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If you are a late virgin man you shouldn't frequent this place (or other similar places)

September 25, 2022
16 upvotes

Society says that a man should not measure his worth according to the number of women he has had sex with....

I think this is a great example of how humans tend to be inconsistent with their statements and their behaviors because it's pretty hard not to feel that most people, men and women alike, measure a dude's worth (or much of it) according to his ability to attract the opposite gender.

I’m a 28 year old virgin man. A couple of months ago I decided to become a regular reader of this site, and others like it, with the idea that I could get something good out of the debates and discussions.

It wasn’t a good move. I would even go so far and say it was one of my biggest mistakes of the year. My mental health has taken dips since then.

If you're a late virgin (or even just a virgin) maybe it won’t be good for your self-esteem to read a large number of women declaring that if you've gotten to this point without any romantic or sexual interaction it's because something is seriously wrong with you and "come on, sex is not a big deal", "there are more serious problems in the world than not being able to get laid", "stop playing the victim."

Men who don’t struggle with dating also deserve a mention:

"Dude, it's not that hard to get laid. You also don't need to be that good looking or have a lot of money or game. I have casual sex with a different woman at least once a month and when I make a little effort that number goes up. If you can't do this, something must be seriously wrong with you."

You guessed it. Reading other guys bragging to you about their constant sexual activity while you have nothing isn't good for your self-esteem and mental health either.

This idea that a person can't get a partner because "there's something very wrong with their personality or behavior" isn’t entirely incorrect: of course, many men are misogynistic, selfish, boring, lazy or whatever you want and that's the reason they're lonely. However, to say that all those in this situation are misogynistic, selfish, boring, lazy or whatever you want seems very indolent to me. According to that study that caused such a stir a few weeks ago, a third of young men are sexless; is it realistic to think that all of them are despicable?

I believe that women and those men who do well in dating resort to this argument because then they don't have to question anything, neither the scheme nor themselves. It's much easier to judge others. It’s also common for people to think that an unfair game is fair if the handicap favors them.

For all of the above reasons now I’m convinced that it’s better to stay away from these spaces if you have little or no sexual experience. This is not a friendly place for you and even spending an afternoon doing anything "non-productive" (video games, Netflix, YouTube or whatever) will make you better than an afternoon reading and writing about pills and inter-gender dynamics.

Perhaps what follows may be ironic to some people, for obvious reasons, but I'd like to share what I think might work for mating.

-Have a job or study: It doesn't have to be something glamorous.

-Looksmax: Do it within your means. I don't think it's necessary to spend 12 hours at gym and spend a fortune on new clothes.

-Socialmax: I don't know if that word exists, but work on your social skills. You may think at first that there isn’t much to improve in this area but if you sit down and write a list you’ll see there are probably some things you could work on.

-Learn to lie when asked if you've had a partner and sex: People don't have a virgin radar. If you lie to them about your romantic-sexual experience they will most likely believe you.

-If you have a mental disorder learn to hide it: There is still a huge stigma attached to people who are not neuro-typical or have mental disorders. If someone interests you as a partner, I think it’s better to hide your psychological peculiarities from them.

"But why do I have to seek to improve myself in such a meticulous way when I see other men who excel at nothing, and even lack much, do well or relatively well with women?"

Dude, I don't know, I've wondered the same thing many times myself. The only thing that can be done is that which promises to increase your odds; better not waste your time with unanswerable questions and consider that improving yourself will be good regardless of dating.

-Consider that you may always be a virgin: I'm not saying this to make you give up or to depress you and make you suicidal, no. I think adolescence and early 20's are a critical stage in which you should have your first romantic and sexual experiences. After these years your situation will be more or less complicated depending on many factors. Keep trying but, even if it’s distressing and infuriating, accept the idea that you may not be able to mate. It's not about make you feel sad: It’s about you can accept it with dignity and fortitude if it happens; I'm working on this too.

I think that's it. I will take my own advice and leave this place. This is the last post I'm paying attention to.

I hope everyone is fine and you can find whatever you’re looking for (at this point I’m talking to everyone, not just the virgin squad). Please, don't engage in cheating behaviors, don't make false romantic promises in order to get sex and try to be more empathetic to everyone; I think the growing lack of this quality is one of the main reasons we have the world we have.

Farewell.

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Post Information
Title If you are a late virgin man you shouldn't frequent this place (or other similar places)
Author Purple-Heiss
Upvotes 16
Comments 26
Date September 25, 2022 9:43 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit /r/AllPillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/if-you-are-a-late-virgin-man-you-shouldnt-frequent.1139562
https://theredarchive.com/post/1139562
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/xnzzw3/if_you_are_a_late_virgin_man_you_shouldnt/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–]FastBananaViral 11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I’m a 30 year old kissless virgin. I have realised that at this point it is most likely I will die a kissless virgin and my mental health is already fucked so it doesn’t really bother me reading about all this. Based on my experience I am confident enough to call bullshit on any “advice” females and other males may give.

I know that females and their white knights do not know me or anything about my life so them saying I am a kissless virgin because there is something wrong with me does not stick. From what I read so far, females either cannot or will not ever empathise with a lonely male. An example of this is that they constantly spout “you are not entitled to sex” or “women owe you nothing”. They are so much removed from the male experience they don’t realise how tactless it is to say those things when they have sex and relationships on demand themselves.

[–]mib732 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I only thumbed up your comment because I don’t think it’s hopeless for you. I am in the same position as you are. But you know what? I have improved my overall conditions such as finally getting a usable car to drive (I don’t own it but I have finally procured the opportunity to drive one), I get compliments frequently for looking younger for my age than I am, I work with a psychologist for my clinical depression, etc.

[–]FastBananaViral 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

“Improving” or “growing” with no fulfilment is toxic and cancer

[–]mib732 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Then you must define what fulfillment means for you.

[–]FastBananaViral 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What do you think fulfilment would be to a lifelong kissless virgin?

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think you have given something valuable by saying that the people who judge you tend to have no idea about you or your life and therefore their words should not affect you. When you receive little or no validation from the outside you have to learn to build your self-esteem and confidence from within.

I'm not justifying people who get rude or arrogant when you tell them you're a virgin, however, I think they are the way they are because they had access to romantic and sexual experiences from an early age. Think of it this way: before 2020 going out of the house to do anything didn't seem like a big deal, right? When we lost that freedom even going to a mini-mart to buy some apples sounded desirable. Most women and an uncertain percentage of men (majority or minority depending on who you ask) seem almost incapable of empathizing with a lonely person. Lack of affection and sex sounds alien to them. I repeat that I'm not justifying them: I'm just explaining the (wrong) reason behind their behaviors.

Anyway, I would like to ask you something: Even if the negative comments don't affect you, do you get something good out of places like this?

[–]FastBananaViral 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like pointing out how others are incorrect

[–]EnteFetz 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Very well written. Its sad that sophisticated people like you are ridiculed for the sole reason of lack of sex. Women are shallow. There is probably nothing really wrong with you. You just might have been unlucky. I wish you the best, especially for your mental health.

[–]mib732 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think that there are women who are great people. Women can be shallow but so can men.

[–]Opening_Pattern_301 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

it all depends on the person

[–]lostwanderer28 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed and I am literally in the same boat lol.

[–]Glad-Discount-47611 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

This is going to sound stupid,

Do virgin man ever think about dating Christian woman as I guess they would be accepting of it?

[–]OberOst 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Christian woman are as shallow and hypergamous as nonchristian ones. Believe me. I was over two years in a Catholic youth group.

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my reply to Glad-Discount, I was thinking of saying something like "there's also the possibility that religious women don't find you attractive (and that your virginity has something to do with it)" but I didn't want to sound too bitter or pessimistic.

I'm curious:

When you say they are hypergamous do you mean they choose only the most attractive or high status men of the church or religious center? Or do you mean they end up dating attractive non-religious men and keep the believers as friends and simps? Something tells me both things happen.

Since this has gotten a bit dense I would like to comment that years ago I became more or less assiduous at watching documentaries. At that time I got to watch two or three about Christian cults. In all of them a pattern was repeated:

The religious leader convinces his entire community to isolate themselves from the rest of the world, the leader proclaims that he's the reincarnation of Jesus (or something similar), the leader starts having sex with many of his woman followers and things start to get very twisted until law enforcement steps in. What blew my mind the most was that in some cases the boyfriends or husbands of these women agreed (or perhaps "agreed") to have their partners engage in sexual intercourse with the leader. Hypergamy and indonctrination in all its glory.

Anyway, I suppose some churches and religious centers have women who might give you a chance even if you're virgin, unattractive or low status, but, as I said, I think you would first have to be an actual believer before approaching these places.

[–]Glad-Discount-47611 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh ..so you still believe in christianism?

[–]OberOst 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes.

[–]Glad-Discount-47611 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Okay.Is it hard for you to attract Christian girl if you believe in it?

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This option comes with some issues, at least for me:

-If you are not an actual believer you may find religious places very boring.

-If you are not an actual believer you may find that some of the dogmas and everyday things of a certain religion go against your convictions (good luck with cognitive dissonance and good look keeping your mouth shut).

-You may have to wait a long time, maybe years, for something sexual to happen between you and her. I don't know about others, but I wouldn't be willing to wait that much.

-At the end of my post I said "don't make false romantic promises in order to get sex." I find it quite questionable, and exhausting, to make a woman think you share her beliefs and marry her in order to get sex. I don't know, I see it as a form of deception, unfair to both parts, more unfair to her.

Approaching religious women sounds good as long as you are a religious man. Maybe I'm totally wrong and there are devout Christian or Catholic women who are willing to hang out with you even if you're not a believer and who are also open to the idea of having sex after a reasonable amount of dates, with no thought of marriage, but I highly doubt it.

[–]shreyastalpade 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Men are too nice nowdays.

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Could you explain yourself better?

[–]lostwanderer28 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

We are not masculine enough, I guess.

[–]shreyastalpade 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not in regards to masculinity or femininity, in everyday lives women are not as nice to men as men are towards women.

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't consider myself a good person (I'd like to change that). I even feel I've done some low things throughout my life.

I agree that much of the male population tends to be overly accommodating to women and this could be one reason why the number of lonely dudes seems to grow year on year.

You have to recognize that society educates men to be like this: "women like that." Another example of how inconsistent humans are when it comes to statements and behaviors.

[–]kokorwqac 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a virgin woman at 22,to be honest i somehow didn't crave sex or relationships.

[–]Opening_Pattern_301 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

TBF the majority of people who come to this sub are rare, people who contradict all the views thrown here might come but they leave not long after, i for example have never made a post if not a comment because i have stuff to do and i cant be 24/7 answering to any reply, and if i do have free time why would a i spent it trying to get my post approved by the fat mods of PPD? they delete your posts just for giving advice fgs, i rather spent that time having fun hanging out with friends or just staring at the sky, in the outside world nobody really cares if u re a virgin bro, it is rare , if u act weird and insecure about it then u definetly will struggle but if u dont u can meet a nice woman to hang out and build a beautiful relationship if thats what u want

[–]Purple-Heiss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with almost everything you have said. I don't know why on earth it can be so addictive to spend time on these sites if I haven't gotten anything pleasing out of them. As soon as October starts I'm out of here and will probably never come back. I think knowing the pill theories (blue, red, black, black, white...) is good, but better to stay away from discussions, it's very easy to get stuck and bitter.

PPD is a completely arbitrary site. This very post wasn't approved there and I see much more defiant or aggressive ones pass.

It's true that many people don't care if you are or aren't a virgin, there will even be some who see it as a good or interesting trait, however, I think it can work against you when courting a woman; luckily, you can always lie, as I said, people have no way of checking and will most likely trust you as long as you work the story a bit to make it sound believable.

Enough for now. I'll be off to do something else.

Be well.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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