Sorry for the long post. This is a rant. I can't talk about it with my friends. Because i know i will get nothing than blue pill answers so here I tell you in hope to help me to get rid of my knot in my head...
Intro Yesterday i had a phone convo with my gf of 1 year about my manliness. About my manliness! I am in a constant state of anger since my gf feels entitled to talk about my manliness with me! Anyway shortly described she told me that she feels like i dont show manliness in certain situations when she want me to. That it would be way more attractive to man up instead of reject the situation. (better me taking a knife in my stomach as a hero, instead of engage the situations how they are).
2 Situation Examples:
We were both at a club. I walked around and chatted with people and left her alone with some friends of her. When i came back, she told me that one specific guy tried to flirt with her mulitple times and didnt leave her alone. (i didnt see anything). „Well did you tell him to fuck off then?“ – „No i was surprised. I couldnt handle it. I hoped you gonna do something about it?“ (oooook shut up).I knew exactly why she told me this. She's not that shy type of girl. Any other situations she has a full mouth and tell annoying people to fuck off but of course not now. At this moment I was already angry at her for trying to get me all alpha and „protect“ my innocent gf. (I’m so over this shit). A Situation that could be avoided when she just told him to go away. But no, it must be me. But i did not join this drama. I wanted to enjoy my night and not getting involved in this shit. I didn't play along and concentrated on having fun with friends that night.
A random guy (2 years younger than her) started to text her a while before. I said to her, he just wants to fuck her (he texted complimenting her looks). She’s aware of that subconsciously but denies it of course. She says as long he’s just texting normal (no flirting) she’s ok with it, otherwise she would block him. At this moment i thought I have other shit to care about. I knew she was trying to get me defending and „fight for my girl“ and that shit made me angry again. I was thinking when she wants to fuck him then she can do it and then she can get the fuck out of my house. But that's not her intention. It's to me taking responsibility for her bullshit actions. Anyway once we were out with 4 friends and this random guy tried to call her on that night. We all saw the phone call. "Oh no! This guy is annoying all the time. He doesn't leave me alone." All the others (aware of this dude) wanted to answer the call and fuck with him. (some kind of „dont mess with us, we fuck you up if you try“) I didnt want to because i don’t want to give her this goddamn satisfaction. She put herself in this shit. She's baiting him the whole time. Of course he tries more.
Ranting/knot in my head NOW what makes my angry? Both of this situations (there are more) could have been avoided, when she just told this guy to fuck off or just stopped texting this guy. I mean when she’s playing around with them (playing with orbiters) i dont care. But then she comes to me viewing herself as a victim and she „just doesnt know how she gets in such situations“. Fuck that. She’s knows exactly why. She’s the one provoking just to get me "fighting for her".
This 2 situations happened exactly like that because these 2 situations were discussed at the phone call to explain me that ‚i have to man up more‘ / ‚show my manliness‘ to show her that she can trust my power to protect her and that i care about her. She told me that overtly! But the thing is, the more she's doing these shit-tests, the less respect and tolerance i have for her. And her telling me that in the whole LTR she never really seen something 'manly' from me. There was the cut. Fuck you!
I am full of this shit. I don’t get why i should get myself in trouble and fuck my good times up for her kind of silly shit. I am disappointed in my gf doing that shit. Maybe i am in a angry/denying phase of TRP. I don't want it to be the truth that i have to play along this shit.
I don't think it's worth my time just to satisfy her playing around. I don't need that kind of drama in my life.
MY QUESTION TO YOU ALL: Is my girl extraordinary playful and i can get better off with some other 'not so playing around' girl?
AWALT. So no matter who i date i will get in this situations again so i better get used to it and play this game I live in?
Thanks for your read and advice.
EDIT: thx to all your comments. Hard truth. I try to implement them.
So I set myself:
1.Pass this fucking shittests. Get your emotions in control and stop loosing frame so fast. Don't show it.
if there will be more intolerate actions:
2.Set boundaries "I don't tolerate you doing this!"
if she doesnt respect what i want:
if she doesnt care, i don't care.