I'm not obligated to love you: an insight into the mind of a man with options.

Ojisan1 · 2014-07-23T17:16:02+00:00

Men find it easy to love women - love is free, and it feels good to love a woman - but too many women make it hard to like them, like the woman in this story.

I think men have a lot of childhood experiences with peer camaraderie, which gives us skills in being likeable. We are part of sports teams, or we tell good jokes with our buddies on the corner, or we learn to play musical instruments, or whatever. We enjoy being around people we like, and we make ourselves likeable and cultivate those skills in order to participate in that.

Often times, the way girls are treated in society leaves them without any skills on how to be likeable. The obligation that their parents extend to them, to love them "unconditionally" even when they are being princesses, or lying, or being rude, leaves too many women thinking that this is OK behavior and people will love them anyway. (And some men will - and by the way, some men can be unlikeable princesses too!) Or being the "popular" girl in school with really no qualifications other than being the pretty one, doesn't really cultivate skills in being likeable because she gets attention based on what she is, not her character, or how she behaves.

This woman in the story is clearly not being likeable, and he's letting her know that. He's giving her love already, just by being with her, and yet she doesn't accept it as sufficient - she wants more, without realizing that it's her own lack of likeability which is preventing him from doing what he'd prefer to do naturally, which is to give lots of love.

He's simply telling her how to access more love, which is for her to try being more likeable. So ladies, cultivate skills in being likeable, and it will go a long way with men. Think about what would make us enjoy the moments spent with you, and do those things. You'll have a happy man who will love you for it!

Edit: this was my first post to RPW, I hope it's a helpful contribution to your sub.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T17:46:32+00:00

Sounds right. I have to work at being sexable and respectable (guy game). So it's only right that she has to work at being lovable and commitable (girl game).

And just because I show her love and commitment, does not entitle me to sex or respect. I do not get to be respectable and sexable just because I am a NICE GUY and show her love and commitment. But the same goes the other way too. If she gives me sex and respect, that act does not make her lovable or commitable. She still has to earn it. Giving up her vagina is not earning it.

And when she gives sex away for "free" to tons of dudes before me, she lowers the value of what she brings to the table in this sexual marketplace transaction. That's akin to asking me to pay new car price for a beat up used car. Screw that. I will take a ride for free if she offers, but I sure as hell won't buy it.

If she wants to tell me how to be a "real man", I will definitely tell her how to be a real lady.

sierrasecho · 2014-07-23T15:35:21+00:00

Very negative.

Uncommunicative.

Always lying.

Bad temper.

Talking in a rude voice.

And N18 does the same bullshit about her personality. She says it’s out of her control and all the fault of her parents and circumstance.

This is what struck me from the article. We choose our reactions. Even if we had a rough go of it yesterday, or for our entire lives, we still choose how to react today, in this moment. Acting like an entitled brat (and this is purely entitlement - feeling entitled to living together, to his love, to his time etc.)

Don't be this girl. Don't waste your chances with a good man by acting like a child. Give back. Be worthy of love... by being loving.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T15:27:26+00:00

Wonderful find Tempest! This is so crucial to understand and accept that we are not just flawless and truly do have to earn and deserve the love and commitment we want. Thanks for sharing this. It helped me a great deal.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T16:16:36+00:00

Love the point of this piece, Temp! Thanks for sharing.

Being lovable is a skill. And if you don't work on that skill, you will be unlovable. Now, some people are naturally lovable but it's still an active effort to stay lovable; it's very easy to make yourself unlovable if you try to because you choose how you behave and present yourself to others, internally and externally.

Make the choice to be a lovable person, and you will be hard pressed to have difficulties with finding or keeping a partner, especially a good one.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T17:02:58+00:00

The world owes me NOTHING. It was here before I was born. It will be here when I die.

Thanks for sharing.

LegitAnswers · 2014-07-23T19:29:33+00:00

If only feminists could read this.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T15:39:26+00:00

Edit: Hello non-RP lurkers of the Blue variety. Please remember the rules, and do not comment or vote on this thread.

Have a good day!

:0)

Nobody deserves love. We are not newborn babies and I’m not some mothers nipple. We earn it, through our actions.

By adding value. By being happy and sharing happiness. By feeling content and sharing contentedness. By adding value in every possible way that our lover can appreciate.

You can’t ask someone to love you. You can’t expect someone to love you.

If he enjoys being around you and if you make him happy, the emotions will follow.

Guys have the same issue. People walk around with negativity as their default mode of being. They are not happy people. They are not finding girls who love them, because…

They are not loveable people!

Thank you for providing a link to this Tempest.

Remember ladies, you want to find a good man - that means he is capable of loving and showing love. You have to earn his love and commitment. Don't fall into the trap of thinking "well I've shown up day after for quite some time now...we should move in together/get married" Being together for a X amount of time isn't an accomplishment unless you have been adding happiness and value to his life. Don't go in thinking "well he lived with his last gf, why won't he live with me? We've been together longer." If you aren't at the same "stage" that he was at with his last SO, and you've been together longer - then you need to stop and ask yourself why. What did she provide that you don't?

People don't automatically deserve love or respect - both have to be earned. Now, does that mean you swear at and mock everyone you meet? Of course not. Be polite to everyone you meet and interact with, treat them neutrally and be nice. You can be decent and kind to people - but some things have to be earned. So when you're dating a gentlemen, be sure to ask yourself "what am I doing to earn his love?"

gabilromariz · 2014-07-23T16:43:43+00:00

No one owes me anything :)

Thanks for the reminder to keep doing my best at being lovely/kind/etc

MrsKittenHeel · 2014-07-23T22:29:46+00:00

Emotions follow action. Its true internally and externally.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-07-24T09:31:41+00:00

I really think that this is highly important on having an impeccable LTR.

Spore2012 · 2014-07-24T03:22:24+00:00

Maybe semantics here, but don't really agree with the 'nobody deserves love.'

'Everyone deserves love, but it's not free' would be a better way to put it.

PS- Love is one of those words that can't be defined and has different meanings for everyone. Similar to words like beauty, dating, morals etc.

[deleted] · 2014-07-27T07:31:32+00:00

For context, Xsplat is a 50-year-old living in Indonesia. The letter is written to N18, which is her age. I wonder how much of the talking-down tone is due to a language barrier.

Title	I'm not obligated to love you: an insight into the mind of a man with options.
Author	TempestTcup
Upvotes	61
Comments	18
Date	July 23, 2014 3:16 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2bi23a/im_not_obligated_to_love_you_an_insight_into_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-not-obligated-to-love-you-an-insight-into-the.84735 https://theredarchive.com/post/84735