Girlfriend deletes Snapchat on her phone when I was with her.

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June 24, 2018

There are many red flags. Should this just be the final one?

I confronted her and asked her why she hasn't been getting a shit ton of notifications and she said she deleted it for blah blah reason and that I have nothing to worry about. When I got back to my house later that afternoon I saw that she'd been using it again. Just super sketchy.

Post Information
Title Girlfriend deletes Snapchat on her phone when I was with her.
Author CeremonyTree
Upvotes 81
Comments 112
Date 24 June 2018 10:01 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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[–]DaveyOneBite182 points183 points  (15 children) | Copy

Dude come on you already know the answer. There are other red flags too? Trust your gut.

That’s not just some saying. Your brain picks up so much data. Much more than you can consciously retain. Your gut feeling is your subconscious noticing something is off. Don’t ignore it.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 61 points62 points  (7 children) | Copy

Ah, you're right. I just need a push. I am surrounded by dudes in LTRs, and their advice is obviously opposite.

[–]DaveyOneBite57 points58 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve been in your shoes. I ignored the signs, but I for sure felt something was off.

You’ll regret not acting while you can to save your dignity/ego. Breakups are remarkably easier when you’re doing the breaking up. Rejection breeds obsession.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right, thanks. My game plan is to just wait until I hear from her then tell her to call me and end things there amiably.

[–]airmcnair066 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Being surrounded by dudes on ltrs might be a problem too. You probably subconsciously don't wanna be the only single one of your group cause you'll "be lonely and have no one to hang out with". I've been there before. You kinda wanna keep everything comfortable and with the groove of your frienda group as is cause it's fun and easy. You don't want to believe that ugly truth in your gut so you literally push it down and physically hold it in. But just trust that gut instinct. This is just you not accepting the truth about the situation. Let go of that resistance. And remember, Being comfortable = no growth.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would actually fully agree with this. I would say that around 90% of my Bros are in LTRs, I think I have two friends that are not (I'm 24.)

[–]bannedfromWTFmod1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you're not sure, just try to "undevelope" feelings for her and then if shit hits the fan it won't bother you.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have tried that in the past, they always came back. Oneitis has deeply set roots.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

These kids come in here just to be spanked for their bad behavior and tell them what they already know.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I need bros that aren't in relationships and are willing to risk advising me to cuck myself. Damn right I made a post about it.

I do agree that I should be able to think and know what is best for myself, but I honestly wasn't sure. Strange how the only negative comment directed at me is from an endorsed contributor.

[–]rheinhart 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Interesting thing to is that your gut really is like a second brain. It has something like half the nerve synapses as your brain. So it also helps your body process information.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think of the gut as the rational mind, our instincts

[–]dongpal-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It has even more than your brain AFAIK

[–]boy_named_su42 points43 points  (6 children) | Copy

Time for Judge Dread

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would dread her, but I just feel that it isn't worth it at this point. I've basically decided that she's just making me unhappy. Now on to figuring out the best way to end things.

[–]rcsob12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy


[–]RivenHalf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good suggestion but honestly this is way past Dread repairs. Once you're into levels of deception this high then hard nexting is the only answer

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

“there are many red flags”.

you know what to do. if you can’t trust your girl it’s time to drop her.

you’re a man. you’re the prize. you deserve to be treated with respect.

red flags = have some respect and leave.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right, I appreciate the reminder. Have a great day.

[–]doyoumrjones9920 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her excuse literally makes no sense. She's clearly hiding something.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She offered to let me go through her snap. I gauge it as a retaliatory statement mostly begging me to call her bluff which I didn't (maybe should've).

[–]stankmo31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

you are the plate

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First relationship in a long time. Figured I would enter it just to see what would happen & I've never experienced the decay from an informed perspective. Women can be quite backwards.

[–]pilljourney7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

What are the other red flags?

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

All her friends are hardcore feminists

Best friend is a stripper (from childhood, started getting closer around the time we started dating)

Not great to her family

Recently started smoking weed (other drugs?) heavily

Have caught her messaging a guy in the past

[–]AliYaHaydarYaHussein0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If it wasn't for those red flags, I would agree with her especially if she has an Android phone. The Snapchat app is fucking garbage.

[–]Quantum_Jiraiya 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Pretend your phone broke and see what she says. See how many days it takes without communication before she cracks. If not just ghost forever.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do you mean by cracks? Seems to me she doesn't give a whole lot of a fuck. What are the odds she just owns up to her shit bro?

[–]Quantum_Jiraiya 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

She’ll eventually message you or call you.

If you don’t respond, she’ll probably follow up along the lines of:


“Are you mad? I didn’t do anything”

“I am cheating on you”

The longer you dread the more she’ll go in to overdrive. If she is super into you, hasn’t cheated, and everything is just a big understanding, she’ll probably go out of her way to make you understand she didn’t mean to do anything wrong.

If she doesn’t ever message you or call past “Hello??” then you have mutually ghosted each other. If you don’t message her for days she might also vomit out any infidelities. This is a 72 hour test.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We don't text a lot. Basically just to arrange meet ups which are about twice a week.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Back to plate :)

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Don't think I can. Oneitis.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

One day you will! If not, you will not but ultimately the goal of TRP is to come to a point in life where whatever is causing you harm can be cut away, done without, or replaced without much trouble.

The best things in life are those you accomplish and create on your own. Take care of yourself and focus there, let the rest of the world sort itself out.

Become too busy for any bullshit, make yourself so much greater than you are now that everything you know is less than what you have to accept, what you are willing to accept, and beyond the possibility of your ego's entertainment and patience!

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow man I really appreciate the reply. Have you ever seen the movie 'Heat'? In it Deniro's character says that you shouldn't get involved in anything that you can't walk out on in 30 seconds or less. This reminds me of your comment.

It is especially important in this situation because Deniro had previously seen his friends girl cheat on him and is saying exactly what your saying. Thanks bro.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]RivenHalf6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

When a woman says "You have nothing to worry about,"

You can be sure as fuck you have something to worry about lol run.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish it weren't true, my friend.

[–]magx014 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Come on man, listen to your gut.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will. Thanks.

[–]NJA4242 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

You already know the answer you just don't want to.

Logically you know it's wrong that she deleted the app in front of you but the real issue is that she was issuing it after.

Top that off with many other red flags you mentioned and it sounds like you have a new plate at best

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't think I can plate as I am pretty emotionally invested & still unplugging.

[–]aguywholifts 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

We can all feed your hamster either which way on the matter and speculate why she did that and later reinstalled it, but that’s all we’d be doing. I delete apps from my phone all the time without much rhyme or reason for doing so and then install it again later.

If you don’t trust her, that should be the end of it. You don’t seem to trust her, but it seems like you can’t settle on that and are looking for reasons to trust her.

[–]beam_me_up2017 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I delete apps from my phone all the time without much rhyme or reason for doing so and then install it again later.

Really? Why reinstall?

[–]hash_bang222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Monday: eh I dont need XYZ app, I dont ever use it I'll just delete it.

Thursday: where is XYZ app? Alright, download commencing.

Fairly common thing with me too. Just like throwing something away. As soon as you do, you'll find a use for it.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

Right. I just don't know what are my own insecurities and weak frame and what are legitimate grounds for concern. Pretty inexperienced in relationships.

[–]magx019 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Let me give you a word of advice (as an older guy with some experience): When you "confront" them on something like this, it goes one of two ways (or a combination thereof):

1) HOW DARE YOU! You are insecure/don't trust me, blah blah. Basically moral outrage from which you are supposed to shrink and give in.

2) "Oh, no here's why I did it" followed by reasons that always make her sound good and play to the type of morality she believes you to hold. The end result is you thinking "what a good/smart/moral/kind/empathetic/thoughtful whatever girl" and her secretly continuing to act on what REALLY drives them: the biological imperative to be attractive, to fuck and to form social bonds with men from whom they can derive various benefits.

Let me give you a small example of #2 which shows you how young it starts:

My nephew is full: "Hey uncle mag, you want the rest of this? I'm full."

My daughter is full: "Hey Daddy mag, I know how much you love x (x being whatever food she is eating) so I want you to have the rest of this." Most dads "Oh that's so sweet! What a sweet, caring, thoughtful girl you are!" Me: " you're full, eh?" Her: "Ya, I'm full." Me: "Nice try though" followed by eating the food.

And yes the above has actually happened. Girls start this at a young age. And it's not their fault either; they are physically vulnerable so their nature dictates that they do whatever they can to ingratiate themselves to those around them that are stronger.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

She did say she deleted it because she 'just wanted to be with me when i'm there'. I feel that this is falls into the second category.

[–]magx010 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

100% playing into what you want/she thinks you want.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Is that not outright manipulation?

[–]magx010 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Of course.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm so angry right now. Should I not be?

[–]magx011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not really, no. It's their nature. And if you take your own ego out of it and look at it as a species wide phenomenon, especially though the lens of cross generational survival, it makes a lot of sense.

[–]DevilMayCry4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

If it happens once, give her the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again, then you know what to do.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Something similar has happened before and she told me that I can go through her phone whenever. I denied this, but because she no longer has a passcode on her phone I interpret the deleting of the app as a second line of defense.

[–]clint_bronson4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

"You have nothing to worry about"

Coming from women, hearing that always makes me worried.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. Thanks.

[–]69odin4202 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

She's lying to you bruh. I would either leave her or treat her like a friend. As of right now, she's not relationship material.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I will leave her & remain amiable with her I guess.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

bruh don't try to get back with her or anything. if anything i would completely eliminate any traces or signs of temptation

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, you're right. I guess my reply was confusing. I just won't give her my emotional response is all I was saying.

[–]Straightfromthemudd 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Since you have feelings for this girl I cant even suggest you plate her.

Hard next, game other women. Shes up to no good

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man. Have a good one.

[–]seedster55 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

You made a post about it. Dump her and date someone whose not a total social media cunt.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I need bros that aren't in relationships and are willing to risk advising me to cuck myself. Damn right I made a post about it.

[–]seedster50 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I wasn't attacking you. I was trying to say that if you're concerned about her behaviour enough to make a post then you need to make the cal. Your gut instinct knows something isn't right. Maybe it is something maybe it is nothing but either way, to you, her behaviour isn't acceptable and should not be acceptable to anyone. Let her be someone else's problem and find someone that's your solution.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know bro. Sorry lol got a bit passionate.

[–]seedster51 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

it's all good. Just keep us updated on whatever happens.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds good!

[–]HerefortheTuna0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah my ex is addicted to social media. Shit is toxic

[–]Sir-Pumpalot1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

dump her emotionally, stop investing in her (in case you do) and just try to see her as a women you have sex with not your ltr. personally I would still meet with her, have sex and go my way, it was just your turn and it doesnt need to end here, what needs to end is your investment in her

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would've liked to, but I don't have any other options lined up.

[–]ilovevidya1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hard next is the only right answer. Back in my blue pill days I had this exact thing happen to me. Turned out she was sending half naked pictures to about ten other guys but deleting it afterwards every time. Of course when I go out she's reinstalling it again.

I was bluepill and my hamster was running circles like yours is now. She was gaslighting me to which didn't help, so I stayed with her. One month later she breaks up with me and reveals she's already fucked another guy. Don't let it get to that stage, put your foot down now.

The only option is next, you are the prize why are you wasting valuable time with some thot.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

i'm gonna tell you what to do now so listen up:

tell her you met someone else and that it's over.

don't tell her the real reason it's over. don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you left because you were insecure. keep her in the dark. tell her you met someone else and realized she isn't what you want anymore.

you're welcome

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with the message of coming out on top, but I have no reason to lie. I'll just tell her that I'm unhappy with her and the relationship & that I want to see other people.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

that works

[–]justicecantakeanap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The situation is clear, you must bail out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not sketchy. OBVIOUS! Dont be shocked if you find out later that she's been looking for alternative excitement.

That is if you stay around to find out.

[–]ChasingLetters0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been here, caught it on her phone and she was talking to an ex. You know the answer, convey that you don't tolerate that and she will try to fix it - or at least SAY that they will.

[–]KznRob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Nergaal-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Questions for others here: OP obviously has a weakish frame, would it be useful for somebody like him to demand to see the logs before walking out? If he is wrong, she will lose any respect she had remaining for him (pretty much none to begin with). If he is correct in his gut, that will confirm to himself that he should trust his gut. It's objective measure of her infidelity, not her own words of what she was doing on the app.

[–]RivenHalf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not even worth it at this point, the cards are already laid out on the table. He doesn't need to expose her because he already has. She said he has nothing to worry in relations to the app and yet she puts it back on her phone thinking he was unaware and she got caught. The jury has already read the conviction. She's guilty.

[–]CeremonyTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She asked if I wanted to see logs in the moment, which I declined. If I asked at this point that would be retarded. I've read the replies & agree. I need to hard next.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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