We were watching a show where a (male) character was tortured and degraded. it was disturbing and weird so we turned it off. But all night he kept getting skeeved out by it and bringing it up. He was so disturbed by the idea that humans "used to" torture each other for fun. We were on the same page until I pointed out young girls are still tortured, in porn, constantly for "fun". And he said...

Well. That's different.

It's different because...?

It's acting. Okay. but it turned his stomach to see acting of a fictional torture scene on this show though. But swap the genders and it's watchable? It's suddenly not disturbing, it's fun? That doesnt make sense.

So he said the obvious difference is that porn is "consenting adults" making the choice to do it. i pointed out that it's often NOT consented to and it's often NOT adults. But even if it IS, the fantasy and entertainment value for the consumer still revolves around the torture part. So it still doesn't make sense.

At that point he started just smirking (i feel like most women are familiar with the glossy-eyed porn smirk) and he told me it's "just different" and "hard to explain". That porn torture is different from "real" torture. It's just "entertainment" and not evil. In fact it's a basic need for men and isn't serious. It's just fun. It's kink. It's sexual expression. Those women and girls want to be there.

And that was the moment I understood that porn really does do something to their brains. I never looked at men who watch porn the same after that. They have conditioned their brains to protect itself. I sometimes even wonder if the the part of their brain that is wired to protect children and partners has been hijacked by porn. Because the level of defensiveness and attachment over porn is alarming. And this was a "woke" guy too. Someone who is supposedly sensative to the suffering of others economically, emotionally and physically. But not when it comes to girls and young women.