Hi ladies,

I'm on my phone so i hope this edits out properly and isnt too long or alternatively lacking details.

Long story short. I'm a 30yr old woman. Have been in two LTR relationships since i was 19 and dated individual men for a few months in between each of those - but none of these relationships have worked out.

I came across RPW a month or so ago and the majority truly resonates with me. Since then ive gone on to research Laura Doyle, the 100/0 principle, thefemininewoman.com (renee), the effects of deadbedrooms and a host of other topics associated with RPW. As a result I've found a lot of my 'old self' coming back from who i was when younger and in my first LTR which last 5yrs (ended because we were too young and grew apart and generally toxic young behaviour on both sides). Ive started taking notice of how i dress, started baking more and generally STFU. Ive always considered myself a tom boy but starting to realise it was a front i put up for a range of reasons but the main one being i spend a lot of time with males and im scared of vulnerability. I have a bit of a dark past mentally (no real mental problems but definitely a severe bout of depression after the end of my first LTR) which means I am able to get the attention of men easily but never really progress past the few months stage in dating due to not really letting them in in the right way. I jsut kinda shit test them because i dont trust they like me or will hurt me (ex of 5yrs went off with my bestfriend). Mainly my relationships arnt working out as a result of my own behaviour!!! I take full responsibility here.

Now ive been dating a man for 7 months. Started great. He wanted me to meet his children and was totally into me (i on the other hand wanted to take things slowly regarding meeting children until we were more stable in relationship). Told me i was different than his other LTR, always spoke as a "we" and made plans. Totally focused on me - always touching me, bringing me food at work (we worked together) and just doted on me. Now this man is an alpha...doesnt want to loose his freedom, independant etc...but as a result of his breakup 7years ago from kids mother financially in a super bad place and often avoids anything that is too much stress - ie adult responsibilities as simple as answering a phone call through to doing the right thing by his friends because he doesnt have the money to do it even though the intention is there. Even had to move back into his mothers as he lost his rental due to not being able to pay bills. So ultimately he is not in a great place - but i dont hold this against him as tbh im trying to stabalise myself with this stuff too - finances etc.

I was not happy we worked together (we no longer do as of two weeks ago, both found new jobs). It was very stressful and very male orientated. I put up a masculine front at work and having to see me go through stress at work so early into our relationship really knocked us around. I was not being the feminine RPW i could be. So it started rocky. Then he missed my 30th as he was unwell - i let others around me get into my head and well, i acted so poorly because "hes not making effort" "unless he is sick in hospital he should be here" comments made me go full hamster!!!! Que ringing him and texting him heaps cos he wasnt answering, fight, me insinutating breaking up...you know the drill. He pulled right back!!!!! Told me it was behaviour hed had in the past from ex LTRs and unlike in the past ignoring it, this time he couldnt. I tried over the course of a month or so to repair by generally trying to 'talk about the relationship' and shit test him to prove he liked me. Being a man he wanted none of that and i just stuffed things further. It happened again another time where he ignored my calls and i fully broke up with him - why? Cos i couldnt settle into the relationship as my mind was running with hamsters. Through all of this he has been steady. Yes he likes me and "feels the most comfortable he ever has with anyone" especially in the bedroom. Feels he can be "open and honest" with me etc...whilst ive run around like an idiot hamster.

Now ive done some work on myself and plan on ever self improvement as i can see my mistakes. He is going through another period of needing space due to his own big life stuff - family, new job not working out. Hence not answering calls and pulling back. He is very "all or in all out" with everything in his life.

We dont live together and ive asked a few times to catch up but he says work is coming first at moment (fair enough) and to bear with him whilst he resolves it...my question is - what do i do from here to prove im high RPV. How to i rebuild the connection and ultimately commitment...and how do i make him feel safe again to want me to meet his kids...all i want in life is a man and kids. I want to get up on a sat morn and go to kids Bball game. Im fed up of late nights and bars etc.

What have you done in the past to solve an emotional distance on your relationship? I havent seen him in two weeks (when he took me out for the day)...is that too long in your opinion considering he needs his male space? I guess its hard as i used to see him daily at work, though not as my feminine RPW. We spoke last night whilst he did my tax for me. He often gives me advice, emotional support, money when things have been tight, has cooked me dinners and taken me out for the day. Last time we went to the snow and i STFU and was high RPW and he responded so well, back to his normal self. How often do you talk to your SO when first dating? As really id say we are still in the initial stages due to my bad behaviour even though its 7 months in.

He is a great guy, calms me down, makes me laugh, wants to protect me (just bad with finances)....i have messed this up due to my hamster brain....

What would be your course of action to improve this? I want to give this my best shot.

Sorry this is long, i have a lot to learn but eager to do so...whether for him or the man i finally end up with if it's not him.