Is anybody here happy they got married in the first place?

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34380
June 15, 2018
56 upvotes
askTRP

... like the title said.


Post Information
Title Is anybody here happy they got married in the first place?
Author 34380
Upvotes 56
Comments 91
Date 15 June 2018 08:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/775
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8re94d/is_anybody_here_happy_they_got_married_in_the/
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[–]fnordsnord 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Yep. Still happy, too. Closing in our thirty years.

Now ask me if I'd do it today.

Nope. Too dangerous. The law gives ALL power to her, none to me. I've put myself in a position where I could be really screwed over.

[–]Soupses 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Even with a prenup? Genuine question.

[–]azwildcat74 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Prenups don't protect anything that you build while you're in a marriage so unless you're wealthy before you marry it won't matter.

[–]StrongAffordance 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Doesn’t that depend on the prenup terms?

[–]HiredMind13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

Courts have voided prenups too. For the weakest of reasons: https://family.findlaw.com/marriage/top-10-reasons-a-premarital-agreement-may-be-invalid.html

[–]Nicolacho74 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I kind of agree with point 10. Imagine you haven’t worked for 20-30 years and then the woman, that supported you, left you. No family to help and you never studied a career. I just think divorce is a horrible situation.

[–]HiredMind15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

In that situation I'd move into a smaller home, get any job I could, and support myself.

I don't see why giving someone a free ride for 20-30 years should obligate me to support them for the rest of my life.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This here. If the ex isn't fucking you or cleaning and cooking for you, WTF should you be supporting her ass? Especially if she is the one that wants to break the marriage contract.

[–]Self-honest5 points6 points  (13 children) | Copy

I just met a married couple tonight who just bought a house today. She said, "I hope you're ready to be in this house for the next 25 years". He said, "yeah unless I divorce you". She said, "well we live in x state so if you do, I'll be living in the house and you'll be fucked. Sorry we live in x state. Sucks for you".

[–]RPAlternate429 points10 points  (12 children) | Copy

Well, he did drop the gauntlet with the divorce line.

[–]Self-honest4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

I wish I could convey her tone on the first line. It was like impending doom in a cell for 25 years (I think she might have said "locked into"). He responded with a tone of amused mastery. She quipped back about the divorce. It's just that she wasn't wrong and she knows it.

[–]friendandadvisor6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's just that she wasn't wrong and she knows it.

What scares me is that she had already taken the time to find out what the law was on the matter!

It reminds me of a friend who had a child out of wedlock years ago. He was brilliant, but, not a good earner. She was hot with big tits. So, he asked her to marry him, to benefit the child (and, I guess, to have a wife with big tits.) She said, "Well, give me some time so I can see what my rights are..." In other words, see just how much the child support would be.

[–]RPAlternate422 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

The real answer to the post, for most who are married:

"It's fine now, but never again."

Doesn't help your intrepid hero, though.

[–]Self-honest2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Crazy but I have rarely ever heard anyone (men) who's been married for more than 10 years speak highly of it. Almost everyone (men) would leave if they could.

[–]RPAlternate421 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

it's typically kids that hang them up. It hung me up. I've turned the boat right, but before RP... the kids hung me up.

[–]Self-honest2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah I hear ya. My parents speak the same way. They love me and my brother, but we ruined their lives.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hard to say that and not get rude talks from peers but I was a mistake and my child was a mistake and its fucked us.

I love her and raise her best I can but I lost a fuckload of money.

[–]Self-honest1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah dude. It is what it is. Think what you want, but act like others. #38

[–]JamesP20180 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

They are responsible for their own lives. If you made a choice at some point that directly resulted in their everlasting misery, sure, otherwise you didn't do shit to ruin their lives.

[–]Self-honest0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lol I know. They are great parents. They aren't assholes about it. Just honest in conversations avout kids and expectations.

[–]ppanthero3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, thats what my dad tells me too. They are still happy after over 25 years, but he wouldn't do it in todays environment.

[–]TheLongerCon55 points56 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is an extremely self selecting group happily married people don't tend to get on fourms dedicated to discussing sexual strategy.

[–]traktor28 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I was briefly married. Don't regret it at all as it was the catalyst for me becoming the man I needed to be to really enjoy life. It broke me and the bank big time, but in hindsight I needed the wake up call. I was in some fantasy land with the blinders on.

Would I get married again? No, absolutely not. I'm lucky I got a slap on the wrist the first time around and didn't have kids or buy a house. All I got was a fat blow to my ego and reality check. I handled it like a bitch at the time that's the one thing I regret.

[–]1x2many0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m happy as hell I got married. I’m not married anymore and I’m happy as hell x hell for that. Live, learn, do not repeat your mistakes. It’s dumb. I lost more than you, but loss is loss. Neither of us enjoys it, I don’t doubt. I had more to lose, stuff wise, probably, money wise I said fuck that, I’m not paying you over years, how much in one chunk? Course she got greedy for the cash in hand and didn’t seem to see that a 3 bucks now is less than 7 bucks over 10+ years, but I was offering cash, today, I went and got it and brought it to the court two weeks later, made her lawyer count it and give me a receipt - I was cool and didn’t give her $20s. The house took longer to sell. But she got hers. I got mine, too. Stuff is stuff, my new house could burn down tomorrow. All you do is start over. All this “I lost everything,” chat makes me feel like people are lucky to be saying that for the first time. Then they wonder how in gods name they will get it back? Shit. The same way you got it before, right? Don’t sit here and wonder, go start. I loved my wife. Glad I met her. Now, I don’t even know her last name. Nor care.

[–]waylonw42 points43 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was... then even happier when I got divorced!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually never thought of it from that perspective. Its hard to break that you need to be in a relationship to happy mentality but honestly you comment helped me realize that. Thanx man.

[–]Jethros12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got married long before I ever found this subreddit. As I sit looking at my wife asleep with my second son born two days ago, I realize that there’s no way in hell I would ever marry again. They don’t make women like this anymore. She cooks, she cleans, she obviously fucks, and she’s completely content being a submissive wife, but I make all of it possible, and that’s not without a great deal of sacrifice and work. I love my marriage, and my family, but if something were to happen, and it dissolved, I wouldn’t remarry. The amount of time and work it took to achieve this....I don’t have it in me to do it again.

[–]waylonw28 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy

Only person in this world that can make you happy is yourself... you will never be happy if you rely on others to make you happy.

[–]34380[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's not really the sense that I meant. More accurately, I mean "Does anybody here still think it was a good decision for themselves to get married, given the advantage of hindsight and how it all turned out?"

I just want to try to tell if everybody on here is just making the best of a bad situation, or if their current life was the plan all along.

[–]UncleChido-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True. That deserves gold.

[–]Dr_Van_Nosstrand15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy

I am incredibly happy I met and married my wife. She is Ukranian, and completely unlike a Westernized woman. We've been married 3.5 years and so far it has been nothing but positives for me and her. I work, provide, and do the man stuff. She takes care of the kid, house, chores, etc... Honestly I had my doubts at first but it was worth the 10,000 or so it cost me when all was said and done. Not saying she's perfect, as AWALT. But so far, to answer your question?

Definitely happy.

[–]julius42 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Is this real?

[–]MisunderstoodAsian9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Not the guy you asked, but in my experience, women from East Asia and Eastern Europe in particular who haven't been westernised can be very good LTR material.

[–]julius42 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Ok, but I’m asking about this 10k stuff. I thought this bride buying stuff was a meme. This must be a troll post, right?

[–]Austinisfullgohome2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m not the person you’re asking, but there are “””matchmaking services””” that you pay several thousand for and they set you up with a woman you may or may not select from a group of available non-western women.

[–]MuchFIERCE4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or maybe 10k just refers to the wedding and stuff

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think 10K is about the standard for going over there and checking the babe out, and making arrangements to get her back to the US. My homeboy did it about 10 years ago. I said I may need to do that, and the first thing that he said was "It'll cost about 10K. Tickets, visas, hotels, etc..." No matchmaker involved. Wife's kids (I know, I know...I'm just accounting, not recommending) add to the cost.

[–]friendandadvisor-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You must not have read the "Ukrainian" part.

[–]UncleChido5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember AWALT.

Keep doing whatever you are doing but don’t forget the commandments.

[–]hawkeaglejesus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We've been married 3.5 years and so far it has been nothing but positives for me and her.

I'm glad it's working so far, but the timeline is what worries me. The more she's here the more western influence is going to corrupt her. She's going to make friends with western women and despite how good she is to you now women are always susceptible to group think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIwpypavI4o&feature=youtu.be&t=1m17s

[–]magenta_pill6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am! But I don't think I'm yer typical MRP guy. I married a great gal who, while certainly not a unicorn, I've often been able to reason with over the years. 20+ years and the sex is still good, we've raised 3 great kids (exhausting, yes, but damn, so rewarding, and my/our gift to the future) and I honestly still just like and enjoy my wife.

That doesn't mean that we haven't had our issues. Yeah, she can be a pain in my ass. And like everyone else, I've been mystified by her continuing unhappiness, that my doing everything she wanted and sacrificing wasn't enough, and the shit tests. AWALT. That led me to talking to a decent male therapist and figuring some things out, and finding this and other sources that have helped me make my marriage better by applying red pill principles. And I've really seen improvement, although I was coming from a less desperate situation than others.

I think that one thing that's kept our marriage good is that there's always been a D/s dynamic in our marriage: in the bedroom, I am in charge, and treat her like a slut... tie her up... spank her, call her filthy names, fuck her senseless. She loves it, and it brings us closer. It's been a pressure valve for us in our marriage. Yeah, she might be a real cunt at times, as every gal can be at times. But having her blindfolded, ballgagged and climbing naked up on to the ottoman to be punished for her transgressions by having her ass spanked red brings real balance to our relationship. It was totally by accident that I got lucky that I found a smart, strong woman who wanted to submit: I was surprised how much I enjoyed dominating her. But it's just rocked, and been fun.

And just to add a final point about being happy about having gotten married: I suffered from pretty major depression from adolescence up through my mid-20's. I was raised by a divorced, alcoholic feminist who was an early leader in the women's movement. Yeah, talk about a fucked up childhood. Her choices in likewise alcoholic partners was also fucked. No guidance, watching them circle the drain to eventual liver failures and homelessness, raising myself, never measuring up. Fucked. After I hit bottom in my 20's (and self-fixed about half of the issues written about in NMMNG... crazy, I don't recommend that method), I realized so much of my issue was loneliness, not being close to anyone, and being fearful of being betrayed as I'd been through my childhood. So, I said fuck it, if I get hurt and betrayed, I get fucked and betrayed. And somehow I met this great gal. I haven't been depressed since, and not alone since. Again, I'm an outlier. But I'd do it again.

[–]UncleChido2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well done for taking time to write this.

I’m happy you have it good and wish you the best.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (18 children) | Copy

Wouldn’t change my marriage for the world. The single life pretty much sucks.

[–]34380[S] 2 points3 points  (17 children) | Copy

Why does single life suck?

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (16 children) | Copy

A wife makes a house a home. Single life means bare walls, no true love, no true commitment, no sense of sharing, no common goals, no dreaming of the future, no kids, no grandkids, no flowers on the front porch or a wreath on the door at Christmas. No casseroles or hot, fresh cookies. I’ve lived the single life. It sucks. And the cheap sex with random girls is overrated too. Sure it’s fun at the time to some degree but what’s the point really. It’s much sexier and fulfilling and wholesome to grow old with someone who’s given you their heart. My wife is cute and sexy and submissive. The average single girl is likely to be feminist/self sufficient to some degree. No fun in that. I like being relied on, depended on

[–]StrongAffordance 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

These types of women for all intents and purposes don’t exist anymore.

[–]ReformSociety7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Given what you say is 100% true, I'd rather fall under the illusion that they do and live a meaningful life (or my illusion of a meaningful life) with my other half than give up all hope and have contempt towards women.

Like tom-n-texas says, cheap sex with random girls is overrated.

Meangingless sex is meaningless.

[–]tropicalfire2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

What you just said can be compared to taking the blue pill when presented with red and blue alternatives. Red is the harsh reality, blue is being back in the matrix.

You are basically Neo making the blue choice in Matrix haha

[–]ReformSociety2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, I am Cypher.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

They most certainly do. They are called Christian women.

[–]Woodbroker7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Being a Christian doesn’t mean a damn thing IMHO. A lying whore is a lying whore, it makes no difference if part of their social conditioning entails congregating with others once a week and reciting ancient poems while listening to a dude in a robe who may very well be diddling little kids in his spare time drone on about lessons from what is admittedly a great and profound book. I (unknowingly at the time) fucked the devout wife of a preacher when I was in my 20’s, she came into the bar where I worked and I took her home that night. I once had an affair with a churchgoing catholic girl, we were both married with kids, after I broke it off cuz I wanted to “do the right thing”, she almost immediately jumped in the sack with yet another married dude with kids. I work in an area of the country where probably 70% of folks regularly attend church and consider themselves “Christian”, yet I see cheating all the time. Hos gonna ho.

[–]throwinghthisoneaway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree that everything your saying is a possibility. For the sake of argument and to avoid tangents lets focus on women. There are different types of christian women. Those who know God and try and grow with him any chance they get. Then there are those that call themselves christian but cannot give up the partying and excitement of short term fulfillment of drugs and sex which provides validation into their insecure lives. Its also worth noting that TRP works primarily with women that have Daddy issues, meaning they have no strong male lead in their life, that makes it easy to be that for them and bang them. However being a RP male makes you VERY capable of understanding which woman is yours by giving you tools to vet or test them.

[–]hrm08945 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

An attractive practicing Christian is a rare breed. I'd say this is true for any other religion as well.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bruh have ever been inside a church? Where I live the dimes are attending Sunday mass.

[–]hrm08945 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Going to church doesn't mean much. Most of the practicing occurs outside of church. And we all know how women put up an "innocent" front until you find out how sinful they really are. But the same can be said for men as well.

[–]Gunter50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But God didn't create us. We created god

[–]UncleChido0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True. But there are so many hypocritical Christian women.

[–]The__Tren__Train2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

good call.

relationships are binary

there's either marriage, or singledom

[–]garbagejooce1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right? Shit was bleak. I love being able to experience (and connect with if I want) a variety of girls. Relationships are a spectrum.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Completely agree. Fuck I’m only in my early 20’s and going out drinking/clubbing then gaming and fucking girls isn’t even fun anymore.

My last LTR was a bipolar mess but the manic periods she’d have where she’d be an amazing gf made me realize I’d rather be in an LTR than single. That’s why That relationship is just sad to me. She could go from being the ideal gf for a month then be a terrible mess for another month.

The thing I need to remember is that despite the fact I want a LTR I can’t go out specifically looking for one for fear of just tying down the first decent girl I meet. At this point I just don’t even know where to meet decent girls. I’m not religious so don’t go to church, and trying to find a LTR in a bar or club is basically just a fool’s errand.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Commenting so I can check back later. Genuinely interesting question

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not yet. Divorce was pretty awesome, I got some head [I think the last time but oh well] from my ex wife that day and we are still good friends.

We just didn't match up for long term, no problem we both found others to make us happy.

[–]S2KMo1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Man, you're asking a question with a HUGE sampling bias haha, it's basically pre-determined what the responses will be on this subreddit. Just pointing that out incase you actually wanted genuine responses

[–]34380[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You would think so, but the answers are more varied than I would have thought.

[–]CCAHole 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

How the fuck is anyone supposed to fulfill biological imperatives and have kids if no one gets married?

[–]The__Tren__Train0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

is this sarcasm?

[–]34380[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

What would you say to somebody who’s at best lukewarm about kids? Sometimes I feel like I’m the abstract there would be some rewarding moments, but then whenever I meet people who have kids they look so beleaguered and miserable.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

I love two of my kids with all my heart and would do anything in my power for them. The third kid I really could care less about if you can handle the honest answer. Yes you love each of your kids differently so if you thought your parents loved someone else more you were probably right.

I wouldn’t have them now if I knew what it fully entailed. I’m a selfish asshole and they make me give up time I could spend elsewhere

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The third kid I really could care less about if you can handle the honest answer.

I'm not judging you at all; I would like to ask if you could explain the reason for this? Or, is it just one of those unexplainable things that happen in human interactions?

Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He has autism. The others are relatively normal and worth investment.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, I can see that. Thanks for your reply.

[–]magenta_pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Kids aren't for everyone. My mom told me when I was a kid that if abortion had been legal when she was pregnant I wouldn't exist. No malice, just fact. And I do feel unwanted kids might be better off not being born: my childhood was a horror show. But that being said, I'm glad I exist and am alive.

For me, being a parent has given value and meaning to my life. I'm an athiest, and have struggled with the pain of nihilism and feeling life is empty and meaningless. And I haven't come up with much of the meaning of life except this: if everyone chooses to not have kids, then the human race ends. That just doesn't feel like why we are here, to end our species. So, the purpose of life must include leaving a generation to follow us. And by extension, raise kids who are better than we are.

For me being a dad has been everything I hoped and more. Exhausting and expensive, with hard trade-offs? Sure. But valuable things work like that. And you don't recall the shit over time, you remember the good stuff. Of course, I wanted to be a parent, chose it, and was willing to embrace what I had to give up to achieve this higher purpose and try to be a good dad. But if it's not for you, no shame, don't have kids. We all have to make our own choices. :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yes. no qualifiers.

[–]Oktarheel0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I was briefly, at the beginning. Let it drag out too long. Pulled the trigger on the D, and was able to make a clean break. Never will I go back. I took my good fortune as a sign to enjoy my life, and never make that mistake again.

[–]34380[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I'm in the middle of a similar situation. I'm married, but at the moment it super fractious. I can pull the trigger now on divorce and have a relatively clean break (no kids; no house; prenup + de minimus joint assets). But I know if I do, I don't have it in me to do any of this again. I will likely be celibate for the rest of my life, and I might still prefer that.

I don't think I can wait much longer if I want a clean break, though. The wife wants kids and a house, and she wants them NOW.

[–]Oktarheel1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do it. Don’t look back. Go your own way.

[–]34380[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think that's the right choice, but I'm not sure, and once I do it it's irrevocable. It's a hell of a tough decision to make.

[–]UncleChido0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I think she’s reasonable wanting kids.

Men love women; women love children. You can’t blame her for that.

[–]34380[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't blame her a bit. My wife is not a bad person. My problem is that she's simultaneously good for me and bad for me. Similarly with me for her.

[–]UncleChido0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Symbiotic relationships are perfect.

[–]34380[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure I believe that.

I'm on the verge of thinking that I'm equally well off with her for the rest of my life vs celibacy for the rest of my life. Everything I've read says that people in my shoes have a cognitive bias contra to seeing life without their significant other, so actually breaking up will be much better than what I'm currently thinking.

That's why I'm here asking questions.

Edit: Wait, was that sarcasm?

[–]matrixtospartanatLV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Unnecessary, symbolic, altruistic gift. NO

[–]34380[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Could you elaborate? I don't understand your comment.

[–]abudun79[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. And never regretted it.

I gave up some things of my life, but I gained others that turned out to give me more satisfaction, than the once I left behind. Plus, it is by far the best basis raise great children... at least were I live.

Of course it is a constant challenge, but one that's worth the struggle and often times the struggle is rewarded like it would not be possible outside of marriage.

There are some things that I would handle completely different now, than I did in my BP past, but nothing I did closed any doors completely. So I learned from mistakes and improved, handle things differently now. But that just never ends.

[–]Woodbroker0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, but I’m pretty lucky. I waited till my mid 30s (now 51), and we dated for over 5 years before tying the knot. I really wanted kids, and I wanted them to be raised in a good family. I had had my share of interactions with both “nice” girls and worthless, lying whores; and while I’d like to think that my solid marriage is purely the result of my impeccable skill at determining a woman’s true value, I realize that there was indeed a good deal of pure luck involved. Reading the posts here, and based on my subsequent interactions with women, I’m just not too sure how many good ones are left. I fear for my sons’ future.

[–]RPAlternate42-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm tired of the 20/20 hindsight posts.

[–]34380[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Where else am I supposed to ask married guys than married red pill? It's right in the name.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The OP was about hindsight.



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