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Broke up with a gf of 2 months because she went for a walk with another guy, whom she has known for 4-6 weeks only. Did I do the right thing?

Reddit View
May 23, 2018
74 upvotes

Obviously there's quite a few more details into the story but the tldr is basically the title. Did I do the right thing and got rid of her or should I have talked about it with her without ending the relationship?


Post Information
Title Broke up with a gf of 2 months because she went for a walk with another guy, whom she has known for 4-6 weeks only. Did I do the right thing?
Author fx85es
Upvotes 74
Comments 135
Date 23 May 2018 01:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/98025
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8ljcjt/broke_up_with_a_gf_of_2_months_because_she_went/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–][deleted] 191 points192 points  (6 children) | Copy

How funny was she walking?

[–]fx85es57 points58 points  (4 children) | Copy

Okay I chuckled at this

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sorry bro I couldn't resist

[–]Rhynocobear2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Really though, could be pivotal

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry?? You should be feted for it!

[–]Black_m0ngoose6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not too late, you can still call her and beg for her to come back!

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Winner.

/thread

[–]Retstortion103 points104 points  (18 children) | Copy

If it was a boundary you had, yes you did the right thing.

[–]recursoinominado33 points34 points  (17 children) | Copy

This. Also, for future reference, try to state explicitly your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship.

Did she hide it from you?

[–]fx85es37 points38 points  (4 children) | Copy

She didn't. In fact she went for a walk with me right after him. As I am waiting for her in the place we used to meet I saw she came from a different direction, I just asked her how come you are coming from that direction and she without even thinking told me where and with who she was. In order not to appear beta and insecure I just played it cool and quickly switched the topic. As I came home I came to a realization that shes either cheating (or plans to) on me or she is just way too fucking stupid to know that this is unacceptable in a relationship and that the only logical thing is to break up with her

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-61 points62 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women are never “too stupid” or “too naive.” She’s either hoping you’ll end things or be a pussy who accepts her cheating.

[–]AtlasCuckd13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

You handled this calmly and well. Kudos

[–]Bedtimeshine5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You finding out after the fact after practically catching her = her hiding it.

[–]fx85es14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy

try to state explicitly your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship.

Won't this come off as beta, insecure and controlling in her eyes? Sorry I used to read trp a few years ago but never thought I should state this before entering a relationship.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can state your expectations without sounding needy by expressing them as a strong preference rathern than a "do this or else" ultimatum.

Let her believe that you'll drift away with indifferent disinterest if she does anything to displease you. Women would rather be hated than ignored.

[–]MillionaireSexbomb10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s “beta” if you don’t follow through. I see nothing wrong with explicitly stating some boundaries. Most of them though are up to you to relate through stories about your past and your behavior is, where she should pick up the rest.

[–]Imarobot211 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve done it through stories and rarely explicitly state them. If you state then out right there is a possibility she hides it from you bc she knows it’s a line not to be crossed

[–]MillionaireSexbomb3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s where trust but verify comes in. If she knows you mean it when you establish these boundaries and that you’re a high value man with options, she should avoid those activities. If she wants to do something and hide it you likely will never know, you have to watch her behavior. Very few things need explicit outright statements to her, you can accomplish her not seeing other dudes by saying you had an ex who did that and you ended the relationship over it. There’s no weakness in outright stating it if it is important to you and it doesn’t come from a place of weakness. Implied contracts aren’t a good method, so I prefer to handle some of my business explicitly when t comes to my expectations.

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Breaking up with her is giving her the most possible freedom... that’s the opposite of controlling. Showing her you don’t need her and won’t accept boundary crossing and that you have better options than slowly watching you girl branch swing to another guy is the opposite of insecure.

[–]dongpal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

it shows that you have values and that you respect them just as you want them to be respected

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're correct. You don't need to explain boundaries. She fucking well knows that she crossed one.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

try to state explicitly your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship.

What the fuck is this horrible advice being thrown around lately?

[–]kap1pa4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

State your non negotiables and never negotiate them, if you think that's horrible advice you have a lot to learn.

[–]DiggerClam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks Dante

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No joke. This is pure-dee shit.

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don’t give us the details, don’t expect detailed replies based on nothing.

So, going by your limited info, she spent alone time with another guy. Maybe they walked. Maybe they “walked.” In either case, she spent her energies on him. Game over.

[–]jeantomic56 points57 points  (2 children) | Copy

2 months = plate. Just saying.

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

This.

While there’s never a good time for your girl to take a walk alone with some new guy, if she’s doing that shit 2 months in, she’s already done with you.

[–]Hugegains551 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can a dude take a walk with a girl friend 2 months in the bond?

[–]jb_trp17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a tricky situation based on the timing (2 months is pretty fresh and you're still figuring out "what you're doing here"). But it does show you this: She's not a good long-term prospect and not serious LTR material because either she doesn't "get it" about boundaries with other men, or she doesn't care. You don't want to deal with that shit.

Let me ask: How old are you? Perhaps early 20s? Not saying it's okay, just saying it adds context. If you were together for 2 years and in your late 20s, with an established career and solid commitment, would it be okay for her to meet new guys and make plans with them? Of course not. But if you went on 6 dates with a girl over a few weeks and she did this, it's a little different... Right?

Meeting new guys and making plans with them alone? You can either demote her to plate status or cut her off. Or state your boundaries in a non-mate guarding way and see if she wants to fit into those boundaries (and consequently, your life). If she doesn't, then she doesn't deserve the same commitment from you and she's a plate, or you should just dump her.

My last LTR sucked. She wanted a relationship that was "easy" for her in the sense that she didn't want to do anything different: Still wanted to hang out with her guy friends, go out and drink with them sometimes, travel, whatever. It wasn't that she was dishonest or I didn't trust her... But if you walk in slippery places enough, you're going to fall. So we broke up. I'm 34, she was 29, and that sort of 22-year-old approach to dating wasn't going to work for me.

Honestly, I wish you didn't break up with this chick (for my own selfish reasons). With women like this I always wondered if you started doing the exact same behaviors as them, would they be okay with it? I mean, drop the nuclear level dread on this chick. "Oh, I couldn't answer my phone because this girl whom I met at the coffee shop last week, Ashley, well, she seems way rad and wanted to go on a hike together." And just watch the reaction and hamster wheel break.

Maybe next time I'm in this situation.

[–]Ladykiller6994 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m gonna use that line just to fuck with girls u cheeky fuck

[–]3chazthundergut9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

You did the right thing.

Men must learn how to set and enforce boundaries.

[–]Rhynocobear0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

First you need to set them lol

[–]egoissuffering0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Women aren't stupid in terms of understanding social behavior; they are significantly much more in tune than men. She knew what she was doing. It was a form of a shit test but a very dumb one that demonstrates a red flag.

[–]Rhynocobear2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

So when you date a girl you stop seeing/making female associates?

You don't know what shit that guy spouted to meet with her, nor what happened outside of them catching up and going for a walk. Maybe he is a potential contact or knows someone that can do a thing to help her uncle. It isn't always hypergamy and sex.

OP also wasnt clear about many aspects of the story. Much of this discussion is people projecting their own thoughts and experiences with women in similar circumstances. Unless otherwise stated i think it's completely fair.

I'm not saying your wrong, I'm saying without more information its hard to be objective.

[–]egoissuffering1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yea I don't disagree with you. We honestly don't even now what really happened; OP could just be a troll frankly, though I don't really think so.

I think the most damning thing was that she knew the guy biked 12km just to go on a short walk with her. If it were a long time friend who hasn't seen her in a long time, that's probably fine but she just met the dude 4 weeks ago (this is what he mentioned). I don't think it's a bad assumption to think that the guy wants to bang, and I would find it hard to believe that she didn't know what the context was either. I don't think that means she's obviously a hoe and that she's going to cheat at all. I just think that it is just a shitty thing to do. If it were reversed with OP doing this and it's clear that the girl wants to bang, I'd call out OP too and ask him why are you doing this if you officially decided to commit to this girl? TRP isn't about cheating and two timing on girls, it's just about understanding sexual dynamics and developing attractive qualities.

[–]Rhynocobear-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. The biking thing could be a surprise though. "Ill meet you at 11" proceeds to arrive on bike (what in tarnation mr cafe guy, hope far did you ride?) "12k" (you really didnt have to) "not a problem"

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It was a form of cock carouseling.

[–]RogerNorvell 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

No such thing as "right".

You do what you feel is just.

Did she know being alone with another guy was a dealbreaker for you?

Do you think a girl should just intrinsically know this?

Did you set that boundary beforehand... " No girlfriend of mine goes on dates with other guys."

Women get away with so much because most guys let them.

I'd probably give her another shot if she truly was clueless and you hadn't verbalized where your goalposts were.

[–]friendandadvisor20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd probably give her another shot if she truly was clueless and you hadn't verbalized where your goalposts were.

If she is that clueless, she'll fuck the next dude that comes down the pike who has a good story. Perhaps saying he's CIA, and has to fuck her to save the republic.

Further, if he gives her a whole catalog of his goalposts, the chick will just believe that she can slam anybody that doesn't fit within the prescribed boundaries; she'll fuck the first midget that comes along, because he didn't say 'no gf of mine fucks midgets'.

[–]fx85es4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did she know being alone with another guy was a dealbreaker for you?

No, and I am not that insecure. The problem was that this was a fresh guy she's known for 4-6 weeks. I have replied to another comment in this thread where I have described their relationship, look it up.

Do you think a girl should just intrinsically know this?

...Yes? My initial reaction upon reading your question is 'no fucking shit?' (not being arrogant towards you)

I feel this shouldn't even be said

I would never to what she's done

[–]fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

There’s a thin line between “not wanting to seem insecure” and allowing her to suck a dick because that’s clearly a dealbreaker.

Having standards and boundaries is neither beta, nor insecure.

[–]LethalShade5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you think it's different/better if they've been friends for a long time?

[–]kylerosa213 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Should you always verbalize boundaries? I always thought we should be covertly telling them your boundaries instead of overtly telling them. Basically, showing through your actions and attitude that you don’t like something she does, rather than telling her straight up.

Your answer is important for a similar situation of mine.

[–]RogerNorvell 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

So we're talking about both "mate guarding" and the question about whether boundaries should be set implicitly or assume intrinsic.

Mate guarding is NEVER ATTRACTIVE. It shows you come from a position of scarcity and insecurity.

But what do you do if a guy starts hitting on your girl right in front of you?.....Nothing. You do nothing. It's her job to say,"no thanks." she knows she has a high value man, so it would be stupid to jeopardize that. Only if the guy is persistent/doesn't get it/she looks to you for help do you step in.

Even then, its a,"She said that was enough, bud.", not, " Get the hell away from my princess!!!!". Amused Mastery.

Boundaries.

I think every girl has a baseline understanding of over the top unacceptable behavior is.

Drops to her knees and blows a random guy on the street? Yeah, she should know you would find that unacceptable.

Gives an acquaintance she runs into a deep tongue kiss as a greeting? Likewise -- mucus membranes should not touch.

What about a hug and a kiss on the cheek? I think some would find that ok, and some would not.

When it gets down to the minutia, then I think there has to be a bit of boundary setting, otherwise you don't know where the goalposts are. Can't follow the rules if you don't know what the rules are.

That said, if you're compatible, then your views on acceptable behavior should line up pretty closely naturally.

[–]kap1pa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, as a man who hits on other men's chicks in front of them (mostly unknowningly) it's so telling when the girl doesn't say shit and eats up my game, I want to feel bad for her bf, but if ur not dope enough that she doesn't stop me immediately, are you really her man?

[–]kylerosa211 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This girl and I are very, very alike, but I still feel that I need to verbalize boundaries since I don’t expect her to read my mind.

Also, I feel that I may be prone to mate-guarding, though I’ve never been in such a situation in recent time (i have been pre-RP, not post-RP). That said, I’m already aware of mate-guarding and will do my best to not do it

[–]egoissuffering0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The mentality that I use behind not be jealous/mate guard is that I cannot and will not stop her from cheating. If she wants to cheat and be a hoe, I can't do anything about it except maybe dread or develop more attraction. Even then, that's a sign that this is not worth an LTR if I have to go out of my way to stop her from cheating. If she cheats, she cheats; it can't be helped and you just learn to better spot a hoe and move on.

[–]ricoue7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I bet they made out in a public park.

[–]RedPilledRoaster6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she broke your rules, she’s done.

[–]IronJohnKwando5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read the contextual explanation and yes, you did the right thing.

[–]2comment3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If it was a pre-existing boundary, absolutely. If your gut told you there was more to it than something innocent, absolutely.

or should I have talked about it with her

What good would talking do? This is not a communication issue, but a boundary issue. All she would do is talk you out of establishing boundaries.

[–]Bedtimeshine4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You handled it well. Talking won’t do shit. If she wasnt attracted to him she would have zero desire to even know him. You spoke with your actions... which is how a man SHOULD communicate. The ball is her court to right the ship. If she doesn’t then atleast you know you made the right choice.

[–]HaroldTFinch2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Were you firm but nice on the breakup? What was her response?

[–]fx85es5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

I think I was.

When I said we should break up, she had a surprised 'really' I said yes, then she said if we could talk about this on a coffee as she is rushing to her class. I practically said no and that's it.

[–]drakehfh 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Rushing to her class? Lol, sure you did the right thing. It looks like she doesn't even care.

[–]fx85es-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

No I didn't interpret it that way. She wasn't literally rushing past by me and ignoring me, rather as we are standing and talking she mentions her class and asks if we can talk about this on a coffee

[–]drakehfh 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

It's the same. If she cared, she would start crying and asking for forgiveness and shit like that.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, the 'Really' seems...out of place, for an innocent girl. She should be saying "What??? Why???" or "You son of a bitch! You led me on!" 'Really' seems more like "Whew! HE killed the puppy, not me!" or "Uh-oh, an uncomfortable breakup...he busted me!"

[–]HaroldTFinch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is relieved, but wants to know what you know. Then also put you in orbit if you are oblivious. Just shut it down 100%, even though I think you are going to have a problem doing that

[–]raging_mongoose6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy

Did you set your boundaries before doing this ?

5 months ago my current LTR (8 months now) was planning on getting an appartment close to our school.

I ask her who would she invite there and she said she'll invite her friend from school (very beta, skinny guy) to sleep over if he needed I don't feel threathened by him but I simply dont see the point of another man sleeping in my GF house when he has his own (brings me nothing) so I simply told her that I dont want her to. Of course she started bargaining saying that its just a friend and its just for logistics. I then implied that it was non negociable and that I'd be the only man sleeping there.

Fast forward some months and she's finally getting the appartment and all she talks about is how i'll sleep there so we can have sex whenever I want to.

I didnt do that because I felt threathened but because I know I wouldnt invite girls to sleep at my house because she wouldnt like it so I expect the same in return from her and made it clear.

Now it doesnt mean she wont do it behind my back or worse cheat on me but at least my boundaries are clear and she knows that doing so would be very bad for her.

Dont leave any gray area to her make everything either white or black.

Also I'd say the only way to have good boundaries is to apply them yourself as well (dont do something you ask her not to do) or else you ll just be seen as a controlling freak.

[–]Sittingonabigbluebox3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

What if she kept arguing with you about it after you said it was non-negotiable, what would you have said?

[–]raging_mongoose9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well simply withdraw attention and start looking for other girls.

I mean if you clearly state something and say its no, arguing is disrespectful and proves she doesnt want to be in your frame and challenges you.

She never argues with me because whenever she tried at the beginning i'd simply say i wont argue and leave her alone to do something else until she would apologize.

Now she knows I love her and enjoy her company but I can go away if she doesnt respect me and that if we do something its my way or nothing.

[–]kap1pa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy fucks

[–]Metalageddon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

This is how we do things. Thank you.

[–]Retstortion1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She’s fucking him you retard

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Needed to be said. Thank you.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Also I'd say the only way to have good boundaries is to apply them yourself as well

That doesn't make sense to me. Just because you don't wanna be cheated on doesn't mean you can't get away with cheating.

[–]Rhynocobear1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You interpret this wrong.

Just because you don't wanna be cheated on doesn't mean you can't get away with cheating.

If you want to fuck everything that moves perhaps an ltr is a bad decision for you. He is stating you shouldnt cheat if you dont want to be cheated on.

Don't ask of her something you won't do: eg cut or limit time with other males. Its only really an issue if you dont cut/limit time with other females.

If you want a girl to be physically fit, put in the same effort.

Its not an rp thing, its an ltr thing.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

He is stating you shouldnt cheat if you dont want to be cheated on.

Why would cheating make you more likely to be cheated on?

Don't ask of her something you won't do: eg cut or limit time with other males. Its only really an issue if you dont cut/limit time with other females.

I don't see any rationale for this other than perceived "fairness".

If you want a girl to be physically fit, put in the same effort.

I think it's important to be physically fit but I think you're views are overly reductionist.

Its not an rp thing, its an ltr thing.

There are MANY differences between men and women. There are many, valid double standards. Different things are/should be expected of different people/genders, etc.

It seems you are superimposing a "code" where none actually exists. I get that it's comfortable to have a code. It gives you something to abide by and gives one security. Unfortunately, I don't think it's a realistic way to approach life, especially when you can't be certain others are abiding by the same code.

[–]Rhynocobear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would cheating make you more likely to be cheated on?

It's just a different ethos, like attracts like. If you are spinning you are probably with people that are also spinning. Similar concept to surround yourself with people you want to be like.

I don't see any rationale for this other than perceived "fairness".

There are MANY differences between men and women. There are many, valid double standards. Different things are/should be expected of different people/genders, etc. It seems you are superimposing a "code" where none actually exists.

I dont know your experience in managing people, but ive found double standards will breed contempt, disappointment and distrust, from both genders. None of these things you want in an ltr, which whilst may not be something many here care about, still needs application of sexual strategy.

I see your point, we are all free agents, but when building you need a foundation, i apply the same principals in all aspects of my life, it gives me a reputation of fair but firm and as such i get trusted by people ive barely met because of my reputation. If i consistently tarnish it, it will get around and damage years of effort. And it will get around.

If you wanna spin plates thats fine, but if you are leading people on i think thats atrocious.

To each their own though, i know what i want and I'll pursue it mercilessly. What you do isn't really my concern.

[–]thecarryone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you already did it then forget it.

Don’t take her back or she will see you as weak.

[–]JerryLawlerPigFace1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Setting boundaries does sound like a great idea in a lot of cases, because as another commenter stated women are never “too stupid” or naive, they know what’s right and wrong. But they’ll take advantage to the fullest and say “oh well I mean, I didn’t know hanging out with a guy while we were dating was not ok. You never said I couldn’t” “oh I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to suck that guys dick. We never talked about that being off the table!” - Even though it’s clearly obvious to anyone that these things are not ok when in a relationship.

Agreed with being very strict about sticking to the boundaries set. You must follow through and not allow little bits of leeway.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

>I told her if that was a male friend of a few years or any similar shit I wouldn't give a fuck. But that this was just unacceptable

There's no need to justify yourself. You ended it, so just move on and don't look back. At this point it doesn't even matter if you did the "right thing" or not.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Of course it does; he needs to have info to properly program his behaviour.

[–]studentsensei1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would she have liked it if a girl rode her bike to walk alone with you? If the answer is no then you did the right thing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Theres always a Chad who shes fucking and complains to Billy about on long walks. And the Billy she jokes about in bed after fucking Chad.

Ive been both the Chad and the Billy, trust me, she was taking a walk with Billy.

[–]Aywing1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on the culture you were raised in, for me it is not such a big deal.

[–]As-You-Were2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

How did you end it? Give me the convo.

They met around the time that she was single/newly taken, which means she met him under free market circumstances.

In all honesty man, a walk is quite an intimate setting, something about the fresh air and neutral ground.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In all honesty man, a walk is quite an intimate setting, something about the fresh air and neutral ground.

As well as privacy.

[–]BurnieSlander2 points3 points  (25 children) | Copy

You made the right call. She's window shopping. You've only been together for 2 months.. something tells me you committed too fast.. how long did you know her before you GF'd her?

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

You're projecting your fears onto a situation you aren't familiar with. Women are selective. They are around plenty of men they aren't willing to fuck.

[–]BurnieSlander2 points3 points  (23 children) | Copy

That’s a nice thought. But I guarantee the guy she took a walk with is attractive. I’m not projecting shit I’m describing basic hypergamy.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

But I guarantee the guy she took a walk with is attractive.

I bet he's not attractive to her. He rode his bike 7 miles just to go for a walk. That's not a confident move and would be considered a big mistake in the context of TRP.

I’m not projecting shit I’m describing basic hypergamy.

The dude rode his bike to go for a fucking walk. He's a beta. Women don't swing to beta branches. So since what you're saying doesn't make sense objectively, I'm deducing that you're projecting your own fears of being cheated on.

You see competition where a confident man wouldn't. That's a sign you lack confidence.

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (21 children) | Copy

You are good at complicating things. If he's Chad, he's Chad. Doesn't matter that he rode a fucking bike to get somewhere. Chad can get dropped off by his mom in a minivan and still bang.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Honestly, it's weak to assume that every little ankle-biter that comes sniffing around your GF is legitimate competition. If you know you're the shit you don't fear inferior men.

[–]Rhynocobear1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Basic abundance. If she proves otherwise, drop her like a plate and hard next.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

That SOUNDS good. I just don't think it's realistic.

[–]Rhynocobear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How so? If you are dating a chick and she starts chasing her orbiters she clearly doesnt value you or your boundaries. She isnt going to change. You shouldnt have to change and no one likes a cuck. Cut, find something better.

It's completely realistic. What's the alternative?

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she were a plate I wouldn’t give a shit, but a GF who goes on a walk with a dude she met recently is scoping out her options and should be demoted.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

You are good at complicating things.

lol

You must be easily confused.

If he's Chad, he's Chad. Doesn't matter that he rode a fucking bike to get somewhere. Chad can get dropped off by his mom in a minivan and still bang.

Sure, but what reason do you have to believe that he is a Chad?

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

Sure, but what reason do you have to believe that he is a Chad?

what reason do you have to believe that he isn’t Chad?

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

what reason do you have to believe that he isn’t Chad?

Because he rode his fucking bike to her house to take a walk!!!

Dude, are you new here?

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

You talk in circles. Either way, it’s not about him. OP’s GF was clearly open to meeting other men. That is not behavior of a quality GF, so he made the right call in nexting/demoting.

Go back to your video game subs

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

You talk in circles.

Dude, you must be retarded. I communicate very succinctly and concisely.

Either way, it’s not about him.

See, this is how I KNOW you're new. It is about him. That's the point here.

OP’s GF was clearly open to meeting other men.

You are at a loss here. I explained how orbiters work. You need to read the side bar.

That is not behavior of a quality GF, so he made the right call in nexting/demoting.

Maybe he did, but not based on the information he gave us alone. You're just insecure.

Go back to your video game subs

lol

I guess you're reading my post history because you're salty and you wanna get under my skin.

Congratulations, you just lost frame against an anonymous man on the internet.

You need to do some studying. Read the side bar, read the Rational Male, and start reading threads for a while, without commenting. You need to build a solid base of understanding before you begin giving advice around here.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shouldn't have broken up, just downgraded about 2 levels

[–]moontripper12461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you're stupid for considering it an issue in the first place, but it's a deal breaker for you, good on you for acting on it.

Still think your an idiot tho.

And gf after 2 months? tf

[–]atlas871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is everyone on this sub 14 years old?

Tell her you’re not going to be giving her any more lunch money if she’s walking with other guys at recess.

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Honestly it sounds like the guy is beta/orbiter material. He rode his bike 6-7 miles just to go for a walk with this broad? That's not exactly a great assertion of self-value.

It seems like this girl had two weak dudes around her. Except one was loudly advertising his weakness by riding his fucking bike to go on a walk with her and the other one fucked up by admitting his weakness (in a moment of weakness).

Let betas orbit. They rarely ever make contact. That's why they're called orbiters.

[–]fx85es4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you think I admitted my weakness during the relationship or when I broke up with her? Cuz if it's the latter really don't care too much about it, will use it for future reference tho

[–]Kenny_Twenty 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

It seems overly jealous/insecure based on the limited information. The problem is that it's difficult to balance boundaries/expectations of propriety with insecurity/jealousy. I don't know your situation intimately so my comment isn't informed enough to be terribly valid.

I think that in your situation (based on what you've told us) it wouldn't have been a terrible idea to subtly express your disapproval, and maybe a little dread-game mixed in, and observe a little more before making a decision.

Weigh the risks/rewards of the situation. If you allow the relationship to continue you risk being cheated on as a worst case scenario. But you may find out that she's not looking to fuck anyone else and is possibly just continuing past behavior of allowing betas to orbit her with no intention of letting them hit. But the worst case scenario of being cheated on is only as detrimental as your emotional resilience allows it to be. That is to say that if you're strong emotionally, it doesn't really hurt you much to be cheated on.

I just feel that to make decisions based on a pervasive fear of being cheated on isn't a confident way to proceed. Keep in mind that a lot of the guys here love to fear-monger by suggesting that any red-flag is a sign she's definitely cheating and that she should be dumped.

I think there are multiple reasons for this. For one, many of the guys here came out of necessity because they found themselves at a loss concerning how to conduct themselves in a relationship and have had bad experiences with women, and many of them project their own fears and shortcomings onto the guys who post here asking for advice.

For two, they seem often to resent the idea of a guy who's NOT being fucked over by their GF - why should someone else be able to be involved with a woman and not be screwed over when they can't?

For three, many of the guys here have a lot of anger/fear towards women and see them as a threat. So they always assume any woman in any situation is up to something negative and should be 'punished' in some way.

Fourth, many guys here feel part of a 'team' here, and say things they think serve to toe the TRP line and make them look like they're 'unplugged'. They want people to think they know what they're talking about.

So be wary of advice you get here.

[–]downstem230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some very good insight.

[–]NJA4242 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I'm gonna go against the grain and say you were overly aggressive on your move.

[–]fx85es1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks for the input. Did you see the additional explanation in the comments tho?

[–]NJA4242 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Yup. The guy is clearly trying to fuck. No doubt about it, he biked 12k to come see her and go on a "walk"

Also she probably should know that hanging out with a new guy is a no-no

I don't see anywhere where you posted saying specifically that you explicitly stated something and she did the opposite. Your boundaries need to be clear then you NEED to uphold them. Unless they are clear/obvious such as "I sucked a guys dick in the bathroom of a club" then you need to state them

Could they have fucked? Yes. Could this be branch swinging? Yes. Did they most likely do anything? No.

[–]fx85es1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The problem is I thought this was universally seen as a clear boundary in a relationship.

Did they most likely do anything? No.

Sorry I have a hard time comprehending this. Do you mean they most likely have done nothing or most likely they've done something?

[–]Rhynocobear1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is I thought this was universally seen as a clear boundary in a relationship.

Nope. At uni people go on social dates all the time, they literally mean nothing.

A walk isn't exactly intimate enough to be a threat unless you don't trust her, it sounds like you did this out of fear more than knowledge. If you'd gone round and the dude was there on the couch with her? Whole different story.

Not saying the dude is to be trusted, he isn't, but if you have decided for an ltr then communication would have been key.

If she was just a plate/str then just next. But the fact you made this post implies you don't want to.

[–]FwoGiZ0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Depends what you want... I personally would go on dates with other chicks so I would expect her to also but I'm not a big fan of monogamy... maybe she isn't either but I'm guessing you guys had the whole exclusivity talk if you refer to her as your gf. Also, have you known her for just 2 months? If so, to expect monogamy so early is kinda naive. Not enough info to give you a clear answer tho

[–]Rhynocobear0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I disagree, the only time it's too early for monogamy is if it isn't discussed

Rest is fair game though.

[–]FwoGiZ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying... The only time it's too early for monogamy is if it isn't discussed??? Non sense... So you bang her once, and as you lay down she wants to discuss it, this isn't too early in your book?

Bringing this up too early reeks desperation and lack of options. It signals your acknowledgement of lower SMV to the other person.

Personally, I'll refuse to have this talk with a women if it's too early in. They'll only respect you more, have higher attraction for you for it.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also, have you known her for just 2 months? If so, to expect monogamy so early is kinda naive

Are you kidding?? The super infatuation phase should still be burning hot! She's already shopping for new penis.

[–]Cloudsurf890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How old are you? I'm assuming that you don't live together.

May have been better to just completely withdrawn your attention and actively sought out other plates instead - she would respond more to your actions than what you say

[–]Zanford0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With this stuff you just always have to go with your gut. If you feel like you did the right thing, you probably did.

PLUS, you get more info from her reaction. If she's worthy of gf material, and innocent, she will plead to get you back and cut off all contact (note that the converse is not true - a girl might do that, but lie about still seeing him). If she doesn't seem that sad by your dumping her....well, that's just more evidence she was thinking of branch swinging to him.

I normally have zero tolerance for this stuff.....but for example, I once had this gf who had the dorkiest coworker IN THE WORLD, I'd been out with her and him and a group a few times, and later I let them meet up a few times. The guy was so utterly omega and ugly the idea of her being attracted to (or overpowered by) him was laughable, so I did not care. (Even though I just assumed he liked her. A shit tier orbiter, basically.)

[–]Noblefiz-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you have to ask this, you're not ready for a relationship.

[–]Bruchibre-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would definitely have not broken up with her for that but it's OK, your life, your rules.

4 to 6 weeks is long enough and especially since it's a new group of friends. Maybe the guy has some expectations from her but it's her job to turn him down.

You broke up with her without hesitation and have only been together for 2 months so I guess she is disposable :) if you don't regret then yes you've done the right thing. It's about you, not about her.

[–]Psychocist-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

2 months and she's your GF? Stop it.

As you say, it's unacceptable to you, but I'd say your expectations are way too high -- not just of her behaviour but of the nature of dating. 2 months is nothing. So what. Maybe should raise an eyebrow if she's pulling this shit after 6 months and you're considering an LTR. Stop committing to women so easily and you'll stop being so dumbfounded by this behaviour. You should assume at very least she is talking to other guys (orbiters at min), and very realistically fucking other guys while you're dating.

This could also have been a shit-test. Women love to test how you react to jealousy, especially if they consider it a weakness.



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