Intro

Growing up, like a lot of other boys, I was besieged with mixed message about sex, love, romance, and relationships. Much of what I learned could be termed "blue pill conditioning" by many in the manosphere. We all know what that means.

But I also got other messages. It's not like I did not see all sorts of red pills all day every day. In fact, I can distinctly remember noticing changes happening in music, movies, and pop culture. Perhaps the worst monstrosity was this horrific video, which for me pretty much killed the romance side of things for me. It was not aimed at me, but more the older boomer crowd, and I absolutely despised that sleazy, sweaty, vapid, cheap, disco vibe crap- and still do.

Nonetheless, I watched with horror as my whole culture around me followed suit. Songs like this abounded, in which lyrics would start out with "oooh ooh baby, let's bang in the bathroom" only to end with "la la lala ...now we're in love". (Once you notice this pattern in that era of music and beyond, you see it everywhere and you will be scarred for life like me. So be warned!)

In short, things changed. And I observed.

As this shift took place, I felt stuck in the middle. There were plenty of "Good guys" around me; never had a girlfriend, respected women, wholesome through and through. There were also plenty of "bad boys" (or wannabes), and they were all about danger and excitement - and girls. Even from this young age, they were all about pump and dump.

I was neither of these, and I have written about this before.

But throughout my life, I can distinctly recall going through a slow steady shift in the way I experienced "love". And though a combination of slow inexorable changes, punctuated by several (metaphorical) kicks in the gut, I went through roughly three stages in terms of how I engaged with women romantically.

(Disclaimer: Don't waste your time telling me that my circles are wrong. I know they are. But they are my own distinct experiences, so they are not up for debate. However, if I did not think they would resonate with at least a few of you, I would not waste my time. So "mileage may vary" on this)

Stage 1

In this stage there was only LOVE. For lack of a better way of putting it, in my ideal version of Love, my genitals, my chemistry, and my emotions all aligned in a way that made love feel truly special and magical.

If you have ever made love to a woman and felt transported out of your body - something akin to a spiritual rebirth sort of thing? People who have had "out of body" experiences when they were close to death, describe the feeling in a similar way. It is a surreal floating thing, and I have had the love version of this before - and it is beyond description.

But it is a very VERY dangerous feeling.

I know now that this was just my chemicals aligning with my emotions to hijack me. I felt that feeling, and knew deep down that my girl was feeling it too. And I knew I never wanted to be with another woman - and never wanted to NOT feel this feeling.

And then things changed and I woke up from my dream like state - more like I was tossed into an ice cold bath while still sleeping. Women, can't live with em...

Anyway, next....

Stage 1

As I entered my 20's, I learned to separate things out a bit. (Note: I am NOT saying that this is ideal, correct, or even advisable. It is just my story- so piss off with the critiques on this one.) I noticed that I could really like a woman and have a great relationship with her, but not feel that magic. And that was okay. I also noticed that women wanted sex sometimes, and nothing more, and so did I, and that was okay too.

It was in my mid-20's however, that I discovered that casual sex felt wrong to me at some level. I will never forget sleeping with this one woman my age on vacation, and thinking "I never want to feel like this again". It felt sad and depressing and empty. I felt used - yes, that's exactly how I felt. And it felt sleazy.

So I dialed that back a bit.

Then I got married.

Then I got divorced.

Then....

Stage 3

As of late, I have found myself in a new stage, in which I have separated out the Emotional and "spiritual" feelings of love from the other parts. I also found that I could not last with a woman in a relationship if the chemistry or sex was too far out of balance, if that makes sense. I have to have both, or the relationship is doomed. I have substituted the Chemical things for the space where the spiritual and emotional "Love" used to be.

Again, I am not advocating this nor am I saying it is a good idea, nor was it a deliberate decision. It is just one of those epiphany moments where your feelings about a thing come into clear view.

Conclusion

The moral of the story here is that, at least for me, I have found myself either subconsciously, or as a reaction to past difficulties, adopting a more sober, pragmatic view of "love". Some would call this a Red Pill Awakening, and I guess that fits. But for me, it was not simply learning what we all know to be true. It almost happened on its own. It was the women in my life who, one by one, cut the tethers between those Venn circles. Each woman had her own hand in pushing me in this direction.

And believe me when I say, I fought them every step of the way. I held onto that spiritual component like my life depended on it. But the women in my life - from sisters, to mothers, to girlfriends and almost every other single female with whom I have had contact - have taught me this:

The need for a long-term spiritual and emotional connection is a male need, not a female obligation.

Read that again and let that sink in. That is the realization with which I had to struggle the most.

Once I accepted this at the deepest level, everything became much easier. Not perfect, and certainly not easy, just easi-er. Very much so.

With that in mind, I bid you a good day brothers. And just in case you missed it, I want to point you to the post that inspired this one, from our boy /u/where_muh_good_mens.