Get flirted with and/or stared at on a daily basis by women, yet still a kissless virgin, help.

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May 25, 2018
79 upvotes

I went from a tall fat fuck soyboy with no self respect who played 12 hours of video games a day and putting minimal effort into my degree to a tall, muscular guy with stubble who carries himself confidently and has a good haircut in the span of the last year or so.

The result of this is that I am now physically attractive all of a sudden, something in all my 22 years that I had never experienced, I was always the nerdy guy who people liked because I was funny (you have to be to have any friends as a fatty). I was never considered to be a sexual partner with any woman, only an entertainer for my entire life.

Now thats changed, and its a big shock for me, I still feel deep down like im that ugly dude I was before even though rationally I know I'm attractive. This leads to being completely unable to ask out women I know 100% are into me and would say yes. I am a pretty social person so I talk to alot of people, and I repeatedly get women to the point where I just have to "say the word" so to speak and they'd be mine, but I just cant do it for some unknown reason. Its frustrating having a hb8 giving me puppy dog eyes, complimenting me, laughing at all of my jokes, and being too much of a pussy to just ask her for a drink.

Maybe I'm not as confident as I appear or more likely its because I have never done anything intimate with a woman before and don't know where to start, and am afraid as being outed as inexperienced with a chick, because I act like I am a player and thats what most people think. I'm a 22 year old with the romantic experience of a high schooler.

I'm considering seeing a therapist for this, but its expensive as fuck.


Post Information
Title Get flirted with and/or stared at on a daily basis by women, yet still a kissless virgin, help.
Author thesmithofwords
Upvotes 79
Comments 46
Date 25 May 2018 12:47 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/98181
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8lxpra/get_flirted_with_andor_stared_at_on_a_daily_basis/
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Comments

[–]steggun_cinargo 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Get yourself some practice girls. Just start out with women who don't make you nervous and work your way up. Everyone starts at the bottom. Just... Don't go to low lol.

[–]Thunderfin17 points18 points  (11 children) | Copy

Lol. I think this is a good plan, but as someone inexperienced entering college this fall I don't want to get spotted the first week with like a HB5 or something. Would completely ruin my SMV and start me off on the wrong foot.

What do you suggest? Do it covertly or go for only HB7s and up?

[–]TheDreadnought116 points17 points  (8 children) | Copy

Pick up an HB6 on Tinder or so

Nobody has to know, and TBH 6 isn't so bad after all, especially in the beginning

[–]Thunderfin4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Would the HB6 Tinder girl include girls in my college, or no? And agreed, I'm fine with anything HB6 and up.

[–]TheDreadnought110 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

How big is your college?

And we both agree HB6 isn't so bad, so maybe people knowing that you scored one of them isn't so bad for your rep.

[–]Thunderfin3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Like 1k people, but it's part of a consortium, so like 4 other 1k colleges within a couple mile radius (so total 5k-6k kids). It's suburban so most girls on Tinder will be at one of the colleges. Good point too haha.

Thanks bro.

[–]Pluglord11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Put your dick in any girl that can get you hard for now. Not the time to be picky.

[–]Thunderfin3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. At this pt, being a 19 y/o virgin, I really should lose it freshman fall. Thanks man.

[–]pssiraj-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Claremont colleges?

[–]TRPcez3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wouldn't that defy the point of picking up a girl on tinder?

And unless you are a solid 10, downgrading levels isn't much of a bad thing. Men do date down anyways.

[–]Thunderfin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, the college I'm going to is suburban, in a small town of like 20k or something, so most girls DTF on Tinder within like a 25 mile range will be ones at my college / surrounding colleges.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you have a 5 or above, people will think: This guy is getting some pussy! If lower than a 5, people will think: This guy is getting some pussy!

Only if she is a real spook will people be pit off by whom you fuck. We're talking facial deformities. Been there, done that.

If you dont know what to say, try the Strong silent act. "How many girls have you been with?" You:"GTFO, what is this, 60 Minutes??" End the discussion there. Fuck chick. Repeat.

[–]meaningintragedy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Alt account?

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The women now hitting on him make him nervous because his body changed faster than his mind could adapt. He doesn’t believe he deserves it. That portion of your mind that lets you know where you fall in the heirarchy and pressures to act like your station is still set to loser in his mind. Your advice will slowly build his mental image of himself to where it needs to be. All at once creates paralyzis and a flight response. Your mind doesnt allow you to act more than you think of yourself. Self-rejection via crippling thoughts of inferiority or incompetence.

[–]dongpal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

no reason to do that.

just bang a hot hooker, get to know what sex is , how to kiss, after that just go for the women you already talked to. takes 1 day and way faster result than your typicall "do this for 2 years and THEN you can go do this"

you actually told him to procrastinate on the real deal. dont waste time on some ugly whales

[–]IronMeltsinmyHands0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Meg Griffin?

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't LTR starter girls!

[–]xxpensive2123 points24 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're right there, man. At this point, the only advice that I could give you is these two magical words: "fuck it"

I assume that you care a lot about the depth of relationships because you had to rely on depth during your fat phase. I also assume that you're scared that depth will be lost if you shoot your shot and miss. You have to come to terms with that; you will miss at one point or another. It's up to you to decide when.

I say "fuck it" to myself for literally everything that is mildly important. Finals in school? fuck it. Should I kiss her? fuck it. etc.... Sometime's I ace the exam and get much further than a kiss, other times I don't.

Point is, both scenarios are bound to happen. You're the only thing holding you back because you're scared of failure and scared of how it will affect your relationships. But you said it: you have a lot of friends. Fuck it, what do you have to lose?

Ask hb8 out for a drink. Best of luck, bro.

[–]axxxxxxt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you watched mikkois's YouTube video by any chance?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well said, you read me like a book.

[–]agent_of_chaos900 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hey, what do you mean by depth here?

[–]xxpensive210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depth in this case would be something along the lines of a more concrete emotional connection. Strong relationships vs acquaintances.

[–]flashcash1217 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Your scared of rejection. I had a similar transformation (thanks late puberty) and had to be 100% certain of a girl. Now I don’t care. You’ll never be fully 100% sure. It’s fine to get rejected.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

late puberty, tell me about it. I wasn't sexually attracted to girls until I was 15 Finished puberty at 19

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

At what age did you hit the late puberty? And what changes did you go through? I haven't heard of that before.

[–]Thunderfin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep... that was a huge regret of mine in HS (I'm 19 now). Was literally prepubescent until like 16 (though a few girls were still into me). Grew and voice deepened from 16-18... had lots of girl attention (granted, HB6s on average). Was really picky and rather than trying things out, kept shooting for HB8s and above and failing (I was fine with rejections, though). Left HS with only a kiss senior spring... smh.

[–]BeeBopJoe12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have a severe case of escalation anxiety. Like everyone else said, u just need to get some experience under ur belt. Escalate to the best of your abilities and eventually you will learn.

[–]Edog34344 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

To add on to this, be conciously aware of what point you begin to get anxious. Identifying this will help you know when you really need to focus on pushing through.

[–]speed3_freak20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

yet still a kissless virgin, help.

This is you. You're afraid of asking out someone because you identify as this. Don't ask a girl out because you want to kiss or fuck her. Ask a girl out because you want to spend time with her. You don't say hi to a guy in a bar because you want to go to a baseball game with him. You don't say hi to a guy because you want to be best friends. Don't think about the end game. It's not, 'shit, if I say this, what will happen', it's much more I say this because it's what people do. There should be no goal to meeting people other than finding out who that person is. Don't ask a girl on a date because if you don't you're a pussy, ask a girl on a date to find out who she is. Always remember, you're the catch, you're just shopping.

[–]-Mosbius-Designs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very, very well put. Thanks for this.

[–]Thunderfin9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

How tall?

Your sexual self-esteem is low right now, due to lack of experience and your changed body. I can relate (19 y/o virgin guy who only had his first kiss last year).

You don't need to go down the therapist route right now. Keep lifting, read (sidebar, Models by Manson covers some of this), and start asking out girls. It's the only way. Live life with no regrets.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

6'0, tall enough that people say I'm tall so good enough for me. And yeah, I'm getting better but it is a very slow process. I have read the sidebar, but i will definitely check out that book.

[–]Yoasted1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ehhh. 6' is pretty much average. I would say tall starts at 6'3+

[–]Thunderfin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I haven't read them yet but there are supposed other good reads I can recommend. I'm around 6', too and also was a late bloomer (5'6ish at 16, 5'11 by the time I was 18). Good look man!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was going to suggest Models as well. Almost finished it and loved it.

[–]TheStumblingWolf3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rome wasn't built in 1 day, but you've certainly started laying bricks. Have patience with yourself and keep doing little progress. Every transition takes time and so will this one.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This reminds me of my experience at prom this year. I went without a date, found a HB6 nerdy but cute chick, escalated on the dancefloor, and kissed her twice. That was my first kiss. I remember thinking about it and getting nervous, butterflies in my gut, so I just did it without thinking during a slow song. If you take your brain out of the equation, you can do this stuff easier. To do that, I just thought of something else, focused on the song or imagined every detail of a kiwi fruit (my favorite fruit). There is a way to deal with everything, just find what works for you.

[–]ImQuitingPorn2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same situation for me, except that it was vice-versa, I was skinny shy little boy and now I’m muscular with sleeve tattoos etc., yet I still felt like If i’m still that skinny boy.

However, that changed. And like other guys said, FORCE yourself, first few times might be hard and awkward but only with EXPERIENCES things will get better and easier. Believe me.

Just say FUCK IT and ask her __. Just say FUCK IT and say __ to her.
Just say FUCK IT and do ___ with her.
Just say FUCK IT and go ___ with her.

Life is too short bro, dont miss opportunities while you’re still young.

Good luck!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would say this is an ego protection mechanism. If you really were such a stud all of a sudden, your natural male instinct would kick in and you'd just follow it to sex. You're trying to protect yourself from rejection because it would mean if you are then you'd have to change your self-view as Chad now. Stop caring.

Get drunk.

[–]BurnieSlander1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In all my 22 years...

LoL. You mean in that whole 4-5 years of adulthood? You’re just getting started man, so don’t stress. Honestly all you need to do is swagger up to them beezys and say the most obvious thing that comes to mind. Boom, convo started, proceed with absolute confidence.

[–]mushroom_overlord1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just do it. Take the reasons you care about them saying no and throw them out the window.

Don't want to lose her as a friend? She'll get bored anyway if things don't go anywhere and she'll stop talking to you at all. Just do it.

Your self-esteem will be crushed by rejection? Life's short and you miss 100% of the shots you don't take (that you actually feel a desire to take). Just do it.

Think there are other people who will be annoyed/laugh at you for asking out their mutual friend? Fuck their opinion, if they were worth caring about about they wouldn't get in your way. Just do it.

In short, you are probably worried about how you will be seen by other people and by the girl, and about whether you can do the "right" things ti please the girl despite lack of experience. Do NOT give a fuck about other people. Because they don't give a fuck about you, only their own position in life. This is pivotal in learning to take social risks. When you don't care about the girl but rather about yourself, you don't have to focus on doing things "right" and can instead go for what you want (and rejection won't matter because you don't care what others think).

[–]iwviw3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

be less empathetic and be more selfish. do what you want all those nasty things and be less caring. be more of the douche that girls say they don't want but end up fucking. be flirty perverted real open horny yourself. be hated be called an asshole be selfish be cocky

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What worked for me ? Don't think of it as ''asking her out'', you're just spending some time with a random human being you might intend to shag. Semantics are powerful bro.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the responses everyone, I will now have this post to look back on whenever I try to rationalize being a pussy and doing nothing as a legitimate option.

[–]moltenw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 19 but are you me?

Same problem, except I was skinny gamer kid instead of chubby gamer kid.

[–]HumanChampionship0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There is no shortcut for this. Despite the ways in which you have changed in order to advance here you must simply attempt and fail and then learn from that experience. Don't overthink. Meditate and tell yourself that in the next opportunity you will act no matter what. Fortune favors the bold. You must act!



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