Not sure what to do. I just want to feel better.

ArthurTheAstronaut · 2016-10-10T21:39:21+00:00

Going full MGTOW may be overreacting. I do understand you probably feel a ton of hate for her, yourself and your life right now. Channel that into lifting. Focus on Self Improvement. Go into MONK MODE for a while. If, after 6 months and tons of self improvement, you still feel MGTOW then more power to you but most likely this is just anger phase.

Stop talking to people you know about your decisions and problems.

As for why me and others recommend lifting, it is partially because it will make you feel better while at thesame time doing something good for you. You can search up studies about it but it does help with depression and it does give you a purpose for now until you can pick yourself back together.

As for why I want you to go Monk Mode and stop talking about your problems, this is so you can keep your motivation. Talking about your problems will, most of the time, just further your depression and self pity. It also lessens the respect of everyone you talk to. They may or may not even know it has lessened but it has. Also do focus on eating healthily and getting enough sleep. Start devouring knowledge from TheRedPill and do give a few of the books they recommend a try. No More Mr. Nice Guy, 48 Laws of Power, Seduction, The Rationale Male.

You do not have to move to another country to get a "fresh start" or even another city. This is another reason you should go Monk Mode. When you get out of it a few months later, with a better body, better face, better confidence you WILL feel like it is a fresh start especially with how all the people you knew will look at you and how strangers will look at you. You will also FEEL better and if your EX sees you, she will regret and may even ask to get back together. You better not cuck yourself at this point. Just laugh and enjoy your new and better unplugged life.

Any questions and clarifications, just feel free to ask.

redditatt · 2016-10-10T23:18:53+00:00

You know exactly what to do. Change your life, fix yourself up, become better. Follow RP self improvement guidelines. You don't need to change location, you need to change yourself.

When you get your swagger back and start spending time with girls who respect and value you, this will all be a distant memory.

[deleted] · 2016-10-10T20:45:31+00:00

youre actually under reacting. use this experience to fuel yourself instead of soaking in the fuel and lighting it on fire. Go lift bro you will be the different Man U want to be

jb_trp · 2016-10-10T21:23:28+00:00

It's going to hurt for a while but you'll come out the other side better for it.

Use the pain as energy to focus yourself on your goals. Lifting? Need to lose weight? Find new hobbies? Set goals?

SetConsumes · 2016-10-10T22:08:57+00:00

If it helps, know that many men have been through where you are.

Why do you feel like a failure?

You feel bad, what specifically keeps coming to your thoughts or what specific feelings keep reoccurring?

To feel better, you must resolve your pain. Moving may help, but it doesn't get rid of your memories.

[deleted] · 2016-10-10T23:23:14+00:00

tldr; You need someone to talk to. Go through the grieving process, familiarize yourself with stages of grief. Identify what stage you are at (I think depression) and act appropriately.

I just want to feel better

Take some hits of X? Anit-depressants? Pot?

But serious, (at least for the immediate future) remove things that subtract value (family, friends, drugs, video games) and cower with things that add value (family, friends etc etc).

Volunteer to help people less fortunate than you, youll be surprised how much that helps. Im sure its midterms or finals for some poor brats, consider tutoring.

I feel disabled to handle hard tasks and duties as a programmer right now, and since nobody will understand my position and my feelings which is something that makes me feel lonely; I want to quit from job and to move to another city or even another country.

Bitch burned you? Fine, move on.

She took away your sense of security, validation, (I am assuming) your best friend, love, future.

Fine, move on

Bitch already took so much from you, dont let her take your job from you to, you will regret it. Talk to your boss/manager, say you got hit with a devastating breakup. Tell him you need time to collect yourself if your performance in noticeable degrading. They're people too, youre not a special snowflake so theyve probably dealt with something like this before and theyll appreciate knowing ahead of time to shift resources. He might tell you to take time off or just tell people to give you space. At worst, hell fire you, so dont do something you cant take back for no good reason.

No ones dead or in the hospital/prison, you are not at a point of no return.

You need someone to talk to. Find someone you can trust, they dont have to understand or give you advice, just let them listen to you (this is what we tell guys to do for women when they are upset too). It can be a pastor, Chad, your first grade homeroom teacher or the homeless guy that asks for change on your way to work.

Go through the grieving process, familiarize yourself with stages of grief. Identify what stage you are at (I think depression) and act appropriately.

Do you think I'm overreacting?

If you had an abundance mentality and a proper frame, this wouldnt be such a hit. I think whats really hurting you is that you had a mission and a future all planned out and the engine just crapped out on you.

Imagine your life on your own for now, this shit will pass and you be back to playing videos games or trolling reddit in no time.

InformalCriticism · 2016-10-10T23:29:36+00:00

If the only thing you want right now is to feel better, that's going to happen with time, no matter what you're doing. The grief period is going to last as long as you do nothing about it, though - you can stay in it for a few weeks, or you can drag it out for a couple of years.

Do what you can to see the next part of your future and start working for it - your accomplishments without her are an important foundation on which you can rebuild your confidence and clarity of thought.

You don't get an EZ button when you've been betrayed. It's just going to be bad feels for what feels like an endless amount of time, but as long as you can make rational decisions during this period, it will help it pass faster.

In my most irrational states, I thought, fuck my life in this country, I know where I can go to disappear for several years and come back in great fashion. It's a fantasy.

[deleted] · 2016-10-11T00:15:26+00:00

Are your friends francophone?

flatox · 2016-10-11T09:21:26+00:00

Well youre not a failure, you're standing up for yourself which is more than most. Chin up champ, dont stop walkign, and jf you have to then crawl - and don't let them see you bleed.

Auvergnat · 2016-10-11T12:10:46+00:00

Moving your life entirely to a new place definitely helps getting out of a funk. However:

Finding a job can be tough and your six months savings might disappear faster than you expect. You're better off trying to apply to new jobs from your current one, and then move as soon as you get a new contract signed.
You have to rebuild all your social circle from scratch. Hobbies, habits, people, etc. A lack of social roots might get you in another, unrelated funk.

Entropy-7 · 2016-10-11T14:07:20+00:00

I had a woman that I was committed to but she turned my world upside down, not by cheating but it doesn't matter for this comment.

Anyways, she came back to me begging and I did not handle it well. I was so bitter; I didn't hate fuck her but you would have a task of fitting a credit card between a hate fuck and the bitter sex that I had with her on and off for the next several years.

If a chick fucks you over and then comes back crying, you need to vent your anger once and completely. You can take that external and fuck other bitches or you take it back to the source and let her know that she will have to beg for forgiveness and accept punishments, but be explicit and get it the fuck out of the way so you can move on. If she doesn't agree, then just move the fuck on.

I went MGTOW at a young age. I was, quote Aerosmith "a high school loser, never made it with the ladies". I figured out for my self how to Walk This Way, got laid a few times, and then just swore off women to focus on school, health and partying.

When I got stabbed in the heart I went the other way and slutted it up for the next year.

In retrospect, neither responses were completely functional; I could have done better.

20 years on from the karma killer and more than 30 years from the initial epiphany that set me down a Red Pill path (15 years before the phrase "red pill" had been coined), I have a different approach.

MGTOW is for the zealots who have some life ambition and can't let women distract them. Monk Mode is for when you have immediate goals and can't let women distract you.

I have "Me Mode". To some minds, Me Mode is an ideal but I still consider it a temporary fix. I date, I fuck, I flirt but mostly choose targets of opportunity and limit the time I specifically set aside for Game.

Women are just women. They are not evil but more like a force of nature. In the end they are just people who you can have a really good time with, in ways that you can't with guys.

I don't have a clear answer for you but you have to figure out if you are going to embrace (temporary) loneliness and turn your life upside down to start again somewhere else.

The other question is "should some bitch have that power over you, after the fact?"

When I was young I travelled half way around the world for a summer; that threw me into a depression and really fucked up my life because I realized how fucking cloistered I was.

As a grown man, a job opportunity opened up half way around the world and it has been fucking liberating.

If you are going to take a vacation, for the love of god, don't return with no options other than to go back to the shitty life you knew before you left.

Take some time to travel, network, examine options, build skills and keep a reserve to launch yourself to where you want to be. . .once you figure it out.

GarlicSaucePunch · 2016-10-14T19:59:45+00:00

Just a little comment - you being willing to sacrifice so much of your life over a simple relationship says that you placed WAY too much value in the relationship and you let your own personal value fall way behind.

Title	Not sure what to do. I just want to feel better.
Author	omonicor
Upvotes	18
Comments	16
Date	October 10, 2016 8:02 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/56u1kx/not_sure_what_to_do_i_just_want_to_feel_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/not-sure-what-to-do-i-just-want-to-feel-better.75839 https://theredarchive.com/post/75839