10mins into the date, she said "we're going to be friends...i just know it"

Reddit View
September 6, 2018

So yeah pretty shit really..kinda dampened the mood a bit because i was fighting a lost cause. One thing i've learnt here is you can't negotiate attraction so i just let the date ride out. I know she doesn't find me sexually attractive but how can that happen straight away...my online pics and real life me are the same

She said she felt the friendship vibes straight away and she wants to be friends...how the fuck can that happen? She didn't give me a chance.

I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

Post Information
Title 10mins into the date, she said "we're going to be friends...i just know it"
Author bittr_n_swt
Upvotes 78
Comments 89
Date 06 September 2018 05:33 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/918
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9dkxq2/10mins_into_the_date_she_said_were_going_to_be/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]ChadFromColumbus199 points200 points  (6 children) | Copy

I bet you still paid for her drink, didn’t you?

I would have said the standard “cool, I already have enough friends” line and left right then and there. Be it a shit test, blatant disrespect, or actual honesty, I don’t have time for someone dropping this bull shit 10 minutes after meeting. It will not be worth the effort.

[–]lnternetLiftingCoach63 points64 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was my first thought too. Even if it was just a shit test, I would have left immediately. As if I do not have any more important shit to do than be someone else’s orbiter.

[–]BusterVadge53 points54 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've had the same thing happen before, and I thanked her for her honesty, shook her hand and told her I was looking for something deeper than friendship. Immediately after that I left quietly and without being butthurt.

I wish I could say that I eventually laid her but nope! Never heard from her again, which was fine by me. Saved myself a lot of time and BS that night.

[–]Endorsed ContributorUEMcGill31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

My first thought was to say "You know friends go dutch right?"

But then again I would have left after stating, "Oh I'm sorry you misunderstood my intentions."

I'm with you, who the fuck has that kind of time to waste?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Friends can and should be used as code for fuckbuddies/plates. Who cares if she isn't interested. No need to be butthurt IRL. Just call the evenning short and keep her as a contact.

[–]ppanthero0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I actually think it was a shit test, but you are right.

[–]cptgoatsack-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Set up more than one date for the same day. Makes it easier to walk out.

[–]Fuck_You_Pay_moi91 points92 points  (5 children) | Copy

Doesn’t mean anything, remember one lass who said “we’re going to be good friends” just looked at her and said “Amy we’re not going to be friends” with a smirk, plated her for a solid 8 months until her BPD came out with a vengeance and I cut contact.

At the end of the day mate what she says is irrelevant the real problem is that you, as you say give off a friendship vibes, you need to work on yourself.

Maybe you can salvage this maybe not, the only thing that matters is that you don’t allow her to friend zone you, if she try’s it cut your losses and ghost her and you’ve still won, you walk away without wasting your time or losing integrity.

Best of luck brah

[–]mickey__4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

how to not give friends vibe

[–]ElOweTea9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't be friendly.

[–]NikGrd9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have to show sexual intent, its that simple. If shes not interested, you would have been friendzoned anyway. If you dont show her what you want, how the hell would she know? Furthermore she will sense there is something odd about you, since you are acting friendly yet your inner intensions are sexual, which will turn her off.

[–]omega_fat 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Have a body like Chris Hemsworth. Do not look like a beta bitch. Barbell that way ----->

[–]Jabbermouth4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even Chris Hemsworth would get put in the friendzone if he acted like a little bitch and never showed some intent.

Lifting solves a lot of problems, but not this one.

[–]1atticusfinch197349 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy

so i just let the date ride out

First mistake. Especially if you spent any money.

I know she doesn't find me sexually attractive

Then it wasn't actually a date.

She didn't give me a chance.

how can that happen straight away

This is your hamster speaking. She either wants you or she doesn't.

Your attitude is what fucked you up, not your texting.

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-70 points71 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yup. You’re her BFF now. Her girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

The good news: You'll know everything about her. Her favorite food. Her favorite color. Her dreams for the future. Her darkest fears. Her deepest secrets.

The bad news: She will never, ever ride your cock.

[–]Synacku8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gay male girlfriend as Corey Wayne likes to say

[–]Morpheus_TNTB7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

More like BBF..Best Bitch Forever!

[–]HIJKelemenoP-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]oytrp53 points54 points  (5 children) | Copy

Just treat it like a shit test.

A&A or playfully suggest you're not going to be friends.

If she really doesn't find you attractive then it's a lost cause anyway.

[–]theubernoob 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Exactly. Nod, grin, and say something like, "Oh yeah, we're gonna be the very best of friends" in a way that insinuates more than friends. Maybe add in a cheesy wink. Then get excited that you guys are vibing enough that she would say something like that, treat her like a friend, and make silly sexual advances, "We're just really good friends!" wink wink.

I fuck a few of my lady friends; wouldn't call them anything really like plates or fwb, they're just friends that I have sex with from time to time and it's not a big deal. I guess they're technically FWBs, but we just hook up when it happens, there's no like planning or discussion about it.

[–]The__Tren__Train4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy



..it has to be wryly

[–]Clevername123402 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wink? Gross...

[–]Cgbgjr5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try the overcome the shit test approach--if it didn't work I would end the date immediately--firmly but nicely--you just forgot a friend of yours just got in town....

Her move or next.

[–]medoff2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


Brush it off/play it off/ with a joke, smirk, whatever. Just don’t let it phase you. If you give up at that point it’s a lost cause bc you let it.

[–]DadOnDabs37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could be her friendzoning you, could be a shit test. Best reply would be a pressure flip.

"Yeah you're like a little sister, already have the annoying part down too!"

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

"That's nice, but at this point, I have more friends than time. Good luck out there." Then pay your half of the bill and don't go away mad, just go away.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her: "Friends!"

You: "...with benefits."

You2: "Actually, I was going to use you for sex."

[–]1UnluckyPenguin18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just curious...

Did you at any point during your contact with her (text/phone-call/date) compliment her or anything she did (i.e. cooking, art, etc)?

If you did, that's like putting yourself in a friendzone jail cell, locking the door, and throwing away the key.

my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics,

Ouch, never break that rule, even after you get a girlfriend.

But then again, it could just be ASD (anti-slut defense).

[–]yumyumgivemesome16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh cool, you listened to what she said and disregarded from the start anything she might have done. Like others have said, you utterly failed the shit test. Who do girls give shit tests to? Guys that they are thinking about fucking. Good job helping her make the decision not to fuck you.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy

I once had a girl tell me, "You're in the Friend's Zone", to which I replied "You're fuckin' trippin', I aint even your friend!"...she laughed and I hit it 10 minutes later.

You should've said something like, "Friends that fuck like pornstars!" with some confidence. What's the worst thing that could happen?

BTW, here's a word of advice.....If a girl agrees to a date with you, she's already decided you're attractive enough for her to let you fuck, or she wouldn't even say yes to the date to begin with. Girls dodge cocks they're not interested in all the time.

[–]askmrcia3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

BTW, here's a word of advice.....If a girl agrees to a date with you, she's already decided you're attractive enough for her to let you fuck, or she wouldn't even say yes to the date to begin with. Girls dodge cocks they're not interested in all the time.

I disagree strongly with this. Girls lead guys on all the time. She may have went out because she was bored

[–]smirk_addict4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah sometimes we forget how little women value male attention. It could’ve been a slow night, or he was the only guy not trying to Netflix and chill her and It gave her an opportunity to dress up and go somewhere. It could literally have nothing to do with you. She was just bored.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Let me break something down for ya, kid....

First of all, this thing where you take an uncommon occurence and posit it as the common occurence (i.e. a girl agreeing to a date because she's "bored", instead of the more common reason "she's interested"; is a fallacy. You're normalizing the exception (yes because bored), and exceptionalizing the norm (yes because interest).

The reason why you do this psychologically is because you lack confidence, so you're subconsciously readily adopting the loser's mindset; assuming the only reason why a girl would go out with you is because she doesn't have anything better to do.

This is a horrible position to take because the law of attraction states that thoughts become reality, and in this you're actively repelling her, because you're entering into it with the mindset that she couldnt possibly be on a date with you because YOU'RE NOT WORTH BEING ON A DATE WITH in your own mind. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because your predisposed acceptance to that reality leaks out and becomes exhibited in everything you say, do, and portray through body language.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For those of you that are more of the "applied" learners, pontificate this series of thoughts:

She's only agreeing to a date with me, because she's bored and doesn't have anything (anyONE) better to do

She only fucked me because she was horny and i was there and willing

She only blew me while looking longingly into my eyes because she was "practicing" for when Chad finally comes along

Are you seeing "it", yet?

You can think, "She's here, because I'm something to do."

Or you can think, "She's here, because she has nothing better to do."

They're both true.

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bro I'm just saying women lead guys on. Women go on dates for free meals and when they are bored. Just because they accept a date doesn't ALWAYS mean that they are attracted to guy.

That's not me lacking confidence or anything. But feel free to disagree

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, you're not. You're violating law 28, "enter action with boldness." What youre saying MAY be true, but which mindset is more attractive/powerful for you to enter into the date with? Assuming shes there because she wants your cock in her mouth before the night is over, or entering into the date assuming shes only there because she doesnt have anyone better to be sucking off tonight? Which one is going to bolster your confidence when ur in the paint?

[–]rKKKselected7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

"She didn't give me a chance."

gayest thing ive ever heard—you screwed up the chance she gave you.

believing yourself to be the victim of circumstance is a self fulfilling prophesy

[–]Nib-q11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

You listened to words not actions. It sounds like a shit test and you failed to show your alpha determination.

[–]returnofthemackX 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

This! So many bad advice in this thread by guys who have been friendzoned in the past

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, what's with all this, "just tell her you don't have time to waste and walk away," shit?

[–]Venenarium2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

dampened the mood a bit

No need to feel sorry about anything that happened here. She was eiter hunting for orbiters from the start or gave you the perfect feedback on what to work on. Learn, calibrate, next.

[–]mrpoopistan3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The minute the word friend comes out of a girl's mouth, my go-to is to squeal, "Oh my gawd, we should braid each others' hair!"

One thing i've learnt here is you can't negotiate attraction

Um . . . yes, you can. You just can't come at it as an attempt to negotiate attraction. You have to knock her off her original assessment of you.

[–]4angrydragons3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

My response: “I can do fwb, but you aren’t someone I would date”

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This one is not bad. It flips the script and puts her in a position where continuing the conversation forces her to qualify herself to you. Classic negging.

[–]dreadfrog1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said she felt the friendship vibes straight away and she wants to be friends...

Excellent ! Then you got her to tell you all about her single lady friends, she showed you pics on her phone, told you all the naughty details and red flags, and you struck a deal whereby you'll introduce her to your pals while she will provide you with new dating opportunities.

[–]Kabuki4312 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

U split the tab right ? Thats what we friends do.

[–]Chad17383 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next time walk away, don't let the date even finish. Your time should be more valuable to you than that.

[–]stylesm111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dawgs it's just a shit test sup counting your self out. A good rule to use is to MAKE her reject you, that's when you move to the next

[–]africasLOSTking1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect opportunity to practice some amused mastery... Work out some lines, see how much you can pick on her before she snaps. Flirt with the waitress

[–]ghosts_of_me1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember girls have girl friends. If she was actually cool you could try to break into her circle and bang her mates. Failing that, next.

[–]Bedtimeshine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Idgaf attitude and abundance mentality. So what? Shrug your shoulders and say “a man is always in need of a good friend.” Having female friends has lead me to pussy quite a few times. Let it go and be friends. Good way to practice flirting and shit.

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Greek-God-Brody0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

2 explanations:

  • it's a shit test
  • she doesn't perceive you as a masculine / sexual being, that is you're not masculine enough.

[–]imtheoneimmortal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

if she say "we are not gonna fuck"
for you is real yea?

[–]general_landur0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Time spent getting rejected by one and moping is better spent fucking others.

[–]deejayapster0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

My response would've been "i have enough of those, i'll take a fwb instead"

[–]Flintblood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll take a FWB for $10 Alex!

[–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should of said "I doubt it". Don't be a dick and walkout on her. Leave on friendly terms. And wait for her to call you back after you soft next her.

[–]1MrTheFalcon0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe her anything. She drops "friends" on you, decide what you want. If you have good conversation, then great. Finish the date, do separate checks and let it play out. If she's shit testing you, she will knock that shit off when she sees you moving on.

I have several female friends where dating didn't work out, but we're on Facebook. Female friends are a great resource for relationship advice, and understanding female though process in-general.

Also I text a lot too. It's probably not the best by-the-numbers tactic, but it's the way I am. I talk a lot too. Some women like that.

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A lot of women like it, in fact. Do you. It's not thirsty unless YOU'RE thirsty.

[–]1MrTheFalcon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I certainly like it. I'm a regular chatty Cathy.over here. :D

[–]DadOnDabs-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could be her friendzoning you, could be a shit test. Best reply would be a pressure flip.

"Yeah you're like a little sister, already have the annoying part down too!"

[–]furcryingoutloud-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"uhmmm, no, we're not going to be good friends, if I wanted friends, I'd join a club"

Then, analyze what it is about you that gives off the friend vibe. And no, it isn't necessarily conversing through text, that can be handled although the less you disclose of yourself the better.

You need to look at everything. Even the way you look at her could send those vibes. So don't immediately blame it on conversation.

[–]El_Serpiente_Roja-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Might not be the end of the deal but you did fuck up the texting like u said...some part of you is attractive to her on some level but like others said couldve just been a shit test

[–]TheStumblingWolf-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

People know if they wanna fuck someone shortly after meeting them. Don't take it as failure. Take it as a measuring stick for where you are in your journey. In a couple of years you'll be laughing at this date thinking "wow I got friendzoned so fast back then".

[–]justicecantakeanap-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Being friends is a two way road, i don't think you will be more than an acquaintance to me and what you just said reinforces that."

Btw, one of my exes literally said "i love this friendship we are going to have!"

We had a 2 year relationship, she was a sex hellfire and i fucked her ass.

[–]xddm2653-5 points-4 points  (11 children) | Copy

too friendly brah. you shoulda looked her dead in the eye and said "I'm gonna fuck you in the ass tonight, and then maybe after we can be friends"

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (9 children) | Copy

Lmfao that is some autistic ass shit to be saying on a first date

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

The she says, go fuck yourself.

Then he says: "I would if I could", then drives off with hot dog shirt

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lmfao what’s a hot dog shirt haha

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]lerossignol772 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]xddm26533 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

If a girl tries to friendzone you on the first date...buddy you best put all your chips in the middle and go all-in

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

you best put all your chips in the middle

Aaah, way better than putting all your chips in the rear.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see what you did there

[–]africasLOSTking1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell yea... Mode One that shit

[–]metallica11-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

If its the first time meeting between you two and there wasn't too much rapport, then there is absolutely no reason for a woman to explicity say this to you within the first 10 minutes. even if she did not have sexual attraction towards you, woman usually don't vocalize it that soon and wait until later in the date or afterwards.

something else is going on here, either in what is going on in her life, or in the actions that brought her to feel like she has to say something like this so early.

there are a lot of weird women out there. I wouldnt harp over it. I would of just ignored it and had fun on the date, and split the bill and left. you went all the way out there, an investment of your time and energy, so make sure you have fun at least. if that fun is enjoying new food, pestering her, or flirting with the waitress or other women there, do it.

[–]The__Tren__Train-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

no.. your smv isn't high enough..

that's what it all boils down to

[–]SpinPlates-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think i know where i fucked up: my texting game wasn't tight enough, i didn't stick to purely logistics, we texted quite a bit (2 days) before we met up

Nope. You just weren't physically attractive.

[–]griz3lda-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

wow wtf. if i said this to a chick and she flipped out like some of y'all butthurts I would assume bpd immediately. saying she can tell you'll be friends is GOOD. doesn't say "and never fuck, never date later, and I hate you" fer Chrissake. relax. you've only been out for like 30m, you think she's gonna bust it open over appetizers?

[–]Delirious911 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Don't overthink it. I don't mesh with certain personalities. For the life of me, if the woman shares my astrological sign, it's instant friend vibes. They can be objectively attractive as hell, but there's just nothing sexual there. Been that way my entire adult life.

[–]ElectricalLocal-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait are you saying that’s based on astrological sign? At most you noticed a pattern and now it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[–]Delirious911 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Everybody has their thing I guess. I've had enough encounters where I'm thinking "I should be hella aroused by her" and then it turns out she was the same sign as me. Not saying it's science, but it's not "self-fulfilling" either.

[–]ElectricalLocal-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough, man. I guess I just equate any astrological sign talk more than playful banter as new-age crystal type BS.

[–]blargo1-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Text how you want. Ask for the check, hand it to her and leave.

[–]Peter_B_Long-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a shit test. If you felt like it was genuine, you should've ended the date then and there. I've walked out of dates before. Your time is valuable. You really want to waste it on a girl who isn't interested in you?

[–]Andgelyo-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Opened this shit up and immediately broke into tears laughing 😂

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter