Basically, I went out with my friend's reject. She didn't like him for whatever reason, so I decided to give him a shot. He's tall, dark, and handsome, and he told me he think's I'm gorgeous and I have a wonderful personality. I've never had a mutual physical attraction with a guy from my religious community before this. This was wonderful for a change.

We went out on 2 dates. He opened up a lot to me. He told me that he smokes weed, goes to therapy for depression, has no ambition to provide for a family even though he feels he has traditional family values, and is 24 years old without a BA yet, and may revert back to being super religious because his family is, even though he ranted about how crazy it is to be THAT religious and we connected on that feeling. He also curses a lot, because his family does and that's what he's used to.

Yet, going out with him was a lot of fun. He was charming. I liked the vibe I got while being with him. I felt a sense of completeness and comfort while around him. He held my hand and kissed me, and I was comfortable with that, and it didn't seem like an invasion of space. I really felt something for him on an emotional and physical level.

He was super blunt with me about everything. When I asked him about his plans for the future, he admitted he had no plans of providing well enough for a family. Yes, being a teacher is fine, but in the religious community we are from, a teacher is not good for a man to provide for a family (we come from the Orthodox Jewish community where a modern day school is at least $20k per year per child). I'm not asking to marry a man who works for Goldman Sachs or a doctor, but something practical where the man can be the provider, or he can be a teacher and also learn a trade. And since these values didn't match, we decided a 3rd date would obviously be a waste. He threw out to me it can be a friends with benefits type of date but I declined. He spent 2 hours reassuring me that I'll find somebody better than him, which was the saddest thing I heard. He cried a bit. He said he can't do anything but be a teacher because he was bullied and he wants to be THAT teacher who helps out bullied children, and it makes him happy to do that. While it sounds noble, it comes across as lazy, especially since he smokes weed. He also said he's writing a book and thinks he's going to be the next JK Rowling because, as he said, "everything you can possibly want from a book is in this book." I know waaay too many guys writing books that went no place and made no money off them.

He ended the night by asking me to keep in touch and we friended each other on Facebook before he left. He promised me that if I called him, he'd drop everything and pick up the phone and run to me if I wanted him to come and take me out.

I'm having doubts that I dumped him for a stupid reason. I feel very strongly about a man having a reasonably good profession. I really liked him and I couldn't stand that this good looking young man in front of me had no desire to provide for a family. I really took that as laziness especially since he hasn't finished his BA yet. I feel like I should be saying he's a horrible guy, who's into hookups, smokes weed, curses, and is in therapy for depression or whatever issues he has. I should be feeling like he's a walking red flag. I can verbally say that, yet I can't believe it.

I'm also torn up about getting in touch with him, like he asked me to. I'm not sure if I should actually follow up with that. Would that be a good idea? I may be working near where he lives and I was thinking about getting in touch with him and seeing him for coffee or something. Would that be a toxic thing to do, being that there was some chemistry there? We established we can never be friends. Either I accept him for who he is and date seriously for marriage, or we can be friends with benefits, but not purely platonic friends. Or maybe he won't even answer me back like he promised he would because he's not that nice and I'd feel horrible with that as well. I'm not sure if I should take him up on that opportunity, ever.

Please help me, this has been driving me crazy.