I (31M) threatened to take my wife’s (29F) weekly stipend away if she doesn’t do more chores or get a job. Now she won’t speak to me. What do I do?

Lorddevonshire · 2021-01-12T19:33:11+00:00

If you have a significant amount of money in your accounts you may want to start withdrawing it and hiding the cash. Then start attending AA and/ or gambling addiction support groups for several months. Have the chairperson sign your attendance sheet that you keep for your records. If there's a casino near you withdraw money from their on site atm and keep the receipts. If you get divorced and the judge wants to seize your assets you will have proof that you drank and gambled it all away. You will also have your cash to fall back on once the dust settles.

Terrence Popp had a great video on this. He calls it administrative violence. YouTube may have taken it down and I can't remember the title. But if you can find it he gives a lot of great tips. You get the idea though. Good luck.

redhawkes · 2021-01-12T19:15:14+00:00

Post this over MRP before you fuckup even more. You might have to hit the eject button before it's too late tho. You're literally a provider for this bitch.

glowing_dolphins · 2021-01-12T19:10:58+00:00

First, wear a condom, because you are in the DANGER ZONE. You may need to eject. Kids make that hard.

Second, by letting her stay home, not even raising kids, you made this happen. You’re the money. You’re like her job. Keeping you happy is what gets her money.

If she isn’t very submissive, she’s gonna resent that eventually. Now you’re trying to parent your partner. And your partner isn’t internally motivated. So you’re basically fucked.

What’s your dread level?

(Dread level is married trp talk from the other sub.)

adam-l · 2021-01-12T19:43:55+00:00

Good you found this place. It's the first step for the rest of your life.

I'll start by saying that the good thing is that you have no children.

The second good thing is that she let herself show before you had children. In other places of the world that's a grave mistake, but I guess in the US she has claims to alimony, that's why she's so comfortable doing it.

Third: you are clueless about women. You compromised your happiness first by getting married, second by arranging such a bad deal with a creature that is incapable of appreciating anything you do.

Divorce her. Plan carefully, try to minimize your losses. There is no way you can bring this back to a "great marriage", it never was one in the first place, she was just playing the long game all along. You cannot "make her understand". You are the one who's not understanding what went on.

There is no "one". You'll have plenty of opportunities with girls once that finishes, and you've grown.

Good luck.

Elatea · 2021-01-12T19:12:53+00:00

Leave, she’s using you. It will only get worse and expectations for alimony will get much worse over time.

redpill4me007 · 2021-01-12T20:23:34+00:00

65% of your earnings?

Are you kidding me?

Sketti-Os · 2021-01-12T19:25:38+00:00

Sounds like she's basically a teenager relying on her parents for allowance. I don't have kids, so I can't speak from experience from the perspective of the "parent" in this situation, but I can tell you that my parents had no issue rescinding allowance if I wasn't upholding my end of the agreement. And honestly, my pops would've beat my ass, but obviously that's not a solution.

I say withhold it. Let her freak out if she must. Let her withhold sex if she wants to. Use that money to pay a cute maid to do the chores instead.

lildboighow · 2021-01-12T19:32:19+00:00

I saw that you posted this on AITA and the batshit insane women saying ESH or saying that you approached it wrong or whatever are exactly what you are about to get from your wife. This is the hill to die on, so don’t coddle your wife any longer. A phrase commonly used on this sub is “Alpha fucks, Beta stipends.” If she wants to keep ignoring you and die on the hill of, “I don’t work, raise kids, or clean, and now I’m ignoring my winning lottery ticket for growing a pair of balls” then frankly, you dodged a bullet. As for you my friend, you took a serious L when you decided to let a grown adult stay at home and do nothing like this. Because you are the sole breadwinner right now and she has no job, she could divorce-rape you much worse than if she was working. You have to keep ignoring her until she herself apologies, otherwise you will basically be rewarding her shitty behaviour and encouraging it in the future.

MetaPlutonian · 2021-01-12T19:19:33+00:00

It sounds like you let this happen. Why did you give her stipend in the first place if she’s not raising kids or anything. You mighta become beta bucks in her eyes and she’s subconsciously resenting you for it.

I also don’t recommend questioning and interrogating women like you mentioned you did. I would’ve teased and applied dread.

You did the right thing cutting off the stipend. Now I don’t know what will happen next but you must remain calm and collected. You can’t let her not speaking get to you. Be happy and live your life, draw her into your presence or just leave.

PepeThe1AndOnlyPepe · 2021-01-12T19:59:59+00:00

Talk to your wife’s boyfriend on how to grow a pair.

Should start getting ready for a divorce and making sure all assets (joint accounts, etc.) and other valuables are secured before you do so.

Let me guess......you don’t even have a prenup?

NexusReflexX · 2021-01-12T19:48:04+00:00

Eject before you have kids. It will only get worse from here.

Also, seriously think about this. Is this the woman you want raising your children? She can't even take care of herself.

Secret_Twitch · 2021-01-12T19:51:57+00:00

Holy shit dude you have made many mistakes along the way, but if you are ready to unfuck yourself then listen up...

I'm Afraid I've Got Some Bad News...

It's over.

Over the next few days, covertly hide all your money and assets so your Little Princess^TM can't fleece you. Pretend as if nothing is wrong and don't talk to her about anything serious. Call a lawyer and get your shit straight and divorce that bitch!!! She is probably already fucking dudes on the side. She has no respect for you and she never will. You are a beta buck provider. Then go read the sidebar and figure out what you did wrong, before you do it again!!!

BlackSeaGull99 · 2021-01-12T20:43:06+00:00

You sugar daddied yourself into marriage, 65% stipend, what? I don't want to insult you but you western men can be quite the simps with the women you marry.

p-tittyy2 · 2021-01-12T19:16:33+00:00

Sad to say it’s too late. Not too late to have some self-respect, but too late for your bank account. No matter what happens with your marriage, your money is hers for the foreseeable future.

Whisper · 2021-01-12T22:42:22+00:00

First off, realize that you need her far less than she needs you. This gives you the upper hand... but only if you are aware of that and use it to your advantage.

Secondly, realize that you fucked up. If you wanted someone who felt gratitude and was motivated by reciprocity, you should have gone gay and married a dude. Women don't work that way.

If you give a man something, he feels like he owes you, because he received something, and now he has to give back.

If you give a woman something, she feels like you owe her, because now you giving her thing is the normal and expected way of doing things.

Stop having sex with her. You don't want to have children right now, and birth control can be sabotaged. This also prevents her from weaponizing sex. You're going to have to suppress your sexual needs right now, because you are in survival mode.
Contact a divorce attorney right now, and do everything he tells you to do. You are not necessarily going to divorce her, but you might have to, so you are building a case. Yes, lawyers are expensive. You know what's even more expensive? Not having one.
Your attorney will tell to do this, but so will I: Document. Everything. You are building a case. If you have to divorce this bitch, it's not going to be amicable. She is going to fight you for everything you have earned.
If she is giving you the silent treatment, don't try to talk to her. Ignore her.
Read up on dread game and start applying it right now. But don't actually cheat on her yet. Remember, you are most likely going to wind up in divorce court.
Regard your marriage as "probably over", and don't try to save it. Instead, see if she tries to save it. Remember, it is sexual attraction that is your responsibility... keeping a strong relationship is hers.
Post this on MRP. Those guys know far more than I do about how to deal with a woman from a position of "legally fucked".
If you get divorced, learn your lesson and don't get married again.

AceMav21 · 2021-01-12T19:15:43+00:00

Why does she give a shit about your stipend when she can get more in Alimony lmfao.... Bruh🤣🤣

Atomz00 · 2021-01-12T20:15:50+00:00

"Just to clarify I used to give her 65 % of what I brought in. Now I’m giving her 50%."

what the fuck?? did she pay all of the bills out of that?

youre insane dude.

Beegoop · 2021-01-12T19:31:22+00:00

You brought this on yourself as you gave her a free ride since the start of the marriage. It's all she knows; this marriage was one where she fully expected to not have to do anything.

You "recently" realized this even though it's going on a full year, either you're whipped or (be truthful here) you were too scared to mention it.

She acted like a child at your questions because you basically gave her an allowance to run around with her friends and get ice cream for a full year, now you're taking her "freedom" away from her. Case in point, her thinking this weekly donation is "her" money, as if.

Divorce may or may not be a long way off, but petty shit like this only speeds it up. As it stands, your wife is basically a trophy wife/gold digger, and relationships with such women end as well as you expect them to.

You're lucky you have separate bank accounts, but this is far from over.

If you make enough money for it to not really matter, I suggest portioning some of the current money you're giving her to hiring a maid/cleaning service, or better yet making her do it.

But yeah man, this isn't good. You can't spoil/baby her to the point where she literally doesn't have to do anything, nor have anything to do. That leads to boredom down the road, and we all know what happens when bitches get bored in/of relationships.

SenorTonto · 2021-01-12T19:31:03+00:00

Ultimatum like this rarely work. When you get married what's your is hers and vice versa. You knew this before choosing to marry her.

First why did you even marry her? And what contributions did you want from her? Did you want kids?

If you aren't working on having kids I don't understand why you wouldmarry someone and choose to take care of them. In a sense she is your child now. Women should have a purpose in your life, especially your wife. Sounds like her purpose is too mooch off you.

I would sit down with her and voice your concerns in a non-accusatory fashion. If she can't understand that she needs to contribute then go speak to a divorce lawyer and make it clear that you will go your separate ways if she doesn't straighten up.

Next time don't enable moochers. YOU did this. You could have stayed single and did the house chores your damn self or hire a maid as it seems like you make good money. Understand that women should add value to your life. Doing chores and cooking are things you can do yourself. A woman should have higher purpose towards you than that low bar. Shit you could even have plates cleaning your house. No need to marry them.

Learn the game guy. You fucking up

Elatea · 2021-01-12T19:26:19+00:00

You are not in the wrong mate. It is your money. You dont have to try and explain yourself to us. She broke the verbal agreement you had. It is completely mad that you let her be so lucky anyway.

In the fight do not overreact, do shout or do anything rash. Simply tell her youve noticed a change and if she doesnt change she wont get your money. Why should she get to do nothing and spend it. If she doesnt want to talk to you or shouts. Probs start looking at other options. Just from your post it seems like shes started on a familiar pattern and it could go downhill.

Tbh you have been too nice too quick and shes come to expect that she can use you. you have to show her thats not that case. In the end you can lead a horse to water but can make it drink, what she does it on her, you can only react accordingly.

Edit:the advice you got on other subs attacking you are completely delusional. Dont feel bad about what ur doing mate. its your money and yours alone, your wife chooses not to work so you can provide if she isnt doing what you expect or you had agreed to what does she do for you, why are you married. Its not just solely your duty to please her, thats what men are taught from young and its fucked.

mksu911 · 2021-01-12T19:44:51+00:00

You're a simp.

Merah_Statis · 2021-01-12T19:12:18+00:00

please tell me this is a joke

TheDeadlyZebra · 2021-01-12T20:22:26+00:00

I'm in a similar situation with my wife in terms of lifestyle but we haven't had these problems (yet).

My wife stays home and does nearly all of the cooking and cleaning. I give her nearly one-third of my monthly income.

To me, it sounds like you haven't exerted a steady frame. You're playing catch-up with your masculinity. Women will exploit every lapse in consistency and discipline that you give them. It also sounds like you're being too "respectful" with her when she doesn't deserve it.

Another poster here mentioned "dread" which is very important. Whenever my wife starts testing me, I keep a mindset of abundance and independence and I welcome her to leave if she isn't happy. I don't spitefully push her away, but I never beg her to come back or not to leave. It's like "I enjoy you being here, but I don't need you to be here either."

Honestly, from your conversation text, it sounds like you're playing the part of her mother or her roommate asking her to get off the couch and start paying her half of the rent. It doesn't sound very manly, masculine, or paternal. You should change that.

If my wife claimed that she had any "rights" in our relationship, I would literally laugh in her face. Maybe you're taking her too seriously and need to remind her that she's a woman / child. Don't tell her these things straight up. Show her with your manners and frame.

The fact that she shrugged you off when she knows that a clean house is important to you demonstrates that she doesn't respect you as a man. You'll certainly need to fix that or move on if it isn't possible.

l2oland · 2021-01-12T20:42:29+00:00

The time to be Machiavellian is now.

I'm sure you're starting to see how much of a burden this situation is becoming to your wellbeing.

So here's what you gotta do. Play along for now, just for a little while. While she's thinking she has won, get the meanest most stringent divorce attorney you can find in your area.

Tell him what's going on and ask him if you can get out of this relatively unscathed. If it's possible:

THEN DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU TO DO.

EXACTLY WHAT HE TELLS YOU.

Don't listen to a word she says about getting marriage counseling, or cries of 'fixing' the marriage.

It's just a desperate attempt to keep "her" money around while she does who knows what while you're at work.

Good thing you're still relatively early in this marriage.

The best you can hope for is getting out without completely getting fucked because this type of woman seems like she'll be aiming for your wallet during the divorce.

Oh and one last thing, don't get married again.

T-toborn · 2021-01-12T19:15:54+00:00

U shouldn't make treats, you should take actions, start considering your options, a little sprinkle of dread keeps em on their best behaviour

doesntpostnuttin · 2021-01-12T19:40:03+00:00

So basically what you do is, you start transferring heaps of money to your family and make sure they are aware of the reason. Then you wait and see how it turns out with your wife, if she smartens up and starts pulling her weight you can go back to being happily married. If things go south and you get a divorce it’s okay because that money you ‘gave’ to your family isn’t going to be divided up. ;)

ksilvia12 · 2021-01-12T19:43:03+00:00

Man U need to start developing an exit plan, she’s a leach.

sanholt · 2021-01-12T19:45:45+00:00

You are being her daddy, and now she has decided to rebel and see what you are going to do about it. Like a little girl teen.

Otec_Fedor · 2021-01-12T19:53:34+00:00

I like how sugar daddies rationalize paying golddiggers and call the money they pay them "a stipend".

If I were you (and I've been in your shoes), I would read all the advice from the other guys in this thread and follow it. Divorce her. Consult with a lawyer before you do. Take other precautions.

Then move to Thailand or something if you have the money. Or find a job there if you don't.

Unlikely_Composer · 2021-01-12T20:55:03+00:00

When we got married we decided that my wife didn’t need to work if she didn’t want to, that she could just stay at home if she would like.

Did you? Or did she decide that?

We came to the agreement that she’d do 70-80% of the chores if she stayed at home.

Should've been close to 100% IMO considering you're working and she isn't.

We do not have kids so she literally has nothing else to really do.

Keep it that way.

As she does not work we do have separate bank accounts.

Keep it that way.

I give her more to spend than I actually spend on myself.

Don't. It's your money.

She was cleaning a lot around the house and was building her craft business. In the last year things have declined tremendously. Her craft business is completely closed. She hasn’t worked on that in months. Not only that but chores are hardly getting done around the house. I’ll come home most days to a dirty house and she will be there playing with the new items and clothes that she purchased that day.

She's bored as fuck. It won't be long before an affair starts (if it hasn't already)

All she continues to do is go out with friends and blow her money.

I hate to break it to you but you're basically a cuck with an entitled wife.

She claimed that I didn’t have the right to take her money away. I told her that I did because it was my money that I earned.

E n t i t l e m e n t.

If this goes to divorce, you've fucked yourself because she's now used to a certain level of luxury. Ever heard that one brought up in a court? Never goes well for the man.

What should I do now?

You continue cutting the money until things change. She is taking advantage of you. Being your wife doesn't mean it's okay. If nothing changes, you divorce her.

You've caused this by being a bad leader. Start wearing a condom because if kids get involved in this then it gets 1000000% worse for you.

Also go to AskMRP and post this same thing to get help from married RP guys. They'll ask you about dread.

2021-01-12T20:19:32+00:00

Get a new wife.

unlockavso · 2021-01-12T20:29:11+00:00

Overall you seem like a smart guy who was just indoctrinated with the wrong things when it comes to women.If you want our perspective then I suggest you read The Rational Male and the sidebar

Phontomz · 2021-01-12T19:45:44+00:00

This is just gonna be a ton of hard to swallow pills, and I assure your they’re all very real and very true, even though you’re going to convince yourself otherwise. But hey most of us learn the hard way anyway.

strawsoaker775 · 2021-01-12T19:46:57+00:00

Your money is her money, you can't technically take it away. Also she has no obligations to do the chores, she did not sign a contract to do them.

Reality is that marriage is a contract that gives 50% of your money to the girl, while you are not guaranteed anything in return.

That is why TRP never suggests to get married and if you are already married and just found out TRP, it is suggested to get a male lawyer and divorce ASAP to minimize your loses.

guccilaflare88 · 2021-01-12T19:48:31+00:00

Might as well move to another country and change your name so she can’t get half of what you own

Tambamwham · 2021-01-12T19:52:13+00:00

You’re being cheated on bud...

iswear2drunkimnotgod · 2021-01-12T21:39:45+00:00

Quick piece of advice. I saw that you posted on relationship advice, ignore/delete that post NOW. Dont ever go to women for advice on other women (their strategy in relationships is hope). They don't know how to fix their own relationships. How the FUCK are they going to give you good advice about getting your girl to act right? You've been too good to this woman and now she's being abusive (which is 1000% YOUR fault). Also, what goofy shit is this? Giving her 65% of your paycheck and then "only" giving her 50% until she acts right? How about 0%? She has no kids to take care of, doesn't work, is in her fucking 20's and can't even cook/clean? Bro she's making you out to be a bitch. The guys in the sub might sound like animals, especially to someone as far gone as you, but the methods work. Lastly, ask yourself this. Why are you literally giving this woman everything she has and getting nothing in return? Why would you accept that deal? DON'T NICE YOUR WAY OUT OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Alright, keep us updated bro. Go get em' tiger!

amrit21chandi · 2021-01-12T22:23:42+00:00

For married guys askMRP is the right subreddit. Where you'll get plenty of info and most probably you will get your answer from the sidebar.

Now, I'll give you one advise. DO NOT entertain or enable her actions. What she says has no value, its only her actions. And Silence is your friend. When you come home from work. Do some chores that are directly related to you. Make your bed, make your meal*, do your dishes etc. Either you lead her by example or she acts like a brat and ask you why you're only doing 'your' chores. Then you can smile and say well something needs to be done and you like things that way. If she's still acting up and Isn't putting any effort then you know what you're into and there's always a door if you look that way.

zamahx · 2021-01-12T23:04:55+00:00

Can i be your wife?

PurpleLemon4de · 2021-01-13T01:04:46+00:00

Alright buddy here’s some things to do:

As u/Lorddevonshire said you need to make your money non existent legally. Besides house payment and necessities make sure every cent of your paychecks will be “spent on gambling and alchohol.”
Prepare for divorce, cut off all money to your wife except for maybe food money and try to bait her into cheating on you. One of my buddy’s father paid someone to trick his wife into cheating on her, gathered evidence and divorced her with her at fault. Make her get a job so you don’t have to pay alimony.
If your house is owned by you there’s a chance she could get it, but if the place is rented you’re lucky (only have your name in the papers). Pay your landlord off to change it to your name only if you have to.
Do not have sex with her at ALL. You do not want to get her pregnant in any way it’s a fucking trap to keep you in.
Since you have a high paying job get a highly reviewed marriage lawyer and initiate the divorce on the accounts of her cheating. This whole method might take a year or so to set up but once the divorce is in motion you will thank yourself for it.

masteromatic · 2021-01-12T19:44:45+00:00

Dude when you said stipend i thought it must be below 30% of what you earn but 65% is way to high man you need to cut that down to 30% so that she can only buy what's really essential to both of you and not the things which aren't beneficial

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2021-01-12T19:42:38+00:00

TRP says not to get married, but then you get married and come to trp to ask how to solve problems that trp said you would have?

sigh....

fundamentally making threats and ultimatums represents a major loss of frame. her behavior shows she doesn't respect you and your expectations. if you weren't married, you would just walk away - that's your ultimate power. Now you can't walk away without divorce. so what do you do?

if you plan to stay married, then all you can do is make your boundaries very clear and do dread game, lift, etc. literally treating your wife like a child and taking away her allowance is going to breed resentment.

foxytaz25 · 2021-01-12T20:47:13+00:00

How can a person act like that when you give them everything? She crossed the line. You deserve the best or nothing at all

ithinkoutloudtoo · 2021-01-12T20:54:20+00:00

She is playing you for a sucker. Go talk to an attorney. She will destroy you in divorce court. Also one of my deal breakers is if she wants to be a stay at home mommy or homemaker, then I won’t be with her. You don’t work, we are done.

silverdongz · 2021-01-12T21:19:01+00:00

Sounds like she's depressed or bored and most likely having an affair. Prob with someone younger, more fun. It's likely she was using your allowance to take him out on dates.

Just how older women are

Lightways434 · 2021-01-12T21:33:10+00:00

You’re basically cashing her out for sitting on her ass. She gets everything and is expected to do nothing even though it was agreed upon. Seems like she’s lost respect for you. You better leave before it’s too late. Get a lawyer ASAP

McFuckOffx2 · 2021-01-12T21:40:49+00:00

You're an actual idiot. Start with acknowledging that. Second...well fuck...

hockeyaddict87 · 2021-01-12T22:29:58+00:00

I puked in my mouth when I saw he gives 65% of his income to her. I would not be ok with my wife not working unless it was when we had two young kids. It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. She has all day while you are gone, I can’t see how that wouldn’t result in cheating

leftajar · 2021-01-12T22:49:37+00:00

Lawyer time.

Not that you're going to divorce her, just to manage the massive amount of leverage she has over you.

GayLubeOil · 2021-01-12T23:12:27+00:00

You should watch this video on domestic parasitism

rnsbrum · 2021-01-12T23:44:31+00:00

I'm pretty sure this guy is an engineer.

RedCoquette · 2021-01-13T00:13:53+00:00

Learn dread. Apply it to the bedroom and the bank account. Once you get a main event, reset boundaries. If she doesn't work with you, the stay plan is the same as the go plan. Not that you know what any of that means right now.

Read: Start with Athol Kay-Married Man's Sex Life Primer.

vabab8 · 2021-01-13T00:27:04+00:00

Tell her that since she is no longer doing the chores around the house, you will behiring them out and the stipend will be used to pay for the services you hire.

MentORPHEUS · 2021-01-13T00:39:05+00:00

OP has gotten some good advice in this thread, so for young men reading: It feels good to provide for a GF, so it's easy to fall into this type of arrangement only to find her giving less and less in return. Do NOT give her money in exchange for merely being there. Make it in exchange for things she actually does for you, by your own internal audit.

The first time a GF casually throws out, "Honey, can I have some money?" Shut that shit down immediately and firmly. This pattern usually begins long before the marriage or engagement, and is all too easy to dismiss in the early honeymoon stages.

2021-01-13T00:46:27+00:00

I don't think there is anything wrong with relying financially on your partner but she needs to understand that there has to be a give and take. You provide her with this incredibly lavish lifestyle and she owes it to you to put in effort on her end.

Saying as you two have no kids and she has no job, she should be cleaning and doing the vast majority of the chores every day. She should also be cooking for you and making sure you get to relax after work. She should be doing sweet things for you and spending her stipend on things that you can also enjoy or even little gifts for you so that you know she appreciates you.

She seems incredibly selfish and I get the feeling that she may be using you for your money. I think it's a good idea to away her allowance until she can prove that she can do things to take care of you and that she really cares about you and your relationship outside of the financial perks. If she can't do that then it might be time to leave.

subaruguy14 · 2021-01-13T00:49:55+00:00

Prep for a divorce and get rid of her. Girlfriends are better than wives.

smhfamswag · 2021-01-13T02:27:54+00:00

wow, this is a shit show. from the title all the way to the finish, jesus christ are you even red pill? So many things wrong

why the FUCK is this bitch not working? I don’t care if I make 100 million, you gotta make your girl work/be productive. no way you’re gonna sit on your ass all day, plus no kids???

why the FUCK are you giving this bitch free money every week?

etc. etc.

face-fucking-palm

boy_named_su · 2021-01-13T06:24:04+00:00

Jesus christ you gave her 65% of your income?

catriel25 · 2021-01-13T12:20:24+00:00

Oh boy... You really need to read the sidebar

bogeyd6 · 2021-01-13T12:28:43+00:00

Many of the comments here are way off base. You made a decision from weakness. She pretends because you will give in. You threaten with money because its the only thing you have. You back down and its just one more example of you being weak, you stand strong and you are the bad guy.

Next time around try leading instead of threats.

FirstName_LastName4 · 2021-01-13T14:06:05+00:00

Pretty interesting how you posted this on a fuckton of different subreddits and the replies are wildly different

throwRA3141565 · 2021-01-13T14:20:42+00:00

We came to the agreement that she’d do 70-80% of the chores if she stayed at home.

getting married is basically betting the majority of your assets that that she'll faithfully uphold her "agreements." You lost this bet.

i-am-the-prize · 2021-01-13T14:55:29+00:00

wait, wait... wait. her "stipend" was 65% of your net intake?

of course this turned out as such...

they will take as much as you give, and then want more while doing less
women run on feels, you're not giving her any feels before this confrontation - so she's buying shit (consumerism) and hanging with friends (replacement feels)
this is your fault. wtf were you thinking with this arrangement?

as for what now? don't back down. this is a shit bargain.

What if? What if she was working out (staying hella fit) keeping a clean house (ie: taking care of your assets and living space), cooking up a storm (watching cooking youtube videos, while doing food shopping when you're at work) - she could be the unicorn others dream of - but she's not, she's showing her true self - and you called her on it. good. but jesus fuck this went on too long.

PS the silent treatment is a test. it's brinksmanship and also to see if you have the stones to stand your ground. the fact that she's pouting over still getting 50% (!!!!!) of your net to her account is insane - you haven't gone far enough.

do NOT get pregnant.

ShortPromotion2 · 2021-01-12T19:39:35+00:00

Post this on relationship advice and wait for downvotes

PayneGreyWolf · 2021-01-12T19:48:41+00:00

You caused this. Hit the eject button

Casanova-Quinn · 2021-01-12T20:14:25+00:00

Ever since then she hasn’t said one word to me. What should I do now?

You cut off the money and hold firm until she corrects her behavior. That's the only hope you have of improving the situation. Anything less and you're on a slippery slope to being a doormat she can, and will, walk all over.

I'm getting lots of nice guy vibes from your post. The fact that you're rattled by the "silent treatment" is telling. Oh no, she won't talk to you! How will you live? /s lmao. Let her be silent, she'll either fix things or she won't. And if she won't, it's time to start an exit strategy.

RStonePT · 2021-01-12T20:16:55+00:00

If you're getting the silent treatment, do something that requires quiet and be glad shes' providing value for the first time in your relationship.

then take a breath and ensure you're never in this situation again

Yharnam_Queen · 2021-01-12T20:35:54+00:00

Aw crap, AITA fairytales found their way to askTRP.

Please evacuate this way.

HornFinical · 2021-01-12T20:46:56+00:00

[deleted]

foxytaz25 · 2021-01-12T20:47:19+00:00

How can a person act like that when you give them everything? She crossed the line. You deserve the best or nothing at all

Parkin_Wafer · 2021-01-12T21:10:48+00:00

I think we all agree that you can’t fix this.

She doesn’t respect you as a man. If she did, she would be more considerate of your hard earned money and at least try to please you by taking care of the house where you both live. I think she secretly resents you for not putting her in check. Women turn into bullies if they see weakness and it takes a man with balls to not allow that from the very beginning.

She is entitled and disrespectful. You can’t change or fix this behavior. I think if it was simpler times maybe but with our society she can divorce r@pe you and she knows it.

This is your warning. She has the courts on her side and she has the general public in her side because she can claim abuse without it being real. This happens everyday don’t let her do this to you. By her behavior, it wouldn’t surprise me since she already shows signs of victim mentality and entitlement.

I truly believe in marriage and having a partner for life but she doesn’t sound like she has those traits to be a lifelong partner, she sounds like a liability. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. You have to turn a wife into a wife.

LeatherBoundWisdom · 2021-01-12T21:28:00+00:00

Sounds like your marriage is crap. Cut the stipend, possibly entirely. I've heard courts determine alimony by the "lifestyle she's become accustomed to."

Zanakii · 2021-01-12T21:31:20+00:00

Sounds like you're her parent more than her spouse tbh.

lolyups · 2021-01-12T21:48:06+00:00

Lol how did you even get into a position where you were paying a woman a stipend in the first place ?

housephones · 2021-01-12T22:02:06+00:00

Tell her to act right

InformalCriticism · 2021-01-12T22:07:03+00:00

Just tell her the money you make is now going toward her education. She can get whatever she wants if it's school related. She has reverted back to childhood, so treat her like one.

JameisBong · 2021-01-12T22:13:05+00:00

Ultimatums are an expression of being powerless over a situation...No kids means eject button, didn't read beyond that. Add 2-3 kids to the picture and imagine how much more lazy she'll become mr betabux.

Leave now and don't get married again, it never works.

rpbb9999 · 2021-01-12T22:13:15+00:00

Leave

Livecrazyjoe · 2021-01-12T22:19:29+00:00

Jeebus this is like a recipe for spousal support if she leaves you.

SatyaNi · 2021-01-12T22:23:32+00:00

You are fucked if you don’t break up.

If somehow; you make her change because of fear of being tossed away (that is the only thing that’ll work at that point), when the dread will be gone, she’ll return to this way.

You are seing what she really is without external motivation.

Do not delude yourself thinking she will change. What was her upbringing ? What sort of person was her mother ? Her aunts, basically, her female role model ?

kendo31 · 2021-01-12T22:23:35+00:00

You're a damn idiot being taken for a ride. Have a shred of self respect/dignity and find a woman, not a spoiled child you have sex with (hopefully). Useless and lazy will stay that way, can't /don't try to change people. LEAVE

life036 · 2021-01-12T22:37:51+00:00

Holy shit, should've never gotten married in the first place. What a nightmare, man.

Careful, if this all falls apart, your alimony payments are going to be brutal due to the heavenly goodlife that her lazy ass has been provided by your dumb ass.

Somelier1234 · 2021-01-12T22:40:16+00:00

Like a lot of other people have said your first mistake was just allowing your wife to stay home. You done goofed son. Honestly it seems like you care about her but at the same time you’ve given her everything for nothing. It’s hard to come out of this in one piece, I’m not saying it’s impossible but if you want to come out of this unscathed you have to stick to your guns. She may not Speak to you, but hey go do things in your own, make new friends, Hobbies, enjoy life without her for a bit. Don’t give her any more money Unless some serious changes happen. She is the one who turned back on a deal you guys made. It’s not the other way around. Obviously don’t be some crass psychopath like some people on this sub suggest. Try and wade throuuh the bullshit in this sub and you can find some gold on how to live a good life. If she values you, things will turn around because she will realize that she has a high quality man, if not hey lesson learned and you can move on. Be happy you don’t have children, that would make this 💯 times worse.

After_Sell · 2021-01-12T22:44:45+00:00

Divorce?

lunaluis · 2021-01-12T23:16:19+00:00

Unpopular opinion (for this sub) but it sounds like your wife is depressed or is lacking a sense of purpose.

I know y’all agreed to that, but it was a terrible agreement from the start. If I were you, I’d try to encourage her to find a sense of purpose and to challenge herself before you decide to end the relationship.

I’m sure (or hope) you married this woman for good reasons. And if you didn’t, idk wtf you’re doing.

What I’m saying is, try to support her (emotionally not financially) while at the same time challenging her in a positive way & healthy way. If she’s not about that, start planning your next move.

_SAKE · 2021-01-12T23:45:39+00:00

Punch her lights out

Phontomz · 2021-01-12T23:55:18+00:00

OP I hope you know this relationship is over, and better to do something about it now. Listen to the advice the guy gave about hiding your money. When this ends in courts she’s taking at least half. Listen now or regret it for the rest of your life

IntelligenceLtd · 2021-01-12T23:59:02+00:00

jesus 50% of your income just for pussy and by the sound of it nothing more genuine than youd get with a hooker or sugarbaby (not that is ever is just manipulated feelings) dude you can do better than this I assure you

Mzo2016 · 2021-01-13T00:00:44+00:00

Who in the world gives 65% of their mk ey to someone thats not doing anything? What did u expect??? Take it away completly and see what she does.

Thinkingard · 2021-01-13T00:18:19+00:00

Man what the fuck. As a married couple without kids who gives a fuck if she doesn’t have to work, she has to get a job. Even more income means you can save faster and start putting away a good nest egg for retirement. You don’t just blow all your income on pure waste like that. You are probably very young, you don’t know how long you will have this job, or what the economy or your personal health will be like 10 years down the road.

If your wife can’t keep the place in good shape, and she has no desire to work, don’t have kids. She won’t do the work it takes to raise a kid.

As for actual advice you should be in marriage counseling already because finances will be the death of the relationship.

Optionsmfd · 2021-01-13T00:23:55+00:00

not to go back in time why get married?

im guessing the red pill is something new?

Stupyyy · 2021-01-13T00:40:13+00:00

She doesn't respect you if she did she would've listened your word and did that you asked for her to please you and earn your loving. You should give her 0% of what you bring in to teach her a lesson.

Greaterbird · 2021-01-13T01:04:25+00:00

I finally told her that if she doesn’t start earning it then I’m going to have to cut her stipends down. She claimed that I didn’t have the right to take her money away.

Check your local laws and talk to a lawyer. Depending on what state/country you're in your paycheck may be considered communal property.

Greaterbird · 2021-01-13T01:07:01+00:00

Notice how you say you like spoiling her? This is what a spoiled person looks like.

Giving her 65% is telling her that she's at minimum 15% more valuable of a person than you are. In fact, she's decided that she's so valuable to you that she doesn't really need to do anything and she'll still get money, and if you don't pony up she'll divorce you and take it by force.

Of course she's mad. Her living ATM is malfunctioning.

SteveSan82 · 2021-01-13T01:14:11+00:00

Why wouldn't she be doing 100% of the chores? Why the fuck would you have a housewife if you don't have kids? Why even have a wife? Why have an LTR at 31?

You fucked up. She can get you for spousal abuse now by cutting her off

Gamedragon345 · 2021-01-13T01:49:02+00:00

Just say, Look, your being a dumb bitch. I make the bread, you dont do jackshit, if your gonna spend money and buy shit, you better do all the chores, and if you don't, I wont give you a single cent. And then find a way to protect your money from divorce using advice of the other guys. Also guaranteed this girl is banging guys left and right when you are at work, the way she is so disinterested in you, she doesnt respect you at all. also you should be saving as much of your income as possible, and not giving her much money, 1k a month is enough tell her. Also say to her, how dare you try to argue with me as an equal, Im the breadwinner here, Dont argue with a women when its obvious your right.

Gamedragon345 · 2021-01-13T01:53:35+00:00

The part where you messed up was giving her more than 5-10% of your income and saving almost everything else.

SublimePimp · 2021-01-13T02:22:39+00:00

Thanks for anecdotal evidence #3546746 as to why I’m never getting married. Do what the guy said with the casino receipts, put your money in Bitcoin/stable coins/move it around cleverly with the help of an accountant, and contact a divorce lawyer.

Do all this while pretending everything is ok. Say you’re sorry and keep paying her, then divorce her when you’re ready. She’s a worthless parasite child who doesn’t love you or care about you at all. Get rid of her. Have some dignity.

2021-01-13T02:59:36+00:00

Man you're giving her wayy too much and receiving way too little.

Code_Combo_Breaker · 2021-01-13T04:03:09+00:00

65% of your earnings. Man WTF. That is not OK.

HaroldTFinch · 2021-01-13T05:05:31+00:00

Why aren't you saving 50% of your income to retire at any time? If you do that for ten years it's a huge plus. Follow the gambling idea for another 10-20%.

yvnglucifer · 2021-01-13T05:11:02+00:00

Sounds like she depressed/realizing honeymoon phase over

antariusz · 2021-01-13T05:30:58+00:00

Dude, have you ever even read the sidebar? she doesn't respect you because you're acting like a perfect beta bitch.

kellybeereed · 2021-01-13T07:56:04+00:00

You sound like her parent. You should be a couple, this just seems unhealthy. Punishing her is not what will make this better, communicating on what your expectations are for each other in a non-condescending way is what is needed

Raccoon_from_heaven · 2021-01-13T08:17:33+00:00

So:
1. You have been married for two years and have no kids? WHY?
2. You give 65% of your earnings to her just so that she can buy what she wants and please herself? Don't ever again try to do something like that. She should not view your hard earned money as an input for her pleasures.

By what you have said and if everything you have said is true I can for sure say your wife is NOT a good person.

The probable reason why she isn't talking to you: She views you as a beta provider male who wants to feel his wife, one way is by talking to her. Now she consciously or subconsciously feels that she can get her way back (get back 65% of your earnings) by cutting you off (not talk to you) for a while. She is trying to manipulate you. That's what she is trying to do. Know that!

Like another comment as already said you are in a danger zone. Use a condom. Else you might get devorce-raped! and child-support- raped! and no-child-custody-raped! Be careful!

IAmEnlightened · 2021-01-13T08:42:45+00:00

Do not under any circumstances put a kid in her. Do not allow her to be in charge of birth control. Wear condoms that you keep on your person or in your briefcase etc. Alarm bells will now be ringing in her head and unless she’s a complete dumb ass she knows the best way of strengthening her hand is to have your child.

I hate to tell you dude but it’s the beginning of the end unless your wife is one of a kind, a unicorn so to speak (she isn’t), or you dramatically increase your sexual market value and she dreads loosing her high value man. It’s likely neither of these scenarios will take effect so I would advise you to immediately and drastically drop your wife’s stipend, and start hiding money. Do not move out of the house, secretly document any abuse your wife gives you, and be sure to be the most amiable and mild mannered guy ever, give her nothing that she could even vaguely twist as abuse.

lintamacar · 2021-01-13T09:05:58+00:00

Man you wanted to stir this sub up and it worked. Kek.

riley_byrd · 2021-01-13T09:14:48+00:00

I agree with your decision. I’m basically living the trad-wife life and if I shirk my duties then it’s more than far to have a monetary punishment.

Congrats in keeping your house in order. Cant let standards slip unless someone is ill, otherwise what’s the point of a partnership.

ApexCharger392 · 2021-01-13T09:18:22+00:00

You need to ignore her until she starts getting her act together and doing shit... sounds like she got lazy and wants a nice beta man to settle with or a sugar daddy at least... whichever allows her to not do shit and still have money. Hit up some homies and get active bro even getting more involved/busy at work can help you out, have some fun and remember you are the prize, so let her see that while you’re ghosting her. Don’t know what problems you have in the marriage besides the whole cash for chores thing but she could also be seeing someone else while you’re at work or when she’s “out with her friends” can be the reason for the lack of motivation to clean your territory.... stay strong and just know you may need to prepare to lawyer up and protect/hide your funds. I wish nothing but the best of times for you brother.

StackRedemption · 2021-01-13T10:11:36+00:00

How much is the stipend?

redaftrp · 2021-01-13T10:42:33+00:00

Holy shit dude... 50% for keeping your bed warm! Knock it down to 10-15% and put the rest into savings and investments. If she can’t bother to clean, cook and keep the house neat, what you have there is a bum.

kdsflyfree · 2021-01-13T18:57:42+00:00

Ok. Here’s what’s happening. She’s bored and falling or fallen out of love with you. If she was still into you she’d be falling all over herself to cook and clean for you.

Why: 1. She’s banging someone else 2. She’s feeling neglected in the marriage. 3. Both 1 & 2

Solution: Negative reinforcement is not going to work here. She’s lost that lovin’ feeling.

Marriage is TRP on impossible level. But, if you want to give it a shot, get a copy of Athol Kay’s Sex Life Guide. You’ll have to romance her back. Can be done in many cases.

no_not_this · 2021-01-13T22:50:01+00:00

Can I ask you if this is a joke ? It sounds like your supporting a teenager. She’s a deadbeat and won’t even talk to you when you “reduced” her allowance. This is pathetic

stripedtanker · 2021-01-14T06:14:15+00:00

Redpilled would be to start making contingencies to get out of the relationship.

None redpill is that she may actually have something up with her that she feels u don't understand, so shes depression spending. Last year was covid so maybe it hit her business. Or she doesn't want to be a stay at home wife

Either way, too hard to tell from the internet.

Metrack · 2021-01-15T19:04:45+00:00

You seems like a newbie here but this is perfect clues TRANSACTIONAL relationship guys. It's better to be alone forever than be a provider who is only good when giving cash

cmr927 · 2021-01-17T19:44:04+00:00

Honestly, why do you people get legally married? Just throw a ring on her finger and hire a priest and have a fancy wedding but for God’s sake, don’t sign any paperwork. As long as you’re not in a state that has common law marriage (only a handful - like 10 that do), you’re fine. There’s no point in having the government deal with something (marriage) that should only be between you, your wife, and God.

jnowak87 · 2021-01-26T21:05:40+00:00

65%? That is insane. Even 50% is. I took 8 months off of work after I had our daughter (not entirely by choice). My husband paid all of the bills when I didn’t work but I had my own money saved up to pay for what I wanted and still supported our daughter. I did all of the cleaning and We went half on our daughters expenses. I finally went back to work a couple of months ago but only part time. I only pay utilities and do 95% of chores. The only thing my husband does on top of paying all of the rest of the bills is take out the trash. I think this is fair enough. You’re doing too much to please an ungrateful woman who is taking advantage of you.

AnubissWarior · 2021-02-06T11:21:13+00:00

Stay stoic and strong. Dont give her money. Act jokingly and ejoy yourself. If she sees that you arent bothered, she wont have any ideas about even trying to contest you. Dont.Give.An.Inch.

You arent wrong in doing this. You had an agreement, she broke it. Treat her as a child. You have to dish out punishment now and then if they get out of line.

GhostsaiIgun · 2021-02-11T02:16:09+00:00

Beta of the century.

jhx264 · 2021-01-12T20:01:44+00:00

Oh this is really easy because you need her faaaar less than she needs you.

This is what you do-

Quietly start working to improve your options. (Dread).

You give her the stipend. And act normal.

You talk to her and with a smirk on your face of self satisfaction and with amusement, drop hints like "my wife would be taking care of things in the house while mr cave man went out and hunted a wooly mammoth... then change the topic before she gets a chance to be a bitch.

If she doesn't improve then it's time to start hiding money in the cayman Islands and get a lawyer to help you with the divorce.

preazeu · 2021-01-13T07:15:53+00:00

A simple manly beating would have solved this a long time ago.