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Intro:

Does it ever feel like there’s two You’s?

Normal You

And Tryhard You

Normal You is how you normally act around family and friends. You can joke around and not take anything they say too seriously.

Normal You holds frame effortlessly when the people from work give you shit after your favorite football team loses

But as soon as it’s time to talk to that girl you like, or that hot stranger at the bar that all your friends have eyes on…

Another you entirely emerges - Tryhard You.

Tryhard You always tries very hard to come up with the perfect thing to say. That’s why you always come off very unnatural when you’re in this state. That’s why girls always seem to get bad vibes when they talk to you and excuse themselves after a couple minutes of conversation.

Tryhard You stumbles over words, and shows constant nervous beta boy body language throughout – fidgeting, not standing up straight, leaning forward when the girl talks, holding your drink up to your face, maybe even biting your nails…

So the question is, why is it so easy for you to joke around with friends who know all your strengths and weaknesses...

But so hard to not come off tryhard and overthink everything when you’re in front of a random girl who doesn’t even know you?

Well, a lot of that has to do with stress. If you’re not used to talking to pretty girls that often, then whenever the opportunity arises, you feel as though you have to make the most of it.

Therefore, your body produces a lot of stress hormones since you’re so emotionally invested in the outcome.

Fight or flight response.

While pumping your body full of adrenaline makes a lot of sense in life or death situations when you’re running away from a hungry lion, it makes a lot less sense when you’re talking to a cute girl.

When you’re having a conversation with a girl, fight or flight does nothing but make you fidget a lot and talk super fast like a beta. It’s worse than useless. It’s downright self-sabotaging.

Body:

So now the question is, how do we stop trying so hard when we’re talking to cute girls and become more natural, the way we are with our friends?

It cannot be emphasized enough but the number one thing you can do is get used to lifting heavy and going all out in the gym. Not just doing cardio and lifting baby weights to get toned. But going all out on heavy compound lifts.

When all your adrenal glands are spent from really pushing your limits on heavy squats or bench press, it’s naturally easier to be more relaxed in every day life.

But what if you lift and still can’t calm down in the field? Well, then the first step is to slow your heartrate down. When your heart is jumping a hundred times a minute, there’s not much you can do to sound more natural…

Box Breathing is one of the best ways to relieve stress when you’re in the field. If you ever feel too nervous, especially in the beginning of the night before you get into a good rhythm, give this a shot:

Exhale your breath to a count of 4 seconds, then hold your lungs empty for a 4 second count, then breathe in air for a 4 second count. Rinse and repeat as many times as necessary.

Once you get more advanced, you can move to more advanced forms of box breathing. The key is to get the longest exhale as possible. 4 Breaths in, hold for an 8 second count, breathe out for 16 seconds. The longer the exhale, the better it is for hacking your Vagus Nerve to reduce stress (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201905/longer-exhalations-are-easy-way-hack-your-vagus-nerve)

Ok, you feel a lot calmer?

Good. Now you can go approach that girl without immediately looking like a nervous retard. So here’s some tips on being more natural when you’re actually talking to her.

1. Slow down while talking. Whenever you record yourself talking to friends or talking to cute girls, a very striking difference can be heard almost immediately.

You talk a lot faster when you’re with a cute girl! This is bad for several reasons.

First, it gives you less time to think of what to say next.

Second, it naturally sounds beta. Think about all the great speakers you know. None of them talk super fast. It’s an inherently beta trait because it signals, “IBetterTalkFastBeforeTheRealAlphaGetsHere”

Consciously work on talking slower than you normally do the next time you’re with a girl and you’ll notice right away that you sound more confident and natural compared to before.

2. Use the Lion King Technique to instantly become self-amused. One of the biggest problems you’ll have when you’re starting out is you’ll try to put hot girls on pedestals, like they can do no wrong just because they have a vagina.

Obviously, you’ll sound very tryhard and approval seeking until you learn how to fix this.

Here’s what you do:

I want you to imagine that you are fucking her really hard and right before you cum, you pull out and drop a huge load all over her face.

Now I want you to imagine taking your thumb and smearing the sperm across her forehead while going, “Siiimba!” like Rafiki from Lion King

It’s very hard to take anybody serious if you picture them with your sperm all over their face.

This is not a troll. You probably grinned like a cheeky bastard as you read about this technique. And that’s exactly the kind of look girls like. That shit eating grin that signals, “I don’t give a fuck what you think I’ll be having a good time regardless”

3. Memorize some teases you can use to make the conversation more fun. Think about how you talk when you’re with your friends. You’re not just polite all the time. You’re constantly shitting on each other and joking around in a nonserious way.

It just feels a lot more natural that way compared to being uptight.

The problem is, due to fight or flight response, it’s tough to come up with good teases on the spot.

Therefore, you need to take some time to come up with generic teases that put the girl in a good mood but aren’t flat out negging.

This is different for everyone but the next time you come up with a good tease for a girl that gets a good reaction, write it down on your phone and memorize it so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time.

No football team comes up with new plays on the spot. They all run predetermined plays that they’ve rehearsed before. It’s just a lot easier that way.

Here is my go to tease whenever I can’t come up with anything to say on the spot:

“I think it’s great that you’re into (whatever she says she’s into). But something’s missing… I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’ll tell you later 😊”

Does this mean you tease the girl for the entire conversation?

No. But every so often, when you sense the conversation starting to die down, throw in a tease to spice things up. The same way conversations naturally develop among your friends.

Lessons Learned:

When I was starting out, I hated when people told me I sounded Unnatural and Tryhard in my conversations with women without actually giving me actionable advice on how to fix it.

Unfortunately, like many things involving social interactions in the real world, girls only know and react to your “Vibe”.

They don’t really know why some people sound natural and confident while others sound fake and tryhard. All they know is they feel uncomfortable when you do things that come across as tryhard (like talking too fast), but attracted when you sound natural.

You even see this in girls who majored in psychology. They really have no idea how to fix a guy's problems, even if they were trained to do that.

Bring one of your beta friends to a psychologist girl and ask them what they’re doing wrong.

99% of the time, the girl will simply tell your friend to “Be more natural” or “Be more confident”

And it’s utterly hilarious when you press them further, like what do you mean, be more natural? How can he do that?

And they will either freeze up and not know what to say or say some word salad new age shit that makes no sense.

When it comes to improving your vibe, ignore all general “just be yourself” advice and search for the gold nuggets of specific actionable advice.