[Personal Advice.] [M28.] I've seen SO MUCH LIFE-DESTROYING INFIDELITY in my life. I now look at all women now feeling great reactivity unconscious anger. What else can I do here, and not MGTOW after ALL THIS STRAIGHT TRUTH?

Borsao66 · 2018-08-03T00:12:44+00:00

Anger phase is angry.

talexanderc · 2018-08-02T23:45:53+00:00

Good, but can you make a tl;dr for the tl;dr

Retstortion · 2018-08-03T00:52:32+00:00

Brother, do not expect them to commit to you. Establish boundaries and if they cross them, NEXT.

Do not expect them to be loyal. Ever.

superdoofus69 · 2018-08-03T00:19:55+00:00

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/

If you give up on trying to find "the one" then you won't care so much. You have a good relationship with a girl for a while then she cheats on you? Whatever the goal was just to enjoy it for a while anyway, no need to get butthurt at normal human behavior. On to the next

Thethrowawayoption · 2018-08-03T00:46:30+00:00

You're angry because you still believe that monogamy is morally how things should be. It's maddening to see things be "bad".

The simplest ^(not saying easy) way to dump the anger is to dump the moral hangup. Worrying about fidelity all the time is missing the point of relationships. Relationships are about you and your partner getting a benefit from each other, not about you and your partner promising to avoid everyone else.

The promises and also jealousy are mostly just an artifact of evolutionary gene-line-protecting behaviors. Women promised exclusivity to get the man's resource investment. Men promised to get the woman to ensure the children are his.

One way to avoid it is: Instead of promising never to have sex with other people no matter how much either of you wants to, instead of expecting that such promises will be made when a relationship reaches a certain level of commitment, figure out what the relationship does to benefit you and be happy for the benefit without assuming you should get anything extra. Avoid things that would make exclusivity assumed like the titles "boyfriend/girlfriend". Negotiate what your relationship's rules are as if no one in history has had a romantic relationship before, and make it so that either of you can act how you want to act without having to hurt the other person.

There are benefits to sleeping with only one person, but you avoid a lot of potential aggravation if the rules are "we mostly just fuck each other, but we can have sex with other people if we decide we actually want to." That doesn't have to mean the relationship is only skin deep or lacks longevity or commitment either. At that point the only thing you really need to trust is that your girl will use protection in the hopefully rare case that she's with someone else. Some poly couples who cultivate the right relationship culture even have fun talking some about who hey want to or did have sex with last week.

The point of TRP teaching isn't to make you feel like there are no options because women aren't what you thought when you were younger. It's the opposite: to give men more sexual options by teaching them about how things are and how to have a mindset that gives them those options. It points out that there are tons of options, but first you have to learn the hard truths because the only real options are the ones based on reality.

How can dudes get married?

They treat marriage like a business partnership instead of "culmination of romance". Marriage is just a special kind of contract that the government's made up for people to use. Yes a lot of dudes are naive but there are also some cases where the risk is greater than the reward.

TL;DR Stop worrying about it. Cheating, and worrying about cheating is not the point, and while you need to know the truth, you don't need to obsess about it.

boy_named_su · 2018-08-03T00:16:04+00:00

Adderall is a helluva drug

upvotelogic · 2018-08-02T23:44:23+00:00

You can lower the risk of infidelity by being part of a religious community, finding a submissive foreign woman, and remaining aware of female nature.

If you've considered every possibility and prepare yourself for the worst, you'll be able to weather the storm if and when it hits. Focus on what you can control and forget the rest.

seedster5 · 2018-08-03T00:59:08+00:00

Dude I'm not even gonna bother reading half of your stuff becayae it's just rambling. Let me let you in on something.

SOCIETY WANTS WOMEN TO BE SLUTS AND PROMISCIOUS.

However, there are women out there who know better. They want that family because they know the end result of being a hoe is instant gratification. The red pill teaches you how to weed them out and stop bitching because most of the ones you will run into will be closet sluts.

Figure it out, do your due diligence. Are you gonna follow MGTOW and bang 9s and 10s or follow the red pill and learn how to be a man in the modern day and age. You're almost there.

TLDR. It's your job as a man to fine a unicorn to settle down with. They won't come to you. You can't game unicorns.

We_Are_Legion · 2018-08-03T10:12:40+00:00

There's too many words here in your post. And that's the tell for your issue, rather than the content ironically. When people write a lot about girls, it means they're very invested. But probably that diagnosis won't make sense to you now. You're convinced that you're in a real crisis. When in reality, you're in a ditch and you're yelling that the world ends with the walls. Try to imagine looking down at yourself from up above.

If its hard to see the source of your limited view, then I will describe the problem in plain words: You've intensely invested your identity (your worth, your self-image) and made it dependent on whether a woman stays with you or what she really thinks of you ("oh, she must be thinking badly of me under the surface"). The ego is in a state of addiction to her. She solves all your emotional problems and feelings of incompleteness. This manifests as deep feelings of euphoria and intense aliveness when when she's there and validates you. It also means that when or if she moves onto other men, or plays you or rejects you or otherwise humiliates you... it subconsciously reflects on your worth. And that hurts. No, that tears you apart. It breaks you.

The advice in the top replies is not wrong, but it is also not going to help you. Women do have a nature, yes. One cannot guarrantee that things will not go wrong. Blah blah blah. Its all true. But its also not a problem. It is not a life threatening issue nor is it what is driving a stake through your heart right now. That pain is caused by your ego, and that is your core problem. Your ego is taking a minor issue, which everyone (you included) logically know you can easily move on from... and it is obsessed by it. Mired you in pain from it.

Honestly, the cure for it is to let go of ego.

How to let go of ego:

Sometimes that letting go can come from heartbreak itself, and the cure is exposure therapy. You let relationships happen and fail so you'll face your fear. When you encounter the pain, realize that it isn't that bad, realize that you can survive it, or that at the very least, realize that in this second, in the PRESENT, you're still alive and kicking and that the past doesn't define you. Eventually, the feeling that you're OK in this second extends to the next second, and then a minute has passed and then an hour. With more breakups, you've trained yourself to readily let go of past and live in the present, and you learn that you can easily survive the pain, which eases your anxiety of it happening again in the future. Eventually, you live in the present, at least around this one issue, for the rest of your life. This approach backfires and fails when the pain seems to be too much and instead of accepting it, you try to run from or control it or deny it or do anything other than accept it and smile at it.
Sometimes letting go comes from alcohol, drugs and other distractions (including endless eating, porn, TV, games, whatever). This approach always backfires as escapism becomes addictive. And you have only distracted yourself from pain, not gotten rid of ego.
Sometimes letting go comes from encountering your mission in life. Becoming obsessed over building your company or perfecting your art has a great side effect of taking your mind away from your pain. This approach backfires if it becomes a means of escapism from pain.
Sometimes letting go can come from nihilism and the realization that nothing matters. Positive nihilism, negative nihilism, etc. Take your pick. The red pill forum is full of these types. This approach does not always backfire as long as the nihilism is positive. However, it also doesn't work. Your brain wasn't evolved to not care. Your brain was evolved to care. It will punish you hard for the things you should care about no matter how many books you read on why it shouldn't. Nihilism is a party trick of the rational mind. It may well be true, but the truth only works because it distracts your mind in the hope it doesn't punish you.
Sometimes you delay letting go by getting some new ass to assuage your needy ego again. This is highly enjoyable, highly recommended. But it isn't letting go of ego exactly. Often, your ego just trashtalks the last girl ("your loss, baby!) and attaches to the new one. The disease is still there.
Sometimes letting go can come from Inner Game/Enlightenment. Like meditation or reading the insights of wise men who teach you how to let go of ego and with it, judgement, reactivity, and the disease of incessant thinking. You stop being so invested in the outcome and you stop confusing the outcome with Who You Are. Surprisingly, the red pill forum is also full of these types. There is no backfiring to this as far as I know. And it is the cure for fear and suffering far beyond just women.

(If you're looking for resources on the sixth path, recommend "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, or "The Book of Pook" by Pook or "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover or "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden or "The Way of The Superior Man" by David Deida who also authored "Instant Enlightenment", "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch and many others I don't remember off the top of my head. Follow your interest, listen to the teacher who speaks to you. ).

I personally took all 6 paths. There may be more, but I only took these. The one that finally freed me was spiritual enlightenment.

I wish you well on your path. It is my belief that they all eventually force you onto the sixth.

jshtx2117 · 2018-08-03T01:11:59+00:00

Truthfulness, honesty and loyalty are not feminine qualities.

2comment · 2018-08-03T02:47:44+00:00

Welcome to humanity. If you want loyalty and gratitude, get a dog.

I suggest having a higher purpose at all times beyond a relationship. It's a lot less likely to come crashing down and disappoint.

CaptainBW · 2018-08-03T03:55:02+00:00

Didn’t even bother to read this word puke. Chicks are sluts. Enjoy them for what they are. The only thing you should feel anger towards is yourself - the blue pill, fantasy land ideals of a «perfect» relationship you hold. Free yourself. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.

omega_dawg93 · 2018-08-03T04:00:17+00:00

the only way to win is to not play the game.

if you want female companionship and sexual companionship, jump in. if not, just live your life as you choose.

don't worry, life will pass-by really fucking fast; so don't think about it all too much. just know that women are humans; they walk among us. they are affected by gravity and need oxygen just like men. NONE of them belong on a pedestal.

but it's MEN who don't see them for who they truly are... or want to MAKE them into something they are not. they will lie (a LOT), they will cheat, take your money, manipulate you (long term & short term) with incredible planning. be ready for it.

so, learn how to game them... have fun... FUCK THEM RELENTLESSLY when you do fuck them, and don't pay too much attention to what they say. ALWAYS watch what they do and learn their body language and subtle ways of communicating. physically, learn to recognize how she feels when YOU fuck her and pay attention if she feels and/or smells differently (when she's acting differently) AS MOST girls are very poor at hiding their lies & deceit.

don't take too much of this hardcore advice to heart because some of these guys here talk a LOT of game and some are full of shit. all you need is one good-looking blond with blue eyes, big tits & tanned skin, and half of these guys forget everything they've learned and open their checkbooks (and hearts). they'll scream, "fuck rollo, roisy, and roosh," to just get a sniff of her ass crack. "she's perfect!!!" is what they say...

she's human. there's more than a few dudes out there that are tired of fucking her, and even more than that who are tired of hearing all of her drama, whining, and complaining.

i've typed all this because pussy is good. proceed with caution. do as you please... just my opinion.

look_good · 2018-08-03T04:26:34+00:00

don't waste your feelings on people you don't know

salinorum · 2018-08-03T01:50:21+00:00

At my friend's wedding a couple weeks ago, the bride was staring me down with a thristy look in her eye. I was pretty bummed out to say the least. Your just angry because you're waking up to a truth you've ignored your whole life. It will pass.

I was angry for three months straight! Then I just realized to let it be as it is, realize women are like children, realize that you life is the most important thing to build, not a relationship. Relationships will come and go, they will be both fun and sad. Just gotta enjoy the ride. At least now you know what women are really like..

Lambdal7 · 2018-08-03T03:34:47+00:00

You need to be much much more selective.

You pick up a stray dog and expect it to be obedient, clean, stable, drama free and are surprised if it behaves erratic, bites, shits in your house.

Don't pick up a stray dog. Pick up a dog that has good manners, doesn't attack other dogs on the street, is potty trained, has had his vaccine shots and is trained to follow commands

There a many, many more stray dogs than well trained dogs and many stray dogs that pose as trained dogs, only 1% of all dogs are actual well trained dogs with a frame, values, some control of their emotions.

You need to get much better at vetting.

Rsdreddit · 2018-08-03T01:38:26+00:00

I dont know why people have an angry phase? Maybe you're just ugly and dont reap the benefits?

Lift

BecomingChad2 · 2018-08-03T01:43:18+00:00

well thats why you never invest into one particular woman. invest in yourself instead

ectoplasmic1 · 2018-08-03T05:09:08+00:00

Sorry you had a negative experience.

It seems like you built a powerful story in your head along the lines of "women will always cheat" - and whether by chance, or the natural attraction of our belief systems for self-confirming evidence - you have gathered together a lot of evidence that supports your story.

You are also using a lot of dramatic wording. Like your brain is panicking and you allow yourself to be very emotional about things.

Bring in the self-awareness to know that you have seen only one side of reality, not the whole thing. Reality indeed includes the existence of faithful women, you just don't have experience with that aspect of reality yet. Discipline your fearful mind to focus on stories that call your generalizations into question and quit telling yourself how much you know. If you never met a faithful woman, your experience is obviously limited.

And search for that missing piece - the piece you are not seeing. The 20% of people who treat each other consistently well and keep faith with each other at all times. The 40% of people who mostly do this, with a few slip-ups. Look at how men are also capable of bad behavior - yet in seeing this, you don't consider they are incapable of being faithful. Why?

Those are some helpful hints to get to a more balanced state of mind on this matter. Good luck.

MattyAnon · 2018-08-03T19:41:31+00:00

Ok, I'm ignoring this wall of fucking text, but to answer the question:

STOP LIVING THE DISNEY LIFE.

The narrative is a lie, but you get to choose what to do with it. You don't get the girl of your dreams to grow old with, you get to fuck hotties for life. Boohoo.

There are ALWAYS healthier, smarter, younger, faster, sexier, stronger mates out there - that your partner WILL be sexually attracted to, and you as well, so WTF?

What's the problem?

Stop being dependent on other people for your happiness. Be happy, accept they're sluts, no problems.

Black_m0ngoose · 2018-08-03T04:43:41+00:00

The fear of an outcome invariably leads to the fulfilment of that outcome.

This is why outcome independence is talked about often here.

Everytime I did something out of fear, to avoid an outcome, I'd be sitting with my dick in my hands not too long after, dealing with the outcome I thought I had done everything in my power to avoid.

"If I just talk to her and tell her how I feel!"

"If I just look up her Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat one more time, I'll learn something that will save our relationship."

The truth is, life is going to happen regardless of your participation.

Your insecure behavior will sabotage your efforts.

You have to be brave, and let things work out naturally.

So you can either stay on the field and learn to play the game, or sit on the side lines and watch everyone else play.

Think about it, time has passed and it's been years since your first oneitis.

Remember when you couldn't get her off your mind?

And fast forward to today, where you struggle to remember what she even looks like, way back when?

The ugly truth is that woman simply aren't that important in a man's life.

Building something up, or tearing something down, is all that matters in a man's life.

You sit around, looking at all the propaganda saying how your life is miserable because you're alone.

And you buy into it, like a fish on a hook.

The true MGTOW way is when you retire from the market because your continued success with woman no longer satisfies you, hey it happens to the best of us.

The current MGTOWs, the "thirdwave" MGTOWs, are simply incels in denial. They were forced off of the market, they didn't retire.

Because although it's never been easier to get a girl if you're high value, it's basically impossible to get a girl if you're even medium value in the current market, not to even mention low value men.

So find a place where you're a big fish in a small pond, and scoop up the girls there. Stay out of the way hunting grounds of movie stars and MMA fighters, and you should get pussy EZPZ.

But if you're looking for a woman to fill that hole in your heart?

Let me tell you something, your heart has no hole to fill.

Because you have yourself, and that's all you need to make your dreams come true.

Also, stop writing up so much nonsense, I couldn't be bothered to read more than the first paragraph and the TLDR. Be concise.

rigbed · 2018-08-03T01:47:01+00:00

The more you cheat on a woman the less of a chance she’ll cheat on you. Well she’ll cheat if it’s a beta cheat. Then she’ll start being very accepting.

AManIsBusy · 2018-08-03T07:55:46+00:00

Bro, consolidate your points. Ain't nobody got time for that.

That being said, I like arguing when numbers are used poorly. Do you think the chance of a failed marriage is random, or do you think you can control it? And do you think your knowledge as maybe slightly more enlightened than average might put you in a different category as well?

I think marriage is definitely the most masculine path, although I know it's not for everyone.

justicecantakeanap · 2018-08-03T08:55:14+00:00

It's a strange game, the only winning move is not to play

imtheoneimmortal · 2018-08-03T09:04:02+00:00

that's how things works, you can change them or not.
don't judge too much

redHussar · 2018-08-03T11:05:48+00:00

Treat it as a business relation. Make relationship if is beneficial for you, limit risk, protect your asset. Dont attach your self-worth to it like in business. You have to take risk and own it. Life is all about it. Welcome to RedPill

gains_o_clock · 2018-08-03T11:17:34+00:00

alright guys I still consider myself a noob but has this guy taken the pill and gotten stuck in the anger phase? He hasn't learned to accept the fact that that's how things are and that he's gonna have to deal with it to be happy. Veterans confirm/correct my statement if it's off

BusterVadge · 2018-08-03T12:29:43+00:00

Instead of being angry why not just spin plates and not do LTR? LTR is not for everyone.

Rian_Stone · 2018-08-03T13:39:01+00:00

I don't get how your response is anger. Let it go, start to laugh at it...

And if you can't beat em, join em. Whatever nonsense Jesus, Dad, or Peterson put into your head, let it go.

Law of power had a point here, isolation isn't the cure to this.

jeromeantoinecarter · 2018-08-03T14:21:30+00:00

Acceptance of AWALT is a beautiful thing.

bobaisdope · 2018-08-03T19:39:15+00:00

The answer is Buddhism, learn to let things go, enjoy your turn. Seriously, if now I get cheated on by a girlfriend (notice when I say "a girlfriend", someone who I invest my emotional energy and time and resources and etc.), I just simply find another one or I wouldn't give fuck at all. And that's it.

BrutalMan420 · 2018-08-03T00:43:03+00:00

what is this vomit

pridebrah · 2018-08-03T01:26:25+00:00

Just date chicks and have fun banging them and doing fun shit knowing that it probably won't last (pessimism aside, statistically it just probably won't last anyway). Why do you need a 'til death do us part' ending anyway? That's the thing to come to terms with.

Enjoy the variety and what each person has to offer. Give marriage a shot at 40 if its interesting to you, and even then don't put these retarded expectations on your little angel to be perfect. Stop living in the fantasy and realize you're fine no matter what happens.

ValorElite · 2018-08-03T02:19:38+00:00

Honestly, you sound like you need some growing up to do. Hang around toxic people and you get toxic experiences.