Introduction

I've been thinking about correcting fellow Brothers in Christ a lot recently, about societies disproportionate response to receiving correction, and how the mere suggesting someone is sinning or is doing something wrong is labeled as "Bullying".

There have been a number of conversations I've been involved with - some in Disciplecord, some on r/TrueChristian (and definitely r/ChristianMarriage) as well other various subreddits. What I've seen is this: the wave of exclusively soft-love sentiments has reached even here, the RP locker room.

It is time we talk about how to correct a brother properly.

Biblical Redefinition, and Purpose

Why, as Christians, are we called to correct one another? Throughout the NT we see Paul do it regularly in his letters. (Gal. 2 : 11 - 14) Christ does it to his disciples (Luke 9 : 46 - 48) and on and on. But why?

Correction is the primary tool God gives his believers to help fellow brothers secure their frame, grow in their spiritual consistency, and to kill the ego (in effect, helping a brother grow in humbleness and towards righteousness.) Correction is the manure we throw ontop of the soil to make the crop grow. It sucks, it hurts, it's embarrassing, but it is good. (Proverbs 9:9)

Now it's easy for a BP'd Christian to turn their noses up and scowl at the premise of giving one another correction. And by that I mean a serious, uncomfortable, confrontational correction. They typically use verses that get after those who are scoffers or those trying to break and destroy others. (Ephesians 4:29 is one I commonly hear cited to argue against correction or offense.)

But here is the difference: as a Christian you are called to edify and build up your brother following the process of "breaking them down." (And by breaking them down I mean breaking down their stronghold of sin.

Let me posit this question: "Can you remodel an old, decrepit, run down house into a new beautiful one without doing some demolition?" (2 Cor. 10 : 4 - 8)

Correction Pattern

The formula for effective correction will look like this:

Observe Behavior -> Mark Behavior, Admonishing, and Offering Replacement Behavior -> Follow Up

P1. Observing Incongruous, Weak, or Impudent Behaviors

If the purpose of giving a correction is to help deter a brother from sin, and bringing them back onto the path of righteousness, we must first be aware not only of an individual sin - but the potential existence of a pattern of sin.

Sit back and watch for a time to gather evidence. This is not meant to be deceptive - however sin is a slippery little beast and if you give nebulous correction you will fix nothing.

What you are looking for:

1) Weak Frame.

Weak frames are indicators of a brother who hasn't internalized truth. When a man is required to give his opinion, if he is not confident of Truth or Scripture and it's legitimacy, his frame will be inherently weak because he himself is not convinced of his belief system.

Secularly, a man can have a strong frame because he makes his own beliefs and thoughts form his "Scripture", whereas a believer has to be conformed by THE scripture. (Romans 12 : 2)

ex: Bob's wife tells him he is not allowed to invite another guy into his house on Friday for no perceivable reason. Because Bob only has a narrow understanding of scripture he kowtows to her in an attempt to follow the misunderstood "Husband love your wives." passage. In effect, he has hurt his witness and hurt his marriage.

2) Incongruous Spiritual Beliefs

Inconsistencies here are indicators that a brother is struggling to reconcile a belief and the action required by that belief. Men who do this are hypocrites and will D.E.E.R in response to their correction if they are too weak to take it.

ex: Bob says he wants to be given more authority in his spiritual community, yet consistently disagrees with the authority structure publically in a combative way. When it is brought to his attention, rather than fixing the problem he digs in his heels further, again to the detriment of his witness.

3) Egotism.

Egotism is the result of a man who has become dilluted to his own sin. These men have compartmentalized their sin in an attempt to ignore or downplay it.

Egotism is much harder to identify because a confident valuable man and an egotistical man may sound similar. When observing for this quality, rather than looking at the man themself, look at their wives, kids, or friends. These peripheral components will more likely yield evidence of his actions. (Those secret actions that are outside his typical obervable behavior.)

ex: Bob tells his buddy Billy that he has been on top of his stuff recently, but Billy notices Bob's wife screaming at Bob's Children and Bob has yet to step in and fix the problem.

P2. Mark Behavior, Admonishing, and Offering Replacement Behavior.

Once you have enough evidence you will move into correcting the behavior. If it is serious, give them a chance to be corrected privately. Setting up a time for a meeting will likely produce the best result. However if they refuse, a public rebuke plus the public humiliation in tandem may be enough to correct them. For lesser issues ad-libbing among a small group of friends may help to soften the correction so it is more palatable.

Giving a correction should have the following pieces to it:

1) Specific instance(s) of transgression.

Having dates, times, or specific quotes available to cite will be a major advantage to you. If sin can hide behind "Can you give a specific example." Or "You didn't understand what I was saying." It will.

2) Sharp condemnation of sinful behavior.

A weak correction is objectively worse than no correction at all, because at least with no correction your own witness isn't hurt with your brother. Being direct and pointed will leave no question as to the expectations you have. Lukewarm correction will allow sin to dismiss or dodge change by discounting the corrector.

3) Legitimacy for condemnation derived from Scripture.

If your corrction is not Biblically sound, it is not done in wisdom. If you cannot qualify your correction with scripture sin can justify ignoring the correction on the grounds of "Worldly advice".

4) An actionable replacement for the behavior.

If your brother is not given another way to handle the situation, they are significantly more likely to revert back into the same, or similar sin. (2 Peter 2:22)

P2.B Specific Tricks to Prevent a Correction Escape

Here is a small guide to think about before approaching the correction. These are common tactics people will take to evade a correction. If they can make you relent, your correction weakens.

•Deflecting:

"I do, because they do to me."

This is a tactic someone will take if they are not their own mental point of origin.

What NOT to do: Using hyperbole to say they blame everyone else. This gives them the ability to dismiss you. Remember: Hyperbole typically weakens your arguements

What to do: Give very specific instances of their lack of personal ownership. Use this to drive the point home that nobody else can change their responses to things, only themselves.

•Down-Playing:

"I barely do."

This is a tactic someone will take if they are not interested in changing, likely because they themselves are not convinced of it's gravity or consistency.

What NOT to do: Over emphasize the negative affect. This gives them the ability to dismiss you because they believe you are literally overestimating it.

What to do: Bring it up while they are doing it, or as frequently as you know they are doing it. They need to recognize it's frequency.  Also, get another person to look for the behavior, and to publically recognize it as well.

•False Acceptance:

"I know I do, but it's hard."

This is a tactic of someone who has resigned to their behavior. They lack confidence in their ability to do/not do the thing.

What NOT to do: Saying "Just do it". This gives them the ability to dismiss you because they already believe they can't, you are further securing the idea they can't because they are now investing further into defending their position of inadequacy.

What to do: Create a plan for progress that includes check ins. Follow-up is essential here.

•Redirecting:

"I do, but so do you."

This is a tactic of someone who is too invested in their image. They believe they can attack you into relenting.

What NOT to do: Lose frame. This is what they are looking for. If you do, they have justified their attack and undermined your correction.

What to do: "That may be true, lets schedule a time to talk about that, but right now we are not talking about that." If it is true, own it, if it is not then you at least move through the opposition.

P3. Follow Up

This is the hardest part of the whole process because it requires intentionality on the part of a corrector. While a wise correction can be given and followed through without further aid, it is critical that as brothers in Christ we don't use that as an excuse to break one another down and leave it at that. It is true, there will be times that ego, self dillusion, insecurity or hate will become a stronghold - and will need to be destroyed. But we are called to build eachother up!

If you merely break a man down and leave him to his tools he may accidentally, or by habit, rebuild those same sinful fortresses. The difference is this time he will account for your correction and may be less susceptible in the future to reproof.

You will likely see more return on your investment into another brother's spiritual wellbeing IF you stick around to help him rebuild.

(Matt. 12 : 43 - 45)