There are a lot of blue pill incel types coming on here lately, who for some reason think they're other than they are. We've had massive growth over the last year, so this isn't shocking. I think last February we were at maybe 1,000 - in under a year we're almost at 9,000. A lot of people aren't reading the sidebar and are asking dumb questions or trying to put out false teaching.

I haven't helped the situation much because I focus my time on the discord. In the pareto principle, the discord and the people I work with IRL are the top 20%. I'll always invest in the committed few over the masses, so reddit takes a sideline. Point being: if you want to get serious, prove it through OYS and investing the time to get to know people through the discord. In the meantime, here's something to remember:

YOU SUCK

This is the actual problem: You suck.

Sure, argue with me: "Not every guy on here sucks." If you don't suck, you're a guy who doesn't care that I said it anyway. But the ones who have that knee-jerk reaction are the ones who need to take a lesson. I was one of them. When I joined the manosphere, I sucked just as bad as you all - maybe even worse. I had so much pride in my blue pill nature that you could fry a turkey in it.

  • Physical: If you're without a physical deformity and you're not benching 2 plates yet (i.e. 225+ if you can't do math or have never been to a gym to know what a plate is) and deadlifting 3 (i.e. 315), stop and ask yourself real hard: "Have I earned the right to post in this forum yet?" No, spraining a muscle two years ago "and it never fully felt back to normal ever since" isn't a good excuse.

  • Mental: Have you actually read the sidebar? Have you internalized, practiced, applied, and become it yet? How many fitness tests have you failed in the last month? If you're single, how many approaches have you been making to even engage with fitness tests at all? When's the last time you read a book? What's the last behavior you've done in the last 7 days that was caused directly by a book you read in the last 3 months? If you can't give good answers to these questions, stop and ask yourself: "Have I earned the right to post in this forum yet?"

  • Spiritual: How are you doing on the basics? If you're not engaging in the Word directly, in constant communication with God, sharing your faith constantly, and living out the mission to make disciples with people you can reference by name and not the general "I make disciples by just hoping people see my life" garbage, ask yourself hard: "Have I earned the right to post in this forum yet?"

This is not an open free-for-all. This is a place for people who are serious and want to grow. If you're asking questions, you'd better be willing to take the advice and apply it. If you come back a few months later asking the same questions or still speaking as if you plainly haven't read or internalized the sidebar, don't be surprised if we boot you. Yeah, banning you might mean you can't comment - but it doesn't mean you can't read. Prove you've made progress and we'll let you back. In the meantime, stop sucking so much. Also, get in the OYS either here or on the discord. Make some of these things mile-markers you're shooting for and get off your butt to achieve those goals.

THOSE WHO HAVE, MORE WILL BE GIVEN

With that out of the way, do I really need to explain why people who don't suck get better results than those who do? A couple days ago this post popped up about a guy who couldn't understand why women were repulsed when a pot-belly, toothpick-armed man asked some randos if they were virgins and it didn't go well. The reaction: that he's "a judgmental repulsive woman hating jerk for even asking that."

Years ago, when I was first starting out, I remember whining on MRP about why my wife wouldn't do this or that in bed (yeah, I was that guy too). One of the vets said: "I don't care how goodie-two-shoes she is of a Christian stereotype. Give me one day with her and she'd be begging to do those things with me." In another conversation /u/weakandsensitive commented: "An ugly guy gives a girl a teddy bear he won at the fair and he's creepy. An attractive man gives a girl a teddy bear he won at the fair and he's so dreamy. See how that works?" It took me longer than I'd like to admit to fully embrace the reality in the concepts these men were sharing - and we've incorporated into our own side bar as /u/Deep_Strength's Christian Brad Pitt Thought Experiment post.

The reality is: just as that OP was asking women, "Are you a virgin?" like a social incompetent, instead of being treated like a creeper I'm confident I could get away with asking the exact same question and get a positive reaction instead. It's the same as the teddy bear. A guy who lives in his own frame and oozes confidence, purpose, and social dominance (among other things) can not only get away with things - but it even ENHANCES his attraction for having the audacity to be so bold.

  • Unattractive Guy: "Are you a virgin?"

    • Woman: "Ew, get away from me, creep!

  • Attractive Guy: "Are you a virgin?"

    • Woman: "Does it matter? Because I'm getting the vibe that even if I was, I won't be for long."

THOSE WHO DON'T, EVEN WHAT THEY DO WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

Yeah, this is definitely not Jesus' intended context for the verse, but so many things he says turn out to be true in contexts beyond what he meant. Remember the guy in the parable? He was weak. He squandered the time he had to achieve goals while the master was away. When he had to answer for his fruitlessness, rather than owning up to it he DEERed. To his credit, I don't think a big fat: "Yeah, I screwed up. Sorry," would have changed the outcome anyway. But you see that his 1 was taken away. He wasn't put in charge of any cities. Instead, he not only lost what was given - he was even sent out of the master's vineyard altogether, where there would be weeping and gnashing of teeth - the same description Jesus gives for hell.

That's right: if you continue sucking, you will be subject to a living hell. This is exactly how many guys describe their dead bedroom marriages. It's how they talk about the nagging and disrespect they get from their wives. It's the words they use to talk about their hopeless incel singlehood. All because they're not improving. They're not setting goals and accomplishing them.

1 Timothy 3:5 says that "if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" Yeah, single guys seem to get a pass at this, right? They don't have "members of their own household." But here's the broader principle: if you can't be faithful with the tangible things you can see and feel and touch, how can you ever expect to be faithful with the things you can't see, feel, and touch? 1 John 4:20 shows the expanding use of this concept: "he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."

The physical world is easy. And Hebrews 8-9 says that the physical things are "copies" and "shadows" of the truer heavenly things - the parallel God has always intended and which is self-evident by even a very cursory comparison of the Old and New Testaments. No, it's not the focus. But if you suck even at the easy stuff, how can you expect to master the things that actually matter in life?

CONCLUSION

Getting a girl to go gaga for you is easy. Even virgins. Even ... No: especially if you have the gall to ask ridiculous questions like, "Are you a virgin?" to their face. Getting a lost soul to go gaga for Christ ... well, that's a lot harder. But it's a LOT easier if you don't suck at life.

So, if your arms are toothpicks, start benching. If your social game is lame, start cold approaching randos until you master it - guys and girls; this isn't about dating, but about learning to talk to people. If your spiritual disciplines are weak and you still can't pull 20+ observations from a single verse, open your Bible and stop making excuses.

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GOTCHA: That wasn't the conclusion. DISCIPLESHIP actually is - BE FAST

Here's the real advice I want you to walk away with: if you suck, but you know people who don't, ASK THEM FOR HELP!!! If you know someone who can do something better than you - even if it's just one thing in life and they suck at everything else more than you, at least ask them to teach and train you (i.e. disciple you) in that one area.

But BEFORE you do this, make sure you're someone worth their time investment. I won't disciple people who aren't worth it. I only have limited time to help people and I usually live within my maximum capacity - to the point that it puts a strain on other areas of my life. Other people who I'd call the "top notch" disciplers would do well to be equally selective, as long as they're living at their capacity too. If you aren't proving that you're FAST - Faithful, Available, Saved, and Teachable - then why would we spin our wheels on you when someone else who IS FAST is right around the corner?

No, you don't have to be benching two plates for me to teach you how to lift. You just need to be FAST. No, you don't need to have fully mastered everything in the sidebar for me to show you how I live it out. You just need to be FAST. No, you don't need to having daily quiet times and memorizing Scripture before I teach you how to have quiet times and memorize Scripture. You just need to be FAST.

In the parable of the sower, only one seed is given to the soil, yet after it's watered and tended and pruned (see also John 15), it yields a crop 30, 60 or even 100 times what was sown. You get that harvest from the process - not before the process. But being FAST does actually mean something more than "I'm willing."

  • FAITHFUL: When something is given to you, you've got to apply it. You make a stupid post on here and get replies telling you what to do: you'd better come back a couple months later with a field report telling us how you've implemented the advice and what the fruit of it was - or even if you're still struggling, to give it another go.

  • AVAILABLE: You can't pop your head around one or two times and expect people to invest in you and help your situation. I'm guilty of feeding into this attitude because I find personal enjoyment in talking to randos about their problems because it helps me stay on my game too. But don't expect this to get personal unless you show a commitment to being present and active often enough for your name to be known and recognized.

  • SAVED: I have no problem evangelizing you if you're lost (even if you don't realize it); but the "fast"est growth and the real function of discipleship begins after salvation.

  • TEACHABLE: If you come in with an attitude that you think everyone should learn from you and you just want to DEER your way through a conversation when mods and ECs are telling you you're wrong, bugger off. We're not wasting our time investing in that attitude (at least not on your terms or for your benefit).

In the end, however much you may NEED someone to disciple you to stop sucking, the reality is that discipleship is a luxury, not a need. You're responsible for your own growth. So this is where it gets meta:

  • You have to stop sucking at life, which would be much easier if you had someone to disciple you.

  • You have to stop sucking at being FAST if you want someone competent to disciple you.

Got it? Now go do it.