Advice for a guy made unattractive by physical disability?

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September 21, 2018
96 upvotes

In a recent shroom trip I realized a large part of my lack of success with women was my own self-defeating mindset which varied from self-pity to extreme lack of confidence and an abundance of self-doubt and extreme scarcity mentality. While being a realist I certainly acknowledge my own disadvantages I'll get into later, but am optimistic I can get at least some sort of ball rolling and find success. Even if I am never able to surpass HB6.5 levels but I am still able to enjoy the sexual or romantic company of women I'll be completely satisfied. The only hard standard I have is the woman I am fucking/dating cannot be fat. I've tried fucking fat women before and I lift weights in the gym, not the bedroom.

While my journey to becoming a higher value man has begun, I'm still confused as to what I should begin with. The unique circumstance I find myself in I spoke of earlier is that I am physically handicapped and am quite short at 5 feet tall at 28. I'd like to mention that my intellect is as sharp as a knifes edge so I'm good there. I realize attraction is non-negotiable. It's either there or not.

In order to better help you, the advisor, of the exact nature of my handicap here are some shirtless pics my photographer buddy did of me for practice. For thsoe who care, it's severe congenital scoliosis resulting from a very rare genetic syndrome that caused my rib cage to be smaller and not grow/expand properly. I'm in the process of organizing for a surgery I need to replace one of the three titanium rods in my back. Suffice to say this replacement, which hasn't been touched since I was 16, will significantly even my shoulders.

  • I've already been lifting for 2 years.
  • I cardio regularly
  • Just got accepted to 2.5 years of schooling at a highly credited tech institute for comp engineering
  • paying off debts via a job right now
  • employed after spending years bumbling around

Should I read the recommended books such as The Rational Male and others first before beginning to regularly approach? I've already read No More Mr Nice Guy. My entire mindset since Jr High School towards women was to look at one I liked, hope she noticed me and then talked to me. I've known for years this is the absolute stupidest way to think but it just became a habit. I'm ready to finally face my fears of rejection. I realized a lot of my fears and doubts are shared just as much by other guys as myself. While disadvantaged when compared to some others, there is no reason I cannot achieve my realistic objectives. Thus, my whole mindset all these years was self defeating.

I wasn't sheltered at all by my parents so I'm properly socialized, I just lack game and courtship experience in general for example I have many guys old and young who I talk to in the gym. I hope that if I improved things in certain areas I could actually get something rolling here and that it's worth pursuing. After a 7 month LTR/oneitis recently re-surfaced and blew the fuck out of me I realized that nothing is going to be handed to me on a silver platter. I have to go out and conquer that shit on my own because nobody is going to do it for me.

Any advice offered will be appreciated. My question is what should I start with? Complete sidebar and recommended reading lists? Then cold approaching? A lot of people are initially made uncomfortable by handicapped people so I'd be interested in hearing advice on how to handle this circumstance that's uncommon with most people.


Post Information
Title Advice for a guy made unattractive by physical disability?
Author menial_optimist
Upvotes 96
Comments 28
Date 21 September 2018 08:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/948
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9htws2/advice_for_a_guy_made_unattractive_by_physical/
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Comments

[–]CalvinRichland113 points114 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Lift in the gym not the bedroom" bro yiu are funny AF. Im stealing that line.

I think you are being honest with yourself and know it's gonna be a tough game banging high. Not fat is a reasonable standard. Keep working on yourself.

[–]_thechinaman_39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guy with physical disability is still Savage as fuck

[–]Mako_One 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, hard cold truth on the table:

You will hit a wall (physical and psychological) until you get that surgery. I‘m totally sure you will loose all your gym progress after it but once your upper body is evened out you will become much more confident. Get it ASAP. Life’s not fair. You have an especially tough resistance test in front of you - but after you’ve mastered it, what else should come? Nothing to be scared of.

Read first - then go out and practice. Don’t read too much. 2/3 reading - 1/3 Practice should be ok. And remember: You will get better every day. Nobody will take away the already done steps and experience.

[–]menial_optimist[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right on, fucking doing it.

[–]budfox264 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best answer here.

[–]Brushyourteethm846 points47 points  (4 children) | Copy

Sounds like you have a decent outlook. Yeah the physical flaws will set you back behind other guys but that's not the be all and end all.

Keep grafting, reading, lifting, improving and think of ways to generate social proof. Don't see why you should limit to 6.5s though. Genuinely - I don't know you and even if I did I wouldn't insult you with falsness. If your frame is strong, you're driven and 6.5s are attracted to you then why wouldn't 8s and 9s? Like you've said - attraction isn't negotiable so if you're capable of giving average thots the tingles then the higher end girls will also respond.

Your physical differences will turn some off and there's nothing you can do about that but you don't seem to be under any illusions.

The ones that are on the fence however, will shit test and try to push your buttons in the most despicable and callous ways. Their bodies will be responding favourably to a guy who doesn't fit the bounds of what they normally go for and this scare and confuse them. If your frame is rock solid and they don't even catch a whiff of self doubt, limitation or pity then they will just fall like dominoes.

It will be tougher for you than the average guy but that doesn't mean it's not possible. Keep us updated on progress mate

[–]menial_optimist[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Ah, you made some great ass points. I'll definitely update as I go along and thank god for this community and internet in general. Imagine going your entire life never learning these concepts and experiences wondering why you weren't getting the love/sex/companionship you wanted?

Their bodies will be responding favourably to a guy who doesn't fit the bounds of what they normally go for and this scare and confuse them. If your frame is rock solid and they don't even catch a whiff of self doubt, limitation or pity then they will just fall like dominoes.

Never thought about it like that. Golden insights there my friend.

[–]Brushyourteethm81 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey man, how's it going?

[–]Khiv_9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a fucking winner dude, congrats on staying motivated to improve.

I don't have any particular tip for you except keep lifting, keep working on yourself. I'm glad that you have a job and are taking care of your own life.

You should certainly read those books, and keep socializing. The information in the books and TRP is only truly learned once you start observing it in real life.

Good luck! Appearances certainly count a lot in our society, and not just when it comes to scoring women. But if you can work around your disability, or rather learn to work with it as you have been doing, you can become someone amaziing and distinguished, if not unique.

[–]helaughsinhidden12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd like to mention that my intellect is as sharp as a knifes edge so I'm good there

Ok, I have an idea. Write up some comedy material and go to an open mic night, or copy another comedian's routine. Why? To get over you fear of cold approach and get used to practicing. It's all practicing anyway. If you bomb, it's because the delivery was shaky or they just didn't like the joke. CA is the same. Maybe they didn't like the line, maybe you were too nervous, maybe they are shallow and you dodged a bullet. Either way, overcome that fear. If you can do 10 minutes in front of strangers, 10-30 seconds trying to talk to a woman you've never met before and probably will never see again seems pretty non-threatening.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

We have a saying in my country, "Money makes people blind". I'm not saying you should get rich to get girls, I'm saying that having a disability or a deformity is not the end of the world especially in game.

Remember, from status, money and game, only game is what's worth it bro.

You need a lot of internal work and thinking to come in terms with your deformity and finally transcend it. And if you think more about it, in my vision, you could do wonders with it. One joke comes to mind is the hilarious sexual positions you could make while sex...etc etc. You could make wonders! Use it to your advantage.

Also, I've got a story from my grandma that you might like. In her twenties, some guy from the neighborhood proposed for her. He had one arm and it was chopped in half, so she automatically said no.

Dozens of years later, the guy is the richest in the whole region and is still regretting not marrying him when he proposed her. Not that her marriage is a failure, but she thought she could have much more... So you seriously need to work on yourself and your smv and keep it going on.

Good luck out there boi

[–]disabledtrp2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

First of all, i want to encourage you about continuing this process of self improvement, doesn't matter the result.

I'm actually in a pretty similar situation as you, i have been in this road for a couple of months and i'm not an expert at all, but i can share some things i learned that specifically affects people with disabilities like us:

DISCLAIMER: even after trying all of this, i couldn't still pull off even a date with an HB6/7 that is my low end standard. I could easily get a date and a fuck from 4/5 fatty, but like OP, i prefer to lift at the gym. I'm lacking in the going out at night aspect for the lack of time, but i know there aren't too many of us in TRP, so maybe i can help somehow anyway.

  • Forget about dating apps, instagram, or social media to meet girls, is a very long shot to have success. in my personal experience, even if i had some matches on tinder (around 40 in 6 months) i could get some conversation going, but i never could pull it off to even meet them. The problem could be me, of course, but i don't think so, as i tried pickup lines, jokes, teasing, inquiring, etc.. There is so much validation coming from there that you are going to be lost in the middle of the sea.
  • Apply TRP principles, lift, improve, clothes does marvelous things for people like us. I'm getting a lot more looks (and they are not the pity looks that we normally see) recently when i changed my whole wardrobe, and it's awesome.
  • DGAF for everything, 24/7 is the key. you are gonna get a lot more rejected than a normal person and is gonna be 10x harder, but i'm pretty sure you already know how it is, like with everything else.
  • Go out and go to event, approach at day, night, afternoon, to anything that meet your standards. DO NOT GO BELOW YOUR STANDARDS. this will only affect your self worth and your progress.
  • Use charitable events, other people events, informal related industry event (INFORMAL, not your work, don't shit where you eat), food event and if is possible, night venues.
  • Jokes on your problems are fine, but be wary. I like to make jokes about my disability, mostly why i believe is funny, plus i truly believe it show's it doesn't define me, but at the same time, i know that sometimes i go too far and make people uncomfortable.
  • Show that you can perform like any other normal person. I think is important to be clear that you can go out, have a drink, have sex, etc.. apart from your disability. Show it with pictures, with your career, that this doesn't limit you
  • You are gonna need to show 10x of the normal SMV to pull off the same girl than a normal person would, just to compensate, like in every other aspect in life. You need to get more friends, more professional achievements, travel if you can, be interesting, get anecdotes to tell, meet more people. Get physically in the best shape you can.

Those are my 2 cents. Do not give up bro, i know is hard, but the rewards at the end of the road worth the work that you need put in. I hope we can share some FR soon both of us :)

[–]menial_optimist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right on mate, cheers. The rewards are definitely going to be worth it for sure.

[–]TheLanternFlame1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just do positivity outlook in life, there are some men (look at Sean Stevenson) who own their disabilities, conquered them, and get 9s as gf/wife/plate. It's how your see the outlook in your life.

[–]DVidojkovic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

sexual or romantic company of women I'll be completely satisfied.

Learning to accept yourself for who you are and loving yourself the way you are is the way to start. Then remind yourself often that you don't need anyone else, but yourself to live on. Start valuing your friends and make sure you are in the center of your own universe - prioritize yourself. Find your mission(your dream job, video editing, computer science, whatever)and try to achieve it by contributing every day at least a bit to it. Women are just an obstacle to accomplishing your mission.

[–]Roadhouse19841 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm too tired to formulate proper advice if I even have any...but you inspire me. Best of luck on your path!

[–]sirdaaz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would definitely consume The Rational Male over and over and over again. Good luck, brother! Remember, you are the prize.

[–]trancedj1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you’re on a good path. A job in tech can be lucrative so learn as much as you can. A six figure income (and higher) is achievable but it will take skills and experience. Enjoy the journey.

A word of caution dude. Let’s say you hone your social skills, physique, and career to maximize your smv and you start dating girls above a 6. This is where shit can get dangerous for you if you’re not prepared. Specifically, you MUST learn and understand women’s nature. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for some serious heartache and pain. Read all of Rollo Tomassi’s books, twice. Read the side bar again. Read the books recommended on the sidebar. Never let your guard down. Understanding women’s nature is the burden of men who wish to be relationship with them. Good men have taken their own lives for failing to understand woman’s nature. There’s a reason TRP has sayings like AWALT and “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” Practice, practice, practice. You’ll get there, just make sure you don’t set yourself up to get burned along the way.

Remember, women should be an accompaniment to an already awesome life. In other words, never make a woman your sole purpose.

Now get after it!

[–]menial_optimist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck man, ample preparation in progress. Cheers

[–]syn1us1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Become a millionare, become famous, fix everything about your body that you can possibly fix, become as shredded as possible, work on your game. If nothing works, find a girl who suffers from the same condition, that will bind you together like nothing else. There are many examples of men with physical problems way worse than yours who are successful in life and who have healthy relationships. For example Nick Santonastasso and Sean Stephenson.

[–]KumonRoguing1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're in better shape, gym wise, than many guys around here and within the world. I just wanna acknowledge your achievement in that.

[–]menial_optimist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I'm not where I want to be in size yet but I keep working at it.

[–]Casd121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get rich, acquire power then host yacht parties, travel the world, run charities/companies. Just replace your disability with money and power. You said you're smart, make that happen

[–]Andgelyo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First and foremost, get that surgery done. The reality is, people care about looks, a lot. Considering you are only 5 foot, invest in wearing lifts so you could at least increase your height while going out. In the meantime, work on your social skills and read up on the side bar. It seems like you are doing everything right.

[–]chachaChad-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

A s

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s over for deformedcels

[–]menial_optimist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How's your own sex life going mate? Do you have work to do?



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