Hello everyone,

I won't cry bitch here, just asking if someone was/still is in my shoes and having any sort of advice or light to follow to get myself out of the hell I'm been living in for as long as I can remember(25M)

Grew up in seriously dysfunctional family environment. That's not an issue, much more to be learned. Issue I have and I do own for so long time is complete absence of motivation, power, strength to get the hell out and move away from them. Either it's depression, add, anxiety, nothing of it makes any excuse to what I'm going through. I do not understand how is it possible or why am I so dead inside, I feel nothing. Goal like this in someone normal would engine fire up in his ass to hustle, finish school, get a job, and show middle to everyone and live his own life. This is how I'm imagining myself to be, like that! None of this drives me, motivates me. Discipline feels literally like being skinned alive where I cold sweat, my throat hurts like hell from possible emotional constriction there. The amount of resistance is not normal. I do feel what's normal and not and my situation where I live is out of normal that I'm on brick of going insane literally. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm going to school now with kids 5 years younger then me. I don't have much to give for exams and I do not take advantage of my situation. It's IT school, I should be crushing it to save my own life and leave. On other hand, here am I, still in the same spot, feet under concrete.

My plan is to finish school, along with that to find any online job I can, social media, CEO, programming, anything. Why do I not feel like that's what I should be doing? No motivation, no drive, emptiness and hell, devoured by every day minor stuff. Like I can't feel it in my body and emotionally, yet can consciously understand, but can't breathe it, difficult to explain

It's not that I just gives up. I have no emotional feedback, pleasure, like I can't differentiate what's good and what's bad. Doing and not doing feels the same. Every day from ground zero, life like that movie "groundhog day". No improvements no matter how long and what I do. Everything is a chore, everything is a hustle

Thank you so much. Told this various psychologist and therapist, no body could give me anything worth.