T15:33:41+00:00

[removed]

Title	Do you think a lot of men get very clingy and needy after dates/sex with you?
Author	OldSimpsonsisbetter
Upvotes	147
Comments	255
Date	January 14, 2021 1:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kx58cx/do_you_think_a_lot_of_men_get_very_clingy_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-a-lot-of-men-get-very-clingy-and.728632 https://theredarchive.com/post/728632