23 year old woman desperately looking for help.

timothyreborn · 2020-12-09T02:09:40+00:00

Get married asap, dont keep defiling your conscience, even if that means using a lack luster person to do that, go elope. Turn your priority to understanding the Gospel, my immediate vibe is that your burden is heavy and your yoke is difficult, this is not how we learn Christ. The Apostle John wrote so that we may know we have eternal life. Be careful that you are not decieved by your intelligence and effort - you have put in alot of effort, and you are intelligent, but its all wind, mist. Jesus bids you to come and die, not pray a prayer or try your best or clean yourself off before you come to him, Jesus says die (all throughout the gospels), and Pauls says die (Rom. 6, Col. 3).

Die with Christ by turning from everything to him (Luke 14), and when you die with him you will be raised to newness of life, born again. If you are not assured in this, then everything else means nothing. If you want something cerebrally stimulating - read John Calvin's Institutes - spiritually powerful, and an intellectual heavy weight of a book.

God is first and foremostly a Father, if you want to live steadfastly in this world, go to the Father, orphans dont survive. Jesus said to the Father "Before the foundation of the world, You loved me." When God wasnt a creator, a ruler, a king, he was a Father who was loving his Son. He extends this love to you and freedom from guilt.

Lara-Larissa · 2020-12-09T03:17:43+00:00

Just get married. Having a perfectly holy minister marry you is unnecessary.

And if you don't like the country you're in, then move. The USA needs more red pill inhabitants so you should come here :)

RedPillWonder · 2020-12-09T07:14:37+00:00

Marriage:

To be married in God's eyes, you need a marital covenant/vows spoken to each other and consummation of those vows. In biblical times, you also needed the father of the bride's permission. Witnesses were often around.

With this said, I want to echo u/Red-Curious's comment about taking these vows seriously. Many people would have a "lesser" idea in their mind about this compared to an official marriage by the State.

If you go this route, you need to know and understand it is every bit as binding in God's eyes as if you went down to a courthouse and got married, or got married by a priest or whomever.

So it really comes down to are you going to view it as a secondary or lesser option, or is it really on the same level in your heart and mind as if you got married by a priest you respect?

For your consideration, I'll note there were times in the bible where there was no official government, yet God refers to men and women as married. How could this be? Because as we've pointed out since this sub began, marriage is a covenant plus consummation.

Or times when there was a government run by pagans (think of the Hebrews being slaves in Egypt), but still they came out as husbands, wives and children. You can get married by a pastor or priest or whomever (whether you respect them or not) or you can do it in a smaller community setting, surrounded by family or friends or some combination of both, or completely privately, just you and your man and God.

Now, let me address a different aspect.

Imagine things are good in your country, or any country you move to. You and the man you're with have good jobs, make good money, and on the whole, things are going well. There are no outside influences that would color your perspective or add stress to your relationship to any significant degree, and you could honestly judge it on it's own standing. Now imagine you have other men interested in you, and one in particular is exactly you're type, and he's an optimistic, outgoing guy who makes you feel a certain way when you're around him. He's energetic, gregarious, he loves life, you laugh and smile a lot when you're around him (maybe he's a work colleague) and he's very different from your boyfriend in this regard, as your man is depressed and pessimistic still.

In this scenario, how would you feel? What would you think?

I ask because you may be judging your current man in light of all the things going on around you. In the current situation, he's your rock. He's someone you lean on. Sex adds to the confusion because as wonderful as it is, it clouds your judgement and now there's that component. It creates a bond between you and draws you closer, but it also means it makes it harder to judge a relationship as accurately as you could have without it.

IF your man doesn't overcome depression and pessimism, are you going to be OK with this? Are you absolutely certain?

Because it's a red flag. Depending on the degree of it, it can wreck havoc in a relationship.

It could be a lot of it is because of everything going on around you (that's true regardless, but I'm differentiating between that and some medical condition), and if and when things get better, that improves on it's own. And as you noted, he manages it well.

But you did say very depressed and pessimistic. This isn't something to easily overlook. You need to think longer and harder on this.

I bring all of this up because I want you to be sure in your choice. You may have a good man who's a great match for you, and you need to hold on to this! It could also be you need to truly sit down and reevaluate everything, including him.

Whatever you do, do it with clear eyes and a heart at peace with your decision, and let that peace come from God.

Also, you wrote about work and how he is unemployed, which is common for a huge percentage of men. OK. But not everyone, correct? Without checking again, I think you said 60% of men under 23 are unemployed. But that leaves 40% who are!

What did they do to get those jobs? What are other men doing to get jobs? Unless that 40% is completely static, and there are zero new hires for men, that means some men, somewhere, are getting jobs. Find out what they are doing and do the same, and see if it can be improved upon.

If not, can you start a side business? I don't mean a full on business start up, flush with capital. I simply mean a talent or skill you have and you get paid cash for it. The rich have money. Can you tutor one of their kids? Can you or your boyfriend provide some other goods or services those with money are willing to pay for? If jobs aren't available, try and create your own. Think of any and every bit of knowledge, talent or skill set you have and see if it's marketable.

Praying for you.

All the best!

Lara-Larissa · 2020-12-09T02:05:34+00:00

[deleted]

Red-Curious · 2020-12-09T05:34:43+00:00

I don't share my faith, as no one cares

Practice the art of invoking curiosity. It's the best skill you'll ever learn. Our obligation is to make disciples. If people don't seem interested, with all that meditating you do, meditate on how to make them interested.

has no job (like most men currently) ... Everyone under 28 yo is in the same boat.

Stop making excuses for him. Lots of people in that age-range have jobs and are continuing to find them.

knows just about everything

Except how to get a job, apparently.

I would say he is the epitome of what you praise here (obviously not perfect)

With rosy emotion-smothered glasses on, I'm sure this seems true. What you're describing, though, doesn't seem to fit with what you're saying.

His only weakness is that he is a very depressive and pessimist person

Ah yes, the man with no frame is the epitome of a red pilled man. Now I see what you're saying.

How do I express my concerns and worries to him without being a burden and a weight on him?

Ask him to lead you in ways that will make him contemplate his own issues. If he's struggling with depression, on a day you're feeling depressed (don't make it up or just lie about it), tell him: "I'm struggling with this. I know it's something you deal with too. Can you help work with me on how to overcome this in my life?" He, if he's at all wise, will find value and help in his own struggle through the process of helping you.

All (literally all) the churches and priests here are what you can expect of your typical heretical, feminist, God-loves-you-for-everything, feel-good, wishful thinking kind. No spirituality, love songs, no teachings. You know the deal. So me and my boyfriend resent it. We want to get married but there is no priest that to us, is a man of God and has authority to marry us.

Believe me - no one else holds this sentiment here as strongly as I do. Not even /u/praexology (though he may come close at times). But it's immature and unwise to forsake the best resource you have for finding people to disciple. Wait ... what's that? You and him aren't actually discipling anyone yet? If that's the case (and I assume it is, as is true for most people), you need to step back and reassess how you discern maturity in the faith.

Back to the point: no person "has authority to marry" anyone anyway. There's no verse that says, "When two people get married, it must be through a pastor/priest." People today get super hung up because it's social custom to marry that way. But for literal millennia common law marriage was a legit thing, and only recently in SOME (not all) jurisdictions has this been abolished ... and suddenly churchianity wants to pretend that it was never a thing in the first place. Screw that. Common law marriage was when two people acted like they were married for long enough that the state just deemed them married, even without any other legalities to support that conclusion.

As I think /u/rocknrollchuck alluded to, your presently-existing exchange of vows and sexual activity already makes you married in God's eyes. I often say that in a biblical view there are only two conditions to create a marriage: (1) covenant, (2) sex. You have both. This is not an "engagement," as you say. It's a marriage. It's just a common law one, in the state's eyes, rather than a statutory one.

What to do? We are already engaged and feel like we are married.

Suppose you do want to legalize it before the state. If it's just a legal technicality to get tax benefits, why does it matter who the officiant is? Like chuck said - go to the courthouse. Or use a crappy congregation leader. For all I care, go have a mormon or scientologist officiate the ceremony. Just because they're cultists doesn't mean their ordination isn't recognize by the state. As I've already said, the ceremonial officiant doesn't change the fact that you're already married before God if you've made that covenant to be so, and had sex to seal it.

I know you will hate me for this ... We are not stopping, and we feel we are actively defying God in that regard. My doubt here is: how to deal with sex if marrying is so difficult?

Nah. We don't hate you for it at all. The only thing this affects is that it gives further confirmation that he's not the mature epitome of masculine Christianity that you seem to think he is. So, you're both fallen sinners. Welcome to the club. The only question is: what are you going to do about it going forward? Embrace marriage (whether already created or soon-to-be) or continue in what you believe to be sinful conduct? Mind you: Romans 14:14 states clearly that even if something isn't sinful in actuality, if you believe you're sinning when you do it, it's still sin. So, if you and him are "married," having sex isn't sin ... unless you believe it is, then it becomes sin. But if you embrace a "spiritual marriage," even if it's not solemnized by the government, why would you still condemn sexual interaction?

But let me be clear here: When you embrace SPIRITUAL marriage, you have to recognize that you are ACTUALLY married. The fact that you're not technically subject to CIVIL divorce laws doesn't mean you can change your mind several years from now and pretend you were never actually married. That's why I reference the common law marriage stuff above, even though it really shouldn't matter. Because you have to recognize that this is still just as binding as if you did the whole song and dance.

every church is against God (like we are currently, with sex...)

Right. Hypocrite much? Why be so against pastors who "get it wrong" when you're condemning yourself by the same standard (or perhaps even a harsher one)? This is just making up excuses. I have no idea how you reconcile this cognitive dissonance. Either have grace on these other pastors as you do on yourself to insist that you will continue in what you believe to be unrepentant, sinful conduct ... or deny them your grace and resolve to repent.

But even then: Have you actually gone to these pastors to correct them? I'm really put-off by the way you condemn every "pastor" (I know: biblically, they're not really pastors at all), yet abdicate yourself from any responsibility for setting them straight. It's like you're just abandoning any involvement in local congregations at all. Even with your reservations, this is an absurd conclusion.

until me and my boyfriend finish our studies and are able to get a qualified work as engineers (at 29 yo), it's impossible for us so being a family

You're making tons of excuses. The bottom line is this: It's more important to you (plural) to have the careers you want than the family life you want. That's the decision you're making. Either embrace that and stop worrying about when you'll have kids, or change your priorities, drop out of school, and get a part-time job sufficient to pay the rent so you can begin the family life you want. Realistically: once you have a few kids, do you plan on continuing to work full-time anyway?

I don't know what my doubt here is, other than, what can I do to stop feeling so defeated about it?

You pick your priorities and embrace them. Stop expecting some magical wand to come in and give you conflicting goals in perfect harmony. Once you embrace the conflict and resolve in your own heart that you will pursue the higher priority to you, the "defeated" feeling should subside. The only thing that's "defeating" you at all right now is your quest to make the irreconcilable reconcilable.

my country will have a collapse in some 5 or 10 years. Widespread unemployment ... How am I supposed to feel good about raising a family in such dire conditions?

Now your job comments make more sense. But they're still just excuses. Your country sucks? Move to another country. I know, I know, "But I can't because of this excuse and that excuse." Don't whine. Let's go back to the prioritization issue. What you're saying is: It's a higher priority to me to avoid the challenges of relocating to another country than it is to raise my children in better conditions. Are you okay with that? If so, embrace it and move on - because you're getting what's more important to you anyway. If not, change your priorities and move.

Do I just "enjoy the decline" and keep to myself and family and friends, forming a tight community? That seems like the best course of action...

Ah, yes - the old "get everyone you love and hide in a cave to watch the world burn" strategy. Screw that. You want the world to be a better place? Your country? Go make disciples. That's how it's going to get better. If I'm right about preterism, it's LITERALLY the way things will get better. If I'm wrong and futurism is true, things aren't going to get better, so why not save as many as you can before it dies completely? Either way, the conclusion is the same.

Hopefully my bluntness doesn't result in hurt feelings. I do think it's necessary to jar you a bit into realizing the unhealthy framework you're approaching your problems from.

DeChef2 · 2020-12-09T03:56:50+00:00

I think that the most obvious thing that you need cleared up is marriage.

We want to get married but there is no priest that to us, is a man of God and has authority to marry us.

You think that there needs to be someone in your life who is a man of God so that he can marry you. However (good news for you!), this is NOT the case.

Think about it: were Adam and Eve married?

Well of course! But there wasn't a man of God who married them, because Adam and Eve were humans number 1 and 2 in creation. Marriage is a covenant (promise) between a man, a woman, and God. That's it.

You don't need a godly priest or a ceremony to get married, though they're certainly not bad.

Tag: u/PredestinedPat, u/sliprymdgt

We made an oath between ourselves, with God, saying we would be together forever (and all the other pretty things).

Honestly, from this, it sounds to me like you are married. Although maybe you should say the vows again if last time you thought you were just getting engaged.

There are a few other things in your post I want to address, but I'll do that in another reply tomorrow. This is the main thing I wanted you to hear.

sliprymdgt · 2020-12-09T02:15:39+00:00

What exactly is stopping you from getting married? Bring your boyfriend on here. Why isn't he marrying you? And you should probably get input from the ladies at r/RPCwomen.

Yes you're sinning, that's not good. It's destructive, but you already know this. Your righteousness doesn't depend on your behavior, it depends on Christ who never leaves you and cannot become less righteous. It doesn't seem like you fully understand that. Bring your boyfriend on here so we can look him in the proverbial eye and ask where is the repentant heart.

I'm just reading this wondering what's actually holding you two back from marriage really, because while a pries/pastor performs the ceremony it is God who marries you. You could find a half or very decent man to perform the marriage if you needed to if you really set yourselves to it.

I can't help but wonder if I'm reading excuses here.

Deep_Strength · 2020-12-09T03:59:16+00:00

Wedding

Courthouse and private ceremony is fairly standard for marriage if you want to make it official.

Regardless of the 'churches' there are not Christian, God would witness any ceremony you had. The courthouse or such a 'church' makes no difference because they are both by unbelievers. The important part is generally witnesses and hopefully a community of family and friends.

Spiritual: I have always read a lot of philosophy. Maturity? I guess very? I can do everything by myself. I pray every night, after meditating (thinking) about my life, what I learned that day, the future and my objectives. I don't share my faith, as no one cares. I am not assured that I would be saved, even though I am a good woman. I follow His teachings, but still, something deep within inside me tells me that I am not worthy of salvation. My scriptures memory is decent, though I definitely need to read more.

This is by far your biggest issue at the moment though.

No one is good before God because we all sin. People throughout all religions and even some people who call themselves Christians try to do things like philosophy, good works, religion, be a good person, or even follow Jesus' teachings but these are not things that save us.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

You are right that no one is worthy of salvation even yourself, but rather it is God's gift to us through Jesus's atonement on the cross if we choose to repent and follow Him.

ABC - Accept you are a sinner, Believe that Jesus died for your sins and rose from the dead, and Confess that you need Him for forgiveness of your sins and commit yourself to follow Him. Then hopefully get discipled by others in the faith - join our discord if you want to regularly talk to Christian men and women who want to disciple and be discipled.

Country's situation

None of that is ideal, but if you are planning to be engineers keep focusing on your studies to be successful and possibly plan to move when you can save up enough money. Prayer, wise advice, and support from family and friends can also help in distressing situations.

brazil__guy · 2020-12-09T03:54:32+00:00

What country are you from? I'm from Brazil, so I can relate to the whole living in a sh%thole thing.

DeChef2 · 2020-12-09T15:52:52+00:00

not much of the sidebar, since it's mostly for men.

On the pdf version, some of the initial articles (the ones without the numbering) would be beneficial to read, then parts of the 200s series, and all of the 300 and 400s series would be good to read.

I don't share my faith, as no one cares.

Well, you don't know that. Do count yourself out before you've even started.

I am not assured that I would be saved, even though I am a good woman.

You are not saved depending on how good you are. You can be assured of your salvation because Jesus was righteous for you.

something deep within inside me tells me that I am not worthy of salvation.

That's Satan speaking.

Now, to be clear, the statement, "I am not worthy of salvation," is true. Nobody is worthy of salvation. However, that's not all Satan is saying. When he says, "you are not worthy of salvation," he is implying that therefore, you aren't saved, that God has not saved you.

It is time to learn to rest in Jesus's righteousness, and not your own, then you can answer Satan, "I am not worthy of salvation, but God has given it to me, it is his gift."

I know you will hate me for this.

No. Get this idea out of your head, seriously. None of us hate you for having pre-marital sex. For one, there are many of us who have done much worse, but mainly we aren't in the business of hating people. I don't know if you've heard the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin," but it can be a good reminder to yourself: don't fall into self-hatred because you've sinned.

We are not stopping, and we feel we are actively defying God in that regard.

Much is said in the NT about going against your conscience. Even to the point that if you do something against your conscience, even if it isn't sin, it is still sin for you. So not only are you going against your conscience, you're going against God's will.

So stop having sex until you get married (which, remember, you can just say vows between yourselves and God, that does count).

Do I just "enjoy the decline" and keep to myself and family and friends, forming a tight community?

No, remember the Great Commission. Yes, form a tight community of believers, but seeks to expand it and bring others to the faith as well.

Alright, that's all I have for part 2. It's sad to hear about your country, it is truly saddening to hear that it's going to ruins.

P.S. Your English is really good, if you hadn't said it was your third language, I wouldn't have known.

johngalt1234 · 2020-12-20T06:35:45+00:00

If you have sex. You will have to marry. I am sorry to say. (Exodus 22:16-17).

That's the thing with fornication. He broke it. He must keep it. What about your Father? Will he agree to the marriage?

I think your Father failed. If he didn't keep your out of this situation that you ended up fornicating. Because you didn't even have him do a proper evaluation.

So you don't even get a Second Opinion. But then again since this is happened. Its up to him whether he agrees to the marriage.

In Ancient Israelite society your Boyfriend now owes a Bride Price to your Dad for engaging in impropriety with a Man's Daughter.

Armygrunt9869 · 2021-03-10T17:00:20+00:00

I take it you are from Argentina?

brainmeatjuice · 2020-12-09T03:52:23+00:00

You do not need a pastor, or a state license, or a house. All you need, according to Red-curious, is a covenant and sex.

The only problem with your covenant is that there is some ambiguity about whether it is official or not. If you do not have a meeting of the minds, you do not have a covenant. Also, it is wise to ask others to witness your vows. It makes it harder to deny them later.

If neither of you is working, and you live with your parents, why is it taking you 11 years to finish a undergrad degree?

cjunc2013 · 2020-12-09T07:31:40+00:00

Well if you want to come to America... with that attitude I’ll get you a place and a warm bed 😄

Title	23 year old woman desperately looking for help.
Author	Lara-Larissa
Upvotes	17
Comments	47
Date	December 9, 2020 1:49 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/k9i9q2/23_year_old_woman_desperately_looking_for_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/23-year-old-woman-desperately-looking-for-help.731984 https://theredarchive.com/post/731984