Why a man taking drugs is an immediate disqualifier (yes, even cannabis)

autumnxo92 · 2021-01-16T17:30:08+00:00

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gutsandgorey · 2021-01-16T17:08:18+00:00

Men seem to always have a problem with drugs! My female friends that smoke are normal, highly functioning adults and DON'T GET HIGH ALL DAY EVERYDAY. But most men get lazy and unmotivated. They have such addictive personalities.

I'm also weary of drinkers. I don't drink and I say it whenever people (men) offer it to me and 5 minutes later they're bringing me another drink! They think it's normal to get drunk every weekend and show up to work hungover.

Pyllytar · 2021-01-16T16:28:17+00:00

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just-peepin-at-u · 2021-01-16T16:57:32+00:00

I have never had good experiences with dudes who smoke a lot of pot. I don’t mean occasionally, but really smoke it all the time.

People like to joke about “Have you ever seen an angry pothead?” I just say,”Yes, when you take away pot and force them face reality without their cannabis crutch. They turn into real assholes most of the time.”

autumnxo92 · 2021-01-16T16:58:21+00:00

Yep I used to hook up with a stoner. He did it multiple times a day. I was just like, man...don't you ever get tired of it?

Pyllytar · 2021-01-16T16:47:17+00:00

Oof, that guy sounds absolutely disgusting lol. I hate the typical stoner culture so much I can't even put into words. It's just so annoyingly entitled yet hypocrite and lazy and slow. Ughh. Those guys are easy to spot anyway, you can hear it in their speech immediately.

I can deal with occasional pot (maybe once in a month etc) but anybody who's getting stoned every week let alone several times a week, ughh adiós! And yeah, same goes with getting drunk also. It's not healthy to be under any kind of influence too much in my opinion.

manwatheil_undomiel · 2021-01-16T16:20:38+00:00

Weed has always been a hard dealbreaker for me, which is rough on my college campus where everyone and their mom smokes.

tortllaa · 2021-01-16T20:52:53+00:00

Did I write this??

My first (and only) relationship was w a stoner and he was addicted to nicotine. He “couldn’t afford” to take me on dates, but spent hundreds every month on weed. How does that add up? Lol

I’m glad for you (and me!) that we made it out while we still have our youth and sanity!

Gourmay · 2021-01-16T18:15:47+00:00

I’m really weirded out by weed culture here since I moved to the US; we talk about it with friends from my country often. I’m all for it being legalized, recreational and available for people with medical needs but I see people treat it like some innocuous thing and be baked all day. I’ve had several people call me a goody-two-shoes because i didn’t want to get in their car after they had just smoked; “oh it doesn’t affect me immediately!”. My flatmate even lit up while we drove back from IKEA with the whole car packed with furniture and I couldn’t wear a seat belt.

oh_shit_oh_fuck · 2021-01-16T17:09:20+00:00

I’ve been a long time smoker of cannabis, and I’m trying to quit. It gets expensive real fast, and I’m not exactly rich or anything. I just couldn’t justify how much I was spending on it every month, and I felt like I wasn’t doing anything with my life. I want singing lessons, driving lessons, I want to have my own place and be independent. I want nice clothes. That’s hard to get when you’re spending £100 or more on weed.

Not to mention how bad it is for you. I smoke cigarettes too and I use these ‘tar lock’ filters. They have about 5 uses until you have to throw it away, so say 5 cigarettes. When Id use them with joints they’d be full of tar after one use. Ick. More and more 20 something year olds are showing up in hospital with lung cancer and doctors are placing the blame on joints. I’ve bought a vape with nicotine to try and cut back on smoking cigarettes. They’re the hardest thing to quit, unfortunately.

I’ve cut out everyone who smokes it daily, and I don’t think I would date a guy who smokes it on the reg. Tbh the problem with that is guys who say they smoke it but never, ever buy it themselves. Freeloaders.

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takethemonkeynLeave · 2021-01-16T20:54:57+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that experience. I think any sort of addiction or substance abuse is incredibly draining on the healthier partner. I will not date someone who clearly has an alcohol or weed problem, either. Though I don’t drink, I do have my medical marijuana card and I use it responsibly for its intended purposes and not often. I couldn’t imagine being in that state of mind all the time. It’s slobbish.

NottodayScrote · 2021-01-16T18:56:54+00:00

Yeah definitely a no go for me. Its taken years to get past the trauma my ex put me through. Even the smell of marijuana or anything resembling it would cause me to well I want to say that I developed a split personality but not sure if thats right. Its hard to explain. I think its getting better though

wedonthavetobeishtar · 2021-01-17T02:12:52+00:00

Preach!

Despite the Reddit tropes, every stoner dude I’ve met has had latent anger issues. There’s a physiological reason for this! Habitual weed use hurts your ability to self-regulate and you feel irritable when you are sober because you’ve depleted your dopamine reserves.

I don’t care if it’s not “technically” addictive. Every stoner I’ve met cannot quit. They try sobriety for a few months and then get right back to it. How is that not addictive??

Your boundaries are the same as mine. People our generation are short-sighted. Someday future generations will look back at how frequently people got high in the 2010s/2020s with the same disbelief we feel watching dudes smoke a pack a day on Mad Men.

Weed literally changes the neurological patterns in your brain every time you smoke. Guess who told me that? A neurologist. He smoked maybe five times in his life. He was terrified of fucking up his brain.

Weed keeps you from growing, maturing, and being productive. I made the mistake of dating stoners twice. The second one tricked me. Said he only sparked up “once a week.” He smoked multiple times a day. All day on weekends, every night on weeknights.

If a dude says he smokes “sometimes,” it’s all the time. So, while I have no problem with a dude smoking 2-3 times a year, I’m not trusting someone who says he smokes occasionally. I’m only dating guys who don’t smoke weed at all.

Also, loved one of your comments about how infuriating it is to date someone with a crap short-term memory due to his weed addiction. I’ve had so many heart-to-hearts about our relationship and meeting our needs with exes who forgot or misremembered the conversation afterwards thanks to weed.

Finally, being stoned isn’t even that great. You zone out, you eat junk, you feel dehydrated the next day. I’ve had better highs after a run.

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atreegrowsinbrixton · 2021-01-16T17:28:28+00:00

That guy sounds like a loser. Conversely, i can’t date people who DON’T smoke. I have a lot of trauma around alcohol, but i want someone to be able to smoke with me at the end of the day. All the people i’ve talked to who don’t smoke always have an issue with it, but i think the bigger issue is people not knowing how to manage their use. Someone who gets high all day and plays video games is a bigger turn off to me than someone who wants to get high and go for a hike. Someone who needs to drink the minute they leave work is a bigger red flag to me than someone who smokes a bowl before bedtime. Good on you for dumping him tho

fdssavedmylife · 2021-01-16T17:39:13+00:00

This will probably be unpopular, but I’ve actually gone through substance abuse counseling and I’d much rather date a guy who smokes weed every day than one who gets drunk every weekend. Alcohol is much more damaging, but I’m assuming more women on here like it so it’s more accepted.

AlexxyaKat · 2021-01-16T22:20:46+00:00

I’ll never get the hype for drugs. I’m sorry but it’s just not good for you.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-01-16T21:51:59+00:00

For what it's worth...I'm for decriminalization of cannabis for a few reasons-- criminalization creates a black market, feeds organized crime and gives an underground rebel romance to use of the drug. Cannabis also has critical medical use for seizures, glaucoma and cancer. Plus, because the pharmaceutical industry has become a criminal behemoth with so much power that it can literally order Congress to go to war (true story) and "buy" academic research to promote and defend often sketchy products (Vioxx? Statins? Deadly Nigerian Trovan trial?), it's just plain fun that in states where cannabis is legalized, sales of antidepressants plummet.

But I still don't really prefer the company of recreational users. To each their own, live and let live, fly be free. But personally I prefer people who solve life's problems and observe life without crutches because it forces philosophical nuance and more thorough processing and the intense social connections forged through this kind of intricate exchange are the best high and feed art. It's emotional athleticism. Generally I don't get those "Oh my GOD, you've noticed that TOO??" moments and talking-so-fast-you-bite-each-other connections with people who routinely "take the edge off" with "palliative elixers." And I just love those exchanges. I never laugh so hard or feel so awake otherwise. It's not from a purist or puritanical view, it's my own form of hedonism.

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matte_personality · 2021-01-16T21:51:33+00:00

I used to smoke. Not daily but every few weeks when my depression got too tough to handle. And it wouldn’t be gradual either. I’d burn through a whole pack in less than 24 hours. Then I’d think, “Heh, I’m not even addicted,” because I could quit the next day and be fine. Cue the cycle. No routine is healthy, and I relapsed a couple of times in my efforts to quit.

That being said, for anyone who’s trying to quit; every time you feel like you’re going to relapse, get a box of Tic Tacs or any mints and chew on them. As excessively as possible. They’re much cheaper and you’ll actually be somewhat alerted with good breath. They’ll work to distract your brain and give you something to do. Took me about three boxes until I didn’t need it anymore and could just stifle it mentally. And for every weak impasse that you beat, it will get increasingly easier and easier.

tellmesomething11 · 2021-01-16T18:03:40+00:00

I was a heavy stoner in high school, every day, multiple times a day. I stopped when I began adulting bc I had to random drug tests. I do think weed helps when you’re sick. I was super sick and couldn’t eat (like needs surgery sick, not a cold sick) and the medication made me nauseous. The weed helped my nausea and gave me an appetite. But I saw the troubling habits reform (laziness, not giving a fuck about anything) soon as soon as I got better I stopped.

Overall, drugs and heavy drinking are dealbreakers for me. Even a person drinking everyday is a dealbreaker bc they always end up trying to make me drink with them. 🙄 I don’t drink at all.

blair2006 · 2021-01-16T18:44:29+00:00

I agree, smoking is just a nasty hobby. Don’t get me wrong I love edibles, but the smell of weed is so yucky and tacky.

ivy176 · 2021-01-17T01:15:26+00:00

Weed is a type of psychedelic. It is not harmless and healthy. It fucks people brains.

spicyspa · 2021-01-17T04:10:35+00:00

I use cannabis for migraines every day. It's either that or die of a heart attack from Imitrex. I would never rule out a man for using cannabis specifically depending on how and how often he uses it. On the other hand alcohol is a no-go for me.

SassyWhiteLady · 2021-01-18T04:14:59+00:00

I love weed. I'm not much of a drinker, so I'll use the marijuana to relax/wind down. While I think it's better than alcohol in many ways, it's true that it can become a massive financial issue if you aren't careful. I know people who spend $500/month on it; craziness. I spend maybe $150/month.

puddinh · 2021-01-16T20:28:38+00:00

Out of all of the red flags you think smoking weed is the one to fixate on?

yegerska · 2021-01-17T08:02:28+00:00

I’m personally okay with taking party drugs like xtc or mephedrone on raves/parties/concerts. My dealbreaker is people who use drugs casually on daily basis.

I really hate weed tho

Title	Why a man taking drugs is an immediate disqualifier (yes, even cannabis)
Author	miss_peach94
Upvotes	380
Comments	79
Date	January 16, 2021 3:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kyl2cn/why_a_man_taking_drugs_is_an_immediate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-a-man-taking-drugs-is-an-immediate.752891 https://theredarchive.com/post/752891