https://medium.com/@Raincoat.Chucks/dating-is-hard-for-unattractive-women-a-look-at-female-dating-strategies-9bfa21a7d72

Saving you all a click:

As someone with an interest in intergender dynamics, social skills, and seduction, I frequent corners of the internet where these topics are discussed. The typical content being, Red Pill YouTube videos, PUA blogs, and various forums on Reddit.

Through Reddit, I learned of the burgeoning sub, r/FemaleDatingStrategy. FDS stood out as novelty in the space, because the vast majority of content about dating, seduction, etc is created by men for other men.

I was intrigued by the concept of dating strategies for women; it never occurred to me that women would need “strategies” to be passive participants in dating and relationships.

Men approach women, men initiate seduction, sex, and if it comes to that point, men propose marriage. Therefore, every man needs strategies on approach, dating, and sex, regardless of what he looks like, or how much money he has.

“…Do women need ‘strategies’ to reject or accept advances from men?”, I wondered.

Fascinated, I indulged my curiosity by spending some time reading the posts on the sub.

What I Had Heard

Where FDS is mentioned in the manosphere, it is always derided and mocked. Before I checked into FDS myself, I’d heard the women in that community referred to as “post-wall”, “bitter”, and “poor”, the last of which I understood to probably be a dog whistle for “Black”. For a relatively new sub, they get a lot of abuse in the space.

A strange thing happened when I read the posts and subsequent comments for myself. I didn’t feel the need to criticize or shame that community. Instead, I realized that the principles being taught in FDS aren’t for entitled women to use men for expensive dates.

Many of the posts in r/FDS are from women who are older, late 30s to over 40, even a woman in her sixties. Women admitted that they are overweight (but working on it), unattractive, single moms, and some even admitted that they don’t get approached by men in real life. These types of women are often considered low hanging fruit. Men invite them over to chill late at night, never take them out, blatantly use them for sex.

The FDS subreddit is simply trying to level the playing field for women who are often the last picked for the team, if at all.

I felt a huge amount of compassion and empathy for those women.

Many of the posts describe relationships that went wrong in various ways, leaving women hurt and angry as a result. This is also a common theme in MGTOW spaces, where men who were unlucky in love lick their wounds, generalize, and complain about women. Each of these are natural human methods to cope with emotional pain and loss.

On the posts I read on r/FDS, just like with r/MGTOW and others, there was a lot of pain, and people reaching out for various ways to wrestle with it.

Of course, the online space of these tribes doesn’t define the whole of the population. With FDS, as with MGTOW, The Red Pill, and others, people who are successfully dating are less likely to have time to be posting on dating forums. People who are most frustrated and have the most time on their hands have nothing better to do than refer to men as “low value” and “scrotes”. Online is a look into that world, but not the best representation of everyone that adheres to these beliefs.

The Red Pill Repackaged

Much of the content is concepts from The Red Pill simply reworded to be for women. The FDS Handbook is a mixture of common RP knowledge, and old fashioned dating advice, like “The Rules” book from the 90s.

The vibe is snide, with a sense of “Anything you can do I can do better!” oneupmanship . It comes off as frustrated women thumbing their nose at the Manosphere by trying to co-opt the language and techniques.

As I said, I feel compassion for the type of women who would need to be on the internet seeking out dating advice. Hopefully that space can evolve to offer real advice tailored for the needs of women, not just trying to hammer a square peg in a round hole by using the exact same Manosphere concepts, but changing the genders.

Terms like “spinning plates” or “plating”, and “The Wall”, were invented in the PUA community and have been used for more than 20 years in that space. They show up all over FDS because someone clearly hate read a gang of PUA/Red Pill content, then tried to shoehorn it to benefit women.

Certainly that was easier than coming up with something new to meet women’s unique imperatives in dating and relationships.

Put bluntly, the majority of the content in r/FDS indicates the hurt, powerlessness, and frustration of the types of women who need “dating strategies” in the first place.

There are stories of men that cheated, lied, or otherwise misled them.

There is a lot of sassy “YASSS QWEENl!” women’s empowerment.

There is a lot of positive mindset and wishful thinking for women who, statistically, don’t have much of a chance of finding the committed relationships and marriage (with attractive, successful men) they say they want.

Do Women Need Strategies?

Pretty women are highly desirable on the dating market. They have their pick of male suitors. A woman who looks good has all different kinds of men approaching her for dates. Beautiful, feminine, young women don’t need “strategies”; they need a bat to swing at all the men begging to buy her dinner, drinks, and take her on trips.

Like it or not, in our society today, women are prized for their beauty and looks, men are prized for their achievements and resources. Everything stems from that.

Can The Red Pill work… for women?

The Red Pill is able to help men because it explains this basic truth to them. Which is something even FDS adherents have no choice but to acknowledge.

[screenshot]

An average looking man can enhance his looks, and thus his opportunities with women, very simply.

He works out, gaining some muscle and losing excess body fat. He gets stylish, well fitted clothes, improves his grooming, and learns key social skills. An even average looking man can easily get dates and sex with women through doing this. The manosphere is full of success stories of average men who went from frustrated, friendzoned chumps to total players with a few months to a year of improving himself. Myself included.

I readily admit that The Red Pill changed my life. I went from a skinny fat incel who struck out with women, to juggling 3- 4 dates a week with attractive women. In the last 6 months, I dated a 23 year old student at a local university, and a 40 year old art professor at the same school!

And I did it in my mid- 30s. At 37, I am having more success with women than I ever have in my life. I’ve written a lot about it here.

Critics can call the manosphere and The Red Pill “misogynist”, but the things I learned there worked for me and for thousands, if not millions, of other men over the years.

Women do not have the same agency, or the same amount of time.

A woman’s value (in the dating market, not as a human being and a child of God) is in her physical beauty, femininity, and youth. A more plain woman can improve her lot in life with make up, hair, and clothing. However, the standards of female beauty are a lot higher and more attached to her body than men.

An average looking woman will gain some (but not as much) of an edge by getting fit. Once she is past 30, her options, among the attractive, successful men that women like, start shrinking dramatically, no matter what she does.

FDS vs. The Wall

FDS users fanatically swear that there is no such thing as The Wall. However, many of the comments on posts are from women over 35, to as much as age 63, complaining that they are single, and blaming “low value” men for their plight.

Additionally, there are whole Youtube channels dedicated to mocking all the think pieces written by frustrated women in their 30s. Common themes are the women lamenting how men their age “don’t want to commit” or “are all chasing younger women”. The Wall clearly exists and manifests in 2 ways, FDS may claim that The Wall is “bullshit”, as one commenter posted. As Rollo Tomassi wrote, “The closer you get to the truth, the louder women shriek.”

First, let’s dive into the typical poster on r/FDS.

“Strong, Independent” Black Women

A disproportionate amount of the posts and comments on the sub seem to be from Black women, in itself very surprising, since Reddit itself is overwhelmingly white and male.

The types of usernames, the language and slang, and other subs that posters are active in all indicate a disproportionately high number of Black women, mostly age 30 and up.

[screenshot of chart]

All the studies on the topic have shown that Black women are the least desired group of women in the dating pool, and everyone in this space is aware of this. There’s a new video or think piece by Black women themselves complaining about their lack of dating options seemingly every other day.

[nappyheadedjojoba video]

This is already a group of (in terms of the dating market) largely undesirable, and therefore highly frustrated women.

Username Checks Out

I will not share actual usernames here, out of respect for these women’s privacy. Many of the usernames of posters on the sub contain words indicating darker skin color, a practice that a common among Black women.

Where the username indicates race of skin color, terms like “caramel”, “mocha”, variations of “chocolate”, like “Coco”, are used

Slang

Where usernames don’t indicate race, the use of language often indicates Black American experience. Terms that originated in the Black American community, and are mostly used by Black American women are common on the sub: for example “sis’“, “bruh”, etc. Another strong indicator that most of the users are Black women is phrases like “level up” and calling each other “queens”.

As someone who is obviously familiar with the culture, the verbiage of FDS just sounds like the way that Black Americans speak.

FDS vs. Reality

I’ll say again that I don’t have a problem with the existence of FemaleDatingStrategies. If the teachings of the sub are helping women, good for them. The problem is that ideas being preached on FDS don’t line up with reality. The women’s empowerment shtick may feel empowering for readers who are disillusioned with their dating and relationship experiences, however once the buzz of sassy “You go girl!” feminism wears off, the women are still at the bottom of the dating pool, only more frustrated than before.

Making “High Value Men” Wait for Sex

There are MUCH fewer physically attractive, financially successful, and charming men available than women who want to date physically attractive, financially successful, charming men. Men that qualify as “high value”, (HVM) are rare in society, and are as good as unicorns in the Black American community. Obviously, men who fit this description know it.

Once women of FDS understand these numbers, they feel disillusioned with that fact.

[shortage of high value men screenshot]

I won’t claim to be “High Value”, as no clearcut parameters have been established for that. I am decent looking, in great shape. I keep a neat haircut and always smell good. I make a comfortable living for myself, own a home, have good credit, some small investments, and have traveled internationally extensively, and also lived abroad.

When women get to know me and my history, they outright pursue me: texts, calls, sex, making me dinner etc. All this with little effort on my part, other than looking good, and having my life together on a basic adult level. I have access to (but don’t necessarily indulge in) as much sex as I want, and could easily upgrade one of these women to a committed relationship if that’s what I wanted.

Even I don’t need to wait 3 months for sex, and there’s no way I would. For what? Six weeks into the Coronavirus lockdown, I’ve had 4 different women text me, wanting to come over, or inviting me to their place.

The posters of FDS know it too. The belief that women have “inherent value” and bragging that “women are the prize” are central tenets of the sub, but the truth comes out deeper in the comments.

[post about men gatekeeping relationships]

Several posts admit that men are the gatekeepers in relationships, and “High value men” (HVM) are in the driver’s seat in dating and relationships. Why would men like this wait 2- 3 months, or even 2- 3 dates for sex? Especially with 35 year old women?

FDS posters are physically unattractive

It goes without saying. Attractive women have men chasing them down for dates and relationships. They don’t need the misguided advice of FDS. Unfortunately, the types of women who DO need dating “strategies” are misguided by the ideas being taught on FDS.

The FDS Handbook states that men should do all the pursuing, pay for all dates, and the woman should hold out 2- 3 months before having sex, at a minimum. I already established that even I, an above average man, wouldn’t put up with that. I don’t need to. I sleep with most women by the second date.

Hanging out for 3 months without sex is for friendzoned guys with no options, not the handsome, successful “HVM” that the sub lusts after. The “make him wait for sex” scheme doesn’t even make sense, in this regard. Outside of religious men, or men with no game, no one is waiting 3 months for sex, especially not for the types of women on FDS who openly admit they are not pretty.

[several screenshots]

Sour Grapes

For a group of women who are longing to be in committed relationships, the ladies of FDS have a lot of salt for women who have found a man to commit to them. Many posts on the sub are screenshots of women who are actually in relationships fawning over their partners. These are posted with sneering captions from the femcels that congregate there.

[screenshot]

The crew at r/FDS seem offended that women’s standards are, in their opinion, too low. The funny thing is, that the women that get dismissed as “pickmeishas” have attained the relationships that FDS femcels want!

The reality is that women DO appreciate small efforts. Men that these women consider “low value” and women that FDS considers “pickmeishas” are IN relationships. A large number of posts on the sub are simply mocking people’s relationships, which comes off as sour grapes from a group of women posting “strategies” online for how to find commitment.

Denying Reality

Posters in the FDS community shame and mock men for wanting to date younger women, claiming that young women don’t find “creepy” older men desirable. They shame women for dating slightly older (5- 7+ years) men, when it’s well known that women refer older men. Then they deny that older men are successful with younger women.

It’s hard to reconcile that with all the posts younger women, describing relationships with older men.

They claim The Wall is an evil lie by men, but MANY of the posters are “happily single” and “single by choice” women in their 30s and up.

[waka flocka meme]

The longer I read into the sub, the more it sounded like a bunch of greasy incels.

Like a lot of online communities, it’s a circle jerk echo chamber where a group of similarly frustrated people get together to commiserate and deny reality.

Adapting Incel Language

Posters on FDS frequently use in-group language, for example, abbreviations, and special terms to dehumanize anyone outside the group.

This behavior highlights their isolation and frustration. A “low value men” (LVM) is any man that won’t commit to them, regardless of his attractiveness or success. Other insults like “scrote”, “pickmeisha” are thrown around, even when the person in question is demonstrating that they are in a relationship. It seems like sour grapes, and it did cause me to feel more empathy for these women than anger.

In Conclusion

I had heard a lot about r/FemaleDatingStrategies in other online spaces, so I was curious about it. I’m glad that I looked into it for myself, in order to form my own opinion.

In short, it’s a lot of feel good speech that offers a salve of hope to a group of people who desperately need it. There is a huge market for, and a lot of money in, telling women what they want to hear. Men like Derrick Jaxn, and his white counterpart, Matthew Hussey write best selling books, go on speaking tours, and make millions from women who want a (hot) guy to tell them their prince really is coming someday.

[screenshot]

I looked for some value in the posts I read, but frankly, there’s not much of that on r/FDS. Nothing I read on there is going to help women find a great guy to sweep them off their feet.

The advice that would really help single women, “Be pretty. Be young. Be agreeable. Be feminine.” is dismissed and shot down as “Pick Me”.

That was my first time delving into the circle jerk that is FemaleDatingStrategies, and it’ll be the last. I wish those women the best of luck. They need it. And they know it.