My brother, 15 years older than me and a muslim fundamentalist, was always physically abusing me over trivial matters back when I was in elementary school (he was in his early twenties and lagged abit in college) who's been physically and verbally abused me and my parents shrug it off and told me he is my elder brother and I should respect him like a father figure, people who's been in a similar situation know it can be a downward spiral, I also had an elder sister 9 years older than me that back then I used to physically abuse her (probably because of feeling like a victim and weak myself and thinking it was OK to physically abuse weak people), whenever I think of what I did back then I wish earth would swallow me whole instantly, but not before I give my brother who is now 43 years old, with successful carrier, married with 5 kids where the eldest is going into secondary school, and me 28 years old, spent 11 years in college and graduated recently and unemployed, always have arguments with my family and friends and couldn't keep friends.

What remind me of what I have written above is that my mother who's got a mastectomy due to breast cancer in early stage but spread to nearby lymph nodes and taking chemotherapy to kill off the remaining cancerious lymph nodes that I was the reason of why my sister is acting like a child, timid at the age of 38 years old with not a single man proposed to her, again I wish today I got swallowed whole and disappeared from earth with no trace, but my thoughts took a different turn on getting back at my brother who I think is the origin of all these problems (I suspect he has a mental illness).

Right now my brother and my unresponsible father are the culprits behind all this in my opinion,