Refer to my previous threads for more info. Girlfriend of 8 months decides the relationship isn't working because I got lazy and beta and she's away (home) until September. This happened approx. 5/6 weeks ago and since then I've taken all of your advice on board and tried to internalise all of it.

I'm finding it difficult. My time is split 50/50 between beta FEELZ and an alpha mindset. I started going to the gym every other day but eating is still difficult (the breakup FEELZ are fucking me up). I know I'll get my appetite back and at the moment I'm supplementing with weight gain shakes.

I'm underweight. Around 6 foot and 138lb. Instead of taking direct action previously I have just 'faked it' and I realised that confidence can get you far. I felt on top of the world when I met my ex - I had started studying and moved to a new city, big steps that I had to take for myself and I was incredibly social, felt like the Alpha in my university social circle, even with my weight issues. Being older helps too.

I had a little breakdown last night. I felt like reality had kicked me in the nuts again and I 'realised' how pathetic I really am and I wondered how my ex was ever attracted to me and 'loved' me. How can I get rid of these thoughts? I have been speaking to women on Tinder but I don't feel ready to meet them yet, because of my weight, which is a little silly but you can probably understand why it's easier to date within my social circle as I have more value there.

In regards to the break, I ended up blocking her a couple of weeks ago because I was at breaking point. She admitted after 4 months of bullshit that in fact it WAS my fault that her feelings diminished. I knew that anyway but she said she was tired of me not changing (which means going from alpha to beta and not back to alpha) and she said it's crazy how I am changing now that we are on a break. I asked her if this is what she wanted all along then why are we still playing games? She keeps saying she doesn't know what to say. Maybe the feels will come back but I know that I have issues I need to combat myself before I even attempt a second shot. FYI she's in my University class so hard nexting is impossible and still not something I want to do. I'm waiting to see if we can have an open stream of communication for these next 2 months as without it I feel the relationship (or what's left of it) is doomed and I MUST date other girls ASAP.

I have since unblocked her due to one of my friends messaging her some bullshit, so I wanted to explain I had nothing to do with it. We talked and she's going to call me on Friday as it's my birthday. I think I should avoid any relationship talk and just talk as friends? It's a fucked up situation because I don't want to be her friend.

Any advice other than 'AWALT' will be greatly appreciated. This post is about me, not her. Thanks in advance.